(The Dating Dilemma - What is Emotional Purity?)

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What is this Emotional Purity?

[Introduction] [Basic Concept] [Biblical Example] [Conclusion] [Navigation]

Emotional Purity - Introduction (You saw this on the Main Page)

True Love Waits advocated and promoted sexual purity. What I am advocating is the next logical step, emotional purity. Emotional purity is radically different from what the world teaches. The world shows and teaches that love and sex can be given freely, to anyone and everyone. This leads to many problems in future relationships.
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Emotional Purity - Basic Concept

Basically, Emotional Purity is keeping yourself from getting involved emotionally with a member of the opposite sex until you are ready to get married. I understand the felt need of companionship that teenagers and young adults have, of acceptance, of knowing that someone wants to spend time with you in an intimate way. I also know the dangers that are involved in that kind of a relationship.

God has a special relationship for you and Him. This time in your life should be a time when you get to know Him in an intimate way, not a person created by Him. We need to worship the creator, not the created. We need to find out His purpose for our lives, to discover the special tasks that He has for us, then we can see who it is that will be our life's companion for that work.
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Emotional Purity - Biblical Example: Samson

I take much of what I am saying in this section from the unfortunate experience of Samson in the Bible. The story of Samson is found in Judges 13-16. Samson is remembered for his great strength and his battles with the Philistines. He is also remembered for allowing the source of his strength to be taken by deception and then made to be a sightless slave. What happened to Samson? How did he go from the conquering Judge, to the sightless Slave?

When Samson was born, he was set apart to be a Nazirite. As a Nazirite, he was not allowed to drink wine, fermented drink, or grape juice. He could not even eat grapes or raisins! He could not cut his hair or go near anything dead. He also could not eat anything that was unclean. He was to remain pure. (Num 6:1-21) Most of the time people took a Nazirite vow for a short period of time. However, Samson was a Nazirite from birth, so his whole life was to be lived in this way.

A Nazirite was one set apart for God. God had a special job for Samson, and he grew strong. However, as he became a teenager, Samson started moving away from his vow. In the Old Testament days, God strongly warned Israel about marrying people from other countries. This was not due to racial differences, but due to religious differences. God is a jealous God and he did not want His people to be influenced by the god's of the people around Israel. (By the way, this is still true today. When you get to the point of marrying, make sure that both of you are growing Christians. It is the best way to insure a good marriage.) But, look at Samson. When he started to think about marriage, what did he do? He saw someone who looked good to his eye, and this someone was a Philistine woman, not an Israelite. (Judges 14:1-2)

Notice his parent's response. (Judges 14:3-4) They knew that Samson needed to take a wife from Israel, but Samson would not listen. (Sounds a lot like a teenager, doesn't it. Teens, let me encourage you to listen to your parents. Most of the time what they have to say is worth while. I know it sounds like it was a long time ago, but they were teenagers once too. There is a lot of wisdom under that gray hair, or bald scalp!) This was Samson's first step away from his vow. It did not seem large at the time, but small steps seem to multiply.

His steps away from his vow continued to multiply. In verses 5-6 he kills a lion. Remember his Nazirite vow, he was not to have anything to do with anything or anyone dead. Then in verse 7, he talks to the Philistine girl in a one-on-one setting and "he liked her." Here is that emotional bond developing. We know that this was not the woman for Samson to marry, he should have married someone from Israel, not Philistia. But, he saw her, and 'dated' her by getting to know her in a one-on-one setting and forming an emotional bond. He could not stay away, but went back to see her again.

Once again, he forgets his vow. This time, as he was going to see her, he stops by that dead lion from earlier. (Remember, he was to avoid dead stuff at all costs.) He was hungry and saw that bees had put a hive in the lion, so he decided to eat some honey. Once again, by touching the dead lion, he broke his vow. Remember why he was there to begin with. He was going to see his Philistine 'honey'. The emotional attachment he developed with her caused him to take his eyes completely off of God's purpose for his life. He did eventually marry the woman, but the marriage was shortlived. Remember, he became infatuated with the wrong woman, formed an emotional bond, married her, then lost her.

If you continue reading the story, you will see that much of Samson's "Great Deeds" were due to this failed and wrong marriage. You would think that he would be through with Philistine women after his first experience, but he did not learn. Delilah was next. Who was Delilah? A prostitute. Once again, Samson broke his vow by not remaining pure. He was so taken by his physical needs that he had completely removed his eyes from God and placed them on himself. Delilah, and his lust and emotional attachment to her caused the great Samson to fall. (Judges 16) [Return to Top]

Emotional Purity - Conclusion

My recommendation for all teenagers is to wait to develop a relationship with someone of the opposite sex until they are ready for marriage. I am not saying that all contact with the opposite sex should be avoided, but this contact should not be in an intimate way, one-on-one situations should be avoided.

When couples get together, even if they stay pure sexually, an emotional bond develops. When the couple breaks up, devastating results can happen to both parties, both in the present and in the future. A look at what happened recently in Pearl, MS where the teenager killed his ex-girlfriend and another student after their relationship broke off, should show how devastating relationship break-ups can be.

I urge you to stay pure, both emotionally and sexually for the one person God has picked for you. You may wonder how you will get together if you don't date, God will see to it that it happens. He has a plan, both for you and for him or her. Don't settle for something other than His best.

It is my sincere hope that this has helped to define emotional purity. If you still have questions, please email me or write them in the address book I will attempt to answer them.
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