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Vibe Il Numero Quattro
Design Nintendo High. What characters would teach what classes, and why?
Nintendo High is a great school designed to bring out the best in its students. It is smurfing expensive though, so you better be one of the rich smurfs who get whatever they want if you plan on attending.
The classes are varied with the best staff in the country. Here are short biographies of just a few of our excellent staff members:
Mario is the principal, of course. Whenever you have a problem, just take it up directly to the top and Mario will take care of any and all of your problems with the school.
Luigi is officially the Vice Principal, but in reality he is just Mario's female dog. You can usually find him in the restrooms doing his plumbing duties and grumbling under his breath. It has always been a Nintendo High tradition to kick Luigi in the bum while he is unclogging a toilet, so feel free to do so while here.
Bowser is the gym teacher. Noone takes gym because 95% of the Nintendo High population is overweight and afraid of exercise. Bowser mainly just patrols the halls yelling at students.
"Are gym credits not required then?" you may ask. The answer, which may be a disappointment at first, is yes. However, an alternative to gym is swordplay, offered by Link. This, as you may guess, is much more popular than the standard gym class.
The math department is headed by Shyguy. Noone can understand a single word out of that smurf's mouth, but his classes are still among the most popular due to his extreme lovability.
More advanced math classes are taught by Waluigi. He's just that damn smart.
Sex Education is taught jointly by Samus, Princess Peach and Zelda. There's a lot of sickos in this class, so be wary.
Everyone's favorite green lizard teaches Home Economics. Yoshi takes an
interesting perspective on this course, saying "I like to give my students a good experience in the caring for and hatching of eggs." Although some of the students complain about sore bums, Yoshi's class is still found entertaining by most.
Our English classes are taught by Princess Daisy. One of her specialties is teaching students to recognize many of the grammatical errors found in translations for a better experience with those poorly translated games.
Ness teaches the psychic powers class. If you've always wanted to play the perfect practical joke involving fire and/or electricity, this is probably your class. Most students, even those with little natural psychic ability, are able to learn at least rudimentary skills in the psychic arts.
Kaeporia Gaebora (the owl from Zelda) teaches history. He manages to cover ancient nomads up to the year 2045 in one semester (we're not exactly sure how this is accomplished and all students that come out of his class act smugly wise and just snub any questions about the course), so this is all the history you'll ever need to take at Nintendo High.
Wario is the physics teacher at Nintendo High. He hits his students a lot and claims its part of the learning process, but good physics teachers are hard to find...
Although he is not a full-time staff member of the Nintendo High staff due to his other job, Shigeru Miyamoto will, most years, offer a semester long course in gardening.
Our guidance counseler is Pikachu. Anyone suffering from anxiety can see him and will either be comforted by his extreme cuteness or will be annoyed to the point of extreme frustration, in which case Pikachu will let the student in question beat the crap out of him. Either way the students come out happier and less stressed out.
Tech Ed is taught by a gigantic robot. He is in no way related to Nintendo, but he's a big freakin' robot, for Christ's sake!
We are sure you will enjoy yourself at Nintendo High. Some parents of our graduates have complained about our students "not being prepared for the real world," but those are just whiney jackasses. -Revomak
Survivor: No music class? No science? And who's the lunch lady? We can't have a Nintendo school without someone to serve the game-addicted kids cheese poofs and cola...
Morts2005: Yes, indeed lacking in the Science and lunch department, though I can do without the music. *Registers for that sex ed class.*
PMBorisStoke: ...but physics is a science class so he technically has that covered....The fact that he's got the owl in there is what's really important.
hylien007: I dunno Morts, what if they combined Music AND Sex Ed., ala American Pie?
Morts2005: I really, really, need to see that movie...
WDIIA: Me too Morts... Me too...
PMBorisStoke: Don't bother. It's the most boring movie you'll ever see.
hylien007: Communistic lies! American Pie was hilarious!
The Chimp: What's with all the smurfs? No matter. This one should've won.
Mizar66: Oh come, now, everybody loves the smurfs!
hylien007: You REALLY need a new censor word.
Mizar66: *looks over shoulder* Who? Me?
