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In the spirit of dying with a smile on one's face, Sekai Seifuku Productions presents:
Psychic Predictions for the January Issue of Asuka
Or, Oh My God! They Killed Sei-chan! The Bastards!
Through a never-before-used combination of tarot, onmyoujutsu, and consultation of a Magic 8 Ball, I have mystically determined the six most likely potential outcomes of the latest chapter of X.
Background voices chant:
Rainbow Bridge is falling down
Falling down, falling down
Rainbow Bridge is falling down
Bye-bye, Sei-chan *heart*
Option 1.) A watery grave for Subaru as, failing to take hold of Kamui's desperately outstretched hand, he plunges into the water below and is buried beneath concrete rubble. [Kristin boycotts all CLAMP products forevermore. Morbid Sei/Sub "2gether 4FR" fans rejoice and wear black.] In the throes of despair at having failed to protect Subaru, Kamui plunges after him, and Fuuma immediately reverts to being a Really Nice Guy. End of series.
Option 2.) Kamui manages to drag Subaru back from the physical precipice, but not the mental/emotional one. For the remainder of the series, Subaru wanders the halls of CLAMP Campus with glazed and vacant eyes, muttering "Not all the perfumes of Arabia could sweeten this little hand." Noting that all of his crushes end up going psycho in one way or another, Kamui becomes a nun.
[Kristin shakes Magic 8 Ball violently]
Option 3.) Instead of plunging to his doom, Subaru, as the new Sakurazukamori, vanishes in a dramatic swirl of cherry petals. He is next sighted lurking in the vicinity of Ueno Park, wearing a small smirk and a very classy suit as he awaits his dinner date with Fuuma. Kamui contemplates a threesome.
Option 4.) Subaru goes into a coma of shock, and while unconscious he encounters Kakyou in a dream. The two bond over their shared tragedy and memories of Hokuto. Kakyou notices that, aside from being a guy, Subaru looks a lot like his late sister. The next thing you know... wedding bells are ringing. Kamui cries so much his mascara starts to run.
[Kristin throws Magic 8 Ball across the room]
Option 5.) Kamui hauls Subaru's sorry (but oh so cute) ass to safety. Those big shimmery purple eyes penetrate Subaru's trauma and make him realize that dying at this point would only cause more misery, so he decides to buck up and live. Kamui resolves yet again to save the world. They go home and hold hands. After an appropriate period of mourning, Subaru finally (at age 25+!) gets laid. Kamui takes up smoking, but only after sex.
Option 6.) None of the above. Those 4 wacky ladies will come up with something even better or worse, depending on your perspective.
THE END
Thanks go to everybody who reacted vocally and with wild speculation on cml and cffml.
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