11 September 2001: the saga begins. My husband and I had been separated for almost two years and I consulted a solicitor to begin divorce proceedings and work out a financial settlement (with regards to the house and 'joint assets'). First and only interview with solicitor, lasts an hour. Solicitor informs me it will take 5-6 months for a divorce and cost around £600 (if only I had known what was to come!). On my suggestion, she agrees to bill me monthly so I don’t have a huge bill at the end. I mention that I am in receipt of Working Families Tax Credit and my financial budget is tight.
17 October – Divorce proceedings start after being formally separated for two years. Solicitors supposed to sort out financial settlement; Form E is completed (financial statement) and my husband and I are sent to mediation to see if we can settle it amicably between us (no surprise, we can’t).
28 November: Receive my first bill from solicitors for £530. Somewhat shocked as I was quoted roughly £600 for the whole divorce. I ask how much it is going to cost to sort out the financial settlement. They're not sure now.
29 November: Receive letter that my Soon-To-Be-Ex husband (STBEH) has signed the legal form of consent and we are able to proceed with the divorce. They enclose a draft Petition. I sign it and send it back.
13 December: Letter from solicitors confirming that they have sent the divorce petition to the Court. They “note that I am now in receipt of Working Families Tax Credit” I might be “eligible for legal help” – the first I’ve heard of this.
18 December: receive copy of my STBEH’s Form E, Financial Statement. Mine has not yet been sent to his solicitor.
8 January 2002: I write to my solicitors – “I hope the divorce petition is going ahead and look forward to hearing from you regarding its progress in due course.”
Several phonecalls to my solicitor follow as I chase up the divorce’s progress. I try to keep them brief as I am aware of costs. By April, my STBEH still hasn’t received a petition from the courts. Frustration starts to creep in. Finally …
11 April: Receive a letter from my solicitors informing me that they are “awaiting confirmation from Birmingham County Court as to when the Divorce Petition was issued and posted to STBEH.”
I hear nothing else. The frustration grows stronger. I ring my solicitors yet again. What I’m told over the phone forces me to write the following letter to them:-
10 May: “I came to see you in September 1999 regarding my divorce. Eight months and £530 later, I still have no divorce. I rang you yesterday to enquire about the delay, and it was only then that you informed me that the courts had returned my petition for the second time in three months because they had lost my original marriage certificate. It would have saved a great deal of time and expense if I had been told of this earlier and simply appropriated another copy. I am a single parent struggling financially to raise my two boys. I cannot afford to continue with these matters and wish to disinstruct you. Please do not continue with my case any further.”
The very next day, the solicitor phones me to make excuses about the delay. She convinces me that I will be eligible for Public Funding to help with the costs and urges me to continue.
15 May: I obtain a copy of my ‘lost’ marriage certificate and forward it to my solicitors, writing – “Please note that, due to my dire financial circumstances, I wish you to continue with divorce proceedings in the cheapest possible manner! I look forward to hearing from you with regard to both Legal Aid and the divorce proceedings.”
27 May: Receive letter from my solicitors – “I confirm that it is certainly worth submitting you application for Legal Aid. I believe you will be eligible. If granted, it will cover all work done in respect of financial matters. Unfortunately, this [city centre] office does not offer free advice under this scheme. I shall be happy to pass your file on to our West Bromwich office.”
29 May: I write to my solicitors – “I’m glad to hear the petition is about to be issued. Please do submit my application for Public Funding in respect of financial matters. Please also pass my file onto your West Bromwich office in respect of divorce proceedings. I assume I will be able to keep in contact with that office via letter, email and phone as I won’t be able to make it to the West Bromwich office personally [it is too far away]”
17 June: Letter from West Bromwich office – “I have now received your file from the city centre office and my colleague there has submitted your application for Public Funding. I note that with regard to divorce proceedings, the divorce petition has been sent to the court. With regard to financial matters, I understand that you attended mediation but that this has not been successful. In the meantime, as soon as I receive confirmation of the date your petition was posted to your husband, I will notify you – as you will be aware he has 14 days from the date of postal to reply to the divorce.”
16 July: I write to my solicitors – “Concerning my divorce, I have spoken to my husband and he has not received the petition which was posted to him on June 13. Could you please arrange for this to be sent to him again.”
6 August: Letter from my solicitors – “I have now received confirmation from the Court that your divorce petition has been forwarded to your husband’s solicitors.”
Progress. Or so I thought.
2 September: My solicitors forward to me a letter from my STBEH’s solicitors regarding a financial settlement. I write a detailed letter of response to my solicitors and suggest an offer.
11 September [exactly one year since this all began]: Receive a letter from my solicitors – “I confirm that the request for the divorce to proceed and affidavit have been filed with the court. I expect to hear from the court within the next three or four weeks. If the District Judge is satisfied that you have proved a ground for divorce, a date for the pronouncement of the Decree Nisi will be fixed.” Yes!
18 September: Receive a letter from my solicitor suggesting settlement offer from me to my STBEH for his share of the house. It is far more than I can afford, but I agree to the figure. Nothing is ever done with this offer and it was certainly never presented to my STBEH’s solicitors.
23 September: I am turned down for Public Funding. I query it both with the solicitor and the Legal Service Commission, to no avail. I have to pay for it all myself!
7 October: Receive letter from my solicitor – “The Decree Nisi will be pronounced in court on 5th November 2002.” Nearly over. [Yeah, right!]
18 October: Receive letter from my solicitor – “I note that to date there has not been a bill raised on your file. Your current costs stand at £1,000 plus VAT. I will obviously not send you a bill for this amount in one go and I enclose a note of my interim charges (£620) for your information. Please note that from 1 October 2002, my charging rate will be £141 per hour.”
I am panic stricken and write a strong letter in response:-
21 October: “I am writing to you with regard to your recent bill for £1,000 plus VAT. You say there has not been a bill raised on my file, but I enclose for your information a bill dated 28th November 2001 in the sum of £530.16.
I originally went to your Birmingham office on 11th September 2001 for a divorce. The proceedings started in October 2001 when my husband and I had been legally separated for two years. It was not a contested divorce, it was something we both wanted and thought would be straightforward. I met with [solicitor] for an hour. This is the only time I have met with a solicitor from your company.
More than a year later, with a three month delay because my marriage certificate was lost which I knew nothing about, I still have no divorce. (Please note I am not willing to pay for any ‘correspondence’ to the courts regarding this matter since a copy marriage certificate was all that was required, and which I obtained once I was informed the original was missing – total cost £7.50.)
I sent a letter to [solicitor] on 10th May 2002 instructing her not to continue with my case as I could not afford it. [Solicitor] assured me that, due to my financial situation, I would be eligible for Public Funding and transferred me to your West Bromwich office in June 2002. My application for Public Funding was denied at the end of September.
Now I receive a further bill from you for £1,000 plus VAT, but I have absolutely nothing to show for the total £1705.16 you have so far charged me. I am struggling to put one son through university at no small cost, I’m supporting my 17 year old son who still lives at home, and my husband continues to hassle me for £***** I do not have for ‘his share’ of the house which still hasn’t been resolved.
I cannot afford to pay your bill, and feel extremely frustrated and disappointed with the way my case has been handled. Nothing has been done with regard to a financial settlement with my husband, yet I’m expected to pay out huge amounts – I’m not sure for what.
I wish my file and my bill to be reviewed, and I would also like a detailed copy of the £1,000 bill dated 18 October 2002 to find out exactly what it is I am being charged for.
I look forward to hearing from you.”
31 October: Receive letter from solicitors – “I am still trying to ascertain exactly why