Unlike the famous kangaroo courts of the Old West, the Dungaroo Court seeks true justice. Its purpose is to expose the sometimes subtle, sometimes not-so-subtle, hypocrisy, hearsay, and otherwise general flinging of dung often found in statements espoused by some of the well-intended, but possibly misguided, members of our society. Defendants are sworn in using the hypocritical oath.

"OK, Cub boy, stick up for Dusty Baker all you want, but what will you say when the Marlins get spanked by the Yankees in five games?  Will you have a commentary after Joe Torre shows Dusty how to beat a mediocre team in the playoffs?"

Oops! Well, I can only hope the experience of the Yankees losing in six games and your woeful and hate-filled prediction being on the record forever will help you learn to wait until all the evidence is in before you reach a verdict.  Will you write me another letter admitting that Dusty Baker was vindicated by the Marlins winning in six?

Charge: Argument falls apart in face of facts
Verdict: GUILTY!



"I’m sure you’re thrilled with Arnold Schwarzenegger’s election victory, but let me throw something at you to ponder.  Electing amateurs in place of professional politicians is the sign of, well, amateurs.  It’s a sign of the masses simply looking for a free lunch in the form of low taxes.  Folks like you think you are entitled to great schools, great roads, and great health care, but you don’t want to pay for it.  Like with Bush’s tax cuts, it doesn’t work.  You may be right that there is some waste in government, but that’s true of any corporate bureaucracy.  When will people like you stop believing in the phony promises of amateur politicians who pledge to provide everything at no cost?"

Ma’am, with all due respect, you are operating under so many delusions I don’t know where to begin.  When have I said anything remotely resembling a belief in government entitlements?  I am willing to pay for services.  The flaw in your logic is that taxpayers provide over two trillion dollars of revenue to the government annually for the services you list, and “great” is not the word I would use to describe them.  I notice you didn’t mention the military.  Is it safe to assume that’s something you don’t want to pay for?

You must have written your comment about Bush’s tax cuts before hearing the news of the third-quarter GDP growth of 7.2%, the fastest growth in decades. 

I must say I don’t share your jaded view of corporate America.  The giant wasteful conglomerates you compare government to represent a very small fraction of the businesses out there.  The majority are small companies who do not exhibit the wasteful habits we see in government.  They can’t afford them.  Unlike our government, private companies do not have the infinite resource of law-abiding tax-payers to fund their overspending ways.

Your letter makes me wonder, how did we ever get by in the dark ages, before tax revenues were in the multi-trillions?

Charge: Poorly-thought-out alligence to the elite
Verdict: GUILTY!!!



"Fierce, I’m surprised you don’t sell Ghettopoly on your racist website."

Nice.  I have not commented on Ghettopoly, but since you brought it up and are apparently offended by this game, let me offer a few thoughts.

I am offended by Eminem.  I am offended by Warren Sapp.  I am offended by most things that pass for entertainment on MTV.  And guess what?  Nobody cares.  Nobody cares.  But if I don’t join you in the wave of outrage over a goofy game like Ghettopoly, I’m a racist?  Sorry, I’m not buying.

What you are employing here is a double-standard.  People like you have succeeded in having this game removed from store shelves, and you take gratification in doing so.  Yet record companies, TV networks, and record stores that peddle entertainment vehicles based on the exact same cultural agitators, are defended.  I imagine you would cry “freedom of speech” if anyone attempted to remove the latest Ludicrous or Ja-Rule CD from record store shelves.  And rightly so… but who put you in charge of judging what’s acceptable and what’s not?

We’re to believe that Chris Rock, Eminem, and Whoopi Goldberg are merely commenting on the truths of our society, and that their race-laced tirades are just a reflection of what the world really is.  Show me how Ghettopoly is different.  In fact, take into consideration the impotence of a board game against entertainers who actually glamorize and perpetuate the cultural stereotypes you are so offended by.  Which is more dangerous?

So, are we speaking out against offensive material and the slimy glorification and profiteering of insensitive cultural stereotypes, or are we not?  Let me know.

Charge: Hypocrisy, inappropriate and tactless use of the R-word
Verdict: GUILTY!!



"Bush’s warmongering is disgraceful given that he has never been on the front lines.  Give me Kerry or Clark anyday."

I have nothing but the highest respect for anyone who has fought for this country.  If you feel that strong military credentials are a prerequisite for assuming the office of the president, that is certainly a reasonable opinion, and you have the right vote accordingly. 

But once a candidate is elected and becomes Commander-In-Chief, is it imperative, and it is his sworn duty, that he command the military in the best interest of our country, regardless of his personal history.  The assertion that Bush should allow his own record to dictate his decisions represents a counterproductive viewpoint.  Some close to Clinton believe his poor handling of the military was a direct result of draft-dodging allegations and his own moral dilemmas regarding the potential accuracies of them.  How exactly does that serve our country?

I would argue that Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and Franklin Delano Roosevelt played rather important roles in securing our country, all without military experience.

Charge: Not seeing the big picture
Verdict: GUILTY!


Continued...