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| The Distracted Ones | |||||||||||||||||||
| Attention Deficit Disorder in your browser- The weekly newsletter for people that just don't feel like working. |
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| Thought of the Week The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. |
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| Issue VI Monday, July 11, 2005 |
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| Pic of the Week | |||||||||||||||||||
| News (We are not making these up, Honest!) Like an episode of the A-Team Pittsburgh, PA (Pittsburgh Tribune-Review) 06/05/05- In an early-morning shootout, two Pittsburgh undercover officers and suspect Keith Carter, 19, exchanged a total of at least 103 gunshots and missed every single shot. Now there's work to do... Richmond, VA (Associated Press) 06/04/05- The Virginia Employment Agency, which handles unemployment compensation, announced layoffs of 400 employees in June for lack of work because unemployment is so low in the state. |
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| Check out all of the past Pics of the week here. | |||||||||||||||||||
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| Your Horoscope:* Drug taking may prove itself to be inevitable at points of Sun storms on the 17th. Your only hope seems to be to offer Saturn a sacrifice in the form of a flowering pot plant in an attempt to quell its anger. Take an early nap. |
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| This Week's Issue | |||||||||||||||||||
| Archive | |||||||||||||||||||
| Fun Stuff | |||||||||||||||||||
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| Ask the Magic 8-Ball* Q: Am I really a poor excuse for a human being? A:Signs point to Yes |
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| Pictures | |||||||||||||||||||
| Distractions | |||||||||||||||||||
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| Other Stuff | |||||||||||||||||||
| Useless Website of the Week: World Beard Championships Click here to go there. |
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| Links | |||||||||||||||||||
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| Your fortune cookie says:* Girl who go camping must beware of evil intent |
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| Surrealist Compliment: Your pendulous thorax makes cellists envious of the rotund sounds emanating from your nose in D minor. |
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| Zen question: What if there were no hypothetical questions? |
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| Completely Useless facts: On average, 12 newborns are given to the wrong parents daily. The Guiness Book of World Records holds the record for the book most often stolen from US public libraries. 25% of Americans have appeared on television. The first product to have a UPC bar code was Wrigley's Spearmint gum. |
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| This week's joke: George W. Bush recently went to a primary school in Sedgefield to talk to the children about the war. After his talk he offered "question time." One little boy put up his hand, and the President asked him his name. "Billy!" "And what is your question, Billy?" "I have three questions: First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? And third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?" Just then the bell rang for lunchtime. George W. Bush informed the kiddies that they would continue after lunch. When they resumed, the President said, "OK where were we? Oh that’s right, question time. Who has a question?" A different little boy put up his hand and George pointed him out and asked his name. "Steve!" "And what is your question, Steve?" "I have five questions: First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the lunch bell sound 20 minutes early? And fifth, what the hell happened to Billy?" |
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| Other funky stuff: Why Dogs Don't Use Computers -Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95. -Fetch command not available on all platforms. -Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side. -Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit. -Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail." -Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating. -Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working. -Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee. -Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver. -Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging. -Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb. -Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome -Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand... -Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software. -SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test. -SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question! -Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manuever. -Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg. -Too Hard To Type With Paws. |
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| *The magic 8 Ball, horoscope, and the fortune cookie's responses are for entertainment purposes only. As we are fully aware of the gifts of these seers, if taken literally you could hemorrage severely. But you know you believe it. Admit it. Your life cannot continue until you learn what these oracles have to offer. How pathetic. Disclaimer: My mind is so fragmented by random excursions into a wilderness of abstractions and incipient ideas that the practical purposes of the moment are often submerged in my consciousness and I don't know what I'm doing. (My employers certainly have no idea.) |
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