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I don't know what he is mad of.Each time this thing happen,I am so weak at emotions. Recently, Rick have lost his mother and he feels so sad about it. And for me, I can't see him go on like that so I went to make a terrible mistake for believing people teaching me how to get a American Visa and I failed getting it.I was in a rush cos I wanted to fly over America to be with RickAnd since the day I failed for getting a Visa,my heart falls into pieces and was not mend yet still.Nobody knows my sorrow,not even Rick. I've waited 3 years to be with Rick and now that I failed getting my Visa,I don't know when I can reapply for the Visa again.Rick and I cannot go on like that, we must find a way to meet each other and I don't have any idea at all.Rick doesn't know how I feel inside my heart.Part of the reason why I create this websites is because I am so afraid that I can never be with Rick but I want this love of us to be forever. I've tried so hard to relax myself and take it easy but I don't know why Rick want to give me more preasure by dissappearing himself.My mind is so disturb now.Can't he see that I am working so hard on this websites trying not to worried more. I myself here is facing some difficulties with my family here. I am trying to love myself now. Rick always taught me to do so but he doesn't realise that he is disturbing my mentality by not coming online. He knew that in my heart, I have only him on it.This is one thing about love when you are inlove that I hate the most. This kind of emotions are torturing. I choose this title Tears on this page is because I think I have sheded the most tears in this relationship of us which I know we shouldn't have come across now after all these years...
Today is another sad day for me...seems like he is use to it now that he don't care for my feeling anymore. I don't know why he does that to me and I am begining to see him in different lights now. Trying so hard here to keep myself busy with our websites cos I want this love of us to stay forever and ever. I will try my best to share all our love that we've build in this 3 years. May God give me a stronger heart to carry on. I am sort of lost some hope here by the way he treats me lately. I don't mind at all if only he could tell me that he is busy and he cannot come online but he choose not to tell me. And he is doing it too often and obvious now. I can feels him drifting far away. I just wish to know why he is like that now.Am I not good enough for him, was asking myself this question. I need an answer for my heart... |
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