| The Origin Of Captain Super |
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| One day back in the forties. A small boy in Overalls, Kansas. Attended a Vaudville Show |
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| During Intermission, The MC came out on stage and sold boxes of taffy with a prize in every box. |
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| A Man in the the row behind the boy bought the first box.. "I found a Swiss Watch in my taffy!!" The Man yelled! |
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| After that, everyone wanted a box of taffy, including the small boy. |
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| When the show was over, the small boy left the theatre and went next door to a white tower hamburger cafe. |
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| The lad saw the man, who had been sitting behind him at the theatre, returning the watch to the MC. |
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| Somehow they looked like they knew each other. |
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| The small boy went home. Ran upstairs to his room. To see what his prize would be. |
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| He seemed to sense that this box of taffy would change his life... |
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| Somehow they looked like they knew each other. |
| He opened the box. Inside, besides the candy was a RING. |
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| On the front of the ring were inscribed the words "San Deigo Naval Training Base" |
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| But, inside the band of the ring, the following words were engraved: "Shout the words, Freedom, Justice and the American Way" |
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| The lad moved all the furniture against the wall, and stood in the middle of the room. He put on the ring and shouted.. |
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| Freedom, Justice and the American Way!! |
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| There was a flash of lightning. |
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| A clap of thunder. |
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| A puff of smoke. |
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| And the faint aroma of Chinese food. |
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| The Small Boy Had Become Captain Super!! ..... And The Rest Is HISTORY. |
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| Emall hidenchef@yahoo.com for more info... |
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| You are Ladmo Bag Seeker..... |
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| that you should never laugh in your friends face, even if its extremely funny. Because he might hit you…… that because of constant meditation, a spirit appeared in a vision to Ziggy Hoffman. The spirit told Ziggy, "Quit meditating and get a job". that the shortest book in the world is "Wealthy Pygmy Astronauts That Went On To Become Rock Stars". that Mickey Mouse ran away from home because his father was a rat. that Marvin Kelp was so short that he wore turtle neck socks. that Harold Grossman was so fat he wore a button down circus tent. that garlic flavored toothpaste is not selling well at all. that a ghost town near Flagstaff has a population of six beer cans. that power mad losers live out their fantasies by biting the heads off animal crackers. that vampires make good baseball players, because they will always go to bat for you. that when you cross a mummy with a vampire, you get a flying bandaid or a gift wrapped bat. that a loser is a piano player in a marching band. that stewed chickens should always leave their car keys with the bartender and walk home. that the first astronaut to land on the sun will walk like this. (insert hot steps) that a cow talking backwards goes "ooom ooom". that sauerkraut left in a vat of brine will change its political affiliation. that the flight trans-atlantic flight was made Emma Throcmorten that mistook a gas heater for a chair. that the first greeting card was sent by pony express through hostile Indian country by Fort Harrison. It never got there! that a rolling stone can gather moss. If it rolls very slowly. that Ben Franklin flew a kite in a thunder storm and discovered the flu. that when King Kong passed away, all 300 pall bearers strained themselves. that the boll weevil's think cotton is yucky but are crazy about gin. that the first letter mailed to New York City, was addressed to Occupant Apartment 4A. that edible wild herbs, mixed into a Greek salad taste like mildew meadow. that if aardvarks where people they would be first in the phone book. that Capricorns usually end up with sore bunions. that the attention span of a gerbil is one half times as long as that of a Brazilian fruit fly. that there is a wig so natural, that it develops split ends, frizzies and