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| The Distracted Ones | ||||||||||||||||||||
| Attention Deficit Disorder in your browser- The weekly newsletter for people that just don't feel like working. |
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| Thought of the Week The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up. |
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| Issue XII Monday, Aug 22, 2005 |
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| News (We are not making these up, Honest!) Hell, I feel like that some days... West Hartford, CN (Hartford Courant) 8/22/05-Police arrested Matthew Flynn, 46, in August for allegedly threatening to castrate a Melly's ice-cream truck driver with a pair of hedge clippers because the driver blared his jingle on and on and on, even though Flynn told him that no kids lived on the street. Clear on the Concept Margate, ENG (London Daily Telegraph ), 7/14/05- Grandmother-of-six Mari Savage and other senior friends began a campaign this summer to wear hooded sweatshirts and baseball caps, in order to discourage teenagers from dressing that way, which Savage believes encourages gang behavior. Said Savage, "Once older people like us get hold of (these garments), they lose all their street cred." |
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| Pic of the Week | ||||||||||||||||||||
| Check out all of the past Pics of the week here. | ||||||||||||||||||||
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| This Week's Issue | ||||||||||||||||||||
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| Your Horoscope:* Excellent day to blow soap bubbles in unusual places. See if you can get them to drift by people who are thinking too hard. Say something completely ordinary, today, but follow it with "Get it?" and a big grin. For example, "I'm wearing shoes. Get it?" See who gets it. Avoid them. |
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| Archive | ||||||||||||||||||||
| Fun Stuff | ||||||||||||||||||||
| Pictures | ||||||||||||||||||||
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| Ask the Magic 8-Ball* Q: Will we be ruled one day by a monarch named "Edgar the flatulent," giving us an unparalleled era of peace and prosperity? A: My sources say No |
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| Distractions | ||||||||||||||||||||
| Other Stuff | ||||||||||||||||||||
| Links | ||||||||||||||||||||
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| Useless Website of the Week: World's Hardest Crossword Puzzle Click here to go there. |
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| Your fortune cookie says:* Beauty is only a light switch away. |
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| Surrealist Compliment: Onerous congratulations on your conceptual development of obliteration concerning telephones, lobsters and fish! |
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| Zen question: Do blind dogs have seeing-eye humans? |
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| Completely Useless facts: The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. There are more chickens than people in the world. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20. |
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| This week's joke: A 60-year-old man is getting his annual physical. "Doc, do you think I’ll live another 40 years so I can reach 100?” he asks. “That depends,” says the doctor. “Do you smoke?” “No.” “Do you drink?” “No.” “Do you fool around with loose women?” “Of course not.” “Well, then,” says the doctor. “Why the hell do you want to live for another 40 years?” |
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| Other funky stuff: 10 Of The World's Worst Pick-Up Lines Your eyes meet across a crowded room... the atmosphere is charged with desire... you approach, cool and composed... and knock 'em dead with a line like... 1. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money? 2. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house? 3. You have to tell me your name, because last night in my dreams, I could only call you 'baby'... 4. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock... 5. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again? 6. At the office copy machine "Reproducing eh? Can I help?" 7. Hi I'm conducting a feel test of how many women have pierced nipples... 8. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come and talk to you... 9. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you... 10. Have you ever played naked leap frog? |
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| *The magic 8 Ball, horoscope, and the fortune cookie's responses are for entertainment purposes only. As we are fully aware of the gifts of these seers, if taken literally you could hemorrage severely. But you know you believe it. Admit it. Your life cannot continue until you learn what these oracles have to offer. How pathetic. Disclaimer: My mind is so fragmented by random excursions into a wilderness of abstractions and incipient ideas that the practical purposes of the moment are often submerged in my consciousness and I don't know what I'm doing. (My employers certainly have no idea.) |
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