You've got "Male" Humorous hints on how to recognize one

What qualifies me to write these astounding observations?  I have a husband, two sons, a father, two brothers, three male God children and a male parakeet. You may think that I'm going through some gender crisis.  I'm not.  I'm too busy taking notes.  Men have either encouraged me to write or forced me into it as a form of therapy.  Here are some suggestions to help you recognize them.

When you need a raincoat to change a diaper, you've got male. When you have a crawling, jumping, squirming dirt magnet, you've got male. When you get a sincere marriage proposal from your own toddler, you've got male. When they have some extremely creative names for their body parts and for yours, you've got male.

When a Gym suit smells like it came from a compost bin instead of a school locker, you've got male. When a frost settles over the rest of your kitchen because the refrigerator door is held open for browsing, you've got male. When they can't find a red, ten inch tall bottle of ketchup in the refrigerator door, you've got male. When they call YOU to come (upstairs, downstairs) to find it, you've got male.

When two pairs of jeans constitute a large wash load on laundry day, you've got male. When an icy porcelain rim shocks your toasty warm rear-end because the seat was left up, you've got male. When someone says that they folded the laundry or emptied the dishwasher FOR YOU, you've got male. When changing a toilet paper roll is a chore best suited for your small delicate hands, you've got male.

When you're watching a sport and the players scratch themselves below the belt,  you've got male. When they idolize the Three Stooges and put them above the level of patron saints, you've got male. When they blame everything on Eve, then happily develop Viagra, you've got male. Mae West once said,"It's not the men in my life, it's the life in my men."  Amen!

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