Most video game fans, myself included, were likely disturbed to the point of "severely pissed" after viewing the celluloid slap in the face that is the live-action STREET FIGHTER film... the Van-Damme one, you know, Raul Julia's swan suck, uhm, swan "song"... no, I was on the mark with "suck"... where was I? Oh yeah, STREET FIGHTER sucked. But, for those of you emotionally scarred by that terrible, terrible film, cancel your psychiatrist visit next week and instead watch STREET FIGHTER II: THE ANIMATED MOVIE! It's the perfect cure for those gamers suffering the culture shock of great video games being made into unwatchable films (i.e. Final Fantasy, Super Mario Bros., Wing Commander, etc.), as it's a true translation of the classic "Super Street Fighter II" to the Japanese Anime format. Ultimately though, we all know that animation is the best way to capture something as fantastical as video games, as drawings can do A LOT more than actors in funny colored costumes suspended by wires.

For anyone unfamiliar with the "Street Fighter II" series, a quick summary would look like this: "Street Fighter II" was a phenomenal 2-Dimensional fighting game of the early-'90s that featured a selection of characters, ranging in nationalities and fighting styles, traveling the globe to engage in street fights for the title of Grand Champion... or the stop the evil despot M. Bison... "Mike" to his friends... provided he hasn't killed them all in his bid for world domination. Ryu, Ken, Guile, Chun-Li, Edmund Honda, Blanka, Zangief and Dhalsim made up the original 8 selectable fighters, with the bosses filled by Balrog, Vega, Sagat and finally, M. Bison. Well, the sequels that were to follow all took on the "Street Fighter II" moniker, only they added adjectives, like "Street Fighter II Turbo", "Street Fighter II Champion's Edition" and "Super Street Fighter II", which added four new characters (T. Hawk, Dee Jay, Cammy and Fei Long) in addition to the previously selectable 12 characters ("Street Fighter II Turbo" opened up the four bosses as playable fighters). There would also come to be the "Street Fighter Alpha", "Street Figher III" and numerous other games when designers realized that you can only release so many games titled "Street Fighter II" before peoples' attention spans are gonna get too confused and they're gonna go elsewhere...

With that brief history out of the way, I can now convey that STREET FIGHTER II: THE ANIMATED MOVIE covers up to (and including) "Super Street Fighter II", covering the original 12 characters and the 4 rookies, incorporating them all into a nice little package. It all begins with a nice little opening sequence, where we watch as the franchise's hero, Japanese martial arts master Ryu Hoshi, and his arch-nemesis, Thailand's favorite bad seed and Mu-Tai champion Sagat (and no, not Bob Saget), square off on a grassy plain amidst the dark and ominous atmosphere of an oncoming storm... it's dramatic it you can almost hear the echo in your head as your brain goes "ooooh" and "ahhhh"! This late night battle royale ends with Ryu, unleashing his infamous fireball attack, blasting Sagat in the chest... with the opening title?!... actually kinda funny if you watch it, heh heh. By the way, for you SF2 fans out there who didn't take note, this is where Sagat got that gnarly scar on his heaving pecs, and one big reason he and Ryu have a long standing feud. From here it's just a hop, skip and a jump through time and across the world, as we focus our attention to London, England. Some big wig political figure heads out to his car amidst a crowd of reporters and such, when he's suddenly under siege by the mouth watering femme fatale Cammy White! In her tight one-piece bathing suit/uniform, Cammy gives us a nice shot of her spandex clad crotch and firm fanny as she flips over the fat ass's head, ending with a nice planting of her knees into the guy's spine and a little twist of his head that goes beyond the natural limits of his neck's rotational capabilities! For fuck's sake woman, he's not an owl!

