An Introduction to the  Rambling Theater
	Welcome to the debut of the Rambling Theater! I am Shiznik Finklebonk, playwright and fishmonger, and I would like to tell you a bit about my unique plays. Reading them you will probably notice several things, some of them rather uncomplimentary to me, so I would rather not touch upon those areas. Things you will notice that I do not mind discussing any more than I mind eating rat-tart are that it is often quite unclear what character is talking when, and that rarely do the topics of conversation fit together or seem to have the slightest bit of meaning. The reasons for the character confusion are thus: character development is rarely a focus of my work as the action is much more important to me, and my mental state is currently bordering on the insane and depraved. As to the relatively random quality of the conversations that take place, I would like to invite my readers- the few, the proud, the bored silly- to approach the pieces in the theater as disjointed bits of conversation that could occur almost anywhere. My works are not meant to be read as linear stories, but rather explored as a constantly changing entity within a single setting. These settings may not be clear, but whether they be an opera house, a friend’s bedroom, a pool party, or a reception for the queen, I believe that the large crowd there would most likely experience similar confusion and perceive randomness if they were to observe several social pockets in the room at once. For example, if I, an established playwright, were carrying out a conversation with a beautiful, blonde socialite at a cocktail party, our conversation may go something like this: Dr. Finklebonk approaches the punchbowl, which is blocked by a rather formidable, but lovely, young woman. Finklebonk: Pardon me, could I bother you for a glass of punch? Socialite: (with a glowing chuckle) That’s a good one. Oldie but a goodie. Finklebonk: (receives his punch) Well there are only so many ways to get a beautiful girl’s attention, madame. Might I inquire as to whether I might inquire something? Socialite: What? Finklebonk: Forgive me. I merely noticed your implants and was wondering- He is sent reeling into a waiter with a plate of hors d’oeurves by a slap from the woman, who is just as strong as she looks. Now simply imagine for a moment that across the room a former astronaut is in a heated discussion with a drug-dealer/member of the paparazzi. Astronaut: Goddamit I told you a million times! Drug-dealer: You can’t escape from me. I have my ways of finding you. Astronaut: Our accounts are settled! Go bother… Waiter: (interrupting) Sirs…? Astronaut: -ANGELINA JOLIE! A crowd hears the name and starts towards him, accidentally trampling the waiter, thinking Angelina Jolie has arrived. Astronaut: AHHHH! Drug-dealer: (snarls) You won’t get away so easily next time, rocket boy. And then upstairs away from the party, a young man and his lover are assaulted by a poodle. In a richly furnished bedroom, a man lays his lover on the bed, kissing her neck while she unbuttons his shirt. Woman: Oh… oh, John… John: Wait! He sits up and rips his shirt to get it off him. The woman smiles up at him. Woman: I love it when you’re so wild! John: (laughs, leans closer) Wine, baby. (he kisses her) OW! A poodle springs onto the bed and bites John’s posterior. Woman: Oh John, don’t stop… John rolls off the bed with the poodle latched onto his behind. Woman: A poodle?! John: GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! The woman runs screaming to the door, only to fall into a sinkhole and land on the host of the party in the ballroom below. You see? In certain situations many different things can be taking place at the same time and in virtually the same place. Now consider, if you were an alien being who moved faster than the average human can see, experienced frequent distortions in time, and so couldn’t stay still or in the same moment long enough to hear any single conversation or to witness a full action, then your view of all of the scenes written above may go something like this: A poodle?! Sirs…? I noticed your implants… GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! *slap* ANGELINA JOLIE! AHHH!!! *falls through ceiling* Goddamit I told you a million times! I love it when you’re so wild! Wait! Oh John… *snarls* You won’t get away so easily next time rocket boy. What? Wine, baby. That is an example of what you will find in the Rambling Theater. More examinations of chaos which I hope will inspire each and every one of you to take life a little less seriously. Yours Figuratively, Dr. S. Finklebonk P.S. Any images, lines, or characters from other works such as television programs, comic books, or other media are the copyrighted property of the companies, studios, etc that own them. I claim no ownership of any of these trademarked ideas. My sole purpose in using them is to illustrate the effect of popular culture on mankind and to make them look silly.                        Previous Preformances:                                   COMING SOON:    1. And My Pants Are On Fire Again             Fa-La-La Goes the Impudent Hen 2. Purple Holocausts And Green Spinach      3. A Red Number 6 Embroidered                  On My Toenail     4. Take a Swim in a Vat of Chestnuts     5. Yawning Farmers on Yelping Fuzz             6. And Some Grass Please
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