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                                        Springtime is the Very Nature of Divine

 

                         The second discourse:  22nd January 1979:  Osho Commune International, Pune

 

 

The first question:  You have bestowed upon me the grace in the form of sannyas - will I be able to ingest it?  With that I have gotten so much of love, happiness, ecstasy - which I have never found anywhere else.  I wish to immerse even more, so that I may efface.  How?

 

Manjula, human capability is unbounded.  In the human drop is the entire ocean.  To ingest the total divine is his capability, and less than that is not going to satisfy.  The ones who stopped before then are unwise.  You have to drink divine itself, you have to ingest divine itself.  And in its entirety, as untouched with divine, a discontentment would persist.  As long as a single particle of yours remain separate from divine, melancholy would persist; contentment will not shower.  The shower of contentment only happens when someone ingests divine and immerses himself in divinity with his totality.

Sannyas is the beginning, Manjula, not the end.  It is the first stop of the journey.  But we are not aware of our capability.  And we are also not allowed to become aware of our capabilities.  For centuries after centuries you have been explained that you are sinners.  For centuries after centuries you have been scorned, you so called monks and mahatmas, if they have done some one task consistently, it is to scorn you.  And you have been listening to that scorn.  Layers on top of layers of scorn have deposited within you.  You have lost faith for yourself.  And he who loses faith for himself, he has lost his soul.  And the one who scorns himself, in his own heart, his bridge with divinity is severed.  Because carrying this very sour we have to go to the doors of divine.  This only is our gift.  This only is our offering.  This only is our worship.  If these flowers are not even flowers, how can you go up to the doors of divinity, with what face?

And the monks and mahatmas have so much scorned man.  They have called him worm from hell.  How will worms from hell get to divine?  And they have scorned with such finesse, so much calculation they have managed that you do not even feel it.  And the scorn is so ancient that is almost seem an immemorial religion.  For so long have you listened to the babble that to listen to the babble has become your inborn faculty.

Why?  What might be the secret behind all this?

Behind this is a secret, a politics.  The politics is this that if man is scorned then he can be easily exploited, as a scorned man becomes afraid.  And the one who is afraid becomes a coward.  The one who is a coward, his defiant nature dies out.  You terrorize a man: then he will become ready to put on chains.  You frighten him and he would become ready to kiss any one's feet.  You make him tremble, capture his self-esteem, destroy his dignity: then he would be anxious to bow almost before anyone.  He would look for such people before whom he can bow, you have severed his backbone.  Now he can’t stand erect.  Now he would be obedient - not one with soul, obedient.  Now he would not have the consciousness within, he would have impotent morality.  Now the sun of religiousness would not shine within him.  The hypocrisy of righteousness, that is all that would prevail his life.  He would be something within and something else with out.  Having donned masks, he would spend his life and that is what the political leaders want, that is what the scholars and priests want, that is what the so-called religious gurus want.  To enslave man, there is a tremendous endeavor taking place, a tremendous conspiracy is taking place.  In that the religion leaders and the political leaders have always been together.  Both have gotten stronghold of man's neck.

I want to return you your dignity.  I want to remind you that you can ingest even divine, that is how much you capability is.  Less than that is not your capability.  The whole sky can be contained within you, that is how much your expanse.  The sky is smaller than you.  The sky within is infinite times bigger than the outside sky.  It is bigger than infinities.  Sannyas is the proclamation of the fact that you have given up your idea of being a sinner, that you have become free from the babbling of scholars and preacher, that you have shaken loose that trash from you head and chucked it that you have become impeccably cleansed.  Sannyas is a declaration of the fact that, "I am no longer obedient, I am one with soul."

To be with soul does not mean that he will definitely disobey directives.  Being one with soul only means that if a directive is with reason, he would accept, without reason he would reject.  Being one with should only means that nothing could be imposed on him.  He would eradicate himself but would not allow anything to be imposed.  He would eradicate himself but not be sold. You would not be able to sell him in the market.  You would not be able to enslave him.  You offer millions of temptations or millions of threats, you could not be able to confine him in prisons.  You would not be able to restrain him with shackles.  Rebelliousness would be the spark of his interior, a real religious man is rebellious.  A real religious man is ecstatic with this awareness that "I am not insignificant - I am Brahman, I am haq, I am truth."  And keep in mind, there is no ego in this proclamation.  As long as there is ego, this kind of proclamation can’t simply happen.

Why is there no ego in this proclamation, it does seem like it!  When someone says, "I am Brahman," he has also said, "You too are Brahman."  If someone says that "I am Brahman, you too are Brahman, every stone is nothing but the hidden form of Brahman, Brahman is hidden behind the entire Brahmanda (universe.)"  That is why it is called the 'anda' (egg) of the one from which Brahman makes its appearance or it appearing.  This existence in its entirety is saturated with Brahman, the one whose proclamation is such, only is a sannyasin.

Manjula, do not even have a trace of doubt that the grace of sannyas that is receive, "will I be able to ingest it." it is just the beginning.  You have yet to take many big strides, you have yet to drink oceans, you have yet to ingest Brahman.  And more the self assurance you would have, the more doors of possibility would keep on opening.

She has asked, "I wish to immerse even more, so that I may efface.  How?"  For effacing there is only one way, the idea of 'I' drops off.  The idea of 'me' drops off.  The idea of Brahman may rise.  In "I am Brahman," the essence of entire spirituality has appeared.  'I' may keep diminishing, 'Brahman' may keep rising.  The day when such an hour arrives that there is no feeling of 'I' and there is nothing but the awareness of Brahman; know that day that the goal has arrived.  At the moment it is like this, there is no feeling of Brahman at all, discussion about Brahman continues.  There is not any feeling of Brahman.  It is just a word without significance.  Right now there is no meaning in this word.  A meaning has to be given by giving up ego.  Let the giving up of ego remain in your awareness.  Do not do anything that would make ego robust, would strengthen it, would make it mighty.  Do everything with which ego would topple, would break, would leave.  That all is your regimen, that all is the mandate of sannyas.  Just keep checking, "whatever I do, am I doing it to fulfill ego."  Remember that much, because the charitable gift given to fulfill ego becomes sin.  An act of charity done to fulfill ego becomes a sin.  And whatever happens through egolessness, that only is act of charity.  To stand and sit is act of charity.  To breathe is act of charity.

This singular clay-lamp full of adoration.

Is full of pride and vanity, but

Put it away in a row anyway.

 

This man, sings song that who else would sing?

This submarine - these authentic pearls - what else would bring?

This twig and this stubborn fire, what else would light it up?

This unprecedented: this ' mine,'  'me,'  'myself,'  is released.

This singular clay-lamp full of adoration.

Is full of pride and vanity, but

Put it away in a row anyway.

 

This honey, it is itself a gathering of Time's gems.

This cow-milk, elixir-like beverage is for the holy-cow of life.

This sprout, that splits earth staring undaunted at the sun.

Do give it energy, O myriad genuine trinity.

This singular clay-lamp full of adoration.

Is full of pride and vanity, but

Put it away in a row anyway.

 

It is that confidence that swayed not with its own mediocrity.

It is that pain, intensity of which could only be compared by itself.

Irritating burning darkness of contempt, insult, disdain.

This ever-melted, eternally awake with compassionate eyes.

With extended arms, this vast expanse of immeasurable universe.

Searching, wise and always trusting.

Offer it to devotion.

This singular clay-lamp full of adoration.

Is full of pride and vanity, but

Put it away in a row anyway.

It is like someone releases a clay-lamp on top of a river bed.  Similarly, put away this clay-lamp put aside this clay-lamp of darkness in a row.  Release it too on a river bed.  Let it float away, do not hang on, do not cling.

This singular clay-lamp full of adoration.

Is full of pride and vanity, but

Put it away in a row anyway.

And lovely is this clay-lamp.  For century after century, for many indefinite time-spans, it has accompanied us and it has even given light somewhat; it is not that it has not given any light.  It has, just like a cane in the hand of a blind man, given support to you.  But even then a blind man's cane is not an eye.  And after getting the gift of an eye, a cane has to be dropped.  When one learns how to walk, one has to release all supports.  Do thank this ego that "You have given me company for a long way, brother.  But now, bye, good-bye."

This singular clay-lamp full of adoration.

Is full of pride and vanity, but

Put it away in a row anyway.

Let go, let it wash away.  You remain, the ego may not remain.  Let the existence remain, I'ness may not remain.  And then the sky of skies may be confined within you.  This is how great you are, this is how vast you are.

