The pages of this website are created with the purpose of giving you a road map out of your own abyss by sharing topics that were strategic milestones in my life. It is not meant to be a substitute for your religious leader, or professional counselors, but a fellow-companion shining light on your journey to wholeness. By providing links to other sites OHMI, does not guarantee or imply an affiliation or association with the linked site, unless indicated. For this reason we emphasize that you study to show yourself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not be ashamed, but rightfully dividing the word of truth. (paraphrase of II Timothy 2:15)
God set me free from, the post-trauma created by rape, abortion, sexual, physical, emotional, and religious abuse. The first step for me was refusing to remain a victim, a self-imposed prisoner; bound by the chains of the actions of others and wallowing in
self-pity. My cycle of abuse endured from the age of 4 years to 30 years of age. During that time, God held the broken pieces of me together as the cycle of abuse others imposed on me seemed would destroy me. But in the midst of Euryclodon (the whirlwind) God said, not so!
My first encounter with God came at the age of 9, and it was in the family restroom, and in a dream that same night. I now know that God planted a seed that day in me, a seed of assurance that he would see me through. It was not until I reached 30 that the revelation of that night began to unfold in me. Between the years of 18 and 30, I wavered in and out (backslid) from my Lord many times.
One morning I arose no longer able to bear the darkness, and the war within my soul. Finally, the prisoner within prayed and reached out. I had become a self-imposed prisoner in a cell without a lock. You see, God had given me permission to go free, and told me that he had made a way of escape. But, I preferred my-self imposed cell over freedom, it was familiar, it was safe (so I thought). I isolated my emotions, by compartmentalizing my pain! Yet, longing and hoping to be free, (all the time I was free, but I had failed to apply and recieve what God had already done). So, I continued to long for and sense for the light of day; to have life restored to a cold and dying heart. It took the life giving rays which only the SON, the Groom could give to purge the toxins from within and without. Like the eagle lays out on a high place with its' wings spread wide before the sun, when it has digested poison. I laid out before the SON, and purposed that enough was enough, I deserved better! This turning point began at age 24, and it was a process in the making. I wanted to love and be loved in the meantime, but a toxic person only attracts toxic people. By the time I was 28, the earth seemed to fall out from under my feet, and I was free-falling. I knew that God was real, how else could I explain my still being alive! When 30 came, God stopped my rebellion and disobedience cold, and for 3 days and nights, I was in the belly of the great fish, of my own making, and the only way out was to say I will do it your way. I will be single-hearted. I will serve you with gladness! Just get me out of here! Then he became my hiding place, slowly he began to massage the wounds of my heart and tell me that he would use the pain for his GLORY!
I had buried my feelings in quicksand trenches, and laid cement boulders over them. I learned not to feel, not to cry, not to ask for help or appear unhappy. Yet, I always remembered a 7 year old, who was so full of life, and joy. Where and why had that child gone away? It was a long process, because at times I still resisted, but like the gentlemen He is, he would not take me too fast; but step by step He would tell me that it was time to deal with the varying issues. My best analogy is a "Pez" candy dispenser. As soon as I would deal with one, another would pop up. But I did not have to take it right away, but wait for His cue. This lasted for about a year, and then God began to chasten me, and admonish me that it was time to grow up some more, and the things he allowed me to do in the past, was over. I had to take accountability for my choices in life. As I took ownership, yes I know, what choices; the choices to be with toxic people, and around toxic situations once I became an adult were my own. I was no longer being forced to do as others wanted me to without the ability to stop them. So, the choices that were made for me were influencing the choices I made for myself! It was time to let His will become my will, I will go where and when you want me to, because he knew better than I, if it was for my detriment or for my good! So, I surrendered to God's direction, and in that decision came my peace in the midst of the storms that were still raging around me. I knew He would bring me through, if I would listen and obey Him!
Do you know someone, or are you a self-imposed prisoner longing to be free? ( A good place to start is the prayer page, because it preps the ground of your heart, just like tilling soil before you plant a seed)
Your strength, lies in the TRUTH, the Word of God. The Bible said, ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free. In order to live and be healed I had to forgive all who had hurt me. I forgave them and left behind the unfond memories of the past, and the fear of the future. What Satan meant for evil in my life, God has wrought as a miracle for his good, Amen! Philippians 1:6, says he who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion. May God be praised!
Out of a perfect mess of living lies, tangled webs, and ungodly relationships -- the Spirit of the Lord raised up a standard against the adversary, and told him ENOUGH.
With this word in Jeremiah 18:4, it was marred...so he made IT again another vessel. And that his Banner of Love was flying over me.
God began a perfect work in me, and the ties that bound me were broken and burned to ashes, and he surrounded and filled me with HIS COVENANT that gave me power to love him with my whole heart, soul, mind and body. Who is it? None other than Jesus Christ the hope of Glory. May the truth found within be all of His and none of mine, so that yokes will be broken, and the captives set free to praise the lover of my soul! Amen!
Because He lives in me as El Shaddai, I can face the future! My qualifications for this part of God's harvest are many and varied, but only one counts and that is that I went in search of whom my soul loveth and found him! I spent years living a life of self, and dwelling in relationships of others who were living the self-life. I reaped a harvest of pain. BUT GOD, has given me the victory through an overcoming testimony and surety of my place in heaven. Come along and learn to trust the lover of your soul. |
