Diss Of the Month
The person to feel the wrath of Essential's Criticism
this month is:
July'sVictim:
June's Victim:
DMX
This nigga said he that he "gots blood on his
dick cause he fucked a corpse" (the first song on Flesh of my Flesh...album).....I
don't know about you, but on of my list of "Dope Hip-Hop Topics", that
was not one of them...If I hear this fool growl one more time, I'm gonna
piss with one leg up!...
Sent in by: Bukky
Representin' California
Editors' addtion:
This cat has dropped way to much material in
the past few months for us to stomach...it's about time somebody said something!
May's Victim:
Ginuwine
Put a shirt on goof! You look like a blow
up doll, with malnutrition!
How the fuck are you still sporting and box cut
with a designed part! That shit went out with Big Daddy Kane!
Sent in by: Big Jaz,
Atlanta, Georgia
Editors' addtion:
hehehe...blow up doll with malnutrition...I can't type anymore
April's Victim:
Lauryn Hill
If I see this chick win one more award for her
shitty ass album, I gonna smack that kid of hers myself. Just because
she married Bob Marley's son, she thinks she is Jah himself and shit....
Sent in by: Rock
D.
B.C., Canada
Editors' addtion:
Hey Lauryn is mad talented, but we are a little
tired of seeing her ass too, her and Will Smith....
March's Victim:
Whitney Houston
What the fuck does she think she's doing...just
because "urban" music is in style, this chick thinks that she can just
jump on the band wagon and get some "black" hits.
Y'all should have the award: "Drunk of the Month"....I
think she has been dipping in Bobby's stash..
I'm oooouttt....
Sent in by: Kenny
B
Editors' addtion:
hehehe..."Dippin in Bobby's stash"...
February's Victim:
Wyclef & Pras
First off, they both look like personal hygiene isn't
one of their top priorities, their appearances give you the impression
that they smell like ass in a roti skin. Wyclef claims, "I never recycle!"
Aight then, what's Guantaramera, No woman no cry, Staying alive, Another
one bites the Dust, Killing me softly?? Wyclef almost ruined Canibus' whole
career, Wyclef made him known only as a commercial
rapper, and he gave him shit beats, and inturn
Canibus wrote shit lyrics. Pras is nothing without Wyclef, and that
should speak for itself...both of them are NOTHING without Lauryn. She's
the reason why they have clothes on their backs and "du riz et pois"on
their plates.....heh heh heh....we out.....
Sent in by: Peaches
and J-Stylz,
Bugs Blocks, Montreal, Canada
Editors' addtion:
Y'all got it covered like a tent...
January's Victim:
Brandy
Fuckin Brandy!!!! Firstly she comes on
the scene with her "I wanna be down" shit and now she's supposedly) run
off with some middle aged guy??? How the hell did she end up gettin
her own show and star in a movie??? I mean damn, have u seen her
act??? It's like her hands have
a mind of their own or sumthin. She gets
pissy at Monica over their song when really everyone knows the song is
Monica's. She has no singin talent and is still singin the same sorta shit
she was singin when she was 14. She's an ugly ass bitch who can only get
Wanya Morris, Mase and that mysterious middle aged guy. Really Brandy
needs to take her own advice and become a, "grown ass woman" But
then her ass already is big enough........her brain jus hasn't caught up.
Sent in by:
Suzette - LetzGetItOn@your-house.com
Perth, B.C.
Editors' addition:
Ah....yeah....and this chick's voice sounds like a cross between Muhammad
Ali and Frog.
December's Victim:
RZA
I just listened to this bad/terrible album Bobby
Digital. I am a fan of Wu Tang so you know I'm gonna give things
a chance if it's good cause it's Wu, you know how they do... I'm only gonna
say this once WHAT THE FUCK DID RZA SMOKE (CRACK) BEFORE HE MADE THIS CRAP.
I ran to the store to return this bullshit, he is some kinda cartoon character
or something but all I ask is why? why? why?... the beats are wack, if
Rza couldn't rap I wouldn't even listen to his songs on the Wu Tang album,
all I can say is save yourself the trouble, it is terrible beyond belief,
don't even go see his movie if it is anywhere as bad as the tape I'm gonna
start my own million man march infront AMC.
Sent in by: D-money
representing, Van city
Editors' additon:
Clearly not RZA's best work, but ehh we saw that a mile a way duh...
November's Victim:
Busta Rhymes
First of all how the fuck do you drop your whole
crew and then start a whole new, then act like it's nothing. I bet Leaders
of the New School feel safe callin him a friend (hahahaha). Second
of all, this human alram clock is getting on my fuckin nerves. Dammit I
know what year it is, I just happen to own a calender too nigga. Whats
up with all his gay ass clothes and jumping around my tv screen, my kids
don't need to see that stuff...Busta need to check himself before he wreck
himself.
