Yana wanted to drive to Ballina and as it turned out, this was not a bad idea. The traffic was quite demanding and he was provided with a few situations that tested him. A truck had lost its trailer at an intersection which was very careless and all the traffic had to undergo a huge diversion. Meanwhile a whole host of people were examining the trailer. Checking for damage perhaps? Their movements were surprisingly casual. I imagine that the trailer would not have been moved for quite a few hours, if what we saw was any indication.

By about ten Yana was hungry and he was scouring the streets for some fried rice or noodles. I explained that it was still breakfast time but he wasn't interested in eggs or sausages. Ultimately he realised that he was not going to find what he wanted and he so sat down to a good big piece of chicken. He seemed to brighten up after that

For the rest of the day I was overtaken by an overwhelming desire to sleep. This I managed to do until almost midnight. Then I went to bed and managed to sleep without waking. Sometimes I wonder how I do it. I was too tired to even think of food, which is not a good idea and I must make sure that I don't make a habit of it.

Sunday 29th September

The boys were making music at the Hall today and were extemely priviledged to play alongside a master musician from Bandung. Epiq, who plays in Krakatau and Sambasunda,two well known traditional Indonesian bands, has just returned form performing in Europe. He was sponsored to come to Australia and will be offering drumming classes shortly. He is extraordinarily talented and plays a huge number of instruments, but specialises in the bamboo flute and the kendang drums. He also plays a kecapi which is like a twenty stringed auto harp.

Yana said if he lived in Bandung he would never have had the opportunity to play music with someone as famous as Epiq. It is almost ironic that he has had that opportunity here in Australia. It is not the first time either. A few weeks ago they worked with Wahyu, another musician of note who had also been brought out by The Australia Indonesia Arts Alliance, a local Byron organisation.

I stayed home and listened to Yana on the FM Suara Indonesia program. Epiq was performing music live on air. What a professional. It took my breath away as it was so very beautiful.

Saturday 28th September

I may not work but I still like weekends. Strange isn't it? Perhaps it is the little routines of weekend papers and garage sales but I always wake early on Saturdays and am keen to get out and about. There were a good number of sales but after the first four I stayed in the car and read the paper. I had used all my energy and was exhausted. Yana came out out with all sorts of rubbish but he looked happy. For me that is the most important part.

The water at Byron has been quite rough over the last few days. We regularly park up overlooking the crashing grey waves near the Beach Hotel and take huge lungfuls of the freshest air. It has come in from across the Pacific and is quite uncontaminated. It smells superb! Be it lunchtime, late afternoon or evening, the waves have been wild.

Friday 27th September

I sometimes have the most frightful cramp in my fingers and it stops me from spending any great length of time on the computer. It means I start things but eventually have to stop as the discomfort is too great. Very irritating.

The fluid had built up quite significantly and a day of draining had been scheduled. I would have hoped that the fluid would be a thing of the past but it seems to be remarkably persistent. Fortunately the insertion proceeded quickly and professionally and Yana was able to drive me to the hospital. By five in the afternoon I was home and cooking macaroni cheese. I was so relieved to have avoided a night in hospital.

The draining did not provide the relief it was supposed to and the fluid started to build up almost immediately. This is something that has never happened before, but then again there are a whole host of things that are happening at present that shouldn't. I gather that I am simply supposed to grin and bear it. Just as well that I am tough.

Thursday 26th September

Yana was busy at his course this morning so I spent a bit of time writing. It was the first time for quite a while as I usually don't feel up to it by the time he starts working in the afternoon. Energy is something I have precious little of at present. I have to force myself to do everything and it is usually so much easier to open a book while lying on a couch, particularly when I am enjoying Paul Theroux's Malaysian short stories, rather than seat myself at a chair and open a computer. I am sure it is not laziness.

I have not been taking the nasty steriod tablets for a number of days now and yet my flabby, puffed up face has not gone down yet. Every day I scrutinize the mirror carefully for a return to normal but am still met by a rabbitlike face which I can barely acknowledge as belonging to me. I imagine that I will just have to be patient. Unfortunately next week I will be off to Brisbane for some more treatment and will need to take the wretched things again, although I will try to do so for as briefly as possible.

Bill Bryson, the American author, said that Australia was a dangerous place and yet another Japanese surfer has found to his detriment how true this is. The twenty four year old was struck on the head by a friend's board which then pierced his abdomen. He managed to make it back to the beach but then suffered a cardiac arrest as a result of his wounds. The family have flown from Japan to come and collect their son's body. Just imagine how terrible the friend must have felt. Flying boards are a constant danger and Sam also talks of regular near misses.

