|
Vibe Number Three
What's that damn thing on Mario's back in Mario Sunshine?
During the Spaceworld footage, a thing was on mario's back. That is really the best way to describe it. That or confounded contraption. I prefer the latter so will use that for the rest of this vibe entry.
The reason this confounded contraption received so much attention was not its appearance but rather the fact that it was on mario's back the duration of the video, leading many to believe that it was a very important item that would likely be present much of the game. I believe this to be a misconception. Only one of the areas was shown and so if the item was important to that specific area it would consequently be on mario whenever he was in that area.
On to the specifics. It looks sort of like a jetpack. Mario jumps. His flying is due to more flotation devices that he uses to glide. A jetpack would totally screw this up as it provides actual upward propulsion, normally due to either Mario's legs or some object in the environment. An external propulsion device that follows Mario around would suck, even if it included a limited fuel supply feature. Mario does not usually suck. So we'll assume it's not this unless the area we were shown is not only just one area, but is a specialized mini-game like area in which mario flies around doing krazy stuff. A mini-game scenario wouldn't make much sense to first show off a game.
Another possibility brought up was the confounded contraption having to do something with collecting the sun's rays as the name of the game is Mario Sunshine. Ok, that's fine but what does it do then? Does it direct the suns light (in which case why doesn't he just carry a mirror)? Does it act as a weapon (which would be extremely weird)? Does it fry pancakes? What, sir, what? We'll consider this possibility irrelevant as it doesn't really tell us anything even if it is true.
So what is it?
I don't know.
I don't care, really (see paragraph 2).
For now though, we'll just assume it's some sort of urine collecting device so Mario doesn't have to take a break from jumping around and whatnot to go to the bathroom. -Revomak
Mizar66: I could use a confounded contraption like that! Yessir, not having to use the toilet would be a BIG plus...
The Hare: Wouldn't it be easier to just get a bag instead? There's no shame in it--I hear those things are invisible under a pair of pants.
WDIIA: I know I use a bag on those long Marching Band trips!
Morts2005: Keep that kind of thing to yourself, WDIIA.
PMBorisStoke: The problem with a bag is that if you go too long without replacing it it will just start to smell and be overly useless because it's too soggy. Mario's new contraption is probably that big to eliminate needs for replacement and air fresheners. Pure genius.
Survivor: You know what's a funny word? Magnesium.
See that little nozzle at the tip? It's obviously some elaborate sex
toy, going where the sun don't shine (get it? shine?...this thing on?). -FishbulbNGC
Mizar66: And they call ME the unfunny Nintendork...
The Hare: Wouldn't it be easier to just get a bag instead? Only this time, put it over your head.
Morts2005: A more mature Mario indeed.
PMBorisStoke: That's pretty big for what you're thinking of don't you think?
Survivor: I dunno. Mario's a kinky guy...
What is this 'Mario' sunshine you speak of? -ZeoGold
Mizar66: Well, see, there was this Spaceworld thingy, and they showed the Mario game, and it was called... Hey, are you even listening?
PMBorisStoke: He can't even listen. He must read, but he surely cannot.
The Hare: Go away. We got nothin' for you here.
WDIIA: Samn straight!
Morts2005: "Cows be good! Cows be good!"
Bessy: Moo.
Well, Nintendo's finally letting Mario out of the closet. You see Mario
and Luigi are more than just 'Brothers' (Well, according to the movie luigi is adopted, so they're not even that). Mario is what the politically correct people call a 'Homosexual'. The device on his back is obviously some kind of advanced anal pleasure unit. When not in use, it is proubly displayed to the public as a kind of 'Rainbow Bumper Sticker'. Mario requires this device because his 'Life Partner' Luigi is away on another mission (In a Mansion At that). I predict that in the near future, Nintendo will release several more games with homo-erotic themes. -ZeoGold
Mizar66: Hey, you can't send in two Vibe responses! For that you shall be DISQUALIFIED!!!
The Hare: I stand by my suggestion re: your departure.
WDIIA: *Crosses ZeoGold off Vibe voting sheet.*
Survivor: Don't worry, you wouldn't have won even if you weren't disqualified.
Morts2005: This disturbing part is it makes sense. Wait, Luigi can't be adopted!
PMBorisStoke: Who ever said that Luigi was adopted?
Morts2005: He did.
Simple: It's liposuction! Mario is on a quest to slim down in the hopes of catching Peache's eye, instead of just her damn cakes. However, the liposuction device is solar powered, hence the name "Mario Sunshine". Mario must collect sunlight in the form of gay rainbows.
However, Bowser is trying to thwart him at every turn by thrusting delicious confections in his path. Giant pastries, rivers of bacon grease, and gingerbread houses present a threat in almost every world. Walk to close, and resistence will be futile and Mario will chow down, setting you back a few pounds.
And, (you knew this would be in here somewhere), Richard Simmons comes from time to time and tries to hit on Mario. Also there are a lot of squees, because they think that they are in Edanna. -techsquee
WDIIA: *Takes away LSD from techsquee.*
The Hare: Well, Miyamoto did say Mario was "getting in shape" for Gamecube.
Morts2005: Your logic frightens and confuses me.
PMBorisStoke: Why wouldn't he just use money from Peach (he saved her a lot so she'd probably do it) to have a lipo that wouldn't require an adventure? I mean honestly...what about ::falls in plot hole::
It's a Revomak blow-up doll and you know it! -Jesus Christ
WDIIA: Only you know everything, Lord!
