My Evil List

If you've talked to me at least once then you'll know that I have a tendency to call people evil a lot. So, after much nagging from friends, here is a list of everything evil, and my reasons why.

• Abe Petrillo - he's funny but he's also evil because he's convinced that whenever I talk to him on MSN I'm planning to do something evil and gives me a slap!
• Audiogalaxy - it's really dodgy and regularly stops working or disconnects your satellite because it's overloaded!
• Beth Hedges - she has evil eyes and tries to stare people out with them... it's definitely scary. She's also obsessed with fire, which isn't healthy or normal. Leave your matches at home!
• Bill Gates - he gets everyone in the world to use Microsoft so then he can send out a virus and crash all the PC's in the world!
• Carte Dor Ice Cream - because everyone knows that Haagen Dazs ice cream is better - it has a better advert (pleasure is the path to joy) and has a better chocolate flavour!
• Cats - they sit and stare at people, all evilly, and watch everything you do. Plus, with cats like "Fluffy" from Cats and Dogs, they must be.
• Chinese People - not only is it bad enough that they have the cheek to eat duck, they bring their restaurants over here and try and encourage us to eat ducks too!
• Christmas Assemblies - one of the few things I hate about Xmas. Every year we have the torture of being forced to sing. Why?!
• Claire Clones - all of a sudden everyone is saying my phrases and acting like me! One was enough in this world, I believe.
• Dan Thomas - aka Larry. Katie's ex who regularly torments me about my stupid moments and picks on me, but then I do call him Larry...
• Endless Sellotape - when you found the end two minutes ago, why does it mysteriously disappear when you most need it?
• French People - they have a huge country which is full of fields and make you drive through them all on the wrong side of the road, then expect you to speak their language!
• Grey Squirrels - they invaded this country from America, so they must be evil! Plus, they throw acorns at people and that's just wrong! (and also extremely mean)
• Guitars - especially when you can never get them in tune, or a song you want to play means you have to detune your guitar! It takes long enough to tune them right, let alone wrong!
• Harry's Nan - I haven't met her but she deserves to be added - she read the first few pages of a Discworld novel and said it was a "load of codswallop!"
• Homework - we spend our whole day inside school, slaving away, and then we come home, hoping to relax. (Hoping!)
• Ice - when you can't see it and you end up stacking it in front of everyone it's annoying, definitely evil, and hurts a lot!
• ICQ - the stupid teletubbie "Eh-Oh!" every time you get sent a message really tries your patience after the first message!
• Jack Boldick - he attacks me with my fan and then wonders why I end up squirming and attacking him with my pen!
• James Read - he's constantly winding me up and picks on me - it's funny but the tickling was just uncalled for! He also knows way too much about PC's.
• Know it all's - it's alright for some, but for the rest of us, there's always a life of chocolate and booster groups.
• Linus Torvalds - he made Linux for noolish nerds so that ordinary people can't understand it and make nerds think they're "above" us.
• Microsoft Word - it constantly crashes when I try to open a file, and, as I usually do my sites in Word, it can get very frustrating!
• Miss Scott - our new head of year. She's so patronising, she treats everyone as though they're 5 years old, it's just so annoying! She thinks I'm an "ill moralled child" now...
• Missing Pens - when you need a pen the most the only ones you can find are the ones that don't work, or you just can't find any at all!
• Money - especially when you don't have any and everyone else does (which usually happens to me)
• Mr Allen - I sat with my feet up playing Snakes and sending people text messages asking for answers and Muppet never noticed. Plus, he sends people out for stupid things like sneezing, asking for lights to be turned on or asking for windows to be opened! He, and his room, also smell. Badly.
• MSN - once it died for about 2 hours just when I needed to talk to Katie and James the most, so we had to use ICQ!
• Music Reeds - they break just way to easily then they're really expensive to buy so you have to put up with crappy chipped ones.
• My Dad - I was supposed to go to a Garbage concert but he didn't have the time (apparently) to get any tickets! 'Nuff said!
• My Dying Phone - my mobile phone died (long story) and now the keys are seriously dodgy on it, so I have to ram them to work!
• My Fonts - they constantly go on vacation for some unknown reason so I have only the default fonts and no decent ones!
• My New Neighbours - they're really scary, the first day they moved in they said they hadn't got the keys for the house (they'd been given the wrong one's or something) but they were sitting on the driveway drinking tea. They had chairs around yet they still sat on the floor, and that isn't normal - and if they didn't have the keys then how did they manage to get cups of tea?!
• My PC - constantly crashes on me and refuses to do what I want it to, then works fine for my Dad who does exactly the same thing!
• My Pen - technically it should work fine, but, in real life of course, it doesn't, even though it worked fine a week ago.
• My Sister's Gerbil - also known as Midnight. One day we came downstairs and he'd ripped my one (Magic's) ear off so we had to separate them!
• My Site's Links - for some odd reason it keeps trying to link them to the actual file on my computer instead of the file on the net. Aaah!
• Noel Hurry - a boy in my school who's born the day before me and has grown several inches taller than me. He bullies me!
• Noel Hurry - on here twice because he's that evil!! Heh heh. He's been to see SpineShank too and keeps winding me up about how great it was just to make me jealous!
• Pigeons - they are rats on wings - they flock in huge groups to try and intimidate people, and I swear they take target lessons to see how many people they can crap on in one day... (eww)
• Penguins - they're evil and carry you away if you fall on your back, plus they're also trying to take over the world, if you read my conspiracies page.
• Phone Bills - especially when you go to Portugal and you get back to have a huge phone bill thanks to the wonderful companies charging a huge VAT.
• Product Sites - it's really annoying, as they usually have the products but don't have anywhere to get them from or their price. Grrrr.
• Power Cuts - one minute you're typing on your computer with your music blasting, and the next you're back in Victorian times.
• Rabbits - especially the white ones with red eyes! They're freaky and for all we know they could be talking in evil code by nose twitches!
• Red Squirrels - they're red (always a bad sign), try to pass their horns off as just unnaturally tufty ears, and pass forks off as just innocent sticks!
• Richard Branson - he's too happy and is constantly smiling! Plus he's trying to take over the world with Bill Gates... he's been in hibernation lately, which just spells "scheming."
• Road Sweepers - the little van things that go around at night driven by Italian mafia guys, they always stare at me and scare me. 
• Science - why did we have to ask why things work?! Couldn't we just be happy and accept that things just did?!
• Simon Smith - another of Katie's ex's who likes to wind me up (do we sense a pattern here?) and push me down drains... [cries]
• Skinny People - especially when they don't even do anything to stay that way and they're just like that! [coughs James]
• Snowballs - especially when you're reduced to a squirming heap on the floor when you've been bombed by about ten at once!
• Stephen Edwards - aka Ice Dragon. He's really cool but also really mean 'cos he picks me up and throws me in holes if I poke him and takes photo's of me! [cries]
• Steven Herrington - aka Salmonfish, he went to Florida and promised to bring me back a spork, but then he went and lost it and I'm still sporkless!
• Sunburn - it's painful and usually scars... though with this "summer" I don't think anyone's in danger of getting any.
• Swans - both swans and geese 'cos every time I try and feed innocent ducks they attack me. They're also the Queen's evil servants, paid to spy on us loyal citizens.
• This Year's "Summer" - it can't stay nice for longer than an hour, and as soon as you're about to go outside it starts to rain!
• Watches - they're possessed! Plus, I got given mine on September 11th just as the first plane crashed into the World Trade Centre - if that doesn't say "bad omen," what does?
• Unflushable Toilets - why is it that when you must need them to, they don't? Are they physic or something?!