A whopping 
people have
experienced the world of Phronk.
Welcome to Phronk Land! If you've never been here before, you're probably asking yourself (or anyone near you) "What the heck is this?", or, if you're a bit more vulgar, "What the hell is this?". In extreme cases, you might even be using a certain word that begins with F and ends in UCK in the place of heck. In any case, you need an explanation. Well, the best place to start would probably be the Phronk FAQ. After you've read that, you're probably bored and want to know how to get the most out of this page in as little time as possible. Well, the most critically acclaimed section of the page is Phronk's Internet Adventures, so if you only want to read one thing here, read that. If you've seen that and still want more (for some reason), the toolbar to your left or above this paragraph provides you with an easy and fun way to navigate the site. Thanks for visiting. I hope you enjoy your stay here, because if you don't, I will kill you.
To contact me, simply send mail to phronk@hotmail.com, or ((removed to stop spammers)). Please email me. Don't be intimidated by the incredible quality of this homepage, I like getting email. Replying can be fun sometimes too. So mail me. I'm lonely. Please?
If you use a Hotmail email address, you probably know how much junk mail you can get every day. Usually it's pretty obvious what's junk mail and what's real mail just by the subject line. If it says "TIGHT 18 YEAR OLD MIDGET SLUTS WITH HORSES!" then it's obviously junk mail (unless you're into that sort of thing). However, today, the junk mail people actually fooled me into opening one of them. Here it is:
Subject: Rape
Rape? That doesn't sound like junk mail. It doesn't sound like any normal mail I get either, but I was intrigued, so I clicked it.
Don't be raped by high interest rates!
http://www.bulkemailsite.com:81/birthdaybill/
Dude! Now that is just sick. Using the concept of rape to sell something...geez. Who's going to click on your link after reading that? Especially when the address is at "bulkemailsite.com", and from a guy named "birthdaybill". I'm too scared to click on it and see what's there...I'm afraid it's actually Birthday Bill's gallery of people he's killed and eaten. If you're braver than me, go nuts.
Current Best Song Ever: Norwegian Wood (The Bird Has Flown) by The Beatles.
So I saw Blade 2 tonight. That's right, I got to see it a whole day before everybody else, because I am God. It was an excellent movie. If you liked the dance club scene in the first Blade, this is basically two hours of that, and with wrestling moves. Wrestling moves! Who does that?
Current Best Song Ever: Anything by The Doors ("Anything" isn't the name of a song, I just mean that all of their songs are good. Idiot.)
OK, I've said what my favourite movies were last year, so now I feel obligated to mention my favourite albums. I can't pick one that was a clear winner, so I'll just list a few of the best, in no particular order.
Radiohead - Amnesiac: So it was basically a sequel to Kid A...but more of an Empire Strikes Back kind of sequel than a Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge. I just don't see how they can possibly top themselves now, and I'm hoping they don't make it a trilogy.
Gorillaz (s/t): Who knew that cartoons could make such wonderful music?
Garbage - Beautiful Garbage: A lot of people didn't like this, but I just adored it. It just sounds so...pink. I like pink.
Marilyn Manson - Holy Wood...: Woo! Still my favourite band, despite the fact that I don't wear black makeup and attempt suicide every day (although I am reading the Satanist Bible, and that's some interesting stuff). Now where's that friggin movie he promised us??
The Tea Party - The Interzone Kantras, & Our Lady Peace - Spiritual Machines: I put these two together because they're both Canadian, and I saw them both live last year, and they both kick so much ass that it hurts. Ouch.
Other good stuff: Bjork (Vespertine), Moulin Rouge Soundtrack, Rob Zombie (The Sinister Urge), Tool (Lateralus), Aphex Twin (drukqs), N Sync (Celebrity) (come on, at least they're better than the Backstreet Boys), Kylie Minogue (Fever), Lords of Acid (Farstucker - also the winner of "best album title of the year") and a shitload of others that I just can't remember right now.
New Thing!
All this talk of music gave me a good idea (well, it's not my idea...I've seen it on other blog web sites). Every time I update this thing, I'll include a "Best song ever", which is basically the song I currently think is the best ever. Of course, this changes from moment to moment. Usually it will be the song that's currently stuck in my head, or the song I most recently heard. My opinion on what's the best ever is easily changed.
Current Best Song Ever: Cherry Lips by Garbage
Welcome to the New Phronk.Com
That's right, I've totally redesigned this web site's interface by adding colour to the titles of my posts! Isn't that exciting??? Anyway, I have something to complain about now, so listen up.