Wednesday 25th September

We stayed at home today as much as Yana was more than keen to do otherwise. Things are getting busy in the town and as the Queenslanders have holidays at present the atmosphere was very holidaylike. Byron is a place where you always see people out and about on the main streets. Many walk from one place to another and others ride pushbikes as it is nice and flat. I mustn't forget the odd skateboard or two. It is nice to see so much activity.

Cheap cars are also to be found everywhere in the district. People sell independently by parking the car beside a major road and pasting a price and phone number on one of the windows. Sometimes there can be four or five cars parked along one corner, and is almost like a little car yard. The authorities don't seem to worry about the practice as it seems to be flourishing.

The Byron Council has been talking about introducing parking meters into the town. You can imagine how well this suggestion has gone down. Huge protests did ensue. The latest news is that they will not have meters but could introduce coupons. Coupons I ask! Is this the same thing but just payment masquerading under another name. I certainly hope not.

While I am on the topic of the council, I was horrified to see the lovely palm trees along Jonson street were removed recently. The big signs at both ends stated that they were going to plant trees and so I naively thought that they were going to plant more palms in all the gaps. But no, the palms are gone and now small metre high trees have replaced them. Perhaps in the future they may be attractive although I doubt whether they are really going to be attractive as the palms they replaced. I was and still am quite unimpressed. The whole nature of the street has changed for me, as I like to live under the delusion that the tropics surround me.

Tuesday 24th September

I had a burning desire to check out the Organic market in Lismore and Yana was more than keen to get a few more whole hours of driving under his belt. In full sunshine, for the weather seems to do nothing but be perfect, we headed off through the hills up on to the ridge again. Bob Dylan was droning in the background and the car was behaving impeccably. We drove through picturesque Bangalow at nine and witnessed a town waking up. The postman was talking to a resident as he handed her the mail, a man was walking out of the bakery with some warm rolls, the health shop owner was putting produce out in the street and a painter was already at work on the trimming of a period house. The whole community was out and about.

The Organic market which we finally located at the town showgrounds, was very small but acted as an interesting diversion for a while. The stalls tended to offer only a handful of produce, but everything was of superb quality. Among other things I bought a lettuce that was just screaming out to be purchased. It had just been picked hours before and its leaves were in a perfect rosette formation.

We then returned to the Lismore city centre and wandered around for an hour or so. I did feel a bit more charitably disposed to the town as there are lots of alternative things going on. There would seem to be quite an active group of people who are working together towards fostering a better and more healthy environment. I have to give them credit for they are having a go. Perhaps I need a similar mission.

My writing course finishes this evening and I will make amends for my errant attendance by going one last time. My participation has been a little halfhearted but I won't let this phase me. It really hasn't offered what I was seeking. Not that I actually know what I want. This is no problem, as the information that I have gleaned may still be useful at another point in time. Unfortunately I didn't make the social contacts that the previous course offered and that was a shame as we were given little time to mix or talk.

Monday 23rd September

Yana and I, armed with a road map, went exploring the side roads on the escarpment overlooking Byron Bay. Another magnificent day it was and we were astounded at the superb scenery. We did a big loop around a district called Coorabell where I could quite happily live. The blue of the ocean, together with the surf was visible ever so clearly from so many properties. The rest of New South Wales may well be experiencing drought but everything was bright and green around us. I realised too while passing through one of the many rain forest sections that I don't know the names of any of the trees here. There is little eucalyptus at all. I may have to devote some of my time in the future to rectifying my ignorance.

Yesterday there were all sorts of things going on in the district that we could have visited, had we wanted to. Mullumbimby had a big street festival, with an attempt to break the record for a big hug being just one aspect of the whole day. Nimbin had its two day agricultural show and I would quite have enjoyed visiting that as I do miss watching equestrian events. It is amazing how active most communities are around here. It is heartening to see.

Yana is doing well with his driving although I will say that he is somewhat reluctant to use the brakes. He says that they are expensive, which they may well be in Indonesia. I do recall being quite horrified to find myself up in the hills of Bandung, one day last year, on the back of his bike once and being told that there were no brakes. He was not concerned. He simply used his gears but I will say that I still find that I get palpitations rollicking down narrow lanes at a full speed.

I was very concerned to hear from a friend in Bandung that her driver had suffered a stroke. I couldn't stop thinking about it as he had been such a gentle soul. Apparently he can no longer talk or walk. The implications of such a tragedy are immense. Not only has a major income been lost, but there is no access to public assistance or facilities. So many Indonesian families have to function under the most appalling of circumstances. Australians are lucky. Despite its shortcomings, my life is really quite stressless and fully supported.

