Kris's Pregnancy Journal
|
 (Anne Geddes Baby Clothing web site) |
Kris's Pregnancy Journal
|
(Anne Geddes Baby Clothing web site) |
|
Sunday, February 2 (36.6 weeks) I can't believe it's February. We went to Babies R Us yesterday and I think we're pretty much ready for the little guy to get here. I have bids on a sling and boppy on eBay, so we got everything else we needed - car seat/carrier cover, bath tub, mobile, diaper bag, toys, newborn diapers, changing pad cover, a couple more receiving blankets, nail clippers and baby bathroom stuff. I think all I need now are nursing bras. Wow. Only three weeks to go. It's becoming more of a challenge to get out of the car and out of restaurant booths. I think I'll spend this coming week on the couch knitting and getting through The Baby Book. Of course I still haven't packed my bag. And we still don't have a middle name. I told John we probably don't have to have one right away. But I think we've come up with some good ones. The problem is that he wants it to have some kind of meaning. He's going to be "John Wallace," though. I think that's enough. Out of the names we've talked about, I like Ryan, Penn and Warner. There's a lot behind Penn, but he thinks it should be a first name - even though he may not have a chance to use it as a first name. Warner is one of my grandfather's middle names. And I just like the sound of Ryan. John Ryan Wallace John Penn Wallace John Warner Wallace I like Penn. Monday, February 3 (36.7 weeks) John came up with a new middle name. Robert. I asked him where he got it and he said from Robert Pirsig, author of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. It's not bad. John Robert Wallace. Why not just use Pirsig? John Pirsig Wallace. Yeah, I guess it kinda looks like Pig. I read some good birth stories this morning. I really liked one called Celeste's Beautiful Natural Birth. After buying everything we need, I think I'm ready and expecting to go at any time. Of course it could be another month, too. Most of my stuff is packed. I have a few more things to wash and the apartment needs some cleaning. I'm on the lookout for the signs - burst of energy, backache, mucus plug, cramps, diarrhea. Yesterday John's grandma asked if I was sure we weren't having twins. Yes, I'm sure, and I'm measuring right on schedule . . . for one baby, thanks. John's mom has started with the comments again. This time she's saying I'll go early and things related to that. It's not really what she says sometimes, but her tone. I think I'll try to keep my distance for the next few weeks anyway. We went to the mall yesterday and I had to walk very slowly. No one moves this slow. Braxton Hicks contractions have returned making me sit down a few times. I hadn't noticed any in the last few weeks until this weekend. Baby is moving around a lot and not only when I'm sitting still anymore. And it seems he gets the hiccups at least four times each day. I read that babies start practicing breathing about this time and will swallow amniotic fluid which causes hiccups. At first I felt bad because the hiccups seem pretty powerful for such a little baby to handle. But I guess they don't bother him. Yesterday I said something I haven't said in a while. I told John I couldn't believe I am pregnant. Yes, we're coming up on 37 weeks and I've gained about 45 pounds, but sometimes it's just too much to digest. In no time at all I am going to be a mom. I am going to be attached to a little tiny human that I made. There's going to be a little baby to dress in all these cute little clothes. A little stranger is about to become an important part of our lives. *sigh* We started another relaxation practice last night with an ocean/sleep inducement cd I bought. I want John to get used to telling me to relax and saying sweet encouraging things while touching me and I want to get used to relaxing during that with the music playing. It went well. We'll do that every night from now on I think. Wednesday, February 5 (37 weeks) I just got my first, "no baby?" call. People probably just remember February and not that I'm due the last week of February. When I called my dad to check in last night, I knew I would hear a couple of frustrating comments. When I said we had three more weeks to go, he said it would be two weeks. Then I got to hear about the dangers of sleeping with the baby in the same bed and that our lives are going to change. Aah! At our midwife apppointment yesterday I found out that I gained one pound last week and that the baby is probably around 6.5 pounds. I was kinda hoping for an exam and news on what's happening, but they don't do exams unless necessary. I asked about a few things that concerned me from our hospital visit and was reassured that everything would be handled as we want - no bath for the baby, heel stick and vitamin K shot in the room, being with him and able to comfort him after his circumcision, and a visit with a lactation consultant. We also talked about what may or may not begin contractions and labor. I had just read somewhere that raspberry leaf tea can help tone the uterus making pushing more efficient, but I guess it's also something to use to get labor started. Don't need that for a while. Sex shouldn't start anything, though she said that semen is a good prostaglandin