i'm not going to give a lesson about love. what do i know ? basing on my age, a lot of people may think im not even qualified to discuss it myself. though im still on my early twenties i'm already married with two kids and after being married for almost 6 years im still wondering if i'm in love or will i ever be...
i'm not asking for a fairy tale 'coz i don't even know if happily ever afters exists. when i was young i used to ask for a prince in a white horse to save me,(who didn't?).
i lived in a place where i learned to understand and acknowledge cheating as,just, a normal thing people do. a place where love and comfort was bought and played.
i had always been afraid of falling in love. i've seen much. people who hurt, who drank, who cried, who'll sell themselves, cut themselves or even kill themselves. that's why i kept myself from falling in love coz i don't wanna be like the rest of the people i saw. ive had relationships and all of them just lasted for a few weeks the longest i had was three months. why ? because once i get too close i just have this feeling that i oughta leave, that i oughta cut the relationship coz i dont want to be left in love ...and hurt.
so what is love ? i don't know .when i was younger i used to think that the butterflies in my stomach means i'm in love. or the urge to have sex with someone means i'm in love. or just the thought of having someone means i'm in love. and until now i still don't know if it's love that keeps me from running away from my present life.
i have a husband who's kind. he gives me just about everything i'll need. I can feel he loves me, the problem is i wanna feel what he feels. i care for him, yes i do but i don't know if it's love coz until now i'm still looking for that somebody who can make me fall on my knees. i wanna know what being swept away means, what loving really means.
am i asking for the impossible ? or maybe i'm just immature. or maybe i'm just so blind that i can't see love when it's in front of me, or maybe...just maybe, i still haven't found the ONE.
click the boy below .
old guestbook