I started writing this and it was making way to much sense to be a Vibe
entry, so I am re-tooling to make it insane and crazy, just the way we like it here at place. (?) So Link is going to be the PE teacher, since he has the mad sword fighting skills (much better than playing badmitton right?) so he will educate in straight up violence towards bad objects and since he does PE he is going to be the health teacher: imagine Link talking about things like "penis" and "dont ever put it in there, ever" type stuff. And Luigi will be the Geography teacher (he would wear a green tie with an L, they have dress codes at schools ya know) since he knows all that from his escapades in Mario is Missing.
Work well huh? Zelda would teach Literatue since she would be the sexy teacher the kids always want to hook up with in their day dreams drooling on their desks, and I am sure she would know alot since she reads in the "Royal Library" before Ganon goes and blows it up. Plus, this would lead to strange liasons with the PE teacher, wink wink. I mean sex by that of course. Mario would teach biology (red tie, letter M, picture it), since he knows all about animals and...umm...mushrooms. Donkey Kong would teach math, because he cant talk and math sucks, so no one would get anything anyways, so its not going to hurt having a monkey teach it (Mario would correct me, saying he is an "ape" and hitting me on the head with something). Samus Aran would be the..umm..technology education and all, since she is the only Nintendo character that even knows what a computer is, or how to work a thermonuclear difibrolator or anything like that. Plus, she could cut stuff in half with her blaster, I bet. Ness would teach Pyscology (I dont know why a kid would teach high school, but whatever), and he is all good at it because he is a freaking Physic. Bad kids get PkThunder up their face. Yoshi would teach home economics, because he would look really funny in an apron.
Of course, with all this, they have the football games and all going on, but their adversry is "West Nintendo High" which has all the bad guys, like Wario and Bowser working there, and so they have the evil football team that wears black, and for some reason Mario would be the football couch as well, and they would have games but of course they would end up in big fights and stuff. Just like real high school again.
I guess thats it really. Sure, it sucked, alot. But this was my first ever vibe entry, so just laugh at me and hopefully it will be better next time. -Goober
Survivor: I noticed a few startling similarities between your vibe and Revomak's. Since it was your fist time I'll let you off with a warning, but if I catch you copying again I'll take your paper and rip it up.
Morts2005: Two entries putting Yoshi in Home Ec. Disturbing...
WDIIA: It must be the goverment! Aieee!
hylien007: What the hell is a football couch?
PMBorisStoke: It's OBVIOUSLY a couch that plays football.
First of all, there has to be squees everywhere. All the teachers would
be squees, teaching classes about eating grapenuts. Or saying "Ch-ch-ow!". Or avoiding getting trapped in squee-traps. At the school dance, only the song "You can be my squee-toy" would play. All the squees would think they were in Edanna. -meohmyohwhywewould
Morts2005: Again, what the hell is a squee? And what do they have to do with Nintendo?
hylien007: What do you not understand about NINTENDO high? I wish this topic had come before I was hired. I could have written a good vibe for this one...
Survivor: What's stopping you? You'd definately win against this crap.
PMBorisStoke: It's like they don't care. It's like they don't bloody care.
WDIIA: Yeah Hylien! I'm been thinking of submitiing one with my alias...
Mizar66: *shakes head sadly*
The Chimp: This is the most baffling thing I've ever read. You almost got my vote for that reason alone. Then I realized that it was terrible.
PDFarsight
Nintendo High? Sounds like a dream come true. I often wish I went to a
Nintendo high school. I even spraypainted "NINTENDO" in big red letters over my school's name one time, and I got in big trouble. But I digress.
Biology: Yoshi would teach Biology. Why? Because he's an animal! And since you're studying animals and organisms, you could... STUDY YOSHI! But no disections of Yoshis will be allowed. Disections of Shyguys, however, will continue.
Principal: I mean, come on, he's Nintendo's MASCOT. He might as well be president of Nintendo. Anyway, Mario is just and fair, and will punish only those who should be. Those who cause trouble immediately find a a 150-pound plumber jumping on their head. What? You were expecting a detention? Not in this school, punk.