that helps the cervix thin. But I'm not in any hurry. I think I need at least another couple weeks to get through all these thoughts I've been having about actually giving birth and bringing home a baby. Like I've mentioned, sometimes it's hard to believe I'm even pregnant, let alone 37 weeks pregnant! I have no idea what labor will be like. I have no idea what having a little baby in the house will be like. I have no idea what being a mom will be like. Everyone gets married and has kids, but those transitional moments between being a couple and being a family seem overwhelming. Sometime in the next few weeks labor will start. No one knows when or where it will happen. Unexpectedly I will be picked up and thrown onto this unknown road that will take me through a forest of contractions, up a mountain of pushing and then to a peaceful clearing where I'll find a baby. My baby. Our baby. Another one of us to care for. There's no turning back. And all I can do now is try to prepare myself for this strange and unpredictable trip. Will I be able to completely trust my body, relax and let it do it's thing? Will I be able to handle the challenges of labor? Will I be able to get this lump in my stomach out of me? Will I be able to give it what it needs? I think so. I hope so. Thursday, February 6 (37.1 weeks) It's about time I lose some weight - something I haven't thought in a long time. I caught a glimpse of myself from behind last night. Ugh. I had noticed that my face seemed a little fuller a couple weeks ago, but I haven't really paid attention to my butt or thighs. Ugh. Did I say that already? It's time to get the little guy out and begin breastfeeding so that I can start to get rid of these new dimples in my flesh. A while ago I had started to think that pregnancy is the perfect experience to teach someone what is important in life. Health club and diet commercials don't mean anything to me. I don't feel guilty when I see someone excersizing. It's almost ridiculous to hear people talk about wanting to lose weight. It's been a nice break only thinking about keeping myself and growing baby nourished and satisfied. At the same time I sometimes feel like I'm on a diet because I want to make sure I've eaten enough vegetables or protein for the day. But I'm not worried about what a scale says. Yea, it was weird the day 180 came up on the scale, but it wasn't a bad thing. Pregnancy is also a good time to reevaluate priorities. A new life is being created inside me so the little things don't matter much. I don't want to waste energy on the unimportant. I want to stay positive. As long as John and I and the baby are healthy, little else matters. Monday, February 10 (37.7 weeks) I wore sweatpants to church yesterday. I didn't have much of a choice. We wanted to check out the church and priest for a possible baptism. It's where John's mom and grandfather go. Of course a bit of a discussion followed about the teachings and ideology of catholicism. Some of the things that were said during the service bothered me. But if we do this solely for his family, I'm okay with it. If we were trying to decide what kind of baptism we would be most comfortable with and supportive of, we would have a lot of work to do. We both liked the priest. Now we just need to talk to him about what we would have to say and what we would have to agree to - like how we would raise John. I don't want to stand in a church promising to raise my son a good catholic, especially when I'm not catholic and don't agree with any of the teachings. (kinda like that Sex in the City episode) It will also be tough to pick godparents. We have a midwife appointment today. I have been expecting my mom to visit and make it to an appointment with us, but Mark's job search keeps interfering. He has an interview in Denver this week and she is going with him - leaving today and returning next Monday, the day of our next appointment. I'm sure nothing will happen, I won't go into labor, this week, but it would be good for her to meet at least one of the midwives and maybe our doula. It's snowing pretty good today, but the weather forecast says it should warm up next week. I hope it's not too cold when we bring John home. Since the ultrasound showed him about a week ahead of schedule and there's a full moon next week, I'm thinking it's a good possibility that we could have a baby soon. Of our first time mom Bradley classmates, the average seems to be 6 days early. (not counting the one couple I haven't heard about and the second time mom who went 16 days early this time and a couple weeks early her first time) So that would be Thursday the 20th. That seems like a good day to have a baby. Tuesday, February 11 (37.8 weeks) I will most likely have a baby before the yogurt I bought yesterday goes bad. I do the same thing when my birthday or other important day is approaching. I notice the dates on milk, the date a movie is going to open, and I think, this thing is going to happen before this thing happens. By the time this movie comes out, I will have . . . So now I'm doing it with the baby. It's so hard to believe. Only a couple of weeks to go. We've been getting more calls asking how everything is going. I'm reluctant to talk much about our birthing plans just because I don't want to hear the