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THE POSSUM COUNTY DAILY FLAPDOODLE
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Dateline: October 22, 2000
GORE NOMINATED FOR PRESITEGOUS GANDHI-BIKO-KING-KENNEDY-LINCOLN AWARD
(In the shade of that Southern Tree that bares such strange fruit/UPI)

Chuck Heston, who still doesn't play well with others.
"Vice" President "Al" Gore (D-Wanna See My Smiling Face On The Cover Of The Rolling Stone), long criticized by the Left Wing of his Party as being "too moderate" and "too centrist", finally shed those hated labels when he was nominated by NRA President Charlton Heston (R-Happiness Is A Warm Gun -- Bang Bang, Shoot Shoot) for the prestigious "Let’s Stomp That Pinko-Tree-Hugging-Commie-Pansy-Assed-Rat-Bastard Into A Bloody Paste" Award. Speaking at a "Get Out The Vote For George W. Bush" rally in Grand Rapids, Michigan on October 17, Heston urged the crowd to lynch the Vice President, apparently unaware that voting for Texas Governor George W. Bush (R-Did You Send For Me, Mr. Heston?) would also halt Gore’s proposed "common sense gun safety laws". The crowd of assembled troglodytes, equally unaware that felony murder may not be the best way to achieve their legislative goals, boisterously offered to help string up the Vice President.

Republican Vice Presidential nominee Satan, his running mate Texas Governor George W. Bush and their dark army share a laugh over how much money the Democrats will have wasted if Gore is lynched before election day.
"The Vice President should feel honored," said White Supremacist David Duke, a long time Bush supporter. "Usually we reserve this award for Christ killers like Lieberman, darkies and biological deviants, but Al Gore’s endorsement of mandatory trigger locks for new pistol purchases put him right up there with Abraham Lincoln in the Race Traitor rankings as far as I’m concerned. I mean, if an 18 year old Skinhead has to wait three years before he can get his hands on an Uzi, he might have evolved as a human being to the point where he realizes that I am completely and totally full of shit. Or somebody outside the Klan might have recognized his mental illness and used one of those damned wonder drugs to cure him of being a soulless killing machine. I mean, come on! Is this the kind of America we want for our children??"

Vice President Gore spent the day in Texas and New Mexico, speaking to crowds that walk upright and have opposable thumbs.
Heston concurred: "It’s not just Gore’s indefensible stand on gun issues, although that really tightens my colon. Just generally, I think the Vice President is lower than pond scum. Do you hear him brag all the time about casting this tie-breaking vote or that tie-breaking vote in the Senate? It just makes me sick that Gore actually gets things done when it’s so patently obvious that he was supposed to lay down like a whipped dog, letting Newt Gingrich act as Our Fuehrer, not that pinko, President Clinton. Instead of running for the highest office in the land, I think Gore should apologize for making Ken Starr waste $52 million dollars investigating Comrade Clinton and Vice Tree-Hugger In Chief Gore without having the decency to have committed an impeachable offense. Thank God this Democratic Party gridlock will be over as soon as we get a clean, one hundred percent scandal free Good Ole Boy like George W. Bush in the Oval Office, obeying my every whim."


God, who usually does not get involved in Presidential politics, said "I gotta go with Tipper on this one".

President Bill Clinton (D-Ollie North’s Preferred Target) chuckled over this latest GOP death threat. "I like that about the Republicans; the evidence does not faze them, they are not bothered at all by the facts." He then went onto say something none of us in the Corporate Media could quite make out, something that sort of sounded like the Republicans were "responsible for the current kid locks" and that Governor Bush was obviously a "raft roger" who went "a W. Oil", was a pro-lifer who paid for an "illegal distortion" in the early 1970s, about the same time the Governor had been possibly "arrested for rogaine use". But that’s the problem with these Southern Boys. They mumble.

The Vice President, busy going from rally to rally to meet the hundreds of thousands of Americans to whom God gave a brain, could not be reached for comment. However, his wife Tipper Gore (D-I Know It's Only Rock N' Roll But I Like It), issued the following statement on behalf of the candidate:

"As deeply honored as I’m sure Al and the rest of us in the Democratic Party would feel if he actually became a martyr for the ideals of limiting handgun purchases to one-a-month and requiring a three-day waiting period for handgun purchases, if I see one of you dittohead Nazis around my husband, you’re going to be sorry you were ever born. Have you no sense of shame or common decency? My God, he’s got four children and a grandson! Doesn’t one of you have a shred of humanity??"

When reached for comment, Texas Governor George W. Bush replied, "Nope."

THIS JUST IN!!
MEDIA FINALLY GRABS CLUE!!
WASHINGTON POST STABS THEIR BOY W. IN THE BACK

ALSO!!!
We at the Daily Flapdoodle don’t know if this is legitimate or not, but if it is,
it restores our faith in Republicans.

Don't forget to visit "Gore-in-context", your one stop shop for debunking urban legends about Vice President Gore!	Have you volunteered to help get out the vote yet? If not, here's why you should.
Click here for your October Surprise Update! (Link Updated On 10/14!)	I'm Mad As Hell And I'm Not Going To Take It Any More! (Updated on 10/22 -- We take on CNN!)

The Fine Folks At Fox and Halliburton Remind You That They've Already Sunk A Ton Of Money Into This Election, So If You Must Vote, Vote For Their Guy.
Or Else.

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