She has asked:  "What shall I do?"  How will this happen?  By your doing anything this can’t happen.  Because whatsoever you do, Manjula, "I have done it" this feeling will get intense.  Whatsoever you do!  Find ways to release ego, even then this ego within would get intensified that "Aha, see, I am releasing ego.  I am dropping ego."  This new ego will stand erect.  And this ego would be subtler than before and would be more lethal.  More subtle a thing is, more powerful and strong it becomes.  Because more subtle it is, more invisible it becomes and can’t be seen.  And an enemy when unseen becomes extremely dangerous.  If it were visible, then you could find some way to defend, you can defend with a shield when it strikes with a sword.  But if it were not visible, then how would you defend with a shield?  An invisible ego becomes dangerous.  The ego of most people is a visible ego.  The ego of the ones you call renunciants and ascetics and regard them as such, their ego is the invisible ego.

And how did they acquire ego?  In an attempt to release ego a brand new ego was acquired which is worse than before.  Do not try to release.  Then how would it acquit?  Try to awaken.  Be full of awareness.  Do not release ego, witness ego as to where it is.  And you would be amazed, surprise, pleasantly surprised - because as soon as you would start to witness you would not find ego.  And then, then an amazing experience happens, an experience that will leave you speechless:   "there never was an ego, just my belief.  That is why it was neither possible to capture nor possible to release.  I witness after awakening and it withered away."

And if you can’t do without doing something, because for life after life we are in the habit of doing something; we can’t keep from doing even for a moment.  I instruct someone to sit peacefully just for an hour every day, he says, "But what shall I do?  You please give me a mantra or something:  may recite, may count rosary.  Give me some mantra:  Ram, Om, Allah.  I may repeat something."  They have to have some crutches.  In the name of crutches all he is saying is that, "I can’t be without doing something even for an hour, if I do something, then only can I sit down.  So give me any kind of a babble, that too will do.  It does not have to be some namokar (a Jaina prayer of salutations) or Gayatri (a Hindu chant from Vedas) - anything - even if you assign me 'alal-- tappoo,' that too will do.  If I keep repeating it, there would be something to do.  'coca-cola, coca-cola, coca-cola' keep saying it - that too will do."  It is not just the matter of saying 'ram-ram, Ram-ram, Ram-ram,' but it has to be something to do.  Hand him a rosary then he would just keep counting - but there has to be an action.

If there is a problem that without doing awakening is not even possible ... the best thing is to become silent.  An hour every day take a peek within yourself and watch, whenever find time then close eyes and take a peek, "what is this ego?  Where is it?"  Search.  You will be back having wandered the entire ground of the interiority, in every nook and corner and would not find anywhere.  And in not finding lies your liberation.  But if this is not possible then the thing one rung below is prayer.  Then you address divine!  With your doing it would become troublesome.  Then you pray to divine.

You gave bondage so grant me freedom.

In hundreds of bondage,

Gave me anguish in the most opportune moments.

Be able to sustain pain -

You give me that strength too.

You gave bondage so grant me freedom.

 

Getting bored in this vast universe.

With wobbly feet on the path.

Today, in the service of this universe.

Do bestow love to this heart too.

You gave bondage so grant me freedom.

 

With very innocent trust.

Having made offering of tears.

Asking for a wish.

Grant me devotion to your feet.

You gave bondage so grant me freedom.

 

If you do naught, then super.  If doing naught does not just cut it then the second best thing is:  pray ... The nearest thing to actionlessness is prayer.  And do not do prayer with words, let that be with feelings only.  Simply bow down with feeling.  Not that some canned formal prayer is to be repeated, such as:  "Hail to the load of universe", these will not help at all.  Wordless, full of feeling, lie down in feet of his ... unknown and just say it once, " You gave bondage so grant me freedom."  You might have given me ego, now do you take it away!  "It is your thing, God, to you I offer."  This is your thing, you take care of it.

But this is a thing on number two, keep in mind.  If possible then number one!  For a gifted one, number one.  If there is no gift at all, if there is not even understanding, if the understanding does not have the sharpness at all, if the understanding is simple, hen number two.

 

The second question:  I have become old, I used to think that for me there is no way.  But your words have rekindled enthusiasm.  The dimming eye sight has once again, with an unknown beam of light, become vibrant.  Osho!  what is this all happening?  Am I seeing some dream?

For the whole life you saw dreams and never raised question.  How fascinating is human mind!  If there is anguish then we accept it as the reality.  When there is darkness then we trust that it is.  When a beam of light is seen then a doubt arises, a suspicion arises.  Is it a dream?  Is it an illusion?  When a seeker gets into meditation and when a wave of bliss touches him the first time; and this is happening every day; they come and tell me,  "We can’t believe it, is it some kind of an illusion?"  I ask them,  "You suffered so much for you entire life and you never raised this question 'is this an illusion?'  Today a little wave of ecstasy descended, a little flower blossomed and you lost belief."

Why are we so trusting toward anguish?  Why do we believe in anguish?  Why can we not believe in ecstasy?

Probably the only reason is this:  For century after century we are familiar with anguish and unfamiliar with ecstasy.  We have simply accepted anguish that it is there and we have completely forgotten the taste of ecstasy.  Now, if someone has always been taking poison, been living poison; all of a sudden, one day a drop of elixir gets on his tongue.  He would not be able to believe.  How would he believe?  This is understandable.  But the one we believe we give strength to, do keep that also in your awareness.  And the one we trust, we pour our energy into it.  And the one we trust will keep growing.  And the one for which we lack trust, for it we have shut doors.  You open doors for only that guest whom you trust might be coming.  You wait only for him whose arrival you believe.

We wait for anguish; for anguish we are sitting with doors wide open.  We are sitting with ribbons adorned, "beautiful welcome!"  is signed - for anguish.  And if ecstasy knocks on door, we quickly, fearfully shut doors, we can’t believe that, "ecstasy, and my door!  This can never happen.  There must be a mistake.  The guest for some one else's door might have come here.  Or, is it possible that I saw a dream, daydream, a dream with eyes open.  Ecstasy and for me!"

You say, "I have grown old."  No, you are never old nor can you ever grow old.  The one that grows old is not you.  Body, some times become a child, some times become a youth, some times become old - you never were child, never a youth, never an old man.  You were a witness to childhood also, were a witness to youth also are a witness to old age also.  You were a witness to life also and will be a witness to death also.  You are witness.  What kind of old age?  What kind of birth?  What kind of death?  But the art of living never ever come to us, because our witness never ever awakened.  We just kept getting shoved around here and there and kept saying:  this is life.  When the childhood shoved us ahead, we became youth, when the youth shoved us ahead we became old, when the life shoved us ahead we died - went into grave.  When the grave will shove us ahead then again we will enter some womb.  That is how we kept getting shoved around.  This is not life.

Even when we are in this world, it is as if not here.

Even when we awakened, it was as if in sleep.

It is a mighty thing, why even mention laughing.

I cry about the fact that even when we cry it is not really like crying.

Here nothing is healthy.  Do not even mention laughing,

                            I cry about the fact that even when we cry it is not really like crying.

Nothing of ours is true and authentic.  We are lukewarm.  We do not have the zip in our life.  We have not lived any moment in its totality.  That is why loss is happening.  Because that person who lives any one moment in its totality, he begins to experience the witness.  Totality happens on one side and the witness happens on the other side.  Totality and witness are two aspects of the same phenomenon.

You live absolutely any hour in its totality and you would be amazed that the witness awakened within you.  Dance in its totality such that only the dance remains, such that you poured your entire energy, put your entire strength that you did not hold back at all, that you did not take care at all, that you did not do any stinginess and then you will be really surprised - the body is dancing and you are awake watching.  When the body would be wholly and totally doing dance, only then the witness within you would become alert.  The circumference would revolve with its intensity and the center would witness while fully awake - the revolving circumference.

Neither do we allow a child to be a child ... we engage children in an attempt to be elderly.  If a child jumps, we say, "Sit down, sit quietly.  Don't you have any sense?"  It is you who does not have sense.  At the moment a child can’t just sit like an old man; you have no sense.  When a child dances, jumps, climbs trees, we say, "Do you have brains or not!  Sit peacefully, read a book, do your homework.  What would happen by climbing a tree?  If you happen to fall down, you will break a leg on top of it."  What we are telling children is that, "now it is not altogether  nice for you to be a child.  Just become an old man.  Even now walk with caution."  When will he walk without caution?  Then he will simply miss this experience.  And that child who even at this stage started living a kind of lukewarm life, his youth too will become lukewarm, because the one is connected to the other.