As soon as she kills the man, Cammy is mobbed by numerous security agents, who wrestle her into custody... for once, being a political security agent has it's advantages, heh heh. Interogation of Cammy afterwards reveals that she knows nothing of her life from the past 3 years, meaning Bison's messed with her head. From here we meet two of our lead characters, U.S. Air Force Captain William "Brush Head" Guile and his polar opposite (and eventual love interest of course): Interpol agent Chun-Li Zang. The two both carry grudges with Bison for killing people close to them and are assigned together by their respective agencies to head a task force to take down the international terrorist M. Bison and his army of Shadowlao thugs, including his bad lieutenants (in no way associated with Harvey Keitel). First on Bison's side is the overgrown Mike Tyson rip-off, ex-boxing champion, Las Vegas enforcer and all around bug-eyed goon in a purple shirt and Daisy Duke shorts: Balrog. Next is my personal favorite, the Spanish ninja psychopath pretty boy with an obsession with his good looks, a simple (yet crudely creepy) mask to protect his valuable face and a set of Wolverine-like claws: Vega! Sagat rounds out the big names under Bison, as Mike's cyclopean right hand man who insists on wearing nothing more than a pair of shorts he stole from "The White Shadow". Oh well, the guy's a 7ft. tall champion Mu-Tai fighter, so I guess he can wear as little as he wants. However, I think for future reference that Bison should assign a dress code for his warriors, just to help promote that whole "force of one" mindwashing ideal that most military legions tend to incorporate. After all, I doubt the Axis Powers would've gotten very far in WW2 had Mussolini been decked out in a purple muscle shirt and cutoff jean shorts, Tojo worn skin tight matador pants and a sash-belt and Hitler opted for nothing more than High School basketball shorts and an eye patch... though that is a VERY funny image...

Homoerotic wardrobes aside, Bison's plan to rule the world involves using a small army of voyeuristic robots (that all resemble Sagat for some reason) called Monitor Cyborgs to seek out the world's greatest street fighters and, well, monitor them... Using the information he gathers from his cyborgs, Bison intends to recruit the best hand-to-hand combatants from around the globe to fight for him, whether they like it or not! This includes Ryu, the needle in Bison's haystack, whom he's been tracking ever since Sagat had his ass handed to him. One such fighter these 'borgs be watching is Ryu's long time friend and sparring partner (for over a decade), the blond bombshell from America, Ken Masters. As we join Ken, he's battling the Native American killing-machine-built-like-a-brick-shit-house (is "shit house" one word or two?) T. Hawk... who might actually be a Mexican Indian or an Aztec or something, I'm just sure he's an Indian of some kind... just not from India... and he can leave foot imprints in steel... As the cyborg spectates the match with his super nifty X-Ray vision (yes, Bison's robots are made of various cheap gimmick items ordered out of the back of old comicbooks), Ken triumphs over the big lummox, sparing his life because, well, I guess Ken's just that kinda guy! A class act all the way! Basically, the film jumps back and forth between our four major heroes, Ryu, Ken, Chun-Li and Guile, as they span the globe searching for potential candidates for Bison's recruiting drive and hoping to find some clues to lead them back to the mad despot.

Along the way, various cameos are made by the rest of the "Super Street Fighter II" cast of characters. While strolling about China, Ryu winds up in an illegal pit fight with the glamorous Hollywood fighting machine Fei Long. A glorified Bruce Lee knock off, Fei is quickly dispatched when he picks a fight in the ring with Ryu after Ryu takes out one opponent with a single head-butt, collapsing the man's face... possibly THE funniest moment in anime history, easy! After getting half the bones in his body broken, Fei takes the loss to Ryu a little easier when he realizes just who it was that turned him into a pile of bruises and busted teeth. Ryu also runs into the Japanese Sumo champion Edmund Honda, whom he witnesses battling the Yoga master Dhalsim (the only guy I favor over Vega) in Calcutta. The rubberband man Gandhi of the street fighting circuit looked like a sure victor over Honda, until Ryu's Chi (mystical life force that provides our fighters with power and enables them to fire energy and flame attacks from their bodies) distracts him and he simply gives up to Honda... so he can stand there and ponder... If Dhalsim were to confront Ryu and carry some kind of conversation with him, then I might understand this, but Dhalsim does nothing, just stares off into nothingness with his ghost white eyes and babbles incoherently, meaning he gave up the fight for NO reason what-so-ever. Meanwhile, nearby, another of Bison's mindless street fighter recruits beats another prominent political figure to death, and if I'm not mistaken it's... Gandhi!? This unknown killer is taken down by machine gun fire from security officers and his own men. As for Honda, he does confront Ryu, feeling indebted to him because it was his presence that saved his ass from Dhalsim. The two basically pal around and Honda takes Ryu back to his isolated shack for some brotherly Japanese fighter hang out time... yeah.