Chrono: He's gone back in time on several occasions, and should know quite a lot about it. He could tell everyone what happened through personal experience, rather than the biased one-sided view of historians who only think they know what went on from interpreting decaying artifacts. Stupid historians.
Science: Samus would teach science. Come on, her suit must have taken SOME scientific thought to create, since it can store enormous amounts of energy and increase all natural abilites by a thousand. And if all the students would stop oggling her and accidentally "bumping" into her, then they might learn a thing or two.
P.E.: Link would teach P.E. Although Link is good at all things, he excels in physical fitness, so he would be perfect to teach small, wimpy kids to swing swords and make impossible jumps to far-away ledges and use things like a hookshot. Just don't call him Coach Link. He doesn't like that.
Guidance Counselor: Donkey Kong was originally hired for this job, but when students told him their stories of pain and hurt, it touched DK in his tender heart, right to his very soul. Rather than offering calm, intelligent advice, he went on a rampage searching out the bullies of those kids and punished them "accordingly". The search-and-recovery team still haven't found all of him.
Economics: Jack from Harvest Moon would teach Economics. Come on, a little guy like him who could turn a run-down farm into a huge plantation in two years deserves SOMETHING. An economic genius, he could inspire children to handle money and goods correctly. He would also lead FFA, although he was told by his students but his "magic potion" REALLY was. He was very suprised.
Math: Saria. She knows everything. "I wonder what SARIA knows about the last spiritual stone?" "I wonder what SARIA would think if we told her we were going to save Hyrule!" Math isn't exactly the strong point of ANY Nintendo character, so we just brought in the omniscient Saria to fill in the cracks.
Janitor: Luigi, who else? He's always played second fiddle to Mario, and he always does the dirty work. Mario dies, Luigi comes in to finish the job. Mario and Luigi inherit a Mansion, and Luigi has to get rid of the ghosts and dust. He even uses a vacuum cleaner! Last but not least, the evil neglected janitor on Dexter's Lab was named Luigi. So, Luigi was made for this job. -PDFarsight
Morts2005: Poor Luigi...he must be avenged...
WDIIA: *Raises Luigi War Banners.*
PMBorisStoke: At least this one has a nice list format.
hylien007: all these entries seem to include ogling some Nintendo character (Samus, Zelda, Peach) yet there's been no mention of Vela...
The Chimp: You've got a point with the vacuum cleaner, there. Luigi belongs in the broom closet.
Nintendo High, eh? Sounds like a dream come true.
First, the school would be a giant N, with the gym beside it to look like a period. The Office would be on the north point, the band room on the south point, and the cafeteria in the center of the slash.
The classes and faculty:
Mario would be the principle. Really, who did you expect? Mario is a fair and just man, who takes care of his school. With his amazing jumping talents, he patrols the campus without the students knowing. He also teaches Metal Working.
Luigi is the history teacher. Due to his global adventures in Mario is Missing, he has become quiet knowledgeable about the World, and it's past. He students complain that he focuses to much on the underdog winning wars or other assorted things. His students theorize that this is due to some ambition to overthrow Mario.
Link is the P.E. Teacher. Once again, who did you expect? He focuses less on pushups, and more on swordsman ship. He hosts the school Olympics, which consist of the pot throw, 100 meter Pegasus dash, and the hookshot catapult. He is the sponsor of the school archery team.
Samus is the school biology teacher. Due to her vast galactic travels, she knows of many life forms. Students that ogle over her are immediately shot with her plasma Cannon.
The School drama teacher is the Mask Salesman form Zelda:MM. With his vast knowledge of masks and their powers, the school is able to perform many plays.
Band is taught by Princess Zelda. During her little cross-dressing "phase", she became quiet skillful in the musical arts. Nintendo High is proud of our band for being accepted to play at the Mushroom Kingdom Thanksgiving Parade.
Drawing is taught by Tingle. Thanks to his years of Map making, he is rather good at making Art.
Genetic class is taught by Kirby. Thanks to his amazing DNA copy ability, he is very knowledgeable about genes.
Science is taught by the Professor in Luigi's Mansion. Sure we know nothing about him, but he looks like a scientist, right?