And we do not allow youthful men to be youthful either.  So much scission we conduct in their lives, teach so much repression, put so much huddle that we never allow them to be fully youthful.  And therefore, when the old age arrives, then the old age also can’t be graceful, because it is not total.  Whatsoever is total, that is graceful and whatsoever is total, only after that the witness arises.

You say, "I have become old."  No, never has anyone ever become old, how would you become?  You can’t be an exception.  No one ever became old, here no one ever becomes old.  To be old is a dream, because you have kept identified with the body.  Yesterday when the body was sick, then you had become sick and today when the body is healthy, you have become healthy.  As the body changes its color, you change your color along with.  And you are not the body.  And if you could come to remember it you would be amazed, the body is sick and you are healthy.  And the body is old and not even an iota of shadow falls on you.  Perhaps listening to my talks that is what come to your remembrance, that is the beam of light that appeared in your life, that is the hope that aroused, that is the enthusiasm which sprouted.

You said, "I used to think that for me there is no way."  Such things can never happen.  The one who is lost since morning if arrives home by sundown is not called 'lost.'  Even to the last moment, enlightenment can happen.  Even while dying enlightenment can happen.  In the last moment, when the last breath is almost to snap, enlightenment can happen.  Because enlightenment does not take any time.  The gap that spans between two moments, during that enlightenment happens.  And the gap that happens between two moments is something we can’t clock, it is that short.  That is why it is placed between two moments.  And do be aware, between every two moments there is a small gap.  Otherwise, one moment would climb on top of the next.  It is like a freight train that has an accident and on compartment climbs on top of another.  In that case you would not be able to tell apart one moment from another.  One second passes, the second comes, the second passes the third comes; definitely between each second there must be a small rest.  Do you see my fingers?  These are two, because in between there is an empty space.  If there is not empty space in between then they would become one finger.  No matter how close I bring them together, even then they have some empty space.  It may diminish, but it exists.  If the empty space would not be there then the two fingers would become one.  Every two words have a gap in between.  Every two moments have a gap in between.  Enlightenment happens in that empty gap.  That is why the seers have said, "If you are to read scripture, do not read words, read in space that appear between words.  If you are to read scriptures, do not read lines, read in the space between two lines.  These are only indicative - not in words, between two words.  Not in moments, between two moments.  So, even while dying, someone can awaken.  Never ever has it become so late.  Never ever does it become so late.  Do not fear.

You say, "I used to think that for me there is no way."  No, way is always there.  This is a great comfort that way is always there.  And the death is always at same distance.

Yesterday a young woman came.  Her small baby - one and a half years old - fell down around a fountain, drowned and finished.  She started to ask me as to why did this happen?  I said to her, "Do not get in to useless question?  And I will not give you any consolations as to why this happened or give you high level explanation that the ones who are beloved to god, god plucks them early.  All these rubbish I will not talk to you.  These are all pseudo-explanations.  These are just white wash."  Now someone's child has died, not what to say to him?  So people have found some ways to console, for example the ones who are the beloveds of god, to them he plucks early.  So, the rest who are not the beloveds of god, only those are living here.  Buddha live for eighty-two years, he was not a beloved of god!  Krishna also live to the age of eighty years.  Mahaveer also live for eighty years.  So, they must not have been beloveds of god.  So the ones who die in pregnancy must be really beloveds!  No, these are all consolations.  And I understand, it is also man's helplessness.  Now, if in someone's home such calamity happens, then what can we do too?  It does not come to our grasp either as to what to do?  This young woman was asking, "Why did this happen?"  I said, "Death to anyone can happen just at any moment.  Death neither sees through young man nor sees through old man.  Death is simply approaching for every one - sooner or later, what difference does it make?  Death is always at the next moment.  It can happen to a child, it can happen to an old man.

The house may become a grave, that palace has arrived.

Intelligent knows that the message from death has arrived.

Kasid says that he has already dispatched the letter of zeal.

If it does not reach today, tomorrow it will sure arrive.

The house may become a grave, that palace has arrived.

That hour has come around when the house will become grave.  But that hour already has arrived.  The house is the grave.

                                   Intelligent knows that the message from death has arrived.

The message from death is to arrive.  But it already has arrived.  The day when we were born, from that very day death has already started approaching.  In truth, the birthday should not be call 'birth' day, because on the day of birth begins the voyage for death.  As soon as we were born, we started to die.  A child has live on day means he has died one day.  The birthday that you celebrate, it would be appropriate if instead of celebrating 'birthday,' you celebrate death-day.  Because that is how much closer death has come.

                                  Kasid says that he has already dispatched the letter of zeal.

That messenger has already started with a letter from death.  The day when you were born, that very day he has started

                                      If it does not reach today, tomorrow it will sure arrive.

Now, it is sooner or later.  If he has not made it today, he might have stopped somewhere on the road, he might have taken rest, he might have fallen asleep at an inn, so he will arrive tomorrow.  However, death is going to happen.  Amazing thing is that in this life everything else is uncertain, only death is certain.  What kind of life is this?  How can we call it life when only death is certain.  Only one thing is definite, that is death.  Only one thing can be guaranteed, that you will die.  Other than that nothing can be guaranteed.  All other things may or may not happen but death will surely happen.  It will happen to poor, it will happen to rich, to skillful, it will happen to unskilled, it will happen to imbecile, it will happen to intelligent.  In such a vast expanse of this entire universe there is only one thing definite - death.  The on that is so definite, what if it comes after seven days or what if comes after seventy years.  What difference does it make! The one who is intelligent does know each moment that death is approaching.

Kasid says that he has already dispatched the letter of zeal.

If it does not reach today, tomorrow it will sure arrive.

You say, "I used to think that for me there is no way.  But your words have rekindled enthusiasm."  My words have not kindled enthusiasm, the enthusiasm already is with you, you had forgotten, it became forgotten.  I have given you nothing, no one can give any one anything.  What you have within you that can be reminded.

Do not connect this with me.  Otherwise, when you depart from here you would think, "now, the one who awakened me is not himself not here "and then the enthusiasm would become dormant.  This is within yourself.  This is your own gift to yourself.  If I came in, I was an instrument.  Do not assume this instrument to be the cause.  Otherwise, when you move away, you will again lose enthusiasm.  My words have not aroused the enthusiasm within you.  It has simply reminded you that you do have that capability within.  You had forgotten it.  The treasure was in you pocket, you had forgotten.  I simply reminded you.  Now maintain the memory.

You said, "The dimming eye sight has once again, with an unknown beam of light, become vibrant."  That beam of light too is ever present.  But you do not glance toward it, do not even throw a glance.  You have turned your back, you are opposed to it.  You have turned you back to sun.  Influenced by my talks, you have briefly glanced back, that is all.  Sun belongs to you to glance back is your capability.  You have the eyes, you can live in light, but you had made a resolution to live in the dark.  This was your decision.

Why is complaint of your luster, that the universe is evident?!

What lamentation do I have of my nearsightedness?!

No complaint can be registered for divine, because it has its glow, its light, its celebration spread in all directions.  It has not left any direction empty.  It is showering in all directions.  We can no complain to it, can’t gripe to it.  If we are to cry, then we can only do the crying about one thing:  about our shortsightedness look.  Our eyes are there and we have close eyes.  I do not give you light, I only call you to open your eyes a little.  And if you happen to hear and open your eyes, then the light is also yours, eyes are also yours.

And now the idea has occurred to you that "Osho, what is this all happening?  Am I seeing some dream?"  We can’t even believe that good can happen to us.  We have belief for bad.  Bad only can happen.  We have much belief on thorns.  Even if flowers blossom, we think, it might be dream.  Change this outlook, change this philosophy.  Only because of this outlook and philosophy truth is concealed behind a veil.  Truth has no veil on it, you eyes have veil on them.

Misunderstanding is our cover for sighting.

Otherwise there is no veil for beloved.

That beloved has no veil on him, no cover on him.  He has not covered with veil, but you have donned blinders on your eyes.  You are like bull on an oil grind.  And the one who has put on blinders has done it with great trick.  If there were no blinders, you would have rebelled long ago.  You would not have fallen victim of the spineless politicians, the worthless scholars and preachers.  You would have liberated long ago.  You would have shattered your shackles.