things other people have picked up through word of mouth. It's bad enough to hear the uneasy reaction to our using midwives instead of doctors. And I'm not up for explaining everything I've read in the last year. I really appreciate the short, polite and supportive exchanges, though. There have been a few people who have asked questions about our choices in the just the right, unassuming way. These are probably the same people who can discuss wedding plans without offending anyone. Today I ordered an aromatherapy/sound machine for labor. I like the image of a gentle mountain stream and looked for a CD with brook or stream sounds, and stumbled onto this machine. I also thought about a table top fountain, but figure this would be easier to transport and use at the hospital. I can use it in the car, too. It has six different sounds and four different scents. The reviews on amazon were a bit mixed, maybe a quarter of the reviews had some complaint. I just hope I get it in time to use it. I'm sure we're planning to take too much to the hospital - my bag, the camcorder, the regular camera, a cooler, the sound machine, and a CD player. Well, maybe it's not that much. But I guess we need to fit all that and the car seat into the car, with the second seat down so that I can lay down in the back. Hmmm . . . I hope that works. Wednesday, February 12 (38 weeks) We have now entered the labor zone! This is the first day of the four week period surrounding my due date, the two weeks before and two weeks after when most women go into labor. And we're ready! Well, we should get the camcorder we ordered tomorrow. And I just ordered an aromatherapy/sound machine yesterday. But we're pretty much ready. Of course every little weird feeling I get sends a bit of anxiety through me. I have no idea when labor will start. And when it starts, there's no going back. Once labor begins, we're on the short road to parenthood. At what other point in life does someone sit around waiting for such a life altering event to occur? All I can do is wait. And make sure I'm ready, I guess. I can keep reading and listening to affirmations. I can keep thinking about middle names. I can keep thinking about when it will happen, how it will happen, where it will happen. By the end of next week I think I may reach that point when I'm ready to not be pregnant. I've just started to feel big, and getting up from the couch, out of bed and out of the car has become a bit tougher. I didn't even step outside yesterday and I was beat by 9 PM. My mom was supposed to come this weekend, because she didn't think she was going to Denver, but called this morning to tell me that plans have changed again and she and Sam are leaving tomorrow, coming back Monday. I'm kinda glad, though. This way I don't have to entertain and can just stay on the couch. I hope. Monday, February 17 (38.7 weeks) Now the waiting begins. The snow finally stopped, so if anyone decides to come out, we may have a chance of getting to Pittsburgh. The full moon was last night and nothing happened, thankfully. I think we got about 20 inches of snow. We'll have to cancel our midwife appointment today. Nearly everything is closed, and I was expecting a call that the Midwife Center is closed. But I guess not. I had a dream with a bunch of women waiting to go into labor last night. It was like everyone was sitting around Panera waiting for their number to be called. I've had a few weird occasional pains in the last few days, but nothing like contractions, I think. I asked the baby to wait until the end of the week or next week. John said he had his first dream about the baby Friday night. He was two hours old and walking, talking and telling time. He sat in front of the TV with the remote and was happy to see that we had PBS because something he wanted to see was coming on in 15 minutes. John thinks he's going to be very smart and bored with us within a year. The dream made me think about him coming home with us and checking everything out - like, cool place, I like the dog, and I have some really cute clothes, and you guys aren't bad. John gave me a little massage last night with the lavender massage oil I bought for labor while I listened to a labor affirmation tape. I used the boppy my mom just sent me to lay on my stomach. It worked. Then when I got up it felt like the baby had moved into a new weird position, but I think he's back where he was now. I'm not much for getting up to get anything or do anything now. I don't think I'm really that big, but it's just not that easy to get around. It's a good thing I have John. He's been so good about waiting on me. Now if I can just get him to read a few chapters in The Birth Partner. *sigh* When will it happen? I can't believe how close we are. Wednesday, February 19 (39 weeks) Things are starting to come out. I pulled something really gross out of my belly button last night. Last week I could feel some little crusty piece of crud in there, but couldn't get it out. My belly button hasn't popped out, but is stretched pretty far. John kept telling me to stop playing with it, like I was going to deflate. I finally got it last night - gross. I wonder how long that was in there. Then I think I lost part of my mucous plug. After our nightly perineum stretch session, I wiped the oil