Sunday 22nd September

Quite a hot day, and perhaps a sign of things to come. I was able to wander about with bare feet on the slate tiles. I did enjoy that immensely. I loved not having to wear socks in Indonesia, and look forward to be able to do the same here all the time soon. A small thing really, but surprisingly important to me.

The boys played music at the Broken Head Hall as is their habit on Sunday mornings. I enjoyed the music but was a little restless. The day dragged somewhat. I am not always keen on routine and probably need to have a bit more unpredictability around me. As if my life is certain! You can't help but laugh. What do I expect?

Later in the afternoon I went in pursuit of the Weekend Australian and discovered to my horror that I should really have bought it yesterday. How remiss of me. Will I be able to cope without it? It would seem that whether I like it or not I have little choice. I was actually quite cross with myself. I bought a Sunday paper thinking that it would compensate but there is no comparison. There is actually news in it, whatsoever. What a waste of paper. How can so many pages of newsprint contain so littl? How can so much non newsy rubbish be summoned together in the one location. A frightening achievement.

Saturday 21st September

We were among the garage sale enthusiasts again this morning. We are by no means unique and it never fails to amaze me how popular this pursuit is. Yana was unable to discipline his buying tendencies and managed to come back with a considerable amount of stuff. He just loves buying. Heaven knows what we will do with it all, particularly as we will probably have to move at the beginning of November. Our rent goes up quite considerably and we feel that we should move on principle. We have a few weeks free before we earnestly start searching for a new home. I don't mind the thought of a move. A change actually quite appeals to me.

Some weeks ago I had enrolled in a vegan/vegetarian course. The day arrived and I really wasn't sure whether I was up to a full six hour session. In fact after the garage sale tour I really had expended my daily energy quota. I was fearful but thought I would have to give it a try. If I couldn't cope than I would simply have to leave. Bit by bit, I did cope and actually became quite inspired. We were all asked to help clean, cut and chop, which was hard on me but I tried to choose easier jobs. I hope nobody thought that I was shirking. We cooked a huge number of dishes, ranging from Itlian to middle-eastern and Indian.It was absolutely delectable. We were able to take quite a bit home with us in a container. Needless to say Tess and Yana seemed to find it very tasty.

I was filled with good intentions for reforming my eating and cooking habits. If I took my time planned carefully and shopped for good food then I could actually provide something nutritious for my family. We all eat quite badly really. Yana, like so many Indonesians, loves his two minute noodles and Tess tends to graze rather than cook. We all tend to look after ourselves. I hope that I can gather sufficient energy and enthusiasm to make a bit of a change now that I armed with some new cooking skills. We will ahve to see what happens.

Friday 20th September

A young man who worked at the local Beach Hotel, where Tessie works, met with a tragic end while on holiday in New Zealand, just recently. He was sitting on the railing of his balcony room and must have overbalanced. Such a senseless end to a thirty-two year old life. Tessie, being new, didn't know him,, but apparently he had worked on and off at the hotel since its opening ten years ago. A public farewell was scheduled at the surf club for today and his ashes will be scattered out in the bay. So very sad.

Byron has two characters who are obviously homeless and are nearly always to be seen wandering around the streets. One has very matted hair, wanders around with bare feet and looks a little as though he has stagered out of a folktale, while the second is perhaps more ordinary. A little grubby, thick red hair and has a full beard. A third common figure in town is a thickset, bespectacled fellow in a wheel chair who is almost always to be found in Jonson street. It would seem that he has a bit more of a purposeful existence and that he co-ordinates for Byron Bay taxis. A local jeweller and his customers had helped raise money to buy the man a much needed new wheelchair. What a lovely gesture. It is nice to think that there is such a helpful spirit in this community.

Thursday 19th September

Occasionally I quite relish being alone in the evenings and then I can watch the television that I like. Yana is such a video addict and Tess likes her commercial television programs. When I can choose I love to soak myself in documentaries and current events. Last night was a bit of a treat and I felt that I had came close to replenishing my coffers. There was a veritable feast on ABC television. I will have to admit that television in Indonesia was never quite as good.

I heard about two Americans who had been killed in West Papua and presumed that they were missionaries. I was quite wrong. They were teachers at the Freeport International school and had been caught unawares on their way home from a barbecue. So it would seem that teaching in farflung places can be very dangerous. I had been similarly concerned about the family of a friend of Tess who had taken on a position teaching in Kuwait. With all George W. Bush's aggressive posturing, Kuwait could be a tad too close to Iraq for anybody's liking.

Victa lownmowers celebrated their fifty birthday the other day. I didn't think that this was anything to get excited about but apparently I have misunderstood the enthusiasm of many other fellow Australians. It would seem that some people are well and truly attached to their mowers. A whole bunch of people got together, with their mowers of course, and made a big day of it. These Victas were in pristine condition, some were vintage models, others were fuly restored and all in impeccable condition. Perhaps they are too good to cut grass, I am not sure. One man even shyly admitted to keeping his lawn mower in the living room. Well that was a new one for me.