Have you observe, when a horse is rigged to a carriage, then they put blinders on its eyes.  Otherwise, the horse would escape.  If it could keep seeing properly, it would escape.  It can’t even see, only just four steps are visible.  Four steps are visible, therefore it can’t even believe, "Even if I could run, where would I run!  Where is the space to run!"  Slowly and gradually it starts to believe that space is only that much, the life is only that much.

A philosopher, thinker went to the house of an oil merchant to buy oil.  The oil merchant was trading oil and just behind him, behind his back the mill was operating - the oil was being extracted.  One bull was pulling the grind.  The philosopher became a little puzzled.  He was a philosopher, to question everything was his nature.  He said, "May I ask a question?  Would you respond to my curiosity?"  The oil merchant said, "Your curiosity and I respond to it?  I have always heard that you respond to curiosity of people."  The philosopher said, "But this curiosity is not about philosophy, it is related to the oil mill.  I want to ask that there is no driver, how come the bull is pulling by itself.  The bull is operating the grind, carrying weight, extracting oil and there is not even a driver.  I have seen many grinds run - but this ... such an obedient bull!  Such a religious bull!  Such a trusting bull!  Where did you manage to find it?  In this epoch, this Kaliyuga (dark ages) where do you find religious entities?  You can’t find even by searching."  That oil merchant said with a smile, "Look a little closer.  It has blinders put on its eyes.  It can’t even find out whether or not there is a driver on the back.  It can’t look back.  It is under the illusion that there is some driver.  And once in a while I shout right from here.  At that, it assumes that I am on the back."

But a philosopher does not get satisfied that easily, he does not get satisfied so quickly.  He said, "I understand this, that it has blinders on its eyes.  But sometimes it may halt and check also, the bull, 'no let me stop and see whether or not there really is someone behind.'"  He said, "Did you think I am imbecile!  I have tied a bell around its neck.  He keeps going and the bell keeps tinkling.  As soon as it halts, the bell stops and I jump up and prod it, I lash a whip.,  I never let its misunderstanding lapse that I am behind him."  But a philosopher is but a philosopher.   He said, "Alright, one more thing I want to ask you.  Can a bull not stand in one spot and tinkle the bell by shaking its head!"  The oil merchant said, "Your holiness, please speak softly, lest the bull should hear it.  And you please purchase your oil somewhere else.  This kind of conversations ... do you intend to spoil my bull?"

Scholars and preachers have put lots of blinders on your eyes, have tied bells around neck.  You keep going.  Extracting oil for some one, have become oil merchant's bull.  Hence now when you saw a little bit light for the first time, you can’t believe.  But I say unto you:

Why unnecessarily lose heart by embracing withered branches during autumn?

Do not fret, O owner of the devastated flower garden!  Blossom time will come.

You can’t believe spring, all you have faced is autumn and nothing but autumn.  I say unto you that spring also comes, spring also exists.  If the autumn happens somewhere then it is because of some of your folly.  Spring is the divine nature.  Abundant of flowers will blossom.

Why unnecessarily lose heart by embracing withered branches during autumn?

Do not fret, O owner of the devastated flower garden!  spring will come.

Blossom time is already is here, open eyes a little, slip away blinders a little, snip off web of words a little, raise your head above ideals a little and blossom time already is here.  The entire existence is dancing - excepting you alone.  Sunbeams are showering all around, divinity's dance is abound all around, its flute is playing.  Divine does not differentiate, neither children nor young men nor old men.  Every one has an invitation in its great celebration.  The day you show eagerness for allowing yourself blissfulness, that very moment, the great fortune would come to fruition for which you have waited for life upon life.

Now that the small sunbeam has descended, do not doubt, do not suspect, do not call it a dream.  The reality is the other way around - whatsoever you have known till now was dream, now the first time a sunbeam of truth has descended.  Get with this sunbeam, just catch hold of it, do not let go.  Because if you just keep going alongside of this one little sunbeam, you will attain to the great supreme sun of that divinity, that supreme beloved.  This fragile thread is inter-woven with it.

I understand your dilemma, your trouble.

Extremely depressing is the autumn eve!

Returning early are the birds to nests.

Filling the sky with their trill.

Whose shadow of anxious mid,

Is lying in calm lake.

Extremely depressing is the autumn eve!

 

Cow-kicked-dust has clouded the path.

Whose memory has awakened in the mind.

The heart has started shivering with sadness.

The wanderer has developed homesickness.

Extremely depressing is the autumn eve!

 

Dry leaves are shedding incessantly.

To welcome the newly arriving spring time.

Here find in my interior,

only the everlasting emptiness of sky.

Extremely depressing is the autumn eve!

I agree, you have become old, this is the evening, the evening is depressing, leaves are shedding incessantly!

Cow-kicked-dust has clouded the path.

Whose memory has awakened in the mind.

The heart has started shivering with sadness.

The wanderer has developed homesickness.

Extremely depressing is the autumn eve!

But your being old and this autumn and this evening are insignificant.  What is significant:

Whose memory has awakened in the mind.

 

Cow-kicked-dust has clouded the path.

Whose memory has awakened in the mind.

The heart has started shivering with sadness.

The wanderer has developed homesickness.

Extremely depressing is the autumn eve!

I agree.  It is evening, it is depressing.  But if you happen to think of home then your depression would vanish, the evening can be transformed into morning.  Autumn can become the blossom time.  This little-bit of beat that has struck your door, do not miss out on it.  This little bit of sound that has been heard by you within your own interior, do not lose it amidst crowd or in noise.  The life is bygone, let it go.  If you catch this sunbeam, then nothing is bygone, nothing is lost.  Even after losing all, all will be found.  A new beginning has happened.

For whom do my eyes wait?

Once again this day.

The thirst keep sharper getting.

Looking at this mirage enchanting.

Will I attain my goal.

Someday, after getting free?

Lost between crying and laughter.

Is my heart, today, empty rather.

On the bed of thorns itself

When he had to lie.

When did ever go for his right

With some one did he fight?

But how he did ever

Get a ray of hope?

Found two drops of water

Why am I not satisfied?

Heart's desire's unfulfilled

Don't sleep peacefully.

Who is it saying to me,

"Come to my feet, quickly."

Whom do they look forward to

Again today my eyes?

The divine has called upon you.

Who is it saying to me,

"Come to my feet, quickly."

That hour has arrived.  "I go to the feet of the awakened one.  I go to the feet of the commune of the awakened one.  I go to the feet of the ultimate truth of the awakened one."

Who is it saying to me,

"Come to my feet, quickly."

Whom do they look forward to

Again today my eyes?

The sunbeam that has appeared is the sunbeam of mumuksha (intense resolve to release the cycle of birth and death).  And it has appeared in right time, perfect time.  You still have life remaining; there is still an opportunity to awaken.. Give thanks to divine for this sunbeam.  Feel grateful for this sunbeam - do not call it a dream.  If you call it a dream it will become a dream.  If you call it a dream it will be lost from your hand.  Because what we call dream we let go of it from hand.  What we call truth, we do grasp it.  And it does often happens - even if you do grasp dream, they become true and if you let go of truth - they become dreams.

 

The third question:  Osho!  you have bestowed chunri (a colorful sari worn while celebrating) of love upon me.  I am totally fulfilled with gratitude.

Urmila, I am but an instrument.  My hands are only doing the work of his hands.  This chunri of love that I have given you is something that only he has given to you.  Give thanks to him only.  Do not bring me in the middle.  Do not get stuck in me.  Regard me as a messenger.  As a letter-carrier comes and hands over a letter.  You give reply to the one who sent the letter, not to the letter-carrier.   I have only handed over his chunri to you, think only of him, give thanks only to him, sing praise only of him  There is yet lot more to happen.  This chunri just got you connected, a little relation got established.  There is yet lot more to receive, there is yet lot more to shower.

                                    Dawn broke when birdie chirped.

Buds with a little smile blossomed.

Drones having nectar got enchanted.

Night washed beloved's feet with her tears.

Dawn broke when birdie chirped.

When dawn removed her veil.

River bank echoed with chirping.

No one knows where star studs vanished.

Dawn broke when birdie chirped.

Night cried dew drops spreading.

Moon hid smiling for a moment.

When heart shuddered while anguish cried.

Dawn broke when birdie chirped.

