If you are Raped
If a Friend is Raped --How you can help
If you are raped it is very important that you get to a safe area
as soon as possible.
Call for help or have someone call for you as quickly as you can. There are Rape Crisis Centers in many communities that you can call, or you can call 911 or go to a hospital yourself.
You might want to have someone you trust accompany you to the hospital. Some rape crisis centers will send an advocate to the hospital with you, but you may want to contact a close and trusted friend.
Do not change your clothes, comb your hair, shower, douche or change anything about yourself, until after you've had an examination by a doctor. Valuable evidence can be destroyed even by something as simple as drinking water or going to the bathroom. Often, it is the rape survivor's first instinct to bathe, or change clothing. It is very understandable that you might want to do these things, but try very hard not to.
Most of the time police will want to keep your clothing to look at for evidence. It's a good idea to have someone bring you a complete set of clothing.
If you report the crime the police will have some very difficult questions for you. The questions may not make a lot of sense to you at the time but there is a reason behind all of them. By and large, police officers are not out to re-victimize you.
If you feel uncomfortable answering personal questions to a man you can ask for a female officer to ask the questions, or for a member of your local rape crisis center or a friend to be with you. This is a routine request, and you will not be hurting the investigation if you ask.
Rape is a crime. It isn't something that you should blame yourself for. It happens because someone wanted to take advantage of someone else. It has very little to do with sex and is more a crime of power and control where sex is a weapon used against you. No matter what you did, or what you wore, it is not your fault!.
You are only responsible for your actions, not for the actions of another person. The choices you made must have been the right ones if you are able to read this. Not every woman who is raped lived through it. You did. That's what's most important.
You may ask yourself, repeatedly, "Why did this happen to me?" There aren't any easy answers. It comes down to a choice one person made to control another person. Rape isn't a crime about sex. Sex is only a weapon. It's even harder if you know the person who raped you. Yet, studies show us that most of the time the person is known to the victim--perhaps even from prior dates. However, that doesn't mean that what happened to you wasn't rape. Even if you consented to sex before but didn't this time, it's still rape. One thousand yeses and one no means NO.
You may feel completely betrayed because the person who did this was someone you knew and trusted. However; most rapes are done by people the victim knows and trusts. That's part of what makes this crime even more awful.
No matter how much you trusted this person, the actions taken against you are inexcusable. They are not something that were your fault. Any shame that you feel is shame that belongs to the attacker and not to you. That's easier said than done but it is true.
There's no shame in doing what you have to do to survive a rape.
Hospitals, rape crisis centers and the police can refer you to a therapist who is skilled in assisting rape survivors. It is imperative that you get some sort of help after a rape. These people are good places to start. Another good place is the local clergy.
