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| In an ideal world, each of us would be self-actualized — we would know the real us, we would not project onto others, we would be able to accept others as they are, we would find our perfect mate and live happily ever after. If you're still living in the real world, and if you have concerns about your relationship, you might look at what exactly is bothering you, what your expectations were, etc. This is one of the areas where counseling can be especially helpful. |
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| ABUSE
ANXIETY CHILDREN COUNSELING DEPRESSION DREAMS FAMILY HYPNOSIS INDIVIDUAL PARTNERS SENIORS TALK THERAPY TESTING TRANSITION WAR |
| © Margaret L. Cunningham, PhD 2002 |
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| Dr.Maggie |
| It's natural to seek companionship. We want to give love and we want to receive love. |
| The unknown parts (positive & negative) we project onto others. It doesn't matter if the other person is the same or opposite sex. We still project onto them. |
| All of us go through life — to a greater or lesser extent — unconscious. We know parts of ourselves — usually the "honorable, loveable parts". |
| At the beginning of a relationship, much of what attracts us is what we've projected onto the other person. It's similar to looking into a mirror— we see our unconscious reflected back to us. |
| As the relationship progresses, two things happen: |
| We begin to see more of the real person beneath the projection (with a feeling of not knowing the other person at all). |
| We try to change that person to conform to our expectations and to improve on this imperfect reflection. |
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| During this time, your partner has also been projecting onto you and is also feeling that they don’t really know you and may be trying to change you. This can take days, weeks, or years. |
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