'certified' tours by LCVI

L.C.V.I. offers his expertise and guidance to showing experienced and beginner birders alike the avian wonders that exist within the British Isles. He has a schedule of trips on offer throughout the year (though most trips do not take place) and consist of small groups (4 or 5 to 8 persons) and are the most able and enthusiastic.Accommodation is usually basic and persons travel at their own risk (as these tours should not really run for a fee as it contravenes the law). Entertainment is guaranteed by your ever erratic host.

He offers the following tours planned for next year:

16th-20th January Scottish specialities. A fully extensive itinerary with target species Ptarmigan, Capercaillie, Crested Tit etc. Come to think of it, anything that L.C.V.I. wants to see despite it being in Cornwall.

29th March-5th April Scottish specialities. A fully extensive itinerary with focus concentrating on those birds L.C.V.I. needs for the year, despite the fact tour participants would like to see other species. Previous tour participants have been amazed on this tour particularly by a serious road traffic accident.

30th May-6th June Scottish specialities. A trip to coincide with the height of Spring migration on the south coast of England. Previous species missed due to this trip include White-crowned Black Wheatear.

10th-20th August. Seabirds. For the special price of 750.00 pounds only, participants will be treated to excellent views of Wilson's Storm-petrel at distances as close as the Runnel Stone off Porthgwarra. Due to my 100% success with this species from the mainland in recent years and the restriction of finances, we will not be present on the annual Scillonian pelagic but if we are fortunate I may try and charter a dingy to take us to St. Michaels Mount.

15th-25th September. Shetland. 10 days on mainland Shetland looking for such exciting vagrants as Yellow-browed Warbler, Red-backed Shrike and Barred Warbler whilst on nearby Fair Isle vagrants such as Pallas Grasshopper Warbler, Great Snipe, Pechora Pipit, Lanceolated Warbler and Yellow-breasted Bunting will elude us due to my lack of organization.

10th-19th October. Scilly. These heavenful islands have previously made me state on television that 'I wouldn't miss my annual holiday on Scilly for the world'. With my expert guidance, I can show you the birds by day (a concerted effort for Quail on St.Marys will be made whilst others watch a one day Wood Thrush on St. Agnes) and watch me sell books by night. Accommodation on these islands cannot be arranged as I now find it difficult to find free accommodation on these islands ... why did you have to leave Martin?

23rd-27th November. Scottish specialities. Join L.C.V.I. in Scotland for an end of year endeavour to search for the highland species once again. Of the 26.35 tours that I have led to this region I have used my intimate knowledge to allow a strike rate of precisely 91.268% on these birds.

25th December. Christmas with L.C.V.I. This is your special chance to join me on this most special of days. Strategically timed for midday, I will sit on my throne and issue some words of wisdom - and obviously make some outrageous quotes to add to 'what w**kers say'. Respect my authoritaay!

26th-30th December. Another planet. To see where my ideas and mind are at, join me as I venture there!

I also plan during the year to make two trips to Spain and the States (Florida and California) and further trips to Taiwan, Vietnam, Chile, Botswana, Kenya, Papua New Guinea, India, Cuba and South Africa. All trips are subject to availability and last minute change due to vagrant occurrences (or just a complete balls up on my part).