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| The Distracted Ones | |||||||||||||||||||||
| Attention Deficit Disorder in your browser- The weekly newsletter for people that just don't feel like working. |
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| Thought of the Week Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back. |
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| Issue IV Monday, June 27, 2005 |
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| Pic of the Week | |||||||||||||||||||||
| News (We are not making these up, Honest!) How about an interview? LAS VEGAS, NV (AP) 06/22/05 -Alejandro Martinez, 23, is accused of holding up a pizza parlor. Authorities said Martinez ordered a pizza and started filling out a job application before displaying a gun and demanding money. The clerk handed over $200. Athorities the said Martinez then left behind the job application with his real name and address. "I would chalk it up to either inexperience or plain stupidity," said prosecutor Frank Coumou. Til Death do us part >Wheeze<>Koff< BERKSHIRE, UK (BBC News) 06/25/05-A 96-year-old man has married a 90-year-old woman to become one of the world's oldest couples to tie the knot. Raymond Robson and Faye Webber met at the Grange residential home in Goring, Berkshire, last summer. The new Mrs Robson was elated when Mr Robson popped the question - even though he was not able to get down on one knee. At the ceremony they were joined by friends and family, including the 6 sons and daughters, and 16 grandchildren and great-grandchildren they have between them. |
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| Check out all of the past Pics of the week here. | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| This Week's Issue | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| Archive | |||||||||||||||||||||
| Your Horoscope:* Good day to put strange labels on your binders and file cabinets, such as "launch codes", "who's been naughty", or "Snerge." This will be quite effective in distracting visitors, so they will often forget what ever they were preparing to bother you about. Beware striped Bass |
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| Fun Stuff | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| Distractions | |||||||||||||||||||||
| Ask the Magic 8-Ball* Q: Do you know the way to San Jose? A: My sources say No |
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| Other Stuff | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| Useless Website of the Week: Famous Birthdays Click here to go there. |
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| Your fortune cookie says:* Man who walk in middle of road get run over by bus. |
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| Surrealist Compliment: You have been blessed with the egregious qualities of a duffle-bag in His Majesty's Royal Navy. |
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| Zen question: Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? |
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| Completely Useless facts: Oxygen, carbon, hydrogen and nitrogen make up 90% of the human body. Miss Piggy's measurements are 27-20-32. In the original Star Wars movie, there are only two named female characters. The yo-yo originated in the Philippines, where it was used as a weapon in hunting. |
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| This week's joke: What’s the difference between a drunk and a stoner? A drunk drives through the stop sign; a stoner waits for it to turn green. |
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| Other funky stuff: The Star Spangled Banner -- A Drummer's Perspective: Oh, say can you Boom, Crash By the dawn's early Boom, Crash What so proudly we Boom, Crash At the twilight's last gleaming? Whose broad stripes and bright Boom, Crash Through the perilous Boom, Crash O'er the ramparts we Boom, Crash Were so gallantly streaming? 3 & 1...2...3... 2...2...3... 3...2...3... 4...2...3... 5...2...3... 6...2...3... 7...2...3... 8...2...Oh, Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boooommm; Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boooommm; Boom Boom Boom Boom Booooooooooom! |
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| *The magic 8 Ball, horoscope, and the fortune cookie's responses are for entertainment purposes only. As we are fully aware of the gifts of these seers, if taken literally you could hemorrage severely. But you know you believe it. Admit it. Your life cannot continue until you learn what these oracles have to offer. How pathetic. Disclaimer: My mind is so fragmented by random excursions into a wilderness of abstractions and incipient ideas that the practical purposes of the moment are often submerged in my consciousness and I don't know what I'm doing. (My employers certainly have no idea.) |
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