off me and a hunk of thick gel stuff came with it. I went to the bathroom and there was more on the toilet paper. I swear I am intuitive sometimes. Before we did the stretching, I thought about the possibility of John getting part of the plug. So, of course, I could barely pay attention to the affirmation tape I tried listening to after that. I started thinking of all the things all over the place - the camcorder, the video tapes, the camera, the cooler and stuff for the cooler, my clothes in the dryer next door. I used some of the lavender pulse point lotion I bought for labor to get me to relax and stop thinking too much. John seemed to have gotten excited a bit, too. We talked a bit and then I tried going to sleep. It wasn't as tough to get to sleep as I thought it was going to be. I did have some funny dreams, though. On TV there were news camera crews standing by for new developments and in the lower corner of the screen was a clock keeping track of the time that had passed since my plug came out. It's a good thing nothing happened during the big snow. I wasn't too worried, but John's mom was. John and I were sure we could have handled it. We were stuck here for a few days, but it was nice. John doesn't want me going anywhere by myself, but I have to get out of here today. Who knows when I'll be able to just go run errands again when I feel like it. Although I've been having those weird pressure sensations in my pelvic region, I'm not so sure he's dropped. I still have heartburn and can't take very deep breaths. He's probably just grown into every available inch of space. I started reading the birth stories in Spiritual Midwifery again. They're great for lightening the mood. I think I'll have to read those when labor starts and take the book to the hospital with me. It seems the moral of each birth story is to stay in a loving frame of mind and have fun. We rescheduled our canceled midwife appointment for Friday. My mom says she may try to come, but I wonder if she should come and just stay, or wait and come later. I hope we make it to Friday so that I can have another soy white mocha from Starbuck's one more time, and maybe we can make it to another Sunday brunch at Hartley Inn. That would be nice. Then I will be ready. I think. Thursday, February 20 (39.1 weeks) We made it to Pisces. But I wonder if I'll be able to make it to Sunday brunch this weekend. For some reason I don't think it will be too much longer. I've had a few little cramping feelings and some soft bowel movements. No sudden burst of energy yet, though. It's not easy to laugh, cough or clear my throat. It brings on Braxton-Hicks contractions. Pregnant women are supposed to be more congested, but it seems to have happened only recently. I'm trying to get a lot of sleep, take naps, and just rest. Yesterday's errands wore me out. John's mom wants to go to Sam's Saturday morning, which I'm debating. I would like to go to Cracker Barrel for breakfast if I won't make it to brunch Sunday. I guess I'll see how I feel then. And I'll see what happens at our appointment tomorrow. I'm hoping the few little pains I've felt are a sign of dilation. I've also had what I call crotch zaps - little lightening bolts I feel in my crotch. It only seems to happen when I'm going to sleep though. I imagine there is a lot going on in my pelvic area, so I'm not worried about it. Saturday, February 22 (3:23 AM) (39.4 weeks) I think I'm in labor. Our Birth Story Tuesday, February 25 (3 days old) I can't believe it. John William Wallace was born at 2:21 PM Saturday, February 22. I thought I felt something around 10:30 PM Friday night, but wasn't sure. So I went to bed, waking up with back pain at 1:30 AM. I decided to start paying attention to the time. After an hour of consistent "contractions," I woke John and told him I thought I was in labor. He didn't believe me. "Wouldn't you be very uncomfortable?" he asked. Anyway, we called the midwife center and my mom to ask a few questions, like "could these be contractions?" and "am I in labor?" Then John went back to sleep. I had to get out of bed and move around. Sitting or lying down made my back hurt too much. I knew the baby was head down facing left with his back to my right and didn't think that position would cause back labor. So I went next door to get in the bathtub for a while to try to relax and ease the discomfort. (John's mom was at her sister's and we don't have a tub.) I listened to my labor affirmations tape while soaking, seriously thinking through each statement, trying not to worry too much about what I should do next. After the bath, I called my mom and the midwife center again to ask more questions. I still wasn't sure if the intermittent back pains were contractions and I was having some bleeding and wanted to know if that was normal. The midwife on call said the amount of blood wasn't anything to worry about, but didn't exactly say whether she thought I was in labor, just that she didn't want us to leave too early for the hospital to end up spending the day there. I told her we would probably leave in a couple hours (around 7 AM). I went back to our place to take a shower, which felt good, and woke up John. I asked him to get our stuff together for the hospital. The contractions then seemed to be 3 minutes apart, which