Wednesday 18th September

Although Yana generally drives all the time, just going up to the street to work is not really far enough. He is usually more than keen to go a little further. Today was no exception. He was a bit like toad from Toad Hall and was really ready to get out there and hit the road. So off we went to Brunswick Heads. The trouble is that there wasn't a lot to Brunswick Heads, although the beach was quite pleasant and the river not so bad either. What else could we do but tackle neighbouring but ghastly Ocean Shores. At least it had a lot of streets. That is all it is, purely residential and one shopping centre. What a nonevent. No character, no atmosphere just all new housing and gardens. What do all those people do? Where do they work? There is no work there. Attractive true but totally lacking in spirit.

The rest of the day was not easy as Yana was confronted with a number of issues that upset him greatly. One after the other they rolled in. The timing was appalling. I suppose in hindsight it has all gone very easily for him and he would inevitably have to encounter problems of some sort. Life is like that. Perhaps it is easier if it is hard first and then things improve. You can't always choose though. We talked and talked but it was painful, he felt that he had been personally wounded. He said that life in Indonesia was easier in many respects. I could see that. In Australia one has accountability, responsibility and professionalism. In Indonesia many people are often totally ineffecive and no body says a word. It is a totally different culture. If one wants to live in the west one has to accept the stress and pressures that are part of life here. It just isn't easy. Reality bites.

By late evening Yana had managed to address a number of his problems. He handled them systematically, one by one and was starting to look happier. It will take a few days before everything is resolved but at least a very constructive start has been made. He has done a good job. I was impressed.

Tuesday 17th September

Birthdays. Both Yana and Tessa were celebrating their birthdays today. We had planned to go off for a bit of a drive altogether but Yana was called in to open the noodle bar at the last minute. Birthdays are not such a big thing for Indonesians and he didn't seem to mind. Tess, on the other hand was more than happy to have the day off.

Instead I accompanied Tess to Ballina. It is a very ordinary place and gets no better on each successive visit. Fortunately we didn't have to visit the ghastly Road Traffic Authority and that did make my day. Not my favourite place although ultimately we will have to return there one day for Yana to do his driving test. We visited some tastless shopping centres and I was again struck by the ugliness of gross consumerism. We had lunch at the little restaurant in the Kmart where Tess had worked briefly and I was so pleased for her that she doesn't have to work there any longer. The Beach Hotel has much more style and atmosphere. Life is too short to be spent in drab surroundings.

In the evening we went out for a meal at Sam's hotel in Suffolk Park. She had despaired of us arriving and so the look on her face when we did finally walk in was very precious. We had a lovely meal and then Sam brought in some desert with sparklers shimmering. A lovely touch. The ultimate birthday treat. After that Tess was busy with phonecalls and friends so Yana played all his Moritz songs on his electric guitar. I sang along in my usual terrible voice but enjoyed myself. Music is so special.

Monday 16th September

A hard day. I had expected the depression to pass when I returned to Byron but it was still very much with me. It really takes a lot of effort to get through the hours. I try to be cheerful but it is very difficult. I have to force myself every centimetre of the way. This is not the way it should be. These should be precious days. It is just so hard to come to terms with the fact that this is my life, and it is not the way I would have liked it to be. I am going to have to be a lot firmer with myself.

I feel a little ashamed feeling this way when things are a lot better than they could have been. I read in a newspaper an article which brought this clear to me. It was called "How much is it all worth?" Many years ago a Daniel Webster asked the following questions. How much is it worth to live where you one wishes? To work at what one wishes? To worship as one wishes? To live with loved ones? To be unafraid of approaching footsteps? To walk home and find the welcome of loved faces unafraid? I am lucky. There are millions of people on this earth who do do have what I have or have had.

I realise that the chemotherapy and the anti-nausea drugs are probably causing my gloomy thoughts and will just discipline myself to see through the next few courses. Perhaps in the next few months I can look forward to a pleasant respite. I am sure that I am strong enough to hold out just a bit longer. I am getting through the days.

Sunday 15th September

We had originally planned to make it a big day in celebration of up and coming birthdays but all sorts of things conspired to get in the way. Yana had an interview at the Beach Hotel and even the usual Sunday morning music making had been postponed because the 'Taste of Byron' was in full fling and the twins had been asked to open the noodle bar in the morning. I had been a little worried about preparing a big get together because I can never predict how I will feel so I suppose I was a bit relieved.