dandruff. that the average dandelion can listen to Beethoven for 37 hours without once changing position. that Sir Isaac Newton didn't get the idea for gravity from a falling apple, he got a concussion. that yak tails are the chief export of Tibet, which explains the ridiculous gross national product of 35 dollars. that the Kiwi bird of New Zealand weighs 4 pounds and lays a 5 pound egg, but not very often. And then only if you use a whip. that horses play people shoes. that Genghis Khan never went through basic training. that Quasimodo never graduated from Notre Dame. that Great Bend Montana is not Great nor does it Bend. that I am the only wizard alive that knows how to wash a cello. that Ronald McDonald is a vegetarian. that Smokey the Bear is a pyromaniac. that if Venetian blinds hadn't been invented that it would have been curtains for all of us. that crickets eat very small sandwiches. that the man who invented spaghetti really used his noodle. that when a bee fly backwards it goes "zzub zzub". that concrete life boats where a crummy idea. that friendship is like a bowl of waxed fruit. It's beautiful until you put the bite on it. that the difference between an itch and a allergy is about 100 dollars. that Benedict Arnold is a hero in all the British history books. that a lot of archeologists find their careers in ruins. that a cataract is an expensive Japanese car. that a loser is a thrill seeker in Apache Junction. that swallowing a basketball may be hazardous to your health. that animals eat people crackers. that a loser is a stow away on the Titanic. that when you cross a parrot and a fish, you get a parish. The only problem is when it talks under water you can't understand a word it says. that the mouse is actually king of the jungle. But mice are shy and they have lousy press agents. So everyone always falls for that old lion myth. that the rarest language in the world is Carthinian. It is only spoken by Elmo Bealbous, an elderly gentleman residing in Buckeye. This very same old man was recently throw out of Harold's Café for babbling incoherently. that the main export of Belgium Guiana was cardboard refrigerators. The last one they sold was for a Broadway production in March of 58'. Unfortunately the production, the refrigerator and Belgium Guiana all folded in April of 58'. that Tarzan tried to call Jane, but the vine was busy. that Dracula is really a pain in the neck. that the Mummy is an industry spokesman for Egyptian band aids. that Frankenstein wear a corrective bib. Oh boy is he a messy eater. that a loser is a guy who finds out he paid 200 dollars for an asbestos suit. that a dog barking backwards goes "fra fra". that this show might not be appreciated now, but in years to come people will look back and say "Who?". that if you took all the people in china, put them in a long line, 4 abreast, a lot of them would ask "Why?". that you can't push a rope. that graffiti is not the Italian ambassador. that people once thought Amerigo Vaspuchi discovered America. And for 35 years it was called The United States of Vaspuchi. that the main export of the island of Kahalikahani is door mats inscribed with "In Wambasi We Trust". that the Chinese don't have telephones because there are so many Wings and Wongs that they might wing the wong number. that mice have to oiled because they squeak. that a loser is a submarine captain that sleeps with the windows open. that claustrophobia is a fear of Santa Claus. that the much published Wizard of Oz, was never a real wizard. Could not even do the Chinese linking rings trick. His legend was nothing but studio hype Ladmo. that Brutus's defense was that he didn't know the knife was loaded. that when you cross a bear with a gopher, you get a mighty big hole in your backyard. that when you cross a snake with a porcupine, you get three feet of barbed wire. that a chicken in Apache Junction swallowed a yo yo and laid the same egg three times. that cantaloupes make lousy pets. The only trick they do is ripen. that today's chuckle in the paper is not funny, and tomorrow's won't be funny either. that Thronk the Caveman invented the wheel. But unfortunately it was square. Early cart rides were very uncomfortable. that when Ivan the Terrible was a little kid he was known a Ivan the Brat. that Andy Finch the anthropologist really dug his work. that snakes are near sighted. A lot of them start talking to sticks and ropes by mistake. that a loser is a guy who always manages to pick out the one fake cream in a box of chocolates. that you should never talk about jam or jelly. You know how those things spread. that Japanese Air Marshal Yoshio Nagamoto invented the Zero. Then found out it was all for naught. that if you can fool most of the people most of the time, you should go into politics. that we should all eat pickles. Let's face it, what else can we do with small cucumbers. that you should always avoid tap dancing in open tar pits. that half of your troubles come from wanting your own way. The other half comes