English is taught by Frog. His vast know-how of old English fills all the qualities of a good English teacher.
Both Math and Robotics are taught by Lucca. Thanks to her inventing she is very smart in both of the areas.
Psychic class is taught by Ness. I mean, if a person can shoot fire from his hands and lighting from his head, he has to be good.
Debate is taught by Viscan, Captain of the Guard in Majora's Mask. Remember all that fighting his does with mayor?
Home Ec. is taught by Elli, the Harvest Moon baker. Who else could you want?
Economics is taught by the Harvest Moon Farmer. Due to his successfulness of becoming the best farmer in Flower Bud Village, he knows a lot about the financial world.
Sex Ed is taught by Bowser. We here at Nintendo feel that to abstain is the best policy. By having Bowser teach sex ed, students should be too afraid to have to sex.
Malon is the choral teacher. With her beautiful voice leading the chorus, Nintendo High has won many awards at district contest.
Magus teaches Wizardry. He has shown that his talents in the magic arts are more than required for this class.
Fox is our campus security guard. His blaster is a match for anyone that thinks that they could smuggle in a fire flower.
Princess Peach is our Launch Lady. It was shown in her making lots of cakes from Mario that she is a wonderful cook. The years have not been kind, however, as now she is only good at making Mystery Meat.
The guidance counselor is Chrono. If he can stare down a giant one-eyed alien Porcupine thing, he must know about self-esteem, right?
The coach of our football team, the Fighting N's, is Gannon. His ferocity is sure to keep our players in line. Since his appointment, the Fighting N's have won the championship every year.
That is the list of teachers and faculty here at Nintendo High. We hope that you will come and learn here with us!
Sincerely,
President of the Nintendo High School Promotion Committee,
00 Dork -00 Dork
Survivor: Do all these entries look exactly the same to anyone else?
hylien007: Not all of them. This one was clearly sent from PDFarsight which explains the overwhelming similarities there...
WDIIA: Really? I don't think so... This quality work couldn't come from him... *Coughs*
PMBorisStoke: More mentionings of Harvest Moon characters? It's Nintendo High, people! Another company makes Harvest Moon! If you're all going to think that means that you can include characters from any game based on a console then where's Sonic teaching Zoology and the guy from Body Harvest teaching World History?!
The Chimp: I liked this one! And what's wrong with Harvest Moon characters? They were on Nintendo consoles. Unlike SONIC. You never clarified that the people in the school had to be made by Nintendo themselves.
Morts2005: Um, yeah!
PMBorisStoke: Sonic is on the way to the console though...I see your point, but still.
WDIIA: You liked it Chimp? Thanks! I...err... 00 Dork appreaciates it!
Nintendo High: Est. Sept, 2001
Motto: Born to Play!
Entrance Requirements: Catch all 251 Pokemon, get all stars on Super Mario 64, write an essay on Mario's extended family (And friends, sort of) tree (Including Baby Mario, Wario, Luigi, Peach, and so on. Recite Team Rocket's poem.
PE: Get ready for Golf, Tennis, and the occasional Volleyball mishap! Classes taught by Waluigi and Baby Mario. By order of Nintendorks, coed locker rooms and showers.
Math: Taught by Bowser, the most evil of all evils, because math is the other most evil of all evils. Sample test problem: "If your Bulbasaur has an attack level of 254, a defense level of 234, and a special level of 271, how many Protiens and Irons do you need to make him well-balanced?" (Correct answer: Give up, use a more powerful pokemon) Only rule of the Math Department: No homework, ever.
English: Taught by Mario. Screw y English, Mario knows it better! Sample test question: "How do you greet someone? A)Hello B) Itsa me! C) I'ma Wario! I'ma gonna ween!" Correct Answer: B
Foriegn Languages: Taught by Pikachu. Who better to teach than the one who can talk to Pidgeys, Charmanders, Meowths, the list goes on!
Game Boy Advance: The best class available at Nintendo High. Classes taught by Nell, of Advance Wars fame, because she all taught us so wonderfully in the Tutorial. Multiplayer tournaments daily. Required equipment: GBA, Link Cable, full library of games.
