Michael Moriarty returns to my VCR once more, with his goofy looks and wormy style. This time it's not a big ass Aztec God with a sweet tooth for rooftop sunbathers that he's competing with, but sentient Fluff... Hey, don't look at me like that, I told you that Fluff was evil and would soon make it's move for world dominance, but no, I was shunned, laughed at, and locked away in a padded cell for 12 years. Now who's laughing?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... sorry, after effect of those needles they stuck in my brain back at the "Happy Center For Fixing The Disturbed And Socially Unacceptable". I'll try to contain it. The man mostly responsible for THE STUFF is the director/writer/executive producer Larry Cohen, who also showed us his, pardon the unintentional pun, "stuff" in the IT'S ALIVE trilogy, Q: THE WINGED SERPENT, and the religiously askewed GOD TOLD ME TO. Due to my past experiences with Cohen's works, I was very reserved and probably a little biased against THE STUFF when I first shoved it down my VCR's tape hole. However, this is probably why I liked the film so much! Go in expecting the worst and it can only turn out better than you planned! Or, it could've turned out really crappy and you would've just been prepared with a bottle of hydrochloric acid at hand... Uh-oh, I'm starting to rhyme again, better move on before someone calls the men with the knives...

This tale of consumerism gone bad opens in the somewhere in the frigid wastelands of the Michigan, actually it's probably the arctic, but you get the idea. An old man stomping through the snowy night discovers some bubbling white goo coming up through the snow and ice. So, just like any perfectly sane person with a sense of self-preservation fully in tact, the old guy scoops it up and starts eating it... what the fuck?! Now, according to the state of New York, I am clinically insane, but I sure as shit wouldn't be devouring some white goop I found in the snow! For all he knows that could've been a pocket of preserved dinosaur cum or even some of that jizz of the Godz crap! Oh well, we all know the elderly are incapable and stupid with a capital "stuuuuuuuuuu". Anyway, the clod discovers that the slop is not (instantly) fatal, but is in fact quite sweet and pleasing to the pallet... in other words, he's discovered the source of Fluff. And, before you know it, "the Stuff" has become the latest delicacy to decay America's collective sweet-tooth. This doesn't sit too well with the other snack food producers in the nation, and the "ice cream barons" decide it's time to take a stab at Fluff, err, the Stuff, and they hire former FBI ivestigative agent David "Moe" Rutherford to fid out just what it is that makes the Stuff so damn yummy! If you think this is odd, you should see what other snack companies did. Let's just say it has something to do with Snackwells and the Yakuza...

Elsewhere in the country, goofy American youth Jason has a bad feeling about the Stuff (after seeing it slithering in his fridge) and is trying to keep his family from wrapping their lips around it. They're hooked on it though, so Jason stabs at the source, by going on a rake wielding spree through his local supermarket! He defeats most of it, pouring the defenseless yogurt substance all over the aisles until finally being restrained by some of the stereotypical zit-faced stock boys who seem to litter supermarkets from Sheboygan to Shangri-La... I'm not writing, simply observing. Meanwhile, secret agent man Moe looks into some possible links to the secret of Stuff. One of the schmoes he investigates has a "When Pets Attack" moment, as his loyal canine starts foaming, or should I say "Stuffing" at the mouth, then goes for the juggular and kills him... suck on THAT you FDA bastards! As for Moe, he finds a comrade during his journey in the form of Chocolate Chip Charlie. Charlie was a cookie mogul whom the not-so-good people at the Stuff Corporation bought out in their corporate conquest of America's snack cabinets and refridgerator shelves. Not soon after the two heroes join forces, the Stuff Corporation's glass-jawed goons are hot on their tail, trying to shut them up on anything they might discover! On the run, Moe learns about Jason's grocery store mini-riot and seeks him out, arricing just in time to save the boy from his Stuff possessed family, who've gone more than a little loco and were about to shovel some of the sentient sludge down poor Jason's gullet! Thank Micheal Moriarty for last minute rescues.

