m y . t h o u g h t s . o n . t h i n g s

9/19/04
Anyways, so I’ve been thinking – now that I’m unemployed, I’ve got to make some changes in my life to fit my unemployed lifestyle. I’ve got to set some rules and guidelines so that I’m not lost directionless even though I am kinda without direction at the moment. I’m not sure why I’m putting this on my site like this right now; I guess ‘cause maybe this way it’ll seem more real? or maybe just in case any one else out there is newly unemployed as well, and wants to take my random advice! :)

Eating. I will buy staples only – and I will buy generic or as cheap as I can. If I take an excursion to the beach or hiking or something, I will pack a PB & J sandwich – maybe an apple too, but that’s it. I will not buy food just for the heck of it. I will save all my change/coins, and only with this savings will I occasionally splurge with fast food/candy/food I don’t need, etc. I will keep refilling water bottles and keep them in the fridge – this will be all I drink, except in the case if I have a glass of juice. I won’t drink any cokes unless it is given to me free (i.e. at a barbeque) or I desperately need caffeine and coffee is not available.

Going out with friends. I will try, when at all possible, and it usually is, to only go out one night a week and spend money. This does not count parties or something where I know alcohol and/or food will be given to me for free. When I do spend money with friends, I will never let on that I’m trying to conserve money and if we go out for coffee afterwards, I will get something. If we go to the movies, I will buy a ticket – but I won’t buy candy/popcorn. At restaurants, I will drink water and order as cheap as I can. If everyone orders a drink (of alcohol, I mean), I will order a drink, but drink it very slowly, and try to remain inconspicuous that I am.

Shopping. I will only buy clothes that I know are desperately needed. (like right now, I desperately need underwear! :) ) I will otherwise make do with what I have – I can buy new clothes when I have a job again. On the times when I inevitably splurge, I will only buy clothes on clearance, or at Ross, Wal-Mart, or thrift stores – no other splurging is allowed! However, I may choose to buy material and sew my own clothes, at my discretion. I know that nowadays, the cost of materials may actually outweigh the cost of buying it at the store, but the work I personally put into it will earn me the right to supercede the clothes rule. However, I will do my best to only shop for clearance fabrics and use my creativity to create cheap new handmade clothes.

Non-clothes shopping. This includes books, CD’s, etc. I will do my best to seriously consider the thing I’m desiring and the practically of purchasing it. If I find that it is indeed needed to make me happy, I will first search all means to acquire it for as cheap as possible – only then will I allow myself to buy it.

My time. I now have a lot of time to do as I please. I will not spend my time idly. I will make the most out of every moment. I refuse to spend any moment not furthering myself in some way. I will not allow myself to become bored. Every minute will have a purpose. If I am stuck in traffic – I will be stuck in traffic on my way to someplace. If I am sitting, I am either reading, writing, or thinking. If I am talking, my talk will have a purpose, whether it be asking for directions, or exchanging a few social words. Being social does lead to opportunities and while I will severely watch myself so that my social interaction doesn’t become too idle or boring, I will always be aware of what a few minutes of seemingly “pointless” chit-chat can bring me – invitations to parties (with free food and drink), job opportunities, advice I could use, info I may like to know. Also, there will be times, specifically when being social and going out to dinner or attending parties, that the situation will require me to sit idly without reading, writing, or thinking. I unfortunately expect this and during these times, I will do my best to pretend I am ‘normal’ like everyone else, play along, and will ‘enjoy myself’.

Guys. As with being social, investing some time (though it may sound silly) in pursuing the male gender is also necessary and an acceptable use of my time. I will not shut myself off from speaking/flirting with guys, especially at social functions like parties. Though in some ways, guys can occupy more of my thoughts than I would like and could almost be considered a waste of my precious time that I do not want to waste, overall, they are beneficial to have in my life/thoughts. Besides just the physical needs they provide (and I’m not solely talking about the act of sex here, but also of having a physical partner nearby – more of a physical manifestation of companionship, love, trust, and stability), they also allow me to indulge in my emotions, which is not something I do very often! So, I will continue to pursue guys, and not consider time spent on this as idle or pointless.

Writing. While I have this time, I will spend a lot of it writing. I will allow as few meaningful thoughts as possible to escape being recorded. I will keep paper and pen handy at all times, and will not hesitate to jot something down when needed. I will re-write my website. I will take what I think and do more with it than just keep it in my head. I realize that no one else may care what I think, however, that will not keep me being too scared to share it. I will work to compile my thoughts into the kind of book that is worthy of being red. Whether or not it is read will not matter, only that it is worthy of being read. I will continuously work on and think about this book and the characters, even when I get overcome with the realization that this book will generally accomplish nothing great to mankind. I will pour myself into it; I won’t hold back, even when it hurts too much to empty any more of myself into it. I will write. If only to accomplish something, if only to give my moments I spent writing it a purpose. Even if that’s the only reason. The IS the only reason. But I still will write.

last updated:
9/21/04