~Bummin'~
The Wizard of MagicLand -BNLbum
Survivor: For that entry, you are the Wizard of MyPantsLand ~gets Barenaked~
hylien007: Why does your school only have five classes? That's not even enough to fill a schedule. And why, at NINTENDO high, does nobody have classes like "Video game history" or some sort of class where you play games, and get graded based on how well you do?
Morts2005: Indubitably.
PMBorisStoke: A world without history is not worth living in....mainly just because you can't.
Sexy Dogedness 101 taught by Vela Gemini- DUH! Vela is just too sexy.
Ripping of other peoples ideas 101 taught by Crash Bandicoot- Experience is the most important thing when it comes to teaching ya know
English taught by that Harvest Moon guy-We all know Harvest moon charcters be good at english.
Math taught by Marina- After playing the olympics in Mischief Makers we all know shes a math wiz.
Typing taught by Mario- He taught me how to type already in Mario Teaches typing. -Cap'n Nintendo
Survivor: Nobody played Mischief Makers. We all saw it's crappiness and decided to make our own mischief ~throws brick at small child~ Suck brick, kid!
hylien007: I played it! though it did suck, and was ridiculously easy. I beat it in a day. A DAY. Also, I'm glad to see that Vela finally got the respect she deserves...
Morts2005: Vela negates the horridness of your Mischief Makers reference, but its still not enough.
PMBorisStoke: Yeah, she negated right into a wall....and continued to walk into it....
Mizar66: Crash Bandicoot teaching at Nintendo High? TO HELL WITH THEE!!! *tosses Cap'n Nintendo out of window*
Why? Well, that's obvious. For the money! Oh... what's that you say?
Teachers aren't in it for the money? Meh, shot down with one swift, sorry fact. Well, then. They'd do it for the power and glory of shaping the minds and futures of young individuals who are convinced they are influenced by nothing and are smarter than any other being alive, with the possible exception of Miss Cleo. That, and for the immense marketing oppurtunities such a high school would create. Ahem. Anyway... onwards:
History would be taught by none other than Professor Mario... Professor Luigi Mario, that is! Who better than the greener, fairer half of the Mario Bros. duo - who starred in the infamous attempt-at-teaching-history "game", Mario Is Missing - to teach this important class? Who, indeed?
Mathematics, known as one of the basic "Three 'R's" of school by the
weak-minded, old-fashioned and trite, would be led by Captain Falcon. Why? Because it's an utterly bizarre choice that makes no sense, that's why. Stop questioning my methods. Besides, I had to give him SOMEthing to do after handing off the Driver's Ed. course to Toad. Er... as you'll find out later. I've got to stop getting ahead of myself.
Typing class would be taught by Mario in some of his precious little spare time. Why him? Well, Mario Teaches Typing. Really, he's the only plausible choice, despite what little time he has to teach this class of hunt-and-peckers.
Science is taught by the lovely, armored Samus Aran. She's likely better versed in this subject in her line of work as a bounty hunter than any other Nintendo mascot-type-person. Plus, at least ONE class has to have a "beautiful teacher all the teenaged boys fall in love with"-type person teaching it.
Multimedia - Fox McCloud. Ever on the edge of what is hip and tech in his Arwing, Fox seems to overall be the best choice to teach this class. It would have gone to Samus, but she was already busy with Science. She agreed to lend Fox her various gadgetry while she took students around the galaxy on a guided tour, though... ala "the Magic School Bus", only rated Teen and with bounty-hunting on the agenda. Woah, wait, I'm supposed to be talking about Fox, here. Not Samus, though she is infinitely cooler than Fox. Uh... Fox teaches Multimedia because Samus can't, though she should. The end.
Driver's Education will be tearing up the school parking lot under Toad's short-statured supervision. As, arguably, the star of the Mario Kart series, Toad will teach his students all the ins and outs of driving and kart racing, including such difficult techniques as how to draft people directly ahead of you, and how to nail the impossible shortcut on Rainbow Road. As always, his cute demeanor and irresistably giddy cry of joy upon selection will make his class fill up faster than Mario at an all-you-can-eat linguini restaurant.
While Evil Villainry is a class very few have heard of, due to the fact it is A) not a required class, and B) is not a real class at all, Bowser was selected to teach it. Because he's an evil villain. Not a good villain. An evil one. I'll shut up, now.
Biology's teacher is, of course, Kirby... no one else is as familiar with as many different types of organisms as he is. Or, so I'm hoping.
At first, I thought Mario could teach Foreign Language - he is, after all, Italian and could teach that. But he's too busy to teach this class. And besides, his accent is way fake. So instead, Yoshi will teach this class. All the students will have to learn Yoshi's devilishly tricky native tongue to be able to understand him and pass the class. This is, of course, assuming that the noises Yoshis make are actually a language and not just gibberish specifically designed to confuse me. Which they may be.
Physical Education will be taught by the enigmatic and ever-in-motion Donkey Kong, or "Coach DK" as his students will be forced to call him while doing laps and swinging from rope vines in the gymnasium. What can I say... DK has, pound for pound, proven himself every bit as energetic as his better, Mario. From chucking barrels down construction sites, to playing tennis and golf, to running endlessly around in DK64 and questing in the Donkey Kong Country games; DK has
done very nearly as much as Mario has for the realm of Nintendo. because Mario can't match DK's simian physical strength, however, DK won the right to head this class.
The fine art of Photography will be taught by the ever-capable Lakitu. The number of games this wondrous turtle-and-cloud duo has directed the photography in is nearly countless. And he's always done a wonderful job - from Mario Tennis to Mario Golf. Personally, one of the best parts of Super Mario 64 was the mirror room, where you can see Lakitu behind you. Heck, Lakitu is even less recognized for his hard work than Toad is. Did Toad stop all the characters from arguing in Mario Party 3? Did Toad fish you out of the water in any Mario Kart game? Did Toad wave his damned little red flag and cutely claim, "O.B." in Mario Golf? ...Wait, he did do that one. Lakitu is a mute for all we know. Well, I suppose that, in a way, Lakitu did bring about his own lack of publicity by all the Spiny-throwing he did in his younger days. Still, I know that I'VE forgiven him long, long ago for that. It's about time YOU did, too, don't you think? We need games with playable Lakitu characters!
The class of Culinary Arts will be taught by the grand-daddy of videogames himself, Mario. While, daresay, many critics do not believe Mario should stoop so low as to teach this particular class instead of Phys. Ed. or some other class that showcases his better talents; the culinary arts are quite obviously a subject that Mario is well-versed in. Although his particular culinary skills lend themselves only to Italian foodstuffs and pastas, Princess Toadstool will sub for our roly-poly plumber when he has to be out saving the Mushroom Kingdom. Peach has proven her worth in the kitchen time and time again, from the big times in Super Mario 64 to even the portable Game & Watch Gallery 2.
Sex Education, one of the rare classes where students get taught many things they already know, would be taught by the ever-lovable Mr. Face. While not officially a Nintendo character per se, Mr. Face gets around quite often as a spokeface for safe sex. Touting such popular catch-phrases as, "Mr. Face say this condom is awesome. Mr. Face never wrong." (Used in his brief 3-day E3 campaigns), Mr. Face would end the war against unwanted teen pregnancies... one way or another. It should be noted that Birdo and BMason were specifically banned from even being mentioned in connection with teaching this class. ...Uh, except by me. *Coughs*
Finally, any classes I haven't mentioned will just be taught by Wario. He's a man capable of wearing many different caps, so to speak. Rather, capable of taking on many different shapes and abilities. And he has the best dang taunts in Mario Golf 64, so I had to give him something. -Jai Deliete
Survivor: Survivor say this entry sucks. Survivor always wrong.
hylien007: Hey! An entry that doesn't look like all the others! WOW!
PMBorisStoke: Finally! An entry that mentions Toad! That took forever!
The Chimp: Very nice. But no winning two Vibes in a row allowed!
Mizar66: Huh? Who made that rule?
Morts2005: Mario Teaches Typing! I love it!
WDIIA: Amen!
The Chimp: Grak, if this keeps up, we might as well just set up the Vibe template with Jai's name in the winner's block. Stop sending in such good entries! *storms off*
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