Also in his explorations, Moe's hooked up with a new lady friend, Nicole Kendall, who also happens to be the head of publicity for the Stuff Corporation, though after some sweet talk by Moe (Michael Moriarty's really a love machine if you get to know him), she's considering a deffinate career change. After rescuing Jason, Moe and his woman go check out the Stuff factory for any clues or answers. While they do that, Jason does his own exploration, sneaking a few peaks in on the local mining operation that Stuff Corp. has established. In a very nifty motel scene (which utilizes reverse film AND splice film techniques to create something like a NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET moment), Moe and Nicole find out one very handy bit of info: the Stuff is vulnerable against fire. When they go to retrieve Jason from his quarry spying, our heroes also find out what we've known all along: the Stuff comes from a hole in the ground. Yep, the Stuff is brought up from a big crater in the earth, so it's either an otherworldly dessert or a prehistoric frogurt. Moe once again saves Jason from some brainwashed Stuffers, or, uhm, Stuffies, or whatever you fucking feel like labeling them, and they hijack a tanker truck full of the blobular creature goo for evidence... and cut a Stuff Corp. employee in half with it for good measure. Now, with all the proof they need, Moe and friends need some back-up, so they can destroy the Stuff Corp.'s means of production, and who better for such a job, then paranoid Army Colonel Spears and his cadre of revolutionaries and fanatics!

Col. Spears and his men, itching for some action, strap on their munitions and siege the Stuff plant SAVING PRIVATE RYAN STYLE!... well, TROMA'S WAR style anyway. Though their firearms work against the human employees, the soldiers are in deep shit when they come up against new and improved Sentient Stuff! Now with fewer calories and available in pina colada flavor! Actually, the large wave of marshmellow shit just floods the place, then does nothing. Following their victory, Spears and men board a fleet of Yellow Cabs and go off to spread the word of the Stuff's evil intents to control people, then hollow them out and spew out their rotted mouths! This is made much easier by the Colonel's broadcasting connections and personal owned radio stations... gotta be prepared for a coup de'ta! Charlie shows up again, seemingly to help out, until he tries to eat the good guys. Yep, Charlie's a Stuff zombie, but not for long, cuz he blows up in a wave of semen soon after... makes ya hungry don't it? Nationwide, the message is heard loud and clear, and the Stuff is dragged out into the street and torched, as months of expensive campaigning and consumerism are flushed down the crapper, all thanks to a sudden media blitz. I'm not about to give up MY cookie dough ice cream if Colon Powel interrupts my morning radio entertainment and tells me to! Fuck you Uncle Sam, it's my dessert and I'll let it rot my internal organs if I damn well please!

Our film ends on a note of poetic justice, as Moe holds the Stuff Corp. executives at gun point, forcing them to eat some of the leftovers of their flopped consumer empire. You guys at Post better be ready, cuz you've got a similar fate full of Grape Nuts in your future... Good work by Mr. Cohen on te writing, a story that satirizes consumerism and the brainwashing of people by popular industry is always a hit with me, especially when there's a parody of the old Wendy's commercials, featuring the same old woman groaning, "Where's the Stuff?"! Oh man, that's a classic right there! However, where the movie was really damaged was from Cohen's directing. The story and the humor elements and such were great, but they weren't exactly stitched together right. Just another example of trying to, pardon the term, "stuff" too much into one movie. I was in a good mood when I watched this movie, it had this lighthearted atmosphere that many horror films, even the over-the-top comedies like EVIL DEAD 2 or DEAD ALIVE, just don't pull off. To put it best, I'd say it had the naive innocence of one of those black & white horror flicks from the "old days", like THE FLY or THE BLOB. Yes, a naive innocence, much like Michael Moriarty, who is the personification of those two words! He's such a loveable character... But, at the same time, we get some pretty cool gore too, as people rot from the inside out and their heads collapse in on themselves! Ah gore, gotta love it... though the people of the nation are obviously more into bush...

Sequels: Sadly, no

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS or Q: THE WINGED SERPENT