Monday
10/12/98
here i am, once again. staring at this blank box while trying to decide what to write. listeing to bush blaring through the tiny little white computer speakers for the first time in a long time. maybe it will help me work. but what to write about? all these sleepless nights and empty bottles and wated time and wandering thoughts, and yet no new ideas? it simply cannot be... rennasiance (<---spell check) festival, taylor coming back, band competition, new explorations in love and society, actually, a lot has happened. but what to write about? i don't know, maybe i'll just write. how about it? yes, let's. alright, here goes...
i don't know what to do about it. (i say that a lot, don't i? "i don't know" "nevermind" "oh,well"... i must remember not to have so many doubts). you can't be with someone for two hours everyday, plus saturdays and tuesday nights and friday games, without letting them have some affect upon you. you stand and work next to and with someone for that many hours a week, every week, for many weeks, you have to get to know them just a little. you have to let them get to you.
but what if they don't care? what if all they have to say is bad? what if all they do is tease you? what if you've tried and never had one decent conversation in yay many years? do you know them any less? do they affect you any less? do you love them any less?
and is it wrong to love someone who holds you in only contempt and respects you only as amusement? let's talk about this... what is love? i love my friends, those few who have gotten close enough to earn it, or have sparkled enough to deserve it. you live with someone, even though they hurt you and hurt you and hurt you... and yet you love them? is that what this is? i am around them constantly and all they do is hurt me and drive me to misery, insanity, and the bottle... yet... i love them. is that wrong? can it be?
this is to those of you who will probably never even bother to see this. this is for those of you who i see everday, and love, and respect, like brothers. this is for those of you who hurt me ove and over and over and over... jason, would you really like to know why i never wear shorts? did you see the scar on my upper left thigh, or did you not notice? did you even care to notice?
that was for you.
- fallen one lowly member of the tuba line at shs
previous thoughts of the day
Sunday, 10/4/98
Friday, 10/2/98
Monday, 9/28/98
Sunday, 9/27/98
Saturday, 9/26/98
Friday, 9/25/98
Thursday, 9/24/98
Monday, 9/21/98
Saturday, 9/19/98
Friday, 9/18/98
Wednesday, 9/16/98
Monday, 9/14/98
Sunday, 9/13/98
Thursday, 9/10/98
Wednesday, 9/9/98
Monday, 9/7/98
Sunday, 9/6/98
Thursday, 9/3/98
Wednesday, 9/2/98
Saturday, 8/30/98
Thursday, 8/28/98
Wednesday, 8/27/98
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