Urmila, the morning is happening.  Morning is not happening because the birds are singing songs of the morning, birds are singing songs of the morning because the morning is happening.  The fact that I am calling upon you ... divine is there not because I am calling; I am calling because of the divine.  You simply regard me as much as the birds in the morning that sing songs.  The birds in the morning that sing song is only an announcement of dawn breaking.  And the songs that awakened ones have sung are simply the songs of morning birds.  The ones who have heard them are really fortunate.  Unfortunate are many.  They turn to the other side, cover their faces more with blanket and go into an even deeper slumber.  Perhaps they are overcome with displeasure as to why those birds have created this ruckus.  Why are these birds making all this noise.  Thy don't even let me sleep."  Most people are actually displeased when you wake them up.

I was student at university.  I had a teacher.  I used to go for a walk each morning at four o'clock.  He too had tried hard all his life to get up at four in the morning to go for a walk some time.  But he had never succeeded.  He said to me, "You go for a walk every day.  I have had hope for all my life to wake up some time in Brahma-muhurt (4 a.m.) but this never seems to happen.  I simply can’t get up before 8 or 9 o'clock.  I have never experienced the beauty of the morning and the freshness of morning.  Perhaps if you wake me up, this thing may happen."  I said, "I will wake you up."  He said, "But, there is a request.  When you wake me up, I would not consent to it   easily.  For my father too used to wake me, he used to pull me.  Even then I would not be able to get up.  In the morning I am in a total unconscious state.  When the alarm goes off, I throw the clock.  And I am the one who set the alarm before I sleep at night.  I have managed to destroy many clocks  saying, 'this wicked clock has started going off again in the early morning.'  Slowly and gradually my family members have completely dropped this issue.  I have told everyone to wake me up, but whoever wakes me up, I quarrel with him in the morning.  So I am telling you this.  I said, "You let go of that worry.  You manage yourself."  He said, "meaning?"  I said, "Whatever task I undertake, I totally undertake!  If you are alive when we meet, get you up I will.  If you happen to be dead, then that is a different matter."

So I got there along with three or four people.  I said to myself, now who knows, alone I may or may not manage.   Getting him to stand again and again, we pulled him, even slapped him - he was my teacher - he started getting very angry, started giving me angry looks, "You being my student and you are hitting me."  I said, "At this time there is no student and no teacher.  At this moment there is one who awakens and one who sleeps.  This babbling will not do.  Today, I will have you experience the Brahma-muhurt."  Pulling this way or that, pouring a bucket full of water on top of him - started to cuss.  I had never heard him cussing.  Some real cuss words he started to utter.  as to you are ill mannered, and you are this and you are that.  We said, "Nothing doing.  You may continue with babbling."  We put clothes on him forcibly.  Having taken him with us, we went for a walk - four men holding him.   When the morning freshness pacified him a little, and when he looked at the rising sun's ecstasy, he started to apologize profusely, "Forgive me for the cuss words."  We said, "Its not appropriate for you to ask for forgiveness.  We should ask for yours that we had tortured you so much and also beat you up.  Being student, we should not beat you.  We do ask for forgiveness.  But there was no other way."

Whomsoever has awakened you, you have been displeased with him.  Sleep feels lovely, because in the shade of sleep lovely dreams are continuing.  What all kinks of dreams have you!  I may do this, or do that, I may become this or that.  You are constructing some immense empires.  You are erecting tall gold palaces.  And during all this someone comes and awakens you, and during this if someone determines to awaken you and you make millions of schemes and he does not leave you alone - so people remained displeased with the awakened ones.  Their displeasure is quite natural.  This, the awakened ones have accepted with tremendous love.

Jesus at the time of death prayed to god, "O almighty, forgive all of them, because thy know now what they are doing.  The one who was awakening them, they are killing him.  The one who was shattering their dreams, they are hanging him.  And forgive them, because these are poor sleeping people.  They either protect dreams or protect me.  Of the two, only one can remain protected.  If I will remain, then I will continue to interrupt their sleep.  If I do not remain, then they can decidedly sleep."

Urmila, my function is only as much as of those morning birds, announcing the coming of dawn.  And the dawn has been present always.  The morning birds are only here sometimes, that is the predicament.  Therefore the one who hears is fortunate.  And you heard my utterance.  My utterance has reached your heart.  That is why you are saying, "I am totally fulfilled with gratitude."  Do not just carefully set aside that gratitude with in yourself.  Distribute it.  Because the only way to express gratitude is:  what you found you distribute.  Buddha has said to his disciples, "When you get the taste, then go and distribute.  And not two of you should go on the same path, in the same direction.  Find separate paths, discover separate directions so that the news of this elixir can reach maximum number of people."  And Jesus said to his disciples, "Get on the roofs of houses and shout from there."  Until you shout, the people are fast asleep, such that they will not be able to awaken.  Therefore, whosoever gets a little taste with me, gets a little news of dawn, gets hold of a little sunbeam - for him there is only one way to thankk, that he distributes it and tosses it with both hands.

Urmila!  toss with both hands, speak it, sing, hum.  Let it manifest from you passionately.

Beloved! if I could keep silent, but I just can’t keep silent!

 

Silently burn with thirst are the desert stones in distress.

Silently burn stars - silently burn candles drop by drop.

Alas! if I could remain silent - bearing the dark new-moon night of thirst.

This raining ocean of adoration does not quite become as verbose.

And silence, please do not ask why not spend life in silence.

As it is, even in the songs the dedication is not happening.

Else, amidst that burning I could feel some relief.

Beloved! if I could keep silent, but I just can’t keep silent!

 

The innermost burns, lips burn and I silently move unmoving.

But amidst the wild prairie of suffering I do not open my heart.

I see day and night, continuously, the sweet garden being torched.

I see a youth burning, after a lost dream.

I see a storm rising but then stifled within heart.

I see unclothed woman screaming from within closed house.

My sin, the thirst of sadness, would have been a blessing.

The death could not have imprisoned the purity of birth.

But I received your love, how could I conceal it!

The pride packed heart - how long could I not sing it!

When did error of this life, awakened the wonderful thirst from epochs,

Satiety is not even barren while the door to life and death are empty.

Satiety - yes, the ever-lasting satiety only when scorched in fire of dreams.

My stable heart turns to ashes in these absences.

More it turns to ashes more my determination gets soaked.

Beloved! if I could keep silent, but I just can’t keep silent!

 

As you are Omnipresent and echo - I experience you.

The pangs of separation all over the earth, only your flame shines.

Today you do truth over my dream and my verbosity.

The desire remains, though - as if the heart is not fulfilled, not for a moment.

As long as your Omnipresence does not bring peace in life.

Beloved! your flame is incomplete, you should know.

What kind of fire is that from whence a cascade of water doesn't reverberate!

Beloved! if I could keep silent, but I just can’t keep silent!

 

Today, I again need a flowing flame of worship.

May your blessed shine always be visible as lighted.

When the darkness of setting sun is intense on the screen of evening.

May the ray of my self-container be liberated, beyond bondage.

May I see at the remaining boundaries a restless celebration of your lights.

Let the intoxicated night burst into song, "Yes! I attained your love."

The echo of my vibes - this dispersion has unique ecstasy.

I decorate your path with distressed arms, today.

Beloved! if I could keep silent, but I just can’t keep silent!

            When you get a little glimpse of that divine love, then even if you want to remain silent, you will not be able to remain silent.  You will simply have to speak.  And knowing that even after speaking of it, it can’t be spoken.  That song can never be sung, even then you will have to hum.  That dance can never be danced, even then you will have to tie dancing bells around your legs.  Even then you will have to play drums.  Even then you will have to caress harp.  That inexpressible can’t be expressed.  Even then when his flood would rush within, then there is no alternative but to distribute.

Beloved! if I could keep silent, but I just can’t keep silent!

Even if you want you can’t remain silent.  Do not wish it either.  There is no need to remain silent.  The day when this happens within your heart that you need to give thanks to me, that day you should know that the hour has come to distribute.  Whatsoever you have received, toss it with both hands.

But I received your love, how could I conceal it!

Beloved! if I could keep silent, but I just can’t keep silent!

And do you know:

As it is, even in the songs the dedication is not happening.

What has to be said, could not possibly said.  Even then it will have to be said.  Because in your very attempt to say it the thirst of many would become igneous.  Even in your unsuccessful effort to say it, many would have awakened and yearning to attain that ultimate taste.  You will caress the strings of many , you may be able to sing or not be able to sing but the hearts of many could become reverberant.  Spread the song of love, sing the song of divine.  That is the only gratitude there is. 