Byron had been celebrating good food all week but as I had been in Brisbane I had missed out on it. In the afternoon Yana and I decided that we would check out the street festival as it was apparently the culmination of the week's events. People were everywhere and it was extremely difficult to find a parking spot. We had no option but to drive some distance and then walk back but this was no hardship. Fletcher street had been closed to traffic and tents lined both sides of the street. In the centre of the road large round tables and chairs had been arranged. The street was very crowded and most people seemed to have food in front of them. We wandered from tent to tent checking what was available but I found little to inspire me. My culinary appetites at present don't really extend past macaroni cheese which I am more than happy to eat each day but Yana bought a middleastern stuffed capsicum which actually tasted an awful lot better than it looked. I would imagine that the day was a success but I was still surprised at the limited variety of food, it tended to be generally Asian whereas I would also have expected some more examples of European cuisine.

Yana was on the radio waves in the late afternoon so I enjoyed the twilight listening to the calm tones of gamelan. Very soothing. The community radio project certainly is an impressive project. I suppose that there would be no radio in Byron without it. It seems to build up a spirit of belonging which is desperately needed in a community that is being stretched by too many visitors. It is almost being destroyed by its own charms. Sad.

Saturday 14th September

We were up and early and it was such a magnificent day. Yana mentioned a desire to go to Lismore and I thought that I was up to it. He had never been there and wanted to check it out. Tomorrow I might not be so energetic so we decided to seize the moment. It took us about an hour to get there and going through the hills was very pleasant. We played Indonesian dangdut music on the cassette and Yana drove ever so competently.

Lismore is a very ordinary sort of place and we didn't find much to interest us. We had a tasty breakfast in a cafe and then decided to pay Pete and Jude a visit in the Channon. We didn't have a good map so we did reach our destination ultimately but via a very roundabout route. After a pleasant cup of tea on the verandah surveying a beautiful valley we headed back to Byron. Again we managed to miss the appropriate turnoffs and so a journey that should have taken less than an hour took twice as long. No matter. It gave Yana invaluable driving practice and we got to see some lovely country roads and scenery.

Yana arrived back in Byron just in time to go to work. There were five minutes to spare. We had cut it very close but greatly enjoyed the trip. Yana felt that after three or so hours behind the wheel that he was much more confident and competent as a driver. I could but only agree. It was a day that I will treasure for some time. Let's hope that many such days follow.

Friday 13th September

The new day finally emerged to my great relief even though it bore an auspicious date. I just don't like the idea of Friday 13th but tried not to think about it too much. I started a new book, some short stories from American writer Annie Proulx. If yesterday's book had been miserable this collection of short stories was positively morose. What is it about good literature that it has to be so heavy, so dismal and so gloomy? I kept reading because there was nothing else to do but life isn't as grim as all that, even for me.

At midday I was allowed to escape from hospital. Thank goodness. Something wasn't right with my abdomen but I didn't say a word. Just imagine if they wanted to keep me in longer. There was no way that I was going to go through that. I needed to get out and return to familiar territory and as quickly as possible. I would worry about anything problematic at a later point.

On my arrival in Byron I was enthusiastically met at the bus halt by Sam. Tess was working as was Yana. Words can barely describe the relief I felt. I had passed some very lonely days and just wanted to be with my family. It was so good to have the trip behind me. The good blood test result somewhat masking the fact that the chemotherapy and cancer are both doing considerable damage to my body. Things are not looking really good even though I am buying some time.

Thursday 12th September

I had a very lonely time in Brisbane. It started the day before when I had to rush for the train on the Gold Coast and had to leave Tessie without saying goodbye. I had an unpleasant emotional feeling in my stomach that just wouldn't go away. I just didn't want to leave my home or family. The solitude from then on didn't help matters either. I don't always want to be with my thoughts and musings. Sometimes they are decidedly morbid. I can't help but ponder my life, what has happened to me and all those dreams that will never be realised.

The chemotherapy rooms were strangely quiet and so I didn't have anyone to while the time away with. I read a huge number of rubbishy magazines that helped fritter the time away. What a lot of nonsense is contained in most magazines. Apparently Australians read a huge number and are up there with the world's highest consumers. I don't think that I am impressed. I find magazine articles contain so little information and have learnt from my writing course that this deliberately done. Each article should only contain one idea. I doubt whether I will be writing magazine articles on principle.

The only person in my hospital ward was a very old woman who was obviously suffering from dementia as well as being close to the end of her life with cancer. She was rude, shouted a lot and was most more or less oblivious to me. Not very pleasant company. I finished the Richard Flanagan book but found it was not very uplifting. Somewhat depressing to be honest. Not what I needed.