from getting it. that we should all try to make one person happy every day. Me. that there are bigger thing in life than Money. Like debts, bills and I.O.U's. that a friend in need is a pest. that a loser is a guy who gets a 99 dollar repair bill and has a 100 dollar deductible policy. that the leaning tower of Pisa doesn't lean, but the rest of the world does. that the English Channel is a TV station in London. that Shultz's disease is so rare, that Shultz was the only one who ever got it. that Snoppy wants to quit. He is tired of working for peanuts. that Bambi started the fire. that Chicken Little had a fat cousin named Chicken Big. that John L. Sulivan's middle name was Louise. that the first talking movie was made in 1901. But the audience was so noisy that nobody heard it. that Armelio Cardenza was the only Brazilian astronaut. However, since Brazil didn't have any rocket ships Armelio left the Space Agency and became president of the Fernando Lamas Fan club. that the main export of Germany is measles. that a Japanese toupee is an Oriental Rug. that Sitting Bull gave Custer a arrow shirt for Christmas. that the only way to stop a head cold from going to your chest is to tie a knot in your throat. that it's a good thing chickens and ducks don't talk, because they would probably use fowl language. that if you cross a loony nut with a black bird, you get a raven maniac. that an NAU scientist using the universities latest scientific equipment calculated that if all the cartoons shown on the Wallace and Ladmo Show were laid end to end they would wrap around the earth 15 times? The scientist was later fired for wasting the university equipment on such a dumb project! they have no telephones in China? There's so many wongs and wings they're afraid they'd wing the wong number. that the Chinese all go to the dentist at the same time? Tooth hurty! that when Moby Dick passed away, all 600 pall bearers strained themselves! that the President's Seal is not an animal and should not be confused with the President's Walrus. that an apple a day creates a housing shortage for worms. that Caesar actually hated salads. that quarter pounder is a guy that beats up loose change. that the first talking movie was actually made in 1895. But the audience was so noisy that nobody heard it. that the attention span of a cub scout is exactly one half of a Brazilian fruit fly. that chicken little had a fat brother named chicken big. that is aardvarks were people they'd be first in the phone book. that when I was a little kid I was called Harley Feldman. My name is Wizard, but Harley Feldman always appealed to me. that frogs that park illegally get toad away? that a dirty window is stained glass? that Santa only had seven reindeer on Christmas Eve 'cause Comet was home cleaning the sink? So long, Ladmo. that Eskimos rub noses because its too cold to nub roses. It sounded good when I wrote it down last night Ladmo. that Wallace is so fat he gets winded playing checkers. that Wallace is so fat he registers 9.9 on the Richer Scale rolling over in bed. that Wallace is so fat he only wears a size three shoe, because nothing grows in the shade. that Wallace is so fat when he walked across the London bridge it finally did fall down. that Scotchmen wear kilts because plaid pants look awful. They tend to put on pounds…. that killer whales are not killers, the only evidence against them is circumstantial. (It's a miscarriage of justice) that no one has ever started a successful all you can eat Eskimo buffet. Now think of it, how much blubber and raw seal can you eat for three dollars fifty cents. (It all depends on what I have for breakfast) that a man asked a waiter in a French restaurant "Do you have frog legs?", the waiter said "Yes", the man said "Then you ought to see a doctor". that bats are not blind, they do look the other way if they think its none of their business though. Book Titles to books that were never written. A Hunger Strikers Guide To Gourmet Fasting Ancient Indian Legends Involving Velcro Famous Shirt Stains That Changed History The Pygmy's Guide To Iron Lung Repair How To Lubricate Your Swamp Cooler With Cheese Dip How To Achieve Mental Stability Through Lunatic Behavior How To Skin A Bumble Bee How To Check A Cow For Suspicious Lumps How To Tell The Difference Between Everything Gardening Through Guilt The Definitive 13 Volume History On The Origin, Myth, Application And Future Of The Spoon Famous Communist Mind Readers The Book Of Thumbs The Fruit Of The Loom Guide To Recycling Nuclear Waste Through Your T-Shirts Scraping Gum Off Theatre Seats According To Hoyle Fat Germans Who Never Met Dewy Hopper The Illustrated Version Of The Invisible Man |
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| Did you know...... |
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| The Wizard |
| Gerald's Moster Is Really Good. He Will Show You Where To Go..... |
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| Copyright © 2002 By Cristopher S. Williams |