Urmila, you asked, "you have bestowed chunri of love upon me" now bestow this chunri of love on others also.  And be aware of an eternal law, love is such a treasure that it grows as you give away, and diminishes when you do not give away.  Ordinary economics does not apply on the treasure of love.  The law of ordinary economics is:  give away and it will diminish; hoard and it will grow.  The economics of the inner has the law:  give away and the treasure would grow, do not give away then whatever you have also would be lost.

The ones who have known the truth have said daan (charitable gift giving) to be religious. Gift-giving does not mean that you give couple of pennies to someone.  Some kind of giving it is!  You really had not come with anything, you had robbed someone of couple of pennies, then gave it to someone.  Is that some kind of gift-giving!  You will not really take anything with you.  What would be left behind anyway, if you gave it away, what kind of gift-giving is it!  NO, there is no sense in that kind of gift-giving.  Daan is an incredible word.  The meaning of daan is:  what you have within you, what you are, give it away.  Give away of yourself.  And in that giving away your atman would keep growing, would keep expanding.

While giving away, the atman becomes the supreme atman.

 

The fourth question:  Osho!

There were other excuses for life also.

We might have dropped yearning for you also.

Krishna Bharti, even if you had other excuses, you could not have lost the yearning for him.  No excuse can take guise of losing yearning for him.  Because no attainment is an attainment without attaining him.  Without attaining the divine, man remains but a beggar, no matter what he attains.  Even if a man builds huge empires ...

Yagnavalkya, an ancient sage from India, started to go toward jungle after renouncing home.  He had two wives.  He had boundless wealth.  He said, "Now that I am leaving, this wealth I divide between you two equally."  One of the wives was rather delighted - must have been a wife like any other wife.  Perhaps she might have married Yagnavalkya just for that wealth.  "This is good indeed that now the rattrap is over.  This gentleman is on his way out and is leaving behind boundless wealth!  Rest and recreation - here I come!"

But the second wife said, "When you are renouncing all this wealth and going away, one thing is certain; this wealth is not really wealth.  Otherwise, why would you renounce it.  And what you are renouncing, why are you making me entangled into it?  Why are you giving it to me?  If you found it worth renouncing, they why are you giving all this trash to me?  Then you also show me the same, that which is the real wealth, in search of which you are going away.  What shall I do with this wealth!"

She said the right thing.  This thing is straight. this is clear.  "If you did not gain anything out of this wealth then what would I gain?"

But very few people are that intelligent - the ones who learn from others' experience.  You just take a peek in the eyes of rich people, you will find poverty there.  You just take a peek in the interiority of people at big positions, you will find much inferiority.  Psychologists keep saying that only those people suffering from inferiority complex become desirous of posts, become ambitious.  The ones who suffer from inferiority complex are the only ones who enter politics.  Brilliant people do not get into politics.  By coincidence sometimes you may find some brilliant man in politics, that is different.  That is an exception.  But for most part only a sick minded person goes into politics, the one who has inferiority complex - full of deep inferiority complex.  The one who knows  that he is nothing and he wants to show that he is something.  And one way available is to have power, prestige or post.  Then if the post can be obtained by serving others, then he even serves..  But the goal is the post.  To obtain the post by hook or by crook.

But you just take a peek in the ones who have post.  There is neither rest, nor bliss nor love.  It simply can’t be.  Because if only there were love, the struggle that one has to go through would have become difficult.  One has to slash many throats.  One has to use many people as stepping stones - one has to step on top of their dead bodies.  No one reaches Delhi just like that.  One has to leave behind a large cemetery then only one gets to Delhi.  One has to cause unhappiness and pain to, no one knows how many people - then only one gets to Delhi.  If there were love, this would have never been possible.  And after causing unhappiness and pain and defeat to so many people, the one who gets to post, how can he be restful.  Because all those people would be anxious to avenge.  And the one who has achieved the post - he is not the only one who is desirous of post.  The whole world of people itself is desirous of post - whole earth is full of disease of ambition - we have poisoned every child with ambiition - so you are not the only one trying to get to post, all people are trying to get to that very post.  So, there is much throng and huddle, much fighting and combating.  Where is happiness?  Where is rest?

No matter how much you collect in this world, you do not get any thing.  But very few people are as intelligent as Yagnavalkya's wife who said, "When you did not get anything then why are you giving it away to me.  Show me the same path."

You look around a little carefully.  If you have any intelligence then you will come to understand on thing, that there is nothing worth getting in this world.  And that very hour of understanding is called 'sannyas.'

You say:

There were other excuses for life also.

We might have dropped yearning for you also.

No, Krishna Bharti, no excuse could become a hurdle to attain him.  All excuses collapse -tomorrow, if not today.  They prove to be illusory, to be mirages.  One must attain him and only him.  All the rest of the excuses are just excuses to efface from memory.  May be you will keep it side tracked for a while, keep it busy, keep it disillusioned - they are toys which are short-lived.  So, go ahead and play.

Therefore, you have to alter the toys every day.  Today's toys become stale tomorrow; you have to again invent new toys tomorrow.  Then you stay busy for a while, then again you will have to invent new toys.  We keep altering toys for the whole life and then die.  But do remember, no matter how often you alter the toys and no matter how often you alter paths and no matter how often you invent ways to dodge him, you can’t dodge his memory.  His memory will surface again and again - tomorrow if not today.  Because he is our nature.  He is our inner self.  If we did not attain him, we would have lost ourselves.

To efface you from memory, I

Have changed so many paths.

But your foot prints, I come across

No matter where I walk.

I destroyed that flute wherein your music was enclosed.

All those places I scrapped where your signature encroached.

 

To efface you from memory, I

Planted flowers, watered vines.

But your body fragrance

Comes from flowers blossoming.

Opened all those doors, I did, that you person0ally had shut.

I did every act, keeping track of the ones you abhorred.

 

To efface you from memory, I

Got connected with palaces.

To walk in their shadowy alleys,

Alas! my feet burn.

So much crowd I gathered around me.

It seems though all are but strangers and dreams.

 

To efface you from memory, I

Have come far away from you.

But even here the trees

Fan cool breeze just like you did.

No, escape is not possible.  There is no escape anywhere.  Because the divine is everywhere. Wherever you go, you would only find him.

To efface you from memory, I

Have come far away from you.

But even here the trees

Fan cool breeze just like you did.

Where would you go?  How would you hide from him?  His temple extends endlessly.  We are in his temple itself.  Wherever you are, you stand on holy ground.  Wherever you are, it is pilgrimage.  A man does try everything.

To efface you from memory, I

Planted flowers, watered vines.

But your body fragrance

Comes from flowers blossoming.

In rose there is only his fragrance.  And also in lotus and also in jasmine and also in orchid.  All fragrance is his.  Fragrance itself is his.  Color itself is his.  Look at rainbow, all seven colors are his.  And some herdsman starts to play his pipe, the music is all his.  And somewhere on a mridang (double drum), a palm strikes, then only he is sounding, only he is playing.  No, there is no way to escape.  Awaken, not run.  To dodge him is samsar (cycle of births), to immerse in him is sannyas.  By stretching your hand elsewhere, what will you get.  When the master of masters is willing to bestow, why do you not stretch you bag before him?  You are begging from beggars who are begging themselves!

I have heard, two palmists used to meet every morning on a street corner before going to bazaar.  They used to read each other's palm.  Everything was OK.  They used to read palms to foretell how they were to fair that day.  If you are showing palm to someone who himself is showing his palm!  Think about it.  Can you not see your own palm!

I was in Jaipur.  Someone brought a well known palmist to me.  This palmist said, "Well, my fees is one thousand and one rupees."  I said, "I will pay.  Do read my palm first."  He read palm.  He told me all nonsense tid-bids the way palmists say.  When it was done and over with, I said, "Well, good bye!"  He said, "And how about thousand one rupees."  I said, "For that you should have left home after reading your own palm."  He said, "What do you mean!"  I said, "Today, you simply do not have thousand one rupees in your fate."  He said, "What are you saying!?  I told you in the very beginning that my fees is one thousand one rupees."  You might have told me but it has to be in your fate too!  Show me your palm."  I continued, "it is not there.  What can I do, after all.  I would be happy to give, but I can’t go against fate."  I said to him, "At the least you should leave home after reading your own palm so that you will know what kind of man you are likely to encounter.  You could not even do that.  You are attempting to read my palm and could not read you own palm!"

