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Duckie and the Duck Kingdom

If you've spoken to me recently then you'll have heard me mention ducks - mainly just how great I think they are and that everyone (except for Abe and Chinese people) loves them, so here is a history of the duck thing and all about the duck's place in my world.

Duckie

Duckie is a what one of my friends, Tony, started calling someone who went to my school (in the year above us) because he looked like a duck. We thought that when he left that it would be the end of him and that we probably wouldn't see him again. However, a few weeks ago when I went into McDonald's one evening, there he was behind the counter! Trying to act calmly, I ordered my super-size chocolate milkshake (healthy huh?) but instead of the usual £1.23 price, he charged me nearly £1.50! My theory is that he remembered me from my old school and so pressed the trauma button on the cash register, meaning that he got to keep nearly 30p as compensation. I think this must be true as, later when I went there, someone who went to my old school and hated me also managed to con me into paying an extra 30p - maybe there's a hate button there too?

Anyway, back to ducks. I like ducks. When they were younger I bet everyone used to feed ducks, so you can't say you hate them (unless you're Chinese I guess).

Ducks are the Superior Race

Me and my friend Steve have a theory that ducks are the superior race - which will succeed Bill Gates and his army when/if he manages to take over. Ducks never have wars, they never have to learn complicated languages, such as French and Spanish, just "quack" and a discreet way of flapping their wings. I think life would be so much easier if a duck was elected for prime minister because then there wouldn't need to be any laws, and the long speeches we get at Christmas would be a lot shorter - just "quack quack quack quacky quackmas!" - and so maybe Christmas dinner with relatives would end up being so much easier for everyone. I'm sure I wouldn't mind having to say "quack" now and then and pretend to flap my wings rather than go through a whole English exam!

Since ducks are the superior race, in this life if you're good you get to be a duck in the next one, and if you're bad you go back to being an ant or something. Being a human being is like an in the middle spot so you can make up your mind as to whether you want to be evil or good. You only get one chance at it though, because otherwise you'll have to spend the rest of your reincarnations as goats, fish and hippos, instead of ducks, when they take over the world, and you know that you'll all be jealous!

About Ducks

Here is some stuff about ducks, for those poor few of you who don't know much about them. I'll add more stuff here when I find out more.

Ducks are usually found in ponds, because they have to live near water to keep their faces wet as otherwise their eyes get infected. You can train them if you have lots of patience too, as they're really clever (as you'd expect from creatures trying to take over the world) and they're good at following a routine. When they're babies, there's no way to tell if they're a boy or a girl, and if you have a pet one then they end up loving and trusting you. Males bite other ducks or if it's a pet to establish their dominance, and get jealous of other new people into it's life - such as if you had a male pet duck and then someone moved in, the duck would compete with them and attack them. If you get attacked by a duck, they can be quite violent, but you should cover the eyes because that's where they're most likely to peck you, and injuries can be quite serious if you're not careful. If you get the male duck after the person moves in then this is a lot less likely to happen because they accept that they're at the bottom of the pecking order. Females don't have this problem and are not territorial.

There are lot's of different breeds of ducks, so here's pictures and information on some of them.

This is a mallard duck, and is the duck that you normally find in duck ponds. The boys have green heads and are brightly coloured, like the one in the photo, so they can show off to the girls easier, who are brown so that when their eggs are hatching they can sit on them and be camouflaged. Some of them are special and have blue feathers on the tips of their wings but I don't know why exactly yet.

This is a Pekin duck, and are the ones that you eat in Chinese's because they grow and get fattest quickest, which is a shame 'cos the yellow fluffy ducklings at Easter grow into these. They come from China, and first came to the US and UK in around the 1870's. Both the males and females are white and have bright orange beaks, so it's a bit confusing to tell them apart!