Hello, Real People. It is I, Texas Governor George W. Bush.

Hello there, Real People. It is I, Texas Governor George W. Bush. I run for President. See me run. Run, W., run. This is what happened to me today. Don’t worry. This time I have way lots more pictures. The pictures tell my story.

Today I am way madder and even way more unhappier than I was last time. Why? That dumb Gore guy! Karl told me my way cool boss Satan is in Israel. Karl told me Satan is in Israel working on my October surprise. I am way happy. I like surprises. I hope my surprise is crab cakes. Or a new sega!

This is my Daddy, way back when he was Vice President and had to suck up to Reagan. Daddy thinks he was such hot spit, but he wasn't President for eight whole years! Being Vice President is totally lame.

But then Karl told me Satan had to go to Israel. Today Karl told me the media is being way mean to me again. Today Karl told me that dumb Gore guy is winning again. Today Karl told me a Hell of a lot of money is riding on me. Today Karl told me college punks and smelly old people like that dumb Gore guy way better than me. Today Karl told me bimbos and darkies and spics and biological deviants like that dumb Gore guy way more better than me. Today Karl told me there are only fourteen days left to turn this around. Today Karl told me I was handing that dumb Gore guy the election. Today Karl told me he wishes he had never met me. Today Karl told me I am a worthless pinheaded inbred Nazi crackhead.

Today I fired Karl’s ass.

Then I was way happier for a little bit. Karl was not my boss anymore, so I took a nap. It was a long nap! I dreamt about getting wasted. And blowing up frogs! It was a nice dream.

Then Karl woke me up.

Daddy says I have to start acting like a grown up if I want to become President. What a complete and total gyp.

Karl said he was still my boss.

Karl brought Daddy.

Daddy was even way madder than Karl. Daddy told me that I was not winning as good as I should. Daddy told me his dog Millie would be leading that dumb Gore guy by 20 points with the kind of money I’ve spent. Daddy told me I was a way bigger looser than Neil even. I told Daddy no way. I told Daddy no way am I such a way bigger looser than Neil. I told Daddy I never got caught. Daddy told me to sit down and shut up.

Daddy told me I was loosing on issues. Daddy told me that dumb Gore guy starts his speeches with "Are you ready for some issues and specifics?" Daddy says then that dumb Gore guy’s Real People cheer, like that’s a totally cool thing to say or something. Daddy says I have to get it in gear if this smear campaign is going to work. Daddy says I have to get off my lazy ass if my October surprise is going to come off.

I get confused. Why do I have to get off my ass for a present? Jeb didn’t have to get off his ass to get Florida. That’s just dumb. Daddy says sit down and shut up. Daddy says I’m a fucking idiot. Daddy says he’s not going to let me run the country, even if I win. Daddy says he’s not going to let me talk to my way cool boss Satan, even if I win. Daddy says I won’t ever get to have crab cakes ever again any more, even if I win.

This is that dumb Gore guy kissing his wife for like the billionth time. Doesn't he have anything better to do??

Now I have a secret.

I don’t like Daddy.

Daddy says that dumb Gore guy is always kissing his wife. Daddy says I am never kissing my wife, Mrs. Texas Governor George W. Bush. Daddy says dumb broads way like it when you kiss your wife. Daddy says that makes dumb broads way vote for you. Daddy says I have to kiss my wife, Mrs. Texas Governor George W. Bush way more often if I want to be President. I get mad. Kissing Mrs. Texas Governor George W. Bush is boring. I want to kiss Condi. But last time I kissed Condi, she hit me.

Hard.

In the face!

I tell Condi "she one way foxy ho when she be mad". Colored people like it when you talk like that. Reyn Archer told me so.

It was okay, though.

I fired her ass.

Then that dumb Karl made me hire her back. I ask Daddy if I could kiss Condi instead. Daddy says do I want the Texas Rangers to rough me up? I say no. Daddy says then sit down and shut up.

Now I have an even way bigger secret.

Daddy is so on my list.

This Nader asshole is running for President too. Pretty soon any asshole with $40 million will be running for President!

Daddy says this asshole is called Ralph Nader. Daddy says this Nader asshole is running for President too! Daddy says this Nader asshole is way dumber than that dumb Gore guy.

Daddy say this Nader asshole says "Be nice to trees" and "Be nice to caribou".

Daddy says this Nader asshole says "I’m such a total brain".

Daddy says this Nader asshole says "soft money is bad".

Daddy says this Nader asshole is way dumber than that dumb Gore guy.

I think they are both just as dumb.

Daddy says this Nader asshole is an uppity raghead, like Danny Thomas and my Arab-American friends in Detroit. Daddy says ragheads and Jews hate each other, because they are too stupid to know they can’t get into Heaven. Daddy says people who hate each other help you win elections, if you play your cards right.

God hates Jews, pansy-assed fruits and ragheads. I'm not sure about Baptists who kiss their wives way too much.

These assholes are that dumb Gore guy and his little Jew, Lieberman. Daddy says we should tell my Arab-American friends in Detroit that these two assholes say "Be nice to Israel" way too much. Daddy says we should tell the same thing to that Nader asshole. Daddy says then watch the fur fly. Daddy says it will be way funny. I have a secret. I think it just sounds dumb. The Three Stooges are funny. A lobster bit Shemp on the nose! That’s funny. This just sounds dumb.

Daddy says this Nader asshole can be a spoiler. Daddy says this Nader asshole is a Godsend. Daddy says this Nader asshole should have been his son. I get confused. I have a spoiler on my car. My car is blue! An asshole can’t be a spoiler. That’s just dumb.

This is one of that Cunningham Strikes guy’s cartoons. It has that dumb Gore guy, but I don’t think it’s funny. I don’t get why Daddy has this Cunningham Strikes guy on his list.

Daddy says we need even way more than just that Nader asshole to win.

Daddy says we need to muzzle the press again.

Daddy says we have to stop bridge building Pinko-Commies like "Greens for Gore".

Daddy says we need to fix the polls again.

Daddy says we need to stop the Internet Real People like this Cunningham Strikes guy.

Daddy says this Cunningham Strikes guy has way too much freedom. Daddy says this Cunningham Strikes guy thinks his cartoons are way funny. Daddy says this Cunningham Strikes guy is so on his list.

Daddy said way, way more. Daddy talked forever! But I wasn’t listening. I was trying to take a nap with my eyes open.

I found out something. You cannot take a nap with your eyes open.

Fourteen days is going to be a real way long boring time.

I miss my pillow already.

Don't forget to visit "Gore-in-context", your one stop shop for debunking urban legends about Vice President Gore!	Have you volunteered to help get out the vote yet? If not, here's why you should.
Click here for your October Surprise Update! (Link Updated On 10/14!)	I'm Mad As Hell And I'm Not Going To Take It Any More! (Updated on 10/22 -- We take on CNN!)

The Fine Folks At Fox and Halliburton Remind You That They've Already Sunk A Ton Of Money Into This Election, So If You Must Vote, Vote For Their Guy.
Or Else.

Read yesterday's Flapdoodle!
Read tomorrow's Flapdoodle!
Talk To The Possum!
Return To Possum County!



EVERYONE SHOULD READ, POST AND EMAIL THIS PAGE TO EVERYONE THEY KNOW.