The Hare: No we don't. That's why we asked the question. Twit.
Morts2005: But everyone knows that Revomak is incredibly unsatisfying.
Survivor: ~walks in, sweating and looking disappointed~ I sure do... ~takes cold shower~
You ask me what the thing on Mario's back in Mario Sunshine is? Well,
no one knows. Not even Nintendo knows what exactly it is. But we could guess what it is.
I think the thing on Mario's back is a...um...thing. Yep, Mario's got some thing on his back. It's not known what it is, Mario just wants to get rid of it. Yeah, that's it. The whole point of the game is to get that thing off of Mario's back.
Yeah, that's the ticket -BlazeScallion
PMBorisStoke: Why? Why the smart remarks?
Timothy Dalton: Foul creature, why dost thou torment us so?
Morts2005: Ticket, ay...
Homer: Maude, ay...
Mizar66: Why can't he just pull it off? It's not WELDED to him, is it?
BEST. VIBE ENTRY. EVER.
Little Mario was coloring with crayons. Actually, he wasn't little. He
was 23. But he was still colouring with crayons. It was a pretty picture. Bright and happy and full of sunshine and friendly things and happy people. Mario said, "Hmm. I like this. My crayons are really quite-a fine." Then the crayon he was colouring with - Sky Blue - broke in half in his hand. he looked down and frowned. Things were not good. He picked up another crayon. Dark Blue. It wouldn't match the Sky Blue, but he'd use it anyway. But no sooner had he started colouring when this crayon also broke in half. He frowned. Next was Periwinkle. It broke too. Big frown. Things were not going according to plan in the Mushroom Kingdom.
"Luigi!" he yelled.
Luigi came over to Mario's bunk. "What?" Then he saw the crayons laying in a broken pile by Mario's once proud picture. Luigi wept a few silent tears and then said bravely, "I'll find some tape!"
"Thank you," Mario said with a slight quaver in his voice. "I'll stay here and comfort the crayons."
"I'll get Princess Toadstool to come and keep you company."
"That would be nice," Mario said looking down at the happy, smiling sun on the once proud picture. "That would be really nice."
Luigi left and soon Peach came with a bowl of linguini and a freshly-baked cake for the crayons. "I thought they might want these." She saw the poor little crayons and gave a gasp. "Oh, how awful for them!"
"They are being brave," Mario said. "I am proud of them. Not a tear have they shed. Never once have they complained about the pain. But I have shed many tears for the little crayons. It is a shame," he said and shook his head sadly. "Poor little Sky Blue, Dark Blue, and Periwinkle. They were just helping me colour a happy sky around the happy sun on the once proud picture!"
Peach said, "OH! But it is still proud! Take my word as a former student of art! The sky has many colours! And the sun is smiling still! The picture is proud! PROUD!"
Toad walked in carrying his motorized scooter. He tucked it into its bed and read it a nap time story. Then he said, "have a nice nap." Then he looked at the sorry scene in the next bunk. He saw the crayons and the once proud but still proud picture and said, in a Shakespearian tone, "What sadness has befallled this lowly tour bus!?"
"Tis but a sorrowful accident," Mario lamented. "And I fear that if Luigi comes not soon with the tape, all will be lost for our little friends here. They served me well, and they are very brave. Bowser must be held accountable for this monstrousity - for, obviously, it is he who is trying to ruin my proud picture of a beautiful, sunshiny day."
"Yonder! Hark!" cried Peach. "Tis another Toad! Mayhap he has word of your fairer brother, Luigi!"
This new Toad (or, perhaps, the same Toad as before - it cannot be proven that there are more than one Toad, as the many mushrooms likely go by different names, of which we only know the one of Princess Toadstool's most faithful and honoured courtier: Toad) hastened into the castle room and said breathlessly, "Luigi is coming henceforth! With tape! Scotch tape, of a marvelous see-through design!"
All said simultaneously, "Oh the glory of tape!" Well, all but Mario. He was comforting his poor crayons by eating the pasta and cake.
Mario picked up his colourful little wax friends carefully in the palm of his gloved hand and said, "See! I told thee! All will be well!"
As they gathered round, looking at the little crayons, they could swear they heard the little crayons answer. Quiet and gently, "Thank you, my friends. Thank you. And Mario, lay off the damn linguini."
Then came Luigi! Oh the jubilation! And in his hand, tape! The saviour of all invalid crayons! They gathered round once more as Mario took first Sky Blue, then Dark Blue, then Periwinkle, and Luigi wrapped tape securely about their colourful tummies.
In conclusion, the thing on Mario's back is some kind of mirroring device to reflect sunlight. -Jai Deliete
Morts2005: "Yonder! Hark!" I love this.
PMBorisStoke: ::standing ovation:: Not only does it make perfect sense, but it is also not even remotely communistic.
Morts2005: In fact its nearly the exact opposite of communistic, according to the definition of "communistic" in "Piece o' shiz Dictionary for Bitches".
The Hare: It would've been pefect if you'd written it in iambic pentameter.
Mizar66: Somebody call up Speilberg! We have a new Oscar winner on our hands!
WDIIA: I have just found a new thing to steal for an English project!
Survivor: You mean a small child prodigy, right? Cause I'm missing mine...
|
|