As for Guile and Chun-Li, while they start to warm up to each other, they meet Dee Jay, the fresh talkin', groove walkin', hip-hop Jamaican dance club owner. Dee Jay just wipes out a few trouble-makers who didn't like his music before Guile and Chun-Li inform him of Bison and the monitor cyborgs, which Chun-Li does in the film's second funniest moment, decapitating one of them with a single kick as the headless body continues to stroll a few steps, finally collapsing in a heap. Meanwhile, another cyborg watches on from a fire escape. The odd thing here? Who DOESN'T notice a cyborg dressed in a bright yellow firefighter's uniform where there IS NO FIRE?! Then again, what do I know, maybe some firefighters do the superhero thing and patrol the city in their spare time looking for fires or evil plots to foil. Strange people firefighters... public servants of the bizarrest kind. Another cameo proves to us that Vegas DOES take professional wrestling seriously, as the Brazilian man-beast Blanka gets physical with the Russian juggernaut Zangief, who has a patch of chest hair shaped like the Phoenix insignia on Jean Grey's old costume. That's the second X-Men reference in this review, meaning it's also the second moment of complete and utter confusion for the non-fanboy viewers. Anyway, while all this is going on, Bison has become impatient with trying to get his hands on Ryu, so he goes for the Mexican non-Union equivalent: Senor Spielbergo! Actually, he instead swipes Ken, dragging him from his shiny red sports car convertible and using him as a human rag with which to buff the exterior of his aircraft.

Ken is seemingly broken under Bison's "Psycho Power", which not only barrages him physically but rapes him psychologically, turning him into another baggy-eyed brute to further the Bison revolution... again, not to question the awe-inspiring power of the great Mike Bison or anything, but, uhm, what are his great squadron of Street Fighters gonna do when UN Special Forces draw their automatic weapons and mow down these ultimate fighters in the blink of an eye? They can glow and yell and hop around all they want, but when faced with a rain of lead and exploding pineapples, I wouldn't want to be the hand-to-hand expert in that situation, no matter how high I can kick or how much I can make my hands glow. Though focused on Ken, Bison has not forgotten about Guile and Chun-Li's plans to throw monkey wrenches and various other tools into his proverbial works, so he sends a little someone to take Miss Zang down. Namely, Vega. So, when Chun-Li next exits her shower, she finds an unwelcome visitor perched on her ceiling, and it's not a stray fruit bat names Ozzy... how I miss my pet Ozzy... but of course, it's Vega. The two engage in the movie's best fight sequence (including the big brawl at the end), because not only is it intense, fast paced and superbly animated, but the fucking soundtrack is dead on and I'm in anime heaven folks... ooooooooh yeah... uhm, better clean that up before it stains. Despite his coolness for being a lunatic with claws and gnarly agility, my hero Vega is defeated. Just when he's about to skin Chun-Li like a stray pussy, she puts every last drop of strength into a last ditch barrage of fists and feet, finishing the Spanish ninja assassin off with a monstrous drop kick that sends him THROUGH her 7th story (!!) apartment wall and crashing into the darkness of the alley below... ouch.

Guile arrives in time to be too late, as the hero usually is in these situations, and rushes his female partner to the local hospital to patch up her near fatal injuries. Afterwards, he seeks out Ryu at Honda's mountaintop shanty (come on kids, you know you want to live in the lap of luxury like a Street Fighter!), looking for help in the battle against the forces of Shadowlao. But, Bison had Guile tailed, which finally leads him to Ryu, his Holy Grail of would-be minions. Of course this culminates in a whole mountain of ass kicking, as supporting characters Honda and Balrog fight it out, Guile tackles Bison and the brainwashed Ken gets into it with the reluctant Ryu! Not adding much storywise, it's no surprise that Honda and Balrog wind up rolling over a cliff, basically battling off screen so as to not botch the pacing of the other fights going on. Speaking of which, Bison introduces the good Colonel to what a major league beatdown by a near omnipotent lunatic power monger is like. What's it like? Well, I'd have to say it's on par with getting hit by a Mack truck... repeatedly... a Mack truck full of elephants... driven by the person who hates you most in the world... welcome to flavor country kids. As for Ryu and Ken, Ryu gets the living shit stomped out of him at first, because he refuses to unleash on Ken for the obvious "you're my friend and you're not in your right mind, so I won't kick your ass" frame of mind. But, Ken eventually snaps out of the brainwashing when he recognizes his old sparring partner, but winds up broken and beaten at the bottom of a gorge, when Bison gets fed up with him. Using the energy focusing abilities taught to he and Ryu by their wise mentor though, Ken overcomes painful leg paralysis in true KARATE KID fashion and heads off to join Ryu for the final battle.