You know what's funny? Foods that advertise that they're "low fat", but only because there's not much of it. For example, today I had some Lean Cuisine frozen ravioli, and it only came with like 3 raviolis. Of course it's low fat, you're only eating two bites of food. Same with crackers that advertise themselves as low fat....you look at the fine print, and it's like Only 3 grams of fat!!! (per cracker). Cookie dough ice cream can be considered low fat if you only eat one spoonful per "serving." I think I'll start marketing that.
P.S. Aren't Canadians supposed to be good at hockey? Fucking Swedish, always ruining everything.
The Academy Award nominations were announced recently, and I'm pretty please with them. I'm glad to see a movie like Lord of the Rings get lots of nominations, because more fantasyish movies need to be made. Anyway, now is a good time to share my worthless opinion with you on what movies I think were the best and worst of the year. I'll do the same thing with music sometime soon. Here we go!
Best Movie: It's a tie!
Moulin Rouge: No movie this has made me get that shivery feeling down my spine more than Moulin Rouge. I love it more every time I see. I love the music, and I'm not sick of the soundtrack despite having listened to it at least 3 gajillion times and getting it stuck in my head for days on end. I love Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman and the fat dude who played Zidler or Sidler or whatever his name is. And on top of it being a wonderful movie, it now has a wonderful DVD with tonnes of fun extra features. It would definitely be the best movie of the year if it didn't have to share the honour with:
Ginger Snaps: The stupid Academy didn't nominate it for anything, but Ginger Snaps is my new favourite werewolf movie. Everything about this movie, from the clever Carrie-like "am I a normal teenager or a werewolf?" theme to the creepy music. This movie was gory, and there are few movies these days that use gore effectively. Also, it's Canadian, but without the "shitty movie" feel of most Canadian movies. Oh, and Ginger is hot as hell, which always helps. If you haven't seen this movie yet, go out and rent it now. This, too, has a wonderful DVD (only in Canada though, so if you're in the US, move here).
Honourable mentions:
Lord of the Rings: I was hoping to be blown away by this movie. However, while I can recognize that everything about this movie was perfect, it just didn't have the impact on me that the two movies mentioned above did. I have to see it again to really judge it fairly.
Memento: A movie that actually required you to think! Plus it had such an original gimmick that it wasn't like watching a normal movie...it was a whole new experience.
Harry Potter: All it did was bring the book to life on the screen. The fact that they didn't completely screw it up is reason enough to mention this movie here.
Other good movies: Jeepers Creepers, Josie and the Pussycats (screw you, I liked it), Vanilla Sky, Freddy Got Fingered (Tom Green is a genius), Shrek, Monsters Inc, Legally Blond, Ocean's 11, Fast and the Furious, Final Fantasy, Amelie, and probably a few others I'm forgetting.
Worst Movie:
Driven: I like every movie I see, and this is no exception, but it's the only one I can think of that was undeniably, objectively, total crap. There really wasn't anything good about it, except a few good songs on the soundtrack (although I used to think so, I now realize that Estella Warren isn't even that hot). There were moments where I couldn't help but laugh at the bad dialogue or shitty especial effects. As I mentioned, I was still entertained (except during the boring parts), but it's just a scientific fact that Driven was a piece of smelly elephant dung that's been sitting in the sun all day and got puked on by a llama. A gay llama.
I'm writing a song to celebrate Valentine's day. The chorus goes "you flew an airplane into my heart." It's called Osama Bin Lovin' . One day it's gonna be a big hit, and I'll be writing songs for big stars like Madonna and Vanilla Ice.
So today I got my graduation picture taken. I've always thought these things were questionable. Nobody looks good in them, because they're not really smiling. It's a fake smile, like when somebody tells a bad joke but you don't want to insult them so you smile anyway. You use different muscles when you perform a fake smile vs. a real smile, and fake smiles look like crap. I think there should be photographers that you can hire to stalk you for a few days, and take pictures of you when you're really smiling and you think nobody's looking. Those would look much better.
Telekinetic Weirdness
Just a few minutes ago, I was thinking about my email account and how I hadn't checked a certain email address (my UWO one) in a while. I am able to check my UWO mail from my Hotmail account with the click of a button, and I was already logged into Hotmail. So, I closed the message I was reading with the intention of checking my UWO mail immediately after that. However, I didn't even need to click the button; Hotmail went immediately to my UWO email. It's as if Hotmail knew what I was thinking and went to the correct address for me. This has never happened before, and it happened to happen (whoa, too many happens) right when I was thinking about it. I'm quite baffled, and it's stuff like this that makes me want to study parapsychology.
Update: When I actually did click to get my UWO email, it didn't work...some settings were wrong. So, somehow, Hotmail got the settings right and then checked my email for me, before I even knew what the right settings were. As Joey from Blossom would say, "whoa." **
** Or Keanu Reeves, for those who don't remember Blossom.
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