Hash Report - Mar 3

So yes I'm feeling guilty for not getting a Hash report out last week, but sorry guys, work just got the better of me! In summary, Shrivelled's last run - live, proved to be an adventure in hashing! We were particularly psyched out when he and Luke set out on their five minute head start equipped with climbing ropes and first aid kits, (which they surreptitiously ditched once they turned the corner).  The initial ascent was tough (too much so for Ashraf & Darlen), but once the summit was reached it proved relatively easy going for walkers, and runners too, who had the pleasure of one more climb before descending the final kilometre through a creek bed. Shrivelled's goodbye party trick demonstration consisted of stuffing the end of a condom up one nostril and feeding it down and out of his mouth - tasteful indeed. (But in light of what could have happened we should be most thankful!) Aussie Bill, Ilsa and Patrice were christened Wee Willy Winkle, Hash Mama and Bloody Wanker, with liberal dousings of Balkan yogurt, which seems to have become the Hash's choice ritual substance. Wee Willy was in fact so taken with the creamy stuff that
he kept wiping it from his hair and liking his fingers clean - yuchh!

Hash Report - Mar 10

Zoom-Zoom reports:  Once again the Tirana hashers had an excellent and successful outing. We descended on a small unsuspecting village in our various forms of luxury westernized transport which raised the eyebrows of the local riffraff. The run started out very nice for the first 200 meters then descended through a culvert and into the river. While crossing the river the first threats and grumblings were heard, directed at our illustrious hare. After the river crossing the trail was nice again for at least 350 meters of wet sloshing feet on flat tendered farmland. Then we proceeded up into a steep bramble patch only passable to very small rodents, or very callous hashers. After some seemingly useless loops around and through the mulberry bush we emerged on the top. Bleeding and winded. We assumed (prematurely) that the trail would lead to the top. Our hare had a different plan and we continued the trail in a steep descent, down into a
stream covered by undergrowth and overgrowth. We were able to wash off most of the blood on our trek upward through hell's little crevice. The trail
led us straight up. Here is where the threats seemed to get more pronounced. I think I even heard something about someone's mother!! There were some good spills, falls and bonking on the heads, but the most heinous part (and it even quelled the aussies) was looking up and seeing the
illustrious hole in the hares running kit!! (can hash cash pay for a
seamstress?)  We dragged ourselves to the top to get a wonderful view while
fighting for breath. But no time to linger - on on back on trail, down
around more baffled villagers, then back up on top where the cars were in
sight. Durrresprudence, on cue, used this time, like always, to get lost,
while the rest of the runners meandered down the well-marked trail. Another river crossing then on to the beer. The walkers made their way in, some seeming to want to sprint?  The circle was conducted (even without our beloved Alkasleezer), while the village kids sat in wonderment. Our hares (F*ing Beepbeep & Tweenie) were first dealt with and all the angry threats
seemed to melt away in the pilsner haze? Virgins, returnees, and sinners
were taken care of in the normal fashion.  We were informed again of the Ides of March run in Rome, and the Terry Fox run on April 8th  (now mandatory for all true hashers).  The American MLT informed us all of a
party on St. Pattys day - March 17th, and they graciously volunteered to
set the trail on that date. Invites went around to all and some of us even
made it to a nice dinner, good fun was had by all. Enough of my dribble -
get those forms in for the Terry Fox Run  (only 3 ? weeks away!!)  On on, zz

Hash Report - Mar 17

St Paddy's Day saw about 70 hashers searching trail for Spank Me Hard's shamrock checks out Ruga Kavaje way. As usual, when it comes to the US military, the trail was a touch on the wimpy side; just what kind of sissy
hare chooses 4 bridge crossings instead of running us through the river??? The ups and downs and village scenery were just fine, and although trail markings were somewhat scarce, both walkers and runners were back sipping Irish whiskey within about an hour.

