JOKE OF THE WEEK!!!!!!

Each week on Friday I'll change the joke. The jokes have no relevance to Tom, they're just funny. P.S. I barely ever change the joke. i can't find any good ones. just goes to show....don't trust anything i say. unless its about Tom, that is.

Are you Normal?

- Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils.

- 21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.

- Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.

- 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.

- 3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with singles leading up to higher denominations.

- 91% lie regularly, so you can just throw away statistics like these based on their answers *grin*

- 27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz.

- 29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store.

- 50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the high prices of snack foods.

- 90% believe in divine retribution (but apparently not for lying)

- 10% believe in the 10 Commandments.

- 82% believe in an afterlife.

- 45% believe in ghosts.

- 13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail.

- 29% are virgins when they marry.

- 58.4% have called into work sick when we weren't.

- 10% of us switch tags in the store to pay less for an item.

- Over 50% believe in spanking - but only a child over 2 years old.

- 35% give to charity at least once a month.

- How far would you go for $10 million? 25% would abandon their friends, family, and church. 7% would murder.

- 69% eat the cake before the frosting.

- When nobody else is around, 47% drink straight from the carton.

- Snickers is the most popular candy.

- 22% of us skip lunch daily.

- 9% of us skip breakfast daily.

- 14% of us eat the watermelon seeds.

- Only 13% brush our teeth from side to side.

- 45% use mouthwash every day.

- 22% leave the glob of toothpaste in the sink.

- The typical shower is 101 degrees F.

- Nearly 1/3 of U.S. women color their hair.

- 9% of women and 8% of men have had cosmetic surgery.

- 53% of women will not leave the house without makeup on.

- 58% of women paint their nails regularly.

- 33% of women lie about their weight.

- 10% claim to have seen a ghost.

- 57% have had deja vu.

- 49% believe in ESP.

- 4 out of 5 of us have suffered from hemorrhoids.

- 44% have broken a bone.

- 14% have attended a self-help meeting.

- 15% regularly go to a shrink.

- 78% would rather die quickly than live in a retirement home.

- 46.5% of men say they ALWAYS put the seat down after they've used the toilet, yet women claim to ALWAYS find it up. What's up?

- 30% of us refuse to sit on a public toilet seat.

- 54.2% of us always wash our hands after using the toilet.

- 28.1% pee in the pool. Think about that next time you go swimming!

- 39% of us peek in our host's bathroom cabinet. 17% have been caught by the host... whoops, "uh.. just looking for the uh..."

- 81.3% would tell an acquaintance to zip it (his pants).

- 71.6% of us eavesdrop.

- 22% are functionally illiterate. (Reminds me of the lady who said, "My son ain't illiterate. We was married two weeks before he was born!")

- Less than 10% are trilingual.

- 37% claim to know how to use all the features on their VCR.

- 53% prefer ATM machines over tellers.

- 56% of women do the bills in a marriage.

- 2 out of 3 of us wouldn't give up our spouse even for a night for a million bucks. Now, make it TWO million and half the night... : )

- 20% of us have played in a band at one time in our life.

- 40% of us have had music lessons.

- 66% of women and 59% of men have used a mix to cook and taken credit for doing it from scratch.

- 53% read their horoscopes regularly.

- 16% of us have forgotten our own wedding anniversary, mostly men, (and they say statistics don't lie. See 91% Americans lie regularly for details. Yeah, we know the rest of you men just have wives who TELL you the anniversary is coming up!)

- 59% of us say we're average-looking.

- Blacks are more than twice as likely to call themselves beautiful.

- 90% of us depend on alarm clocks to wake us.

- 53% of us would take advice from Anne Landers.

- 28% of us have skinny-dipped. 14% with the opposite sex.

- 51% of adults dress up for a Halloween festivity.

- On average, we send 38 Christmas cards every year.

- 20% of women consider their parents to be their best friends.

- 2 out of 5 have married their first love.

- The biggest cause of matrimonial fighting is money.

- Only 4% asked the parents' approval for their bride's hand.

- 1 in 5 men proposed on his knees.

- 6% propose over the phone, (but that includes only of those who were accepted over the phone, not those who were hung up on)

- 71% can drive a stick-shift car.

- 45% of us consistantly follow the speed limit. [Must be the over 55 crowd : ) ] - 2/3 of us speed up at a yellow light.

- 1/3 of us don't wear seat belts.

- 12% of men never use their car blinkers.

- 44% of men tailgate to speed up the person in front of them.

- 25% drive after they've been drinking.

- 4 out of 5 sing in the car.

- 1 in 3 have had an extramarital affair.

- 62% think there is nothing wrong with affairs.

I'm running low on good jokes.
I'd be happy to post any that you might have as long
as they're not extremely offensive to a group of people.
I will give you credit for them if they appear.