Sent in by Latisha
Jones representing Detroit
Editors' additon:
Wow... diss him or not this cat makes dope party jams, and correct me if
I'm wrong but didn't L.O.N.S. suck in the first place Dinco D, Charle Brown,
Milo come on now???
(
October's Victim:
THE SOURCE
Giving Master P THE SAME RATING as Big Pun: four
mics-c'mon now, P?
Sent in by Don representing
New Orleans
Editors' additon:
Personally I have been waiting a long time for somebody to notice the OFF
rating system of The Source. It almost seems like they
grabbed some nuckleheads off the street, and said "yo kikko, listen to
this and then tell me what you think." Half of these reviewers probably
started listening to Hip-Hop yesterday. Right off the head I can probably
think of at least twenty terrible reviews which were extremely off, but
we are gonna talk about the recent Outkast review. I can't front
they got some hot songs, but if its got more than three weak songs, how
you gonna give it a perfect rating???
God bless Blaze and XXL for waking
up the editors at the Source office.
September's Victim:
Herb McGruff
(we give up can't find a
freakin picture of this loser)
THIS NIGGA IS FAKE AS HELL HE'LL DO ANYTHING FOR
A DOLLAR BACK WHEN HE WAS RHYMING WITH BIG L IN '95 HE WAS ON SOME HARDCORE
THUG SHIT NOW HE WANTS TO BE ANOTHER VERSION OF MASE TALKING ABOUT BEING
A
PLAYER AND MOET HE'S TOO FAKE AND BIG L DON'T
GET ANY PROPS FOR BRINGING HIM IN THE RAP GAME HE WANT'S TO DO TRACKS WITH
THE LOST BOYZ AND MASE IN MY OPINION HE SHOULD JUST SIGN WITH BAD-BOY
Sent in by Brian
Gilbert representing Orlando Fl.
Editors' additon:
Not enough bad things can be said about this nucklehead, like that bench
warmer Marcus Camby said "Some times you gotta put these niggas in their
place"
August's Victim:
Charli Baltimore
This kool-aid red haired, non rappin', wack flow,
I am just rappin because I knew Biggie,babe is booty as hell! I mean
Lil' Kim and Foxy has worn us out with the DVS, Benz, Ice, my pussy is
the best lyrics and neither one of they asses do not have shit. And
here she comes with some bullshit "Crushin playa hatas in the purple navigator!"
What? And if you gone use someone elses name like Charli Baltimore,
don't use the scenes in the movie in your lyrics. That shows no originality.
She hasn't even released an album and her ass is wack already.
Sent in by: Keith
Clark representing Indiana
Editors' addition: Since
when are street hookers allowed to rap???
July's Victim:
Mariah Carey
She a nasty ho! Ever since she divorced Tommy Mottola,
she is 16 years old again. She can't dress, her lyrics are weaker than
Puffy's, and only 13 year old girls can relate to her bubble gum sound.
With all the money she making, she could at least
have a make-up artist make her look a little less sweaty and pasty. Thinking
that if she got together and did a song with a couple of what she probably
considers "token black guys" (Puffy, Mobb Deep, Bone Thugs) her records
sales would go up. She needs more than that. I can't stand her fowl ass.
Like Redman said she's like school on a sunday, NO CLASS. Peace y'all.
I'm out....
Sent in by: Mary
de Joya representing Quebec
June's Victim:
Hurricane G
She thinks that she's hot "just cuz" she's Erick
Sermon's Baby's Mutha....What kind of shit is that? I saw a video of hers
and it was garbage...some Spanish Harlem shit.C'mon now, she is pure evidence
that you can get a record deal, just cuz you
was fuckin' someone. Personally, I think that she is a "hoodrat" straight
from the slums who ain't shit, & will never be shit by herself.She's
not representin' Boriquas at all......She made herself look like a fuckin'
hick right off the boat with no sense of style, class, or intelligence.Her
rhymes and lyrics are down the drain!!!!!
Sent in by : Marlene
representing Rochester,NY
May's Victim:
Master P
First and foremost, that "Uggh" shit has got to
go. The nigga sounds like he got a sheep up his ass.
Secondly, stop living intravenously off 2-Pac
and the Luniz. If he comes up with something original we will personally
say "Uggh" til 2-Pac rolls over in his grave!!! What the fuck does somebody
got to do to get away from dick riders and wagon jumpers, first Funkmaster
Flex, then Canada, now Snoop Dogg, next the world...
If you got anybody worthy of our criticism,
Hit us up...
YOUR
Candidate:
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