After Spank Me Hard and Durresprudence received appropriate praise for their efforts, Sandros pulled out his bagpipes and wailed up some heartfelt tunes which enabled Tracey to demonstrate that the money her folks spent on her Irish dancing lessons wasn't wasted after all.  As virgins included a judge from the Fier courts, the Hashmaster steered clear of probing undergarment questions for fear (fier?) of being summoned before her and asked some hard questions about what it is we do every Saturday.
 Nonetheless virgins got their downdowns, as did a number of others for feats of personal distinction: Tweenie for wearing F*ing Beepbeep's holey running pants, a visiting Canadian for one sick Irish joke, Two Woman for haranguing the Hashmaster, Foreplay for having a rude name (the mucky stuff before intercourse!!), Linda for being queen of the sandwiches, Tell Me
Lies for her international media appearance (but not in that kind of magazine!), and one of the chrome dome Americans for lobbying for a super badass Hash name (Tinkerbell was suggested - maybe he'll get lucky this
week!).  The Hashmaster delved into the lost and found bag and came up with Sandros missing bra (hmm...) as well as John's big pompom toque. This earned him a Hash name - Furry Balls, and he was christened in company of
Entela who emerged as She Bangs. This was suggested by Foreplay, and no questions were asked!

Then it was sandwiches, more beer, and hanging out in the afternoon sunshine -  nobody seemed in a hurry to head out as long as the beer lasted, and it did!  Hashers then reconvened for the duelling parties
dilemma. This was resolved by starting the evening at the MLT house (they may set a wimpy Hash, but they throw a mean party) and following up with a
post midnight thrash in the Irish pub, lasting well into the wee hours!!

And if you're getting this message more than once - sorry-o!! There's an evil computer hashbug at work which we're doing our best to eliminate.

ON, ON!!!

Hash Report - Mar 24

So there we were back at the scene of the chili crime, with 110 hashers, including Special Ed who had taken a 13 hour bus ride from Greece cause he'd heard we were so much fun!  Things were a bit slow getting started because we simply hadn't planned for such numbers; luckily Premature
offered up his driver to go on a beer & banana run, and then we set off on our respective runner and walker trails in the eternal Illyrian sunshine.

While walkers took to the flats, runners bolted ever upwards on precarious goat trails, and when they got to the top, down they came again to try and catch up with the walkers, who by this time were scrambling the hills and queuing up for the great bumslide experience. All made it down with various degrees of success thanks to a couple of good samaritans who hung around, ostensibly to ensure that everyone made it safely, but quite possibly just to give inadvertent squeezes to any harriette needing assistance. And once down in the creek valley, it was time to climb again, up a narrow ridge with dizzying heights and spectacular sights for all, except for the handful who managed to discover the shortcut back to the olive grove.

Proceedings were delayed a bit while Hank the Submariner and his crew made a daring goat trail rescue; but the circle was ultimately convened and
Furry Balls & Durresprudence were awarded major kudos for both great scenery and level of difficulty. It was indeed more of an obstacle course than we have previously experienced, and not the norm, so new hashers
shouldn't be put off by this - it's usually not this torturous, honest! In fact if blame has to be accorded, Spank Me Hard get's it for the previous week's wimpy run which caused the compensation factor to kick in.
Virgins included Special Ed, a bunch of newly arrived VSO types
(apparently they travel in packs), an English football fan, Jessica's
boyfriend (that surprised a few of the regulars!!) and a reporter seeking a good story!!  They all got their downdowns as did the bald headed three, after Darlen astutely identified that they shared the same hairdresser, Big
Daddy for inviting us to his April 5th party (details to follow) and Meryl Strip for being a most irregular hasher, but nonetheless having accomplished more Tirana runs (73) than anyone else.

Now being the Hashmaster isn't easy - some hashers are desperate for names, others want their names changed, and still others want an assurance
that they will never be named!  And petty lobbying on these all important issues isn't confined to Hashing hours;  I shouldn't be complaining though cause supplicants keep buying me drinks ...  Anyway Tom's incessant lobbying nearly paid off, I was quite prepared to pander to his badass desires and christen him Bloodthirsty Dr Evil From Hell, but unfortunately,
as democracy is the rule, he ended up with Tinkerbell.- too bad! And as to Tracey, in a weak moment (see above re drinks purchased) I had made a solemn vow never/never to give her a Hash name.  However, after consulting
with Durresprudence it was determined that by invoking section 16(b)ii of the Hash Constitution the Hashmaster was empowered to delegate naming
responsibilities to Jade Knickers, thereby maintaining an unblemished personal reputation for speaking the truth. JK, like most of us, had been entranced
by Tracey's St Paddy's Day Irish dance steps and sadly disappointed that we were only treated to a glimpse of her many talents, so she was named Irish
Tease. And for reasons that are best not put to paper we also named Guxha, Dogmounter and Lisa, I Like it. In a never ending search for the right christening recipe this week's crew were anointed with a beer, mushed
banana and egg concoction!

