i've never talked about this subject. i never felt the need to. this is a bad memory that i want to erase and never think about again but i also know this is something i have to live with for the rest of my life and that i have to accept that this happened to me and that i'm not to be blamed for it.
i was 7 , when someone from the province transferred to the apartment my parents rented out. they were a family of three, a dad , a mom and a seven -year old girl just like me. since they lived beside our house the girl and i became the closest of friends. we play together, and most of the times sleep and eat together, either on their house or on ours.
i always thought her dad was cool, always at home and he always greets me with a pat in the back. he often plays with us and buys us toys, while my dad was always at work. i never knew what dads do coz as ive said mine was never home.
at first i thought it was okay if he held my hand and squeeze it for long. that it was okay for him to touch my hair and hug me at times, coz he said thats what dads do. that it was okay for me to take off my clothes in front of him and okay for him to touch me anywhere he desires.
it went on for months. i couldn't tell anyone, not my friends, not my parents. i felt something was wrong but i can't tell my parents about it coz everytime i do something wrong i get black and blue so i decided to keep it to myself.
i know i'm not supposed to be happy that my parents went bankrupt, but i am.due to that bankruptcy we had to move to the province and we did. that was the only time i was able to get out of the sexual abuse trap i was in.
as i grew up i learned to forget that part of my life. in the beginning i was always nervous of getting near anybody. always jerks up when someone tries to touch me. but then i learned to accept it. thinking i'm a victim and there is no possible way i could have stopped it. i was afraid and i was young. it happened to me and instead of making it a dark memory to hunt me the rest of my life i might as well accept it, learn to live with it and make it a factor for me to be stronger person . it ain't easy, it ain't fun but it really helped a lot.
old guestbook