When Ken rejoins the fight, he finds the weary Ryu going toe-to-toe with the invincible Bison, getting the snot knocked out of him until Ken shows up. The battle rages with a burning intensity renewed, as the beaten and battered combatants somehow pull a victory out of their asses and defeat the madman with a double "Dragon Fireball" attack, presumably incinerating Bison into nothing more than a smudge of ash and grease across the landscape. After putting the world's greatest threat (at least the world of illegal street fighting) to rest, Ken and Ryu catch up on old times, seeing each other now for the first time in years. As for Honda, he climbs up from his fall with Balrog, with his fallen opponent over one arm and the brutalized Guile under the other. Rather versatile for a fat man isn't he? Not only can he carry two men at once, but he can scale a mountainside while doing it! From here the film is wrapped up in a nice little package. The Shadowlao HQ is leveled by sidewinder missiles from Interpol choppers, Chun-Li and Guile have a joyous reunion (complete with him threatening to smother her or strangle her) and Ken and Ryu's reunion is short lived as each heads their separate ways, vowing to test each other when next they meet in a serious street fight to see who the better really is. Then again, after the credits role and Ryu pulls a "Bill Bixby ala 'The Incredible Hulk'" and hitchhikes his way down a lone stretch of highway, we're left with the idea that Bison may not be dead after all, as he speeds toward the strolling modern day Samurai with an out-of-control tractor trailer, while a Monitor Cyborg looks on! Will Ryu kick a big hole through the truck and stomp Bison's ass on his own, or will he become just another pile of road kill? Well, maybe we'll find out... or maybe not and we'll be left to never know how the story ends, like PUPPET MASTER 2.

As I've made it perfectly clear throughout the tenure of this little review of mine, this is a fantastic anime, one of my favorite. Even without the gratuitous sex, violence and vulgarity that comes with some anime flicks, STREET FIGHTER II: THE ANIMATED MOVIE makes great use of what it does have: licensed characters with a huge following, one of the best heavy metal soundtracks ever to come out of a movie (including such great ear bleeding bands as KMFDM, Alice In Chains, Korn [prior to their big sell out suck-fest period when they started sleeping around with Limp Bizkit] and even a decent tune from pseudo-Nirvana band Silverchair) and action, action, and I can't stress this enough, ACTION! Tied together with a good story (especially considering how one dimensional the plot of the game it's based on is) and exceptional images as our favorite pixilated ass kickers are brought to life to do, what else, beat the shit out of each other! SF2 fans will become ripe with giddiness when they see their favorite button controlled combatants using the special attacks they're known for right from the video games! Said fans are also treated to the cool little things, like flashbacks to the days of Ryu and Ken training, especially when Ryu bumps his noggin' and Ken uses his big red hair ribbon to stop the bleeding, giving birth to Ryu's cool red bandanna. And you thought he was just trying to be cool like Rambo, ha! Shows what you know. Also, the anime has one big advantage over it's live-action second cousin: no kickboxers from Brussels trying to be buzzcut, cracker Americans! Jean-Claude Van Damme can bite my furry ebon ass.

Remember that the animation is nearly a decade old, so it's not going to be as slick as something like GHOST IN THE SHELL or PRINCESS MONONOKE, but for the time period it was very nice and can still be appreciated now. The only short comings the film had were the all too brief cameos by the supporting characters and the over-sized chins some of the characters (most notably Bison and Guile) were stuck with. I'm convinced Guile's chin alone could've beaten Bison... is Bison's chin weren't even bigger than his! Bruce Campbell, you're chin is meek and feminine in comparison to these guys... Oh yeah, and just what the fuck happened to Sagat anyway?! The big brute was assigned by Bison to kill Vega for his failure to defeat Chun-Li (though I imagine being drop kicked through a concrete wall and falling 60 feet might've taken care of Vega) and to also dispatch Cammy, so as to keep her from blabbing anything else that could be used against Bison, though she was brainwashed, so I also doubt she was going to pose much threat to his operation either. Whether Sagat succeeded is unknown, as we're never updated on his situation, which is a bummer. Maybe they wanted to save him for a sequel? Well, whatever the circumstances, this is still a near perfect 90 minutes of entertainment kids! Also, not only is this one of the coolest Japanese animated films of all time (which I cannot stress enough), but STREET FIGHTER II: THE ANIMATED MOVIE would also go on to spawn the Japanese television series "Street Fighter V", which you can find on video here in the States. Oh, and the 'V' in the title is not a Roman numeral 5, it's actually a letter V, which stands for "Victory". The show is pretty good, if not as good as the film then it's at least very informative, showing us the days of our favorite fighters when they were a few years younger and just getting into the world of beating up people they've never met! Well worth checking out.

Sequels: STREET FIGHTER ALPHA and the televised series "Street Fighter V", both of which are actually prequels.

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