Wednesday 11th September

The illfated anniversary dawns. I can recall being dumbfounded last year when I realised that people with good health and plans for the future were suddenly cut down while I, who have awaited my end since the new millenium, am still around. Now we are a year further on and I am still here. I would hardly have expected it. I may not be in great shape, but I am still around. In a new place, with a new lifestyle and surrounded by people who I love. Amazing.

Tessie has the day off and wants to use her time well so she will take me to the Goldcoast. I'll catch the train from Robina to Brisbane and should be able to make my doctor's appointment in good time. We'll try out the new highway which should cut the Byron-Tweed Heads link down to less than an hour. It will make a change from the bus and I welcome the opportunity. I don't like to be so predictable and do the same thing all the time.

I met a woman with hair extensions the other day and was taken aback that someone could deliberately, of their own free choice, want to add a thick, heavy load to their hair. I was staggered. The extension didn't even look like hair, it resembled wool and would be so incredibly hot later in summer. I am wearing a wig because I have little choice, but to choose to carry around an extra weight when you don't have to. Well, all I can say is, the world is full of funny people.

Tuesday 10th September

I was feeling quite lively. I would have preferred two weeks of this but I'll settle for a day. Yana and I headed off to Mullumbimby as it was such a beautiful day. We wanted to explore the shops and streets that we had only driven past last Sunday. It certainly proved to be an interesting place. There were lots of secondhand shops, health food places, cafes and book shops. We took our time and worked on building up a good appetite. We then treated ourselves to a nice lunch. It had been some time since we had eaten out. It isn't always easy to agree on a location because Yana isn't into salads or breads. We did find something mutually agreeable and decided that it had been a pleasant outing.

On our way through Byron we paused at Main Beach and watched the people. Quite a number of people were in the water. I am also looking forward to swimming but I suspect that it is not really anywhere near warm enough yet. Sam said that the water is very cold for the next few months and then warms up again. She has found the surf very disappointing of late. Apparently this is also to be expected. As the weather improves the surf decreases. Typical isn't it!

My writing class is on again this evening and I will endeavour to turn up. Heaven knows why. Perhaps I am scared that I will miss something. I will be turning up without my homework again which is most out of character for me but I have no desire to make up a short story with a specific last sentence ending. I do have more important writing tasks awaiting my attention.

Monday 9th September

I reread an old Weekend Australian article about a group of American Christians who were intent on converting Muslims to Christianity. They openly admitted living for years in Muslim countries, pretending to teach English or working under other guises. Their zealousness was frightening. Sincerity seemed lacking. The story disturbed me considerably.

A draining session had been organised for one o'clock. The wretched fluid seems to be remarkably persistent and I am now trying not to give it much thought. For a while it had been assuming massive proportions in my mind. It is something that is being handled so I suppose I shouldn't stress. If I'm lucky then it will eventually go, if not, well it is something that I will just have to live with. I need to be a bit tougher.

I spent the afternoon at the hospital reading Richard Flanagan's 'Death of a Riverboat Guide'. An unusual story but relevant for me as it is set in Tasmania. I realised that there is still a very strong bond with my island although I feel that I couldn't live there at present. Most of my life was spent there. I knew Richard's sister very well a number of years ago and feel that I know a lot about the family. It was interesting to read the work of someone that is a real person to me even though I have never met him.

I held my ground and asked if I could be discharged in the late afternoon. I had no desire to spend the night in the hospital. The staff agreed and I was able to leave just as Yana finished work. We went home together. I just like spending time with my family. We might not do always do or say much but I value their company. We tucked into some very tasty fish and chips. It was very pleasant.

Sunday 8th September

We had left the radio on all night and so whenever I woke up, which was quite regularly, I caught up with the latest news. I heard of forest fires around Moscow, the resulting smoke that was hanging over southern Sweden, the attempt on the life of the Afghan leader and further unrest in the Middle. There is so much happening in the world and yet it is so easy to be oblivious to it all as the local news coverage here tends to be so parochial. I must make more effort to keep up with things.

The boys made music at the Broken Head Hall again and we were actually on time. Good use was made of the full morning. The hall is located on the side of the road and is surrounded by thick, wet Eucalyptus forest. It is accessible but isolated. I sat near an open door so I could enjoy both the music and the bush atmosphere. I met some new women, partners of some of the Indonesians and was greatly impressed with their energy, interests and enthusiasm. Some amazing women. I felt enriched by the contact.

