Yes, the Graboids are back for their third appearance, Direct-to-Video for the next (and probably final) stage in their cinematic evolution. The second sequel to the original Kevin Bacon worm feast TREMORS (hence why it's called TREMORS 3, genius), this one features the majority of the original film's cast back a decade later... except for Kevin Bacon, Reba McEntire, Finn Carter and Fred Ward, leaving us with Michael Gross and all the original townsfolk who survived, only aged 10 years. Amidst the reuniting bit players we also have some new faces, most enjoyable of which would have to be Susan Chuang who plays Chang's niece Jody, who's taken over the Perfection General Store in the wake of Uncle Chang's untimely devouring a decade prior. As far as sequels go, TREMORS 3 is better than the majority of "third feature sequels", SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 3; PHANTASM III and HALLOWEEN III especially come to mind... which needs to be remedied right away, because it's not healthy to think about too many bad sequels at one time.

Our film opens with the original Captain Overkill, Burt Gummer, as he takes care of a little business in Argentina, mowing down a family of Shriekers (say 50 or 60) for CNN's viewing audience, using nothing more than his wits... and a really big gun turret... yes, the place soon looks like a carnival shooting gallery after a visit from Rambo, as Shrieker parts litter the landscape. Following this little demonstration, Bert returns to his home of Perfection Nevada, where he runs into a familiar face or five. Before you shit yourself in frustration yelling at the screen, "Why the fuck do they still live there?! Are they forgetting they were almost eaten 10 years ago?!", realize that in the decade following the original Graboid attack there hasn't been one instance of giant worm infestation. Besides, even if another over-sized arthropod should make itself known, they've got a whole warning system set up, so I think they're prepared... good thing to, because for no apparent reason, them critters are coming back... otherwise there'd be no movie and I'd be very bored. During Bert's recent absence, a couple of wanna-be Walt Disneys have moved into Perfection, selling the place as a tourist trap and selling rides on "Graboid Safaris" to make a couple quick bucks. The owner of said small business calls himself Desert Jack and he's seconded by his lanky dirt bag henchboy Beuford. Okay, once again, despite the worms' lack of presence in the area for 10 years, we all know these shysters are in for a rude awakening. If they didn't not only would there be no movie, but the cosmic balance of Yin and Yang that says "all cheapskate man get his just desserts in the end", so unless these two plan to eat ice cream through their anal orifices, we're definitely due for a Graboid infestation.

As for Burt's old homestead, it's been transformed from a paramilitary retreat to an anti-Graboid outpost. His stronghold's also going to come in handy soon, if those late night earthshakes and TREMORS are any sign. Sure enough, not long after these rumbling begin anew, one of Jack's tour groups gets an up close Graboid experience and Beuford becomes worm food! The group narrowly escapes, thanx to the quick thinking of TREMORS survivor Mindy, who's grow up REAL nice since her days as a little girl in the middle of nowhere, heh heh. Returning to Perfection they warn everyone of the imminent danger. Using seismic scanning equipment, Mr. Gummer discovers there are only 3 of the monsters, no big deal with proper preparation, right? So, with such an easy task before him, Burt insists that the proper authorities NOT be called. Whether it's because he's afraid they'll fuck everything up or stick their noses into his heavily stocked compound I'm unsure. Either way, before the hunt can begin, the feds show up, thanx to Mindy's hippy mom, who reminds me of my high school art teacher. The government watchdogs put a halt to Burt's escapades, tagging the Graboids as an endangered species, which means no one's allowed to kill them... this can only lead to trouble. The suits get to work, planning to capture a Graboid of their own for study. If the creatures are determined to be a threat, then the people of Perfection will be forcefully relocated so the dangerous, man-eating monsters can roam freely in their natural habitat undisturbed... I hate the government. When the environmental henchmen find out how hard it is to capture a live specimen, they go to Burt for help, giving him an open season on Graboids if he can acquire the live specimen for them. Everyone will get to keep their homes too if Captain Overkill can pull this off.

