Running for President gets way harder every day.

Hello there, Real People. It is I, Texas Governor George W. Bush. I run for President. See me run. Run, W., run. This is what happened to me today. Don’t worry. I have a totally way more lot of pictures this time. The pictures tell my story.

Today I am even more totally way madder and unhappier than the last time I told you I was even more totally way madder and unhappier. Why? That dumb Gore guy! Who else? That dumb Gore guy is totally way really on the top of my list since forever. But now he is even more totally way really I mean it on the top of my list. Why? He made me get a new best friend, like I even wanted one. What a complete and total gyp.

This dumb Nader guy looks way mean. I think I'll have to put him on my list.

This is that dumb Nader guy. Karl says that dumb Nader guy is my new best friend. I tell Karl I don’t need a new best friend. I tell Karl my best friend is Jimmy. I tell Karl Jimmy taught me Donkey Kong! I tell Karl this dumb Nader guy looks way mean. I tell Karl this dumb Nader guy looks totally like he won’t play Donkey Kong with me. Karl tells me to sit down and shut up.

I wish I could fire Karl’s ass.

After that dumb Gore guy, Karl is on the very top of my list.

Karl says this dumb Nader guy thinks he pulled a fast one on us. Karl says this dumb Nader guy is in for a surprise November 8th. Karl says this dumb Nader guy thinks crashing the economy will make America go all Liberal. Karl says this dumb Nader guy must have never heard of Mussolini. Karl says this dumb Nader guy must have never heard of Hitler. Karl says now that this dumb Nader guy is my new best friend, I will way totally beat that dumb Gore guy so easily.

I get way totally mad. If it wasn't for that dumb Gore guy, Jimmy could still be my best friend. If it wasn't for that dumb Gore guy, Karl would not yell at me. If it wasn't for that dumb Gore guy, I could get bombed on Zima. That dumb Gore guy is so on my list.

Real People smell funny. Ick!

This is a big time reason that dumb Gore guy is so on my list.

Guess what today is? Today is Saturday. Guess what is on Saturday? Twice? Pokemon is on Saturday. Twice!

Guess what I am doing today. Don't guess I am watching Pokemon. That would be way totally wrong. Today I do not get to watch Pokemon. Today I go to the airport! The airport sucks. The airport is way totally boring. Guess what I do at the airport? At the airport I get off my plane. At the airport I shake hands with Real People. At the airport I say my soundbytes. At the airport I get on my plane. Guess where I go next? Another airport! How totally dumb is that?

If it wasn't for that dumb Gore guy, I would never have to go to the airport. Ever.

That dumb Gore guy better check his wallet! Ha, ha!

This is that dumb Gore guy and his Real People. His Real People are so dumb. His Real People don’t stay behind their ropes. His Real People don’t say their soundbytes right. They yell "Fuzzy Math!" and "Of Course It Does!" and laugh. Those are not the funny soundbytes! The funny soundbytes are about that dumb Gore guy being way totally boring. His Real People do not laugh when you say that dumb Gore guy is way totally boring. His Real People cheer and wave signs instead. His Real People are totally way dumb.

Jeb got way totally mad when I broke the McCain doll, but it wasn't my fault. I was totally wasted on Zima.

This is me in Florida. My baby brother Jeb owns Florida. Florida has crab cakes! I used to like Florida. I used to be way totally winning in Florida. Because of that dumb Gore guy, now I am not way totally winning in Florida. Because of that dumb Gore guy, now Florida sucks.

Now I have to go to Florida all the time. Do I get crab cakes? No! I have to ride in a stinky bus with Jeb. I have to say my soundbytes all day long. I have to stay awake and not break the McCain doll, like I did in this picture. Jeb yelled at me when I broke the McCain doll. Jeb said did I know how long it took Disney to make a realistic talking automatronic McCain? Jeb said did I know how much it cost the campaign? Jeb says if I don't win Florida, he will never get to be President. Jeb said is Daddy out of his mind running a pinhead wino serial killer like me?

I tell Jeb Daddy never liked him. I tell Jeb Mommy never liked him even way more. I tell Jeb they think he is a bigger looser than Neil even. I tell Jeb Daddy said he would run Jesse Jackson before he would run Jeb.

Jeb cried, but I felt better.

Whenever I see these assholes, I yell "I can buy and sell you pansy-assed fruits!" Ha, ha!

These assholes have been following me around for months. Now Karl tells me they are that dumb Gore guy's Real People! I told you his Real People are way totally dumb. They don't even know who to follow around. How dumb is that?

That dumb Gore guy is always way totally happy. Doesn't he know he is loosing?

This is that dumb Gore guy in his plane. His plane is way cooler than mine. His plane has a totally cool name. His plane is called "Air Force Two". His plane has like a gazillion lasers and nuclear bombs and the coolest Pokemon monster ever. I, Texas Governor George W. Bush, never got a plane half as cool as Air Force Two. Not even for Christmas! Wait till I am President and get some nuclear bombs! Whoever gave that dumb Gore guy such a way cool plane will be sorry he is so on my list.

That dumb Gore guy is so dumb. This is way too many Real People to shake hands with.

Jimmy found me this picture online. Jimmy says it is that dumb Gore guy and his Real People in Wisconsin. Jimmy says it was taken Thursday night. Jimmy says there are over 30,000 Real People in this picture. Jimmy says it’s a good thing that dumb Gore guy invented the Internet. Jimmy says otherwise he wouldn’t know he was part of "The Silent Majority".

Jimmy says when he thinks about those 100,000 Real People calling CNN to find out why they suppressed the October 20th "Crossfire" transcript, maybe he should say he's part of "The Silenced Majority".

Sometimes Jimmy makes my brain hurt.

This is my real best friend Jimmy. Jimmy showed me how to hack into the RNC site. I made it say "KICK ME I'M A DUCK!" under the picture of Bob Barr. It was way totally funny!!

This is my best friend Jimmy. Jimmy taught me Donkey Kong! Jimmy says he ran my electoral votes. Jimmy says I am going down in oily flames. Jimmy says even that profiteering traitor Ralph W. NaderBush can’t save my rich, flabby bacon. Jimmy says on behalf of the caribou he wants to thank me for being such an intellectual lightweight. Jimmy says on behalf of his little sister he wants to thank me for being such a transparently empty suit. Jimmy says on behalf of all future generations he wants to thank me for wasting so much of the reactionary right wing’s money.

I tell Jimmy I want to play Pacman. Karl did not say no Pacman until I become President.

Jimmy is way totally silent for a long time. Then Jimmy says do I have my absentee ballot yet?

I tell Jimmy Satan says voting is for tree-hugging pansy-assed fruits.

Jimmy says good. Jimmy says keep thinking that way.

Jimmy says let’s play Pacman.

I like Jimmy. Jimmy is my real best friend.

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