However, here people are begging for before beggars.  The one you are begging from is the one who is begging from you.  How fascinating.  The one you are asking for love, is the one asking love from you.  If he himself had love, then why would he ask you.  And if you had love, hen why would you ask him.  Lovers do not ask for love, they bestow love.  The ones who have, they give.  The ones who do not have, they ask.  Now if you must ask, then why ask from the little ones.

From now on I shall never

Stretch palm before a tree.

O sandalwood, even you can’t

Relieve me of my heat.

If divinity itself is not relieving heat, it is its wish.  But why, then, ask anyone else.

From now on I shall never

Stretch palm before a tree.

O sandalwood, even you can’t

Relieve me of my heat.

 

All that fragrance you gave me

I emanate more scent than that.

The empty container that you gave me,

I touch it and go insane!

I will not go to a healer

And complain of my pain.

When you, the very ointment

Are unable to heal my wound.

 

 

Every time I got bored with home

Intersections entertained my mind.

"Sun will rise again, tomorrow"

Reassured me the herdsman.

Never will I ask for strength

From the floating bunch of straws.

You are the boat and yet

Couldn't keep me afloat with you.

 

Never will I ask for strength

From the floating bunch of straws.

Why beg for support from straws.

You are the boat and yet

Couldn't keep me afloat with you.

If the boat of divinity could not keep you afloat with it, who would take you and float!  If his sandalwood could not cool you, then who would cool you!  No, give up begging at all other places, give up all other doors.  Set your foot only at his door.  Do not absolutely leave.  Just keep persistently knocking at his door.

Jesus has said, "Knock.  Knock and doors will open." Demand, just keep demanding and the demand will be fulfilled.  "Ask and get the answer.  Seek, just keep seeking and obtaining is a certainty.  Yes, it can happen sooner or later.  But the delay does not happen from his side; your demand itself is lukewarm; that is why.  In your urge there is no urgency, there is no totality.  Your urge is not from total being.  It is like:  "Well, let us see, may be it will be bestowed."  It will not be bestowed like that.

Vivekanand spoke in America.  Once he referenced bible and said, "If you have trust and tell even the mountains, the mountains will move."  Immediately an old woman started to applaud.  She was much pleased.  Right behind her house, there was a mountain.  And because of the mountain she was much inconvenienced.  Because of the mountain neither light would come into her house not winds.  The house laid in the shadow of the mountain.  And cold also bothered the old woman.  If only the sunlight could come in ... So she thought, "This is good, I did read bible but never paid attention to it.  This is true, Bible does say it that trust can move mountains."  She thought, "Right now, the very first thing to do once I get there ... "

She went home, opening the window she looked at the mountain the last time - she wanted to peruse it - closed the window.  She sat down at the very spot and said, "Oh lord, I speak with trust, remove this mountain, remove it completely!"  Then she repeated three or four times.  She continued to sit there for a while.  Then she got up and opened the window.  The mountain was still there where it was before.  She said, "I knew it.  Is that a way to move mountains!"

If you already knew it that "Is that a way to move mountains!" then how can you have energy in you utterance!  If you already knew it that mountains do not move then where is the trust!  The condition itself is not fulfilled.  The condition is:  "Trust can move mountains."  But trust can move, not speech.  If trust itself is not there, then what to speak of mountains, even straws do not move.  And our trouble is this:  se do urge, we do call, but there is no life in over calling at all.  Life is needed in the calling, then it will be able to get to him.  Then only can it get there.  There must be some life in the call, some energy.   Some strength must be there in calling.  We, just like that, half- heartedly ... "Perhaps, if it happens, it happens - what is the harm, what is there to lose!"  Our prayer is impotent, that is why it goes to waste.

Urge ... urge with total heart and it will be bestowed.  And when you urge, do not urge for mediocre things.  Because mediocre things can’t be urged with total heart.  The things themselves are mediocre, how can their urge be total!  How can their urge be grand!  Only one urge can be grand, the urge for divine.  Ask for divine itself.  And the one who attains the master has attained all.

 

The last question:  Osho!  I offer my heart to your feet!   For the last ten years (currently at the age of thirty) in my home town, in Haridwar and Rishikesh, Mathura, Vrindavan, Nasik and Bombay, while I moved amidst sadhus' crowd, at Kumbh and even on occasions of putting many close relatives' sarcophagi to cremation I did not ever have the experience of crying.  In spite of my hatred toward your method of experiencing divine, I came here.  Only one sentence (from your book: "Invitation from an unknown ocean," ) namely, "Knowing is not attained from the outside," pushed me toward sannyas.  During discourse, a baffling logic:  "Remember, all names belong to divinity and all names are false"; "On every single thing in nature, the divinity has its signature," "You are incessantly surrounded by him" - hearing these not only the tears of love started rolling, I do not even know a way to stop them.

Osho!  what shall I do now?

Ramavatar! now you can cry to your heart's content.  Now that unprecedented moment has arrived:  to cry.  There is absolutely no other prayer deeper than tears.  There is absolutely no urge more intense than tears.  Tears only bridge.  Tears only become a bridge between you and divinity.  And only tears, only the tears of love will cleanse your eyes, clarify them.  And only tears will wash away dirt from your eyes and membranes from eyes will be cut through.  Layer from eyes will be cut through.  Vision will be attained.  And tears not only cleanse eyes, purify them, they also cleanse your heart in the process and render it innocent.

You say that you moved among the crowd of sadhus and saints and tears never rolled.  It must not have been the crowd of sadhus and saints.  These are gatherings of egoists - how could tears roll there?  Tears belong to a person without ego.  That is why, you see, men cry less - men are more egoistic.  When a man cries, people say, "How unmanly, what are you crying for?  Why are you behaving like a woman?"  The man's swell-headedness and ego do not allow him to cry.  And among men also, the ones who become hermits etc., their ego become even more solidified.  And the ones who have lighted the holy fire etc., and who have found five to ten idiotic disciples - what to say about them!  They are filled with dangerous ego.  Where are tears there!  Even heart dry out there.  There the juicy-flow is totally dried out.  There even head swells because of renunciation and austerity.  There the pride comes because of vows and fasting.  There the "I have relinquished the world," the dangerous ego starts getting stronger.  You move with only those egotists.  That is why tears did not roll.  You did not find the company of devotees.  You did not find the company of lovers.

And what sadhus and saints would you find in these kumbh fares!  To these kumbh fares only circuses arrive.  Different variety of circus - Great Bombay Circus and Great Raymond Circus and Great Russian Circus - all kinds of circus arrive there.  You see the circus of nagas, and the crowds of sadhus and saints - their arenas!  You only sat beside them.  Therefore tears could not flow there.

This, here, is not a kumbh-fare.  It is but a wine-temple.  This is not even a temple - here the meeting of lovers is happening.  This is just a gathering of love crazy people.  Here simply device to blossom heart is being created.  Not to fulfill wisdom - to blossom feeling.  If the tears do not roll then you were stone-hearted.

All love and surrender is gone to waste.

All worship and prayer is gone to waste.

He did not stir, move or smile. I lost my heart.

Stone-hearted was the god I had.

On face was the illusion of affection.

On body was the shadow of lethargy.

My profusely falling tears couldn't dampen his lapel.

Stone-hearted was the god I had.

Undulating flames of lamp-light rows.

Staring at which spent nights innumerable.

Better 'n that turned out were the stars in clear sky.

Stone-hearted was the god I had.

And those temples and pilgrimages you kept going to, you kept making offering of flowers on those stones!  When you sit in front of gods of stones, how could the tears flow!  Even if you have them, they would dry out.  You too will become stone-hearted.  Choose your deities rather carefully.  Because choosing deities signifies that you have chosen your future.  Do not worship stones lest you should become stone.  Do not worship corpses lest you should become a corpse.  Do not worship escapists lest you should become an escapist.  Won't you worship the one you want to become!

Where there is a lively deity, do bow down, and wherever there is a temple that is lively, it has the semblance of a wine-temple.  There the inner wine is exchanged.  There the spirits are taken and given.  There is the gathering of drunkards.

Ramavatar!   you have come to the right place by mistake.  Even after being shoved around, you anchored on this shore.  That is an incredible happening.  Because you say that "in spite of my hatred toward your method of experiencing divine, I came here."  That is an incredible happening.  But if you understand the inner logic, it is not much of a surprise.

Here two types of people come - only two types of people can come.  And I wish I can divide the whole humanity into two types of people.  That is what I am attempting to do.  Either you love me or you hate me.  I do not like the man in between.  And this is the work I am engaged in.  Either you will have to love me or you will have to hate me.  Indifference ... indifference will simply not do with me.  You will see in ten to twenty years that either a man hates me or loves me.  The whole situation will divide in two.  It is constantly dividing, each day it is constantly dividing itself.