Then we cleaned up the shume bukur hilltop grove, cleared out and it was back to Tirana for the usual Saturday night carousing.

And yes next week will be my last hash - it's going to be tough coming up with a more spectacular outing than this last one, but the Hash elves are
working on it. And if you've bothered to read this far, consider yourself invited to a post Hash BBQ - check out the attachment!

Hash Report - Mar 31

So the ex Hashmaster's final outing took us to a mountain pass east of the Elbasan road, up to an alpine meadow never before graced with the Hash's
presence.  Runners started out on a steep downwards trail to the valley
below, while walkers ambled off along the hillside. Once runners got to the bottom, as there was only one way to go, up they came and joined the walkers in time to head downhill again. Then it was up, and higher still,
until we found the road leading to the main street of Peshkashesh village, where we had to negotiate a sheep, ducks and kids (that would be children) traffic jam, before heading out on the hillside path back to the starting point. First runners arrived back in under an hour, and the entire pack was
in half an hour later. Evidently this ease of trail was the Hashmaster's attempt to atone for the previous week's obstacle course.

The circle started out with the usual batch of virgin introductions and quickly slipped downhill from there. Bena was named Hashrat for being the shortest hasher. The most recently named I Like It was reinvited to the circle to stand in for Jack Byrne. Earlier in the week Jack had regaled the Hashmaster and I like It with tales of a NYC water conservation campaign (If its yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown flush it down!), before moving on to complaints about asparagus consumption making his urine smell funny! As he was away this week, and this was the Hashmaster's last hash, a quick consultation with Durresprudence confirmed that a proxy christening was indeed within the bounds of the constitution, and I Like It/Jack, emerged as Mellow Yellow. The lively short term Dutch woman whose real name isn't Marie was christened Boom Boom because we just happened to have a leftover hash shirt bearing that name. In the best of Hash tradition she peeled off not one but two tshirts to display her lavender lingerie supported cleavage (no sports bras here!) before proudly donning her new TH3 shirt.

The departing Hashmaster then brought in Two Bees who had recently been wheeling and dealing to form a Hash committee and Premature, the newly
acclaimed Hashmaster, and turned the circle over to them before graciously bowing out. If only it had been so simple! Despite his unrelenting efforts
on behalf of the Hash, Alkasleazer was then forced to endure a dousing of whipped cream, ketchup and assorted other condiments before being allowed to chase Tell Me Lies around the circle and strip her shirt off. There was also something about a new name related to the infamous chili incident, but as I had an earful of ketchup I didn't quite get the details. Spank Me Hard proved to be the only gentleman in the crowd and presented Alkasleazer with a bottle of rye whiskey on behalf of the MLT group. Then it was sandwiches
and cinnamon buns, before heading back to town for partytime!

Most of the crew showed up on Alkasleazer's rooftop that evening for more nonsense as well as BBQd mish and peppers, washed down by an overabundance
of liquid refreshment. The dancefloor was hopping with Ghost Mistress on DJ and handcuffs duties, while Alkasleazer and Spank Me Hard spent the evening relentlessly competing for Durresprudence's attention. As to the rest of
the gossip, well you'll just have to find out for yourselves.

So that was my last Hash and this is my last report. I'm soon outta here, it's been fun, and if I owe you money or made you outrageous promises you can always contact me at my personal email address:  ON
ON & OUT!!!

  Photos from Mar 3

Photos from Mar 10

None available.

Photos from Mar 17

Photos from Mar 24

Photos from Mar 31 - none available!!