I couldn't believe. That would be pretty far along. I figured I wasn't timing them correctly, but by the time we were ready to leave I had had a small crying spell and needed John to rub my back through a contraction. I was also using my rice sock, that I used for the round ligament pain I'd had in December. Just before heading out the door, we called the midwife center to say we were leaving and heated up the rice sock once more in the microwave. John put some pillows and sleeping bags in the back of the station wagon. I climbed in and braced myself for the ride to Pittsburgh. I had to concentrate on breathing and imagery during the bumpy ride. It worked, though. It was raining on the way and the rain and highway noise sounded nice. We arrived at the hospital around 8:45 AM. I had to tell three different people I didn't want a wheelchair because sitting hurt. Some security emergency entrance guy told me as I walked in that I may not be able to check in because I wasn't far enough along. The third person that John told I didn't want a wheelchair responded, "You go girl!" as I walked toward the elevators. It was just what I needed to hear. When we got up to the room I was monitored for a few minutes and then checked by our midwife. I was 7 cm!!! I was so happy to hear that. This was one of the happy things that made me almost cry. We tried a few coping techniques, including different positions and a birth ball. I didn't like the ball at all. I tried toning, moaning and groaning noises, which helped drown out the intensity of the contractions. A few of the birth stories I've read recommended it. And I must also recommend it. I'm not sure I would have made it through otherwise. It wasn't too long before I could feel liquid running out of me with the contractions. I didn't have one big gush, just trickles of fluid. My mom got in around 10:30 am, another one of the happy things that almost made me cry. She tried to blend into the background, which was good. And she brought me some ginger peach teabags that I had asked for earlier in the week. I was so glad that she made it. John rubbed my back the entire time. When I hit 8 cm, around 11:40 AM, we got in the shower together. which worked wonders. I had been skeptical about a shower versus a tub, but the hot water streaming down my back and butt was exactly what I needed. We got out about 12:50 PM to find that I was dilated 10 cm. Woohoo! Another one of the things that made me so happy I almost cried. In the shower I had started to feel weird pushing sensations, what I guess is referred to as spontaneous bearing down. I tried a few different pushing positions with the squat bar and stirrups. The squat bar didn't do it for me and the stirrups seemed weird. The midwife discovered that the baby's heartbeat wasn't bouncing back well with contractions so she told me to lay on my side. I was on my left side with John in front of me and our doula was holding my right leg up. The pushing was tough. This was the only part when fear became a factor. I coulnd't believe how much I was being stretched. The midwife had brought in a doctor she works with because the baby's heartbeat was low again. I was told to push him out quickly or they would need to use a vaccuum, which would mean certain episiotomy. Fortunately he bounced back better after they gave me oxygen, though I ended up pushing pretty quickly anyway and he came out fine. I couldn't believe how difficult it was. I nearly ripped John's shirt in pieces, due to the physical strain and his yelling directions at me. That kinda pissed me off, but that was the only time I became frustrated. Baby John came out with the cord around his neck and a little roughed up so he needed oxygen, too. They took him off my stomach and put him under warming lights and placed a tiny mask on him, which was fine. John didn't get to catch, but that was the only thing that didn't go the way we wanted. No drugs, no episiotomy, no tears. I had no complaints. Friday, February 28 (6 days old) The angel is sleeping. Whattaweek. I can't believe he's only 6 days old. Last Saturday seems like so long ago. We are loving every minute of being his parents. The nights aren't bad and the days are great. Jena, our doula, called yesterday to talk about the labor and delivery. She was under the impression that we were disappointed with how the delivery went. I told her we were thrilled with how everything went. If I could pick one or two things from our birth plan that I had to throw out, I would say that John not being able to catch the baby and there not being much of a delay cutting the cord would be at the top of my list. Big deal. I have a healthy baby and didn't need any assistance or an episiotomy. During our conversation, she made me realize how wonderful the doctor was. He could have come in and immediately gone for the scissors and vaccuum, but he only acted when necessary. The baby's heartbeat rebounded and I was allowed to deliver him without any intervention. I could not have asked for a better labor or delivery. I'm still in disbelief. Everything was . . . wonderful, better than I could have imagined. I arrived at the hospital at 7 cm. I gave birth. I gave birth without drugs, without losing it, and without an episiotomy. And now I have the perfect little baby. |