To complete the standard TREMORS equation of mismatched heroes, crabby old Burt is joined in his quest by Zen master entrepreneur Jack, who welcomes the chance to join the original Graboid slayer on a hunt. The government jack-offs do unearth some interesting info on the Graboid legends though, such as the remains of a recently hatched Graboid eggshell that dates back over 300 years, which explains why they'd suddenly be popping up for no reason. It's not as if there's a specific cause, it's just their time. While Burt and his little Graboid mercenary team (Jack, Jody and Miguel) seek out the beasts, the obnoxious Melvin, one of the few TREMORS survivors to leave Perfection, returns, trying to get the residents to buy into his plans to turn the place into a housing development. If you're like me, you've got your talons crossed in prayer that this Capitalist sleazeball finally becomes what he should've been 10 years ago: just another lump in a pile of worm shit. After giving Melvin an enthusiastic and negative response, Burt is taken by surprise by an elusive Grab! Jumping into a steel barrel, Burt's devoured whole, shelter and all, and sucked down in the subterranean depths of the Nevada sands! Is this the end of everyone favorite survivalist with a firearms fetish? Thanx to some quick thinking by Dessert Jack, he runs the monster head long into the thick, underground concrete wall around Burt's fortress, knocking the thing stone dead like so many have fallen before it. Grabbing a chainsaw, Jack proceeds to cut Burt free, narrowly rescuing him from a fate of suffocation inside an oversized night crawler. One down, two to go.

Those scientist jerks soon wind up all dead too, the Graboidologist of the group winding up with his back town open courtesy of a Shrieker... better make that count one Graboid and seven Shriekers to go. Knowing how quickly the Shriekers multiply, Burt and his posse try to wipe them out in a box canyon. While focusing on the Shriekers though, the good guys get cornered themselves, courtesy of the last Graboid who they weren't keeping an eye on. How come this guy hasn't turned into a pack of giant jaws with legs like his buddy? Well, if the creature's anything like Miguel's sheep, then it's sterile, as noted by it's albino coloring. So, now Perfection has danger on the ground and under it. I'd suggest they take to living in a fleet of Zeppelins above the town, but soon enough that's not gonna be safe either... To escape Whitey the albino Anealid, Burt decoys it with his brand new truck, setting it up to runaway without him and lead the creature away long enough for them to get away and hunt down those Shriekers before they become a whole fucking colony. When they find the beasts, our heroes are in for a new surprise, as the monsters have finally reached their last stage of evolution: flying turkey lizards! Yep, not even the wild blue is safe, because they can fly now and these are the versions that lay the Graboid eggs. These latest beasties have the most add-ons yet, utilizing the Shrieker heat sensors and the standard killer jaws, along with a serious gastrual intestinal problem (anal rocket boosters) and wings to glide on. It's this rectal fireball problem that prompts Jody to name the creatures "Ass Blasters"... I figured she watched a lot of anal porn.

Miguel is the first to die by these new biological nightmares, leaving Burt, Jody and Jack vulnerable in the wide open spaces while Mindy and her mom are holding their own at the general store, locked in the meat locker with an Ass Blaster scratching and clawing at the door. The intrepid trio manage to make it back to Burt's place under the cover of a discarded mattress, hiding their heat signatures from the airborne nasties. The Blasters bust their way into the safe haven, and to keep them from raiding Burt's stockpile of rations and likely spawning more of the Ass demons, the heroes blow the place up, including all of Burt's ammo pile. Only after this ill fated decision to they get a call from the mother and daughter, telling them that feeding the winged cretins actually sends them into a coma, as demonstrated by the Ass that harassed them until they threw a Butterball at it. After that it continued to eat half the food in the store until eventually over indulging and passing out like myself at a seafood buffet... what can I say, but I loves my shrimp cakes! Only in the movies can the timing of this information be so bad, or as Burt puts it, "What kind of supreme being would condone such irony?!". Using a runaway boat and a tarp (why there's a boat in a dessert valley is something not even a God like myself can explain), as well as a junked Port-A-John, Jack, Jody and Burt escape the Blasters a little longer, winding up in the Perfection dump site, owned by one of the extra corpses of the first TREMORS. Being without firearms, they have to rethink their strategy, and decide to go with the ol' "ignite their farts" college frat boys method, using the Blasters' stomach enzymes against them, like big hot dogs in microwaves set on "Infierno"!

