The Distracted Ones

Attention Deficit Disorder in your browser- The weekly newsletter for people that just don't feel like working.

Well, we've registered the domain name thedistractedones.com. Now we're currently looking for donations for our hosting needs. Find how to donate to us here. Why should you? Because unlike other sites, when we go online commercially, We vow: -Never to use popup advertising          (any popups you encounter by hitting links are the fault of the linked site, and we have no control of that). -To be completely malware free         (Any potential advertisers using either of the above processes need not apply). -To forbid any ads offering "FREE*" anything          (IMHO, putting an asterisk behind anything false and misleading does not release responsibility) -To remain irrerverent to everyone, regardless of race, sex, color, creed, or political affiliation (especially Republicans) -To hide advertising links in our page, especially disguised as legit links (you know who I'm talking about) -To never use Floatiing Banners (They annoy us as much as they annoy you) -To bow down to any Evil Overlords, unless they pay us gobs of money, give us an airline and an army of underlings.... Other than that, it'll be on a case-by-case. So please support us and keep the world distracted!

Thought of the Week To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.

Issue  XXIII Monday, Nov 7, 2005

News (We are not making these up, Honest!) The Quik Bunny is wanted for questioning... GAINESVILLE, Fla.(AP) 11/01/2005 --  Fire officials received a call reporting a suspicious white powder found in the mail sorting room. The caller said three USPS workers had been exposed. Gainesville Fire Rescue immediately responded with their Hazmat team, and after a sample was taken and analyzed, the team reported the mysterious substance, was in fact, Nestlé Nesquik Powder. This should be sad, but I laughed until milk came out of my nose SYDNEY, AU (Reuters) 11/02/2005- A lightning strike killed 68 dairy cows waiting to be milked on an Australian farm. The cows were standing together in a paddock Monday when an electrical storm hit near Dorrigo on Australia's mid-east coast. Sixty-eight cows were killed by lightning, but another 69 survived, it said.

Pic of the Week

Check out all of the past Pics of the week here.

This Week's Issue

Your Horoscope:* Excellent day to crouch behind furniture, and peer over the top. If you can do that while wearing one of those Groucho Marx noses, so much the better.  Remember: it usually helps convince everyone you are right, if you jump up and down and yell. A friend will ask your advice on a technical matter Tuesday. If you answer, you'll be blamed for the oninous ramifications. Pretend you don't know anything about it. You will receive an honor from a foreign dignitary Friday. Everyone else will be horribly jealous of you.

Archive

Fun Stuff

Pictures

Distractions

Ask the Magic 8-Ball* Q: Tell me I'm pretty... A: Better not answer now

Other Stuff

Links

Useless Website of the Week: Something strangely disturbing about this Click here to go there.

Your fortune cookie says:* Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Surrealist Compliment: Your nasal linings will last as long as the skin of rocks, thrust enigmatically upon a distant shorline of mating beetles.

Zen question: Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Completely Useless facts: The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan" There are 48 Mcdonalds on the Hawaiian island of Oahu Oprah Winfrey is a distant cousin of Elvis Presley Each year, more people are killed by teddy bears than by grizzly bears.

This week's joke: Q: What’s the difference between dogs and foxes? A: About four beers.

Other funky stuff: Women's Personal Ads When reading through personal ads, don't they all sound alike? Well, here's a translation: 40-ish...Really means...48 Athletic...Really means...Flat-chested. Average looking...Really means...Ugly. Beautiful...Really means...Pathological liar. Educated...Really means...College dropout. Emotionally Secure...Really means...Medicated. Feminist...Really means...Fat; ball buster. Free spirit...Really means...Drug user. Friendship first...Really means...Trying to live down reputation as sl*t. Fun...Really means...Annoying. Good Listener...Really means...Borderline Autistic. New-Age...Really means...All body hair, all the time. Old-fashioned...Really means...Lights out, missionary position only. Open-minded...Really means...Desperate. Outgoing...Really means...Loud. Poet...Really means...Depressive Schizophrenic. Professional...Really means...Real Witch. Redhead...Really means...Shops the Clairol section. Reubenesque...Really means...Grossly Fat. Romantic...Really means...Looks better by candle light. Weight proportional to height...Really means...Hugely Fat. Wants Soulmate...Really means...One step away from stalking. Widow...Really means...Nagged first husband to death.

TheDistratedOnes List- These are lists written by us here at TDO. These are mostly our own take on the world, and our opinions. Sometimes they'll be funny, sometimes not. It's just our little chance to vent.

IMHO... The 12 hottest actresses alive today 13. Elizabeth Hurley 12. Tara Reid 11. Carmen Electra (My Gawd, she hasn't changed a bit in 10 years!) 10. Kelly Hu 9. Marisa Tomei 8. Lindsay Lohan (When she was still a redhead) 7. Lucy Liu 6. Nicki Aycox 5. Nikki Cox (Coincidence? I don't think so...) 4. Jessica Alba 3. Angelina Jolie 2. Jessica Biel And, No big surprise here... 1. Halle Berry (I bow before you)

*The magic 8 Ball, horoscope, and the fortune cookie's responses are for entertainment purposes only. As we are fully aware of the gifts of these seers, if taken literally you could hemorrage severely. But you know you believe it. Admit it. Your life cannot continue until you learn what these oracles have to offer. How pathetic. Disclaimer: My mind is so fragmented by random excursions into a wilderness of abstractions and incipient ideas that the practical purposes of the moment are often submerged in my consciousness and I don't know what I'm doing. (My employers certainly have no idea.)

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