I am not uncomfortable with people who hate.  Because the one who hates, he will love me tomorrow, if not today.  Because the hatred is the other side of love - love doing a head-stand, love upside-down.  Hatred is not too far from love.  Hatred is but the reversed situation of love.  And the one who is doing a head-stand, to have him stand on his feet is not much of a problem, Ramavatar, therefore the thing clicked.  You came, stood on top of your head.  We did not have to take much trouble.  Simply this much had to be explained, "Why are you unnecessarily torturing your head - the creator has created you to stand on your feet.  If he meant to have you stand on your head, he would have made you stand on your head.  Why are you doing head-stand?"  And the thing was understood - that is all, that simple.  And you quickly took a jump and stood on your feet - that is what sannyas is.  To bring someone from upside-down position to right-side-up.  That is sannyas all about.

The one who loves too would be transformed and the one who hates too can be transformed.  But the one who is on the side lines, indifferent, with him no connection can be established.  Because there is no emotional relation with him.  The one with whom there is relationship of hatred, after all there is an emotional connection.  The one who hates me also thinks about me day and night - he has to think.  The one who loves me perhaps may forget once in a while - there are thousand other things to do - but the one who hates me simply thinks.  He will have to think.   And the one who hates  also will have to come here sometime.  He will think, "Let me go see at least one time the one whom I hate and waste my life away - let me at least see him as to what the matter is!"  You had not come here and became full of hatred.  And there are innumerable people who are full of hatred and have never come here.  They will have to come, there hatred alone will drive them here.  And once you have arrived here, then you already know ... that here hypnosis goes on.  Men become mesmerized.  Healthy and well people come and become totally messed up.  They lose all their faculties.  They come with much wisdom and all that wisdom vanishes.  This is what happened with you.  You remained in the company of holy men, you lived with renunciants,  with indifferent people - you must have brought much trash.  But trash is just trash - a single spark falls upon it and it turns into ash.

Such was the spark that entered within you.  With a simple sentence, "Knowing is not attained from the outside."

These are simple things, I am not saying anything big.  I am saying straight forward talks, as simple as two and two makes four.  Anyone who has the least wisdom would have to accept these things.  He only has to hear.  He only has to understand.  Now if he sits with his ears plugged, then that is a matter altogether different.  If he becomes deaf then that is a matter altogether different.  If he does not open his eyes then that is a matter altogether different.  Otherwise these things are straight forward, "all names belong to divinity and all names are false"; "On every single thing in nature, the divinity has its signature, "who else can have them!  Because only he is within everybody.  And all names are false, they are all utilitarian, since no infant comes into this world with a name.  He does not come marching with a certificate, holding under his arm saying here is my name and address.  When a child is born he is born without a name.

Do you know if rose knows that its name is 'rose.'  If it did and one day you called it 'gulab' it would have quickly lost its temper and said, "Stop this non-sense.  My name is rose.  My name is not gulab."  But rose does not know whether its name is 'rose' or 'gulab'  or what.  It does not even have any name.  You have give names, arbitrarily.  Neem is neem whether you call it 'neem' or you call it 'mango.'  Give it any name, neem does not know anything, it matters not to it.  Does name make any difference!  You can stick any label.

We have to stick labels, otherwise, how would the order of the world be kept?  For distinction we have to assign names, this person is Ram or that person is Rahim.  And the stupidity is this when Ram begins to think one day that this is who he is.  The identification happens with the label.  Neither you are Ram nor Rahim.  No name is true.  They are imaginary, arbitrary, and of course useful.  But they have nothing to do with reality.  Even then I say that all are his names.  Because neem too is his name, mango too is his name, rose too is his name, Ram too is his name, Rahim too is his name.  Because only he is and nothing else.  The logic is quite straight forward.

Listening to these little, simple things you say, "hearing these not only the tears of love started rolling, I do not even know a way to stop them."  Do not stop them.  You are fortunate that the tears started to roll.  First time you have arrived for satsang.  First time you have connected with pilgrimage.  Pilgrimage is there where tears flow.  Temple is where heart is overwhelmed with exuberance, with joy, with ecstasy; where something inside begins to hum; where feet begin to dance.  Now let these tears pray divine, these tears will become your prayer - do not withhold them.  Now you ask me, "what shall I do now?"  Now you do nothing, let them flow, kindly do nothing.  Do not withhold them, do not become careful because of old habit, "What am I doing!"  You say to yourself, "Ramavatar, a man like you, the one who has stayed in the company of sadhus and mahatmas; a satsangi, crying like babies!  A man like you with knowledge of Brahman, crying like babies!"  Do not just withhold them, else you will miss.  Get not separated from door just when you nearing it.  Sometimes a little error can have you separated.

There is a Buddhist parable.  A man has lost his way in a palace - it's a huge palace.  In that palace there are one thousand doors, although nine hundred ninety nine are false, they only look like door but are walls.  They are doors painted on walls.  When you approach them you would find nothing but walls.  When you see from a distance they look like doors.  One door is real out of thousand doors.  And this man who has gotten lost is wandering about trying to find the real door.  And having passed nine hundred ninety nine doors after hours of wandering, the man arrives to the thousandth one - the one that is real, totally tired and dejected.  But the one who has seen nine hundred ninety nine false ones, it is hard for him to believe the real one.  All the nine hundred ninety nine looked real, there was no difference and they all proved false.  Now the thousandth one!  he approaches it the same way; tired, dejected, dragging his feet.  Just then a fly lands on his ear and while brushing it off he wanders on ahead.  He misses the thousandth door.  He does not grope at the thousandth door.  Please do not be cross with this man.  He who has groped at nine hundred ninety nine doors and found them all to be false, how can he be enthused about the thousandth one?  And he had a little excuse, that the fly had landed on his ear.  He got busy in brushing it off and wandered ahead.  He restarted the perplexity of nine hundred ninety nine.

Sometimes you can miss a right door even when you are very close.

Do not stop tears, do not repress them.  This sannyas initiation that I have given you, Ramavatar, is not the old style of rotten sannyas.  This is lively sannyas.  This is not the sannyas of the escapists, this is the sannyas that belong to the ones who love life.  This is not life negative, this is respect for life, this is great respect for life.  It regards divine as permeating through this world.  That this is why it does not renounce this world.  It carefully gazes at this world, searches it - divine is here, some where.  This sannyas possess the capability and the courage to live.  Allow your tears to become prayer.

I called your name!

Coming and going, evening and morning

Evening under the wings of sky

Star has sparkled bright!

I called your name!

Show candlelight in the dark

Show me my path,

O all merciful!  I am weak

Let me have some help.

I called your name!

Thorns in the path pinch me,

Smiling flowers bow in branch tree,

Search in every particle I thee

My heart now accepts defeat!

I called your name!

With songs I tried forgetting pain

Found autumn even in spring.

My crazy heart lost the way

May I find the shore now!

I called your name!

Let these tears become a cry!  Let them become prayer!  Do not stop them.  Let them flow profusely.  Let them become waterfall.  Let them flow, these will reach his feet.  They will wash his feet.  These very flowers of your eyes are the flowers of your worship offering.  And through this very path that amazing thing will happen, the slightest touch with which bridges you with the immortal.

Vine will flourish with subtle fragrance.

Let your feet just touch the floor.

Tear is such a close relative

That this stays with you with each pain.

Songs must flow between us

            But on me that is a restriction.

I wish the blind fate obtain eye-sight,

Only if you touch your eyes with my forehead.

 

Some intoxication from him I inherited

Those carefree back alleys that had raised me.

Empty vessels were all in a row

When I just stepped outside home.

See, these tears will transform into flowers

Only if you touch your eyes with my clothes.

 

You have strung me through such a necklace

A customer for which is hard to find.

Those buds supportive of me till now

Those buds have brought me bad name.

The one in which you gazed your reflection

Only just touch me with that mirror.

 

Vine will flourish with subtle fragrance.

Let your feet just touch the floor.

Just a little goose-bump, just a little touch of the divine and the revolution happens!  Iron transforms into gold!  Pebbles transform into diamonds.

See, these tears will transform into flowers

Only if you touch your eyes with my clothes.

Vine will flourish with subtle fragrance.

Let your feet just touch the floor.

Enough for today.

 

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