Republican Candidate Texas Govenor George W. Bush could not be reached for comment because "the lights are on, but nobody's home".

Waves of shock and dismay swept through the overpaid and underworked Corporate Media Elite (R-Two Bit McCarthy Wannabes) today when it was revealed that CNN’s "Crossfire" program had accidentally aired a show on October 20th whose content did not conform to G.O.P. spin! "I don’t know how this could have possibly happened," said Crossfire Host Robert Novak (R-I Was Only Following Orders). "Normally, we're able to censor the show’s content prior to air time, either by hiring the right guests or by picking a topic that cannot possibly be used against Govenor Bush. I think last August’s 'W is for Gravitas' series was a particularly good effort. And honestly we’ve done our part in the G.O.P.’s 'Who Wants To Keep Their Day Job' sweepstakes, mindlessly repeating the unbelievable nonsense about 'Al Gore is a big, fat liar'. Is it my fault the man is so clean he squeaks? But it really, really, really was not my fault that awful, awful Larry Flynt person (I-Bottomfeeder) just absolutely surprised me right out of the blue with a scandalous accusation about Govenor Bush being involved in an illegal abortion that Flynt had been rumored to be about to make for at least the past six months. Fortunately my Corporate Masters at CNN had the courage to cover up this story by deleting the offending passage from the official transcript."

"Vice" President "Al" Gore wasted the morning at a Washington State rally for tree-hugging, pansy-assed loosers who need to watch way more TV news, just not CNN.

The whole ugly incident might have ended happily ever after at that point, if it were not for tiny handful of killjoy "People, Not The Powerful" who actually watch CNN and pay attention to political news coverage. Soon the nefarious "Internet" created by evil genius "Vice" President "Al" Gore (D-"I Will Protect And Defend A Woman’s Right To Choose. The Last Thing This Country Needs Is A Supreme Court That Overturns Roe V. Wade.") was put to its horrifying purpose as a handful of "Real People" who need a "Real Life" set the fiber optic cables buzzing with the news that CNN had "violated the basic tenets of journalism", like anybody important cares. These measly little peons even had the nerve to "post" the missing portion of the transcript, apparently not aware that "outing" Governor Bush just is not done by the best people (see below in blue for all the juicy details!):

Republican Vice Presidential Candidate Satan, a long time intimate of Bush who knows where all the bodies are buried. All the bodies.

NOVAK: Mr. Flynt, never let it be said that we censor any of our guests here on CROSSFIRE, and you said you wanted to talk about the election. Tell me what you wanted to say.

FLYNT: Well, during the impeachment debacle, we did an investigation which resulted in the resignation of Bob Livingston and others and we have continued this investigation and for eight months we've been looking into George W. Bush's background. And we've found out in the early 1970s he was involved in an abortion in Texas, and I just think that it's sad that the mainstream media, who's aware of this story, won't ask him that question when they were able to ask him the drug question without any proof at all, and we've got all kinds of proof on this issue.

NOVAK: Well, you're...

FLYNT: You know, the guy admitted he was a drunk for 20 years, and if the abortion issue is true then that puts him lower on the morality scale than Bill Clinton.

NOVAK: Mr. Flynt, you said if it's true and you have no proof of that. I gather you are a very strong...

FLYNT: The hell we don't have proof.

Gore wasted the evening in Spokane Washington, speaking to an even bigger crowd of biological deviants who ought to be voting Nader like we told them, damn it.

"A vigorous pro-life activist like 145 time executioner (Republican Candidate Texas) Governor (George W.) Bush (R-Serial Hypocrite) killed his own unborn child? If you believe that, I’ve got a Social Security privatization plan I’d like to sell you for a trillion dollars," Republican Vice Presidential Candidate Satan (R-Hell) scoffed. "Everybody who hasn’t been living under a rock knows that Flynt was itching to launch a low smear campaign based on the ludicrous idea that sometime in the early 1970s, when Governor Bush was supposedly coked out of his mind and drinking like a fish while going AWOL from his cushy Texas Air National Guard gig rather than serving in Vietnam like a real man, had knocked up some Jewish broad and been forced at gun point to offer to marry the girl, until his family blew a gasket at the thought of "one of them" in the sacred Bush family, like they're anything to brag about! and made W's little Hebrew friend get an illegal abortion, and then forced him to immediately but compassionately dump her like a ton of hot bricks, because actually taking personal responsibility for his own screw ups was something completely alien to the way he was raised, and even if it wasn’t, it was just too mentally taxing to ‘change the tone’ of his own life," Satan explained. "Or, at least, that’s the rumor."

Gore then wasted even more time at Spokane talking to a second crowd of class warfare activists and Chinese Communist Spies In The Pay Of The Democratic Party.

"Actually, there was some disagreement inside the campaign over how we should handle this Crossfire screw-up," The Dread Lord of the Nether Regions smirked with characteristically Hellish glee. "One faction was sure that the Redneck Right Wing Klan-Wannabe Nut Cases that vote for Dubya are so ditto-headed that our boy George could strangle his wife live on national television while free-basing heroin, and they’d still manage to convince themselves he was Mr. Squeaky Clean, provided he kept that "R" behind his name. The other faction said that only pansy-assed-tree-hugging-wimp-type campaigns like the Gore’s can’t control their spin. In the end I won, and I had CNN smother it like an unwanted puppy -- just try to find the Crossfire Transcript for October 20th. Yep, that's the last time you'll hear about W. involved in any abortions. But it doesn't matter anyway -- the American people are 100% behind W.'s astounding 1% lead."

Vice President Gore, who was busy giving his second rally of the night to an overflow crowd who were turned back from his first rally, because there was just too damn many Evil Liberal Mega-Looser Activists who actually wanted to sit through a Gore speech for some completely unimaginable reason, could not be reached for comment.

THIS JUST IN!!
We at the Daily Flapdoodle don’t know if this is legitimate or not, but if it is,
it restores our faith in Republicans.

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