Using his extensive knowledge of the Anarchist's Cookbook, Burt and friends put together deadly weapons with household items. One man's junkyard is another man's arsenal! The trio forge a homemade flaming arrow gun, shooting down all the Blasters with dynamite results. Now, if they can take out that albino, they'll have a full day's work under their belts. Before that though, a stray Ass Blaster butts it's head in on the fun. Jack tosses Burt's supersonic pulse emitting watch at the monster, landing it impossibly on the beast's head, giving the Graboid a vibration to lock onto. Yes, you guessed it, the albino pups up and devours it's relative in a scene reminiscent of the "T-Rex vs. Raptors" finale to JURASSIC PARK... one question: is that cannibalism? I mean, the creatures evolve and carry different names and species classifications, so isn't it possible to consider them different life forms, and therefore it would NOT be cannibalism? However, in the same accord, the Ass Blasters lay the eggs that give birth to the Graboids. Also, humans change from babies to children to adults, giving birth to more babies, so could the Blasters simply be considered adult Graboids, thereby making it cannibalism? As usual I've managed to confuse myself and I'll be debating this topic with the other voices in my head all night now, so let's just get this review over with so I can start the proceedings early.

Following the end of the whole incident, Mindy and Nancy sell the captured Blaster to Siegfried and Roy (to put Mindy through college) and the albino Graboid, "El Blanco", is left alive, free to roam the vacant wasteland of Perfection and giving something for Burt to play with. Why? Well, since it's the last of it's kind (until TREMORS 4), that makes it an ultra endangered species. Since it can't give birth to any Shriekers, it has to stay below the ground, which is the easiest form to deal with. And, as long as it's alive, Perfection is a government protected area, meaning Melvin and his slimeball developing company can't build their condos and everyone gets to stick with their simple, isolated lives. Everybody wins and another TREMORS sequel is in the bag. All in all I'd have to say that BACK TO PERFECTION was superior to AFTERSHOCKS, but still falls short of the original Kevin Baconfest. The acting was good, no one's really lost their talents over the last decade, not that they really had much to worry about conveying, playing simple hicks in the middle of nowhere. The only thing that really hurt me was the special FX downgrade. The Graboids' oral appendages are rather fake looking, and the CGI is bad... disgustingly bad. I know it's a low budget, D-t-V creation, but I can never forgive horrible computer imaging. TREMORS 2 I could understand, because the Shriekers would've been really hard to portray without the CGI, and at least they stuck with the giant Graboid puppets. This time I can also understand the CGI for the Shriekers and the Ass Blasters, but when they resort to it for Graboids too, that's when you know the magic's over.

Storywise I enjoyed the movie greatly. Yeah, the plot structure was very basic and simple, but I'm a details and logic kinda guy, so I was amused by the little things. The revelations about the Graboid eggs and the third stage of evolution was interesting, including the dynamics of the Ass Blasters and their explosive stomach acids. I was also pleased to learn that the occupants of Perfection had learned from their previous mistake and have set up a sort of "community watch" program in case of more Graboids situations. Unlike the usually batch of victims devoid of common sense, it's refreshing to find people who AREN'T utter dumbasses. Another little thing I found amusing is something comicbook fanboys should get a kick out of: the little joke concerning a couple of comicbooks based on the Graboids and Shriekers found in the movie, especially the "Shriekers vs. Graboids" publication. Why? Well, they're all published by Dark Horse Comics, know for their mini-series based on the ALIENS and PREDATOR licenses, most well known of which being the "Aliens vs. Predator" crossovers... just a little inside gag for the fans of the illustrated word, from one social misfit to a legion of others. The TREMORS films are fun projects that give us the humor and care free entertainment that a lot of Hollywood productions sorely lack. I doubt there will be a TREMORS 4 in the future, but if there is you can bet your dead aunt's Gertrude's inheritance that I'll be there to gobble it up whole heartedly! :-D

Sequels: so far this is the final TREMORS film, but who knows what the future will bring...

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