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| The Distracted Ones | |||||||||||||||||||
| Attention Deficit Disorder in your browser- The weekly newsletter for people that just don't feel like working. |
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| Thought of the Week Money can't buy love, but it can rent a very close imitation. |
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| Issue II, Monday, June 13, 2005 |
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| Pic of the Week Check out all of the past Pics of the week here. |
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| News (We are not making these up, Honest!) Those who can, do. Those who can't... Philadelphia (Reuters) 06/07/05- An 80-year-old woman, who uses a walker and an oxygen tank, has been busted for running an escort service from her New Jersey Apartment, state police said on Monday. It doesn't matter how many times you read it... Buffalo, NY (Buffalo News) 04/10/05-In April, local police said Thomas Hunter, 55, ran off from a liquor store with a case of brandy, but dropped it while making his getaway, shattering the bottles within. He was arrested after returning to the scene of the spill and started sucking up the hooch with a straw. |
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Your Horoscope:* What a month you're going to have! With Saturn slipping into Cancer's piehole, the remaining planets line up on Wednesday giving you awesome powers. For 12 days you will be able to fart out Handel's Messiah in G-Minor. Other than that, feeling a bit agitated this month. A trip to the podiatrist should do the trick. Wear a shower cap on Saturday, and your dog should come home on her own. |
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| Index | |||||||||||||||||||
| Archive | |||||||||||||||||||
| Fun Stuff | |||||||||||||||||||
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| Pictures | |||||||||||||||||||
| Ask the Magic 8-Ball* Q:Is George W. Bush really a cleverly disquised ventriloquist puppet created by a joint venture of Haliburton and Nabisco to star in his own UPN sitcom titled "Hail to the beef? A:Signs point to Yes |
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| Distractions | |||||||||||||||||||
| Other Stuff | |||||||||||||||||||
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| Links | |||||||||||||||||||
| Useless Website of the Week: The official RPS (Rock-Paper-Scissors) Strategy Guide Click here to go there. |
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| Your fortune cookie says:* Help! I'm being held against my will in a fortune cookie factory! |
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| Surrealist Compliment: Your beautiful Bulgarian bricks stack like the thousand eyes of Estonian potatoes, peering amid fuzzy dreams of corrugated cardboard. |
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| Zen question: What was the best thing before sliced bread? |
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| Completely Useless facts: The "pound" symbol (#) on telephones actually is called an octothorpe. The number of births each year in India outnumber the entire population of Australia. In 1980, the city of Detroit presented Saddam Hussein with a key to the city. There is more real lemon juice in Lemon Pledge furniture polish than in Country Time Lemonade. |
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| This week's joke: A new teacher is trying to make use of her Psychology courses. She starts her class by saying, "Everyone that think they're stupid, stand up." After a few seconds, little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?" "No, ma'am," he says, "but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself." |
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| Other funky stuff: From the "If they only knew" category... "We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." -- Decca Recording Co. in a reject of the Beatles, 1962 "Everything that can be invented has been invented." -- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, US Office of Patents, 1899 ""This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." -- Western Union internal memo, 1876 "So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your part, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you, We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you,' And they said 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet." -- Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get interest started in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." -- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949 "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." -- Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943 "But what...is it good for?" -- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." -- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977 "640K ought to be enough for anybody." -- Bill Gates, 1981 |
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| *The magic 8 Ball, horoscope, and the fortune cookie's responses are for entertainment purposes only. As we are fully aware of the gifts of these seers, if taken literally you could hemorrage severely. But you know you believe it. Admit it. Your life cannot continue until you learn what these oracles have to offer. How pathetic. Disclaimer: My mind is so fragmented by randon excursions into a wilderness of abstractions and incipient ideas that the practical purposes of the moment are often submerged in my consciousness and I don't know what I'm doing. (My employers certainly have no idea.) |
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