In the late afternoon Yana drove the twenty or so kilometres to Mullumbimby. It was a nervewracking drive as we had to contend with elaborate roundabouts, flyovers and so forth. We survived and drove through the quiet but pretty streets of a town that I had never visited before. With some difficulty we found Sofian and Chris' house in a very pretty area on the outskirts. Sofian is involved with Reiki Tummo and has been very keen to help me. Unfortunately, and unbeknown to us, his mother had just died from a tumour the previous night. We obviously hadn't timed our visit well. It wouldn't be easy to think of others when one is experiencing a personal loss. Nonetheless we spent a pleasant time there. Somewhere on the drive home amid the big traffic that was racing past us at full speed we lost yet another stupid cardboard L plate.

Saturday 7th September

We were up and about very early. Admittedly it was more by accident than intention as I had misread my watch but it was so fresh and beautiful out that we relished the experience. There was supposedly a garage sale out in the Sunrise area of Byron and I felt that it would be nice to explore this area as I wasn't really familiar with it. The garage sale seemed to be a nonstarter but we passed the Sunrise beach with its water looking a brilliant pale blue. The sea air was strong and fragrant. What a superb start to the day.

Out of the blue while we were returning, Yana commented that there was a police car behind us. It was eight on a Saturday morning! The siren sounded. Yana pulled over. Two or was it three policemen came over to the car, I didn't want to watch, so I wasn't sure. This was obviously a serious occasion. They couldn't see the L sign on the back of the car although they must have realised that he was a learner. They told us to attach the signs in a better manner and after inspecting his license, drove off. Yana was somewhat ruffled, as was I. The problem is that those foolish cardboard L signs are well nigh impossible to attach firmly. One is not allowed to use the windows here whereas in Tasmania we used to have those plastic sticky signs that you could place on windows. Much better.

We returned through the still sleeping streets of a very quiet Byron. It was rather a nice atmosphere, a little different. The streets are usually so full of traffic and it is sometimes impossible to park a car. Suddenly, whether it was the excitement of the police incident or whether it was going to happen anyway, I'm not sure, I started to feel violently ill and we had to pull up at the side of the road. I very inelegantly decorated the gutter. We then headed off home and I resumed taken the strong medication again. I took it very easy for most of the rest of the day. We had heavy bursts of rain every now and then in the afternoon, and even a hail storm at one stage. It made the air so fresh and clean. Quite tropical. I was more than happy just to lie there and watch it all.

Friday 6th September

I had weaned myself completely off my medication and could tell. I was totally devoid of energy. Will I only ever feel energetic if I have imbibed artificial substances? I hope not. I will hang in there for a day or so and hope that my body will gradually start to look after itself. I took the morning very quietly and decided to be kind to myself. If I want to read a book for hours then it is OK.

After lunch I felt that I could perhaps cope with another scenic tour of the streets of Byron and Suffolk Park. Yana is getting more confident but does need a lot of practice. He has a logbook and the RTA insist that he complete at least fifty if not a hundred hours of on road experience. We have done two hours and so still have a lot to go. Perhaps we will have to start exploring the surrounding countryside and towns. We could make it into a new experience. Byron itself is so small and one can do the whole town in less than half an hour.

There are so many towns nearby with cute names like Mullumbimby, Myocum and Bilinudgel that are waiting to be visited. I do like so many of the Australian place names. While I am on the topic I will say that I take particular offence at the name Ocean Shores. What a silly name for a town. No imagination whatsoever. What a none name if there ever was one.

Thursday 5th September

Yana started his broadcasting course this morning. Eventually he will be able help run the Byron Bay Community FM radio Indonesian programme. He is looking forward to the opportunity and I quite welcomed the chance to get stuck into some writing. I managed to do quite a few hours and was feeling quite pleased with myself. It was about time that I was a little more productive. I have been quite slothlike of late.

I took Yana for a driving lesson through the streets of Byron and down to Watego's Beach. It was windy but the water was a beautiful pale blue colour. People were swimming and sunbathing. It could well have been the heights of summer and it was pleasant to be out and about. It certainly beats living in a big city.

Wednesday 4th September

Yana woke up quite determined to have another go at his knowledge test. I could understand his feelings but I didn't know whether I was quite up to another trip to Ballina. Surely he could wait a few days and really concentrate on studying his rules in the interim. He was not convinced and begged me to reconsider. I found him, minutes later on the internet, madly going back through all the theory. I settled down to a leisurely breakfast and a bit of a read of my book.

Just before midday we headed off to Ballina again. It was a magnificent day and there was a bit of summer haze about. I didn't even go into that little RTA office this time. I stayed in the car and wrote a letter to an old friend in Germany. I had been meaning to write to her for weeks. After some time I went looking for Yana. I was met with a big grin. Third time lucky. He was immensely relieved as he had started to wonder if he was completely hopeless. I was pleased for him too. I hadn't relished the thought of more visits to that irritating office, well not for a while anyhow.

So now I will be a driving instructor for a while. I hope that I am up to it. Fortunately I don't think that it will be too hard. Yana is quite capable but a little nervous at present. Understandable I suppose, he hasn't had a lot of experience behind the wheel of a car. Australia is certainly offering him a whole new lifestyle and series of experiences. It is becoming the making of him.

I found myself alone mid afternoon and decided that it was well and truly time that I had a good look at the beach. It had been weeks since I had last made the effort. I wasn't feeling very strong as I simply don't walk half as much as I used to so I just sat on the dunes and took in the fresh air. It was magnificent. Perhaps I can come back in a few days and splash about in the shallows again. The sea can be so rejuvenating.

Tuesday 3rd September

I woke up feeling less perky than I had over the previous few days and realised that a lot of my recovery was perhaps due to some very strong medication and hence was somewhat superficial. The anti-nausea tablets contain steriods and no doubt these were making me feel very good. Not really a realistic solution for the long term though. We were cutting the dosage down and the impact was quite immediate. I was feeling decidedly lethargic and unwell again. Very frustrating.

Yana was very keen to go to Ballina and have another try at the knowledge part of the learner's driver's test. It wasn't an unreasonable request and I felt I could cope with the drive. It is an easy trip. Stoically we headed off for the umpteenth time to that little Road Traffic Authority Office near the tacky big prawn statue on the outskirts of the town. It was only a half hour's drive away and the road was good. Besides, it was important that Yana learn to drive as soon as he can. It would make him much more independent.

Success was not to be his. Disappointment again. He came out quite dejected and quite angry with himself. I wondered whether there were language problems and whether we should pursue the possibility of some help in this area. He insisted that the language was not the problem. I left it up to him. Meanwhile on our way back we paused for some shopping at some large supermarket chains. My constitution was not functioning well and after fifteen minutes or so the fumes and smells completely overwhelmed me. I had to leave the premises before I completely disgraced myself. This is starting to happen much to often for my liking. I seem to be far too sensitive.

I made an effort to go to my writer's class even though I really didn't feel like going. I didn't want to miss another class and was simply going to make an apology about the lack of homework. It was hardly a university course. However, no matter how hard I tried I didn't enjoy myself and basically wished the time to pass. I became a real clock watcher. The teacher was quite authoritarian and so just talked nonstop. Hand out after handout came our way and every now and then we were asked to do some writing that I had no desire to do. It was all very uninspiring. Perhaps I am just not up to it. I will consider my options later in the week.

Monday 2nd September

Yana and I had a lot of matters to organise and so we were quite busy running from one place to another. We had to send some money to Indonesia as there were quite a lot of bills that required paying. This was not as easy as it sounded as the banks in Indonesia tend to take out what they want and you can't guarantee that the the exact amount of money that you want to send will actually arrive. We discussed all the possible options of which there were precious few and ultimately had no alternative but to use a bank transfer again. Last time we had lost over half the money. One can hardly send double each time just to compensate for the greedy banks but what else can we do. We just hoped that it would work out this time.

After having paid the rent, visited the doctor, picked up Tess from work and collected Sam's car from the garage I was quite exhausted. I can hardly complain of boredom. One day soon I hope to settle down and do some writing again. It has been weeks.

Sunday 1st September

The first day of spring and wow you could tell. It was positively warm. I shed my socks and looked for a t-shirt. I was going to enjoy this. The change was amazing. In Tasmania weather takes forever to move from one season to the next. Here it looked as though we were suddenly in the middle of summer. What a place.

The Broken Head Hall had been hired again and so we loaded up all the instruments and amplifiers in preparation for a morning of music. Yana was keen to work with his new electric guitar and was full of enthusiasm. Hendra and Hendar seemed to be out of sorts and this was unfortunate. The music did not really get off the ground no matter how hard Yana tried and he certainly did his best there. There were things going on that were beyond his control. Fortunately right at the very end, for half an hour or so, the Indonesian twins relaxed a little and the music started to roll the way I knew it could. All was not in vain.

It was Hendra's wife's birthday and although she and Hendra had managed to have a huge, and still unresolved argument on the way home from collecting him at the airport I felt that I must visit her to make the most of the day. Afterall my birthday this year had been a disaster and I wouldn't have wished that experience on anyone. Nonetheless it was hard going and I found the afternoon taxing. Some people do seem to make life unnecessarily complicated for themselves. I could only shake my head in disbelief.

Yana wanted to watch more movies so we went to the video shop again. We do seem to be very hedonistic of late, our life is motivated by the pursuit of pleasure. I suppose that is the way things are here in Australia. It is a fortunate country and people can afford to think of just themselves. I don't know whether I fully approve.

marionecp@hotmail.com