Diss Of the Month

The person to feel the wrath of Essential's Criticism this month is:

July'sVictim:

Hurry your Victim goes here!!
Only the funniest entries will be chosen...



June's Victim:
DMX

This nigga said he that he "gots blood on his dick cause he fucked a corpse" (the first song on Flesh of my Flesh...album).....I don't know about you, but on of my list of "Dope Hip-Hop Topics", that was not one of them...If I hear this fool growl one more time, I'm gonna piss with one leg up!...

Sent in by: Bukky
Representin' California

Editors' addtion:
This cat has dropped way to much material in the past few months for us to stomach...it's about time somebody said something!



May's Victim:
Ginuwine

Put a shirt on goof!  You look like a blow up doll, with malnutrition!
How the fuck are you still sporting and box cut with a designed part! That shit went out with Big Daddy Kane!

Sent in by: Big Jaz,
Atlanta, Georgia

Editors' addtion: hehehe...blow up doll with malnutrition...I can't type anymore



April's Victim:
Lauryn Hill

If I see this chick win one more award for her shitty ass album, I gonna smack that kid of hers myself.  Just because she married Bob Marley's son, she thinks she is Jah himself and shit....

Sent in by: Rock D.
B.C., Canada

Editors' addtion:
Hey Lauryn is mad talented, but we are a little tired of seeing her ass too, her and Will Smith....



March's Victim:
Whitney Houston

What the fuck does she think she's doing...just because "urban" music is in style, this chick thinks that she can just jump on the band wagon and get some "black" hits.
Y'all should have the award: "Drunk of the Month"....I think she has been dipping in Bobby's stash..

I'm oooouttt....

Sent in by: Kenny B

Editors' addtion: hehehe..."Dippin in Bobby's stash"...



February's Victim:
Wyclef & Pras


First off, they both look like personal hygiene isn't one of their top priorities, their appearances give you the impression that they smell like ass in a roti skin. Wyclef claims, "I never recycle!" Aight then, what's Guantaramera, No woman no cry, Staying alive, Another one bites the Dust, Killing me softly?? Wyclef almost ruined Canibus' whole career, Wyclef made him known only as a commercial
rapper, and he gave him shit beats, and inturn Canibus wrote shit  lyrics. Pras is nothing without Wyclef, and that should speak for itself...both of them are NOTHING without Lauryn. She's the reason why they have clothes on their backs and "du riz et pois"on their plates.....heh heh heh....we out.....

Sent in by: Peaches and J-Stylz,
Bugs Blocks, Montreal, Canada

Editors' addtion: Y'all got it covered like a tent...


January's Victim:
Brandy

Fuckin Brandy!!!!  Firstly she comes on the scene with her "I wanna be down" shit and now she's supposedly) run off with some middle aged guy???  How the hell did she end up gettin her own show and star in a movie???  I mean damn, have u seen her act???  It's like her hands have
a mind of their own or sumthin.  She gets pissy at Monica over their song when really everyone knows the song is Monica's. She has no singin talent and is still singin the same sorta shit she was singin when she was 14. She's an ugly ass bitch who can only get Wanya Morris, Mase and that mysterious middle aged guy.  Really Brandy needs to take her own advice and become a, "grown ass woman"  But then her ass already is big enough........her brain jus hasn't caught up.

Sent in by:
Suzette  -  LetzGetItOn@your-house.com
Perth, B.C.

Editors' addition:  Ah....yeah....and this chick's voice sounds like a cross between Muhammad Ali and Frog.


December's Victim:
RZA
I just listened to this bad/terrible album Bobby Digital.  I am a fan of Wu Tang so you know I'm gonna give things a chance if it's good cause it's Wu, you know how they do... I'm only gonna say this once WHAT THE FUCK DID RZA SMOKE (CRACK) BEFORE HE MADE THIS CRAP.  I ran to the store to return this bullshit, he is some kinda cartoon character or something but all I ask is why? why? why?... the beats are wack, if Rza couldn't rap I wouldn't even listen to his songs on the Wu Tang album, all I can say is save yourself the trouble, it is terrible beyond belief, don't even go see his movie if it is anywhere as bad as the tape I'm gonna start my own million man march infront AMC.

Sent in by: D-money representing, Van city

Editors' additon: Clearly not RZA's best work, but ehh we saw that a mile a way duh...


November's Victim:
Busta Rhymes
First of all how the fuck do you drop your whole crew and then start a whole new, then act like it's nothing. I bet Leaders of the New School feel safe callin him a friend (hahahaha).  Second of all, this human alram clock is getting on my fuckin nerves. Dammit I know what year it is, I just happen to own a calender too nigga. Whats up with all his gay ass clothes and jumping around my tv screen, my kids don't need to see that stuff...Busta need to check himself before he wreck himself.

Sent in by Latisha Jones representing  Detroit

Editors' additon: Wow... diss him or not this cat makes dope party jams, and correct me if I'm wrong but didn't L.O.N.S. suck in the first place Dinco D, Charle Brown, Milo come on now???
 (

October's Victim:
THE SOURCE

Giving Master P THE SAME RATING as Big Pun: four mics-c'mon now, P?

Sent in by Don representing New Orleans

Editors' additon: Personally I have been waiting a long time for somebody to notice the OFF rating system of The Source.   It almost seems like they grabbed some nuckleheads off the street, and said "yo kikko, listen to this and then tell me what you think." Half of these reviewers probably started listening to Hip-Hop yesterday. Right off the head I can probably think of at least twenty terrible reviews which were extremely off, but we are gonna talk about the recent Outkast review.  I can't front they got some hot songs, but if its got more than three weak songs, how you gonna give it a perfect rating???
God bless Blaze and XXL for waking up the editors at the Source office.


September's Victim:
Herb McGruff
(we give up can't find a
freakin picture of this loser)
THIS NIGGA IS FAKE AS HELL HE'LL DO ANYTHING FOR A DOLLAR BACK WHEN HE WAS RHYMING WITH BIG L IN '95 HE WAS ON SOME HARDCORE THUG SHIT NOW HE WANTS TO BE ANOTHER VERSION OF MASE TALKING ABOUT BEING A
PLAYER AND MOET HE'S TOO FAKE AND BIG L DON'T GET ANY PROPS FOR BRINGING HIM IN THE RAP GAME HE WANT'S TO DO TRACKS WITH THE LOST BOYZ AND MASE IN MY OPINION HE SHOULD JUST SIGN WITH BAD-BOY

Sent in by Brian Gilbert representing Orlando Fl.

Editors' additon: Not enough bad things can be said about this nucklehead, like that bench warmer Marcus Camby said "Some times you gotta put these niggas in their place"


August's Victim:
Charli Baltimore
This kool-aid red haired, non rappin', wack flow, I am just rappin because I knew Biggie,babe is booty as hell!  I mean Lil' Kim and Foxy has worn us out with the DVS, Benz, Ice, my pussy is the best lyrics and neither one of they asses do not have shit.  And here she comes with some bullshit "Crushin playa hatas in the purple navigator!" What?  And if you gone use someone elses name like Charli Baltimore, don't use the scenes in the movie in your lyrics.  That shows no originality.  She hasn't even released an album and her ass is wack already.

Sent in by:  Keith Clark representing Indiana

Editors' addition: Since when are street hookers allowed to rap???


July's Victim:
Mariah Carey
She a nasty ho! Ever since she divorced Tommy Mottola, she is 16 years old again. She can't dress, her lyrics are weaker than Puffy's, and only 13 year old girls can relate to her bubble gum sound.
With all the money she making, she could at least have a make-up artist make her look a little less sweaty and pasty. Thinking that if she got together and did a song with a couple of what she probably considers "token black guys" (Puffy, Mobb Deep, Bone Thugs) her records sales would go up. She needs more than that. I can't stand her fowl ass. Like Redman said she's like school on a sunday, NO CLASS. Peace y'all. I'm out....

Sent in by:  Mary de Joya representing Quebec


June's Victim:
 Hurricane G
She thinks that she's hot "just cuz" she's Erick Sermon's Baby's Mutha....What kind of shit is that? I saw a video of hers and it was garbage...some Spanish Harlem shit.C'mon now, she is pure evidence
that you can get a record deal, just cuz you was fuckin' someone. Personally, I think that she is a "hoodrat" straight from the slums who ain't shit, & will never be shit by herself.She's not representin' Boriquas at all......She made herself look like a fuckin' hick right off the boat with no sense of style, class, or intelligence.Her rhymes and lyrics are down the drain!!!!!

Sent in by :  Marlene representing Rochester,NY


May's Victim:
Master P

First and foremost, that "Uggh" shit has got to go. The nigga sounds like he got a sheep up his ass.
Secondly, stop living intravenously off 2-Pac and the Luniz. If he comes up with something original we will personally say "Uggh" til 2-Pac rolls over in his grave!!! What the fuck does somebody got to do to get away from dick riders and wagon jumpers, first Funkmaster Flex, then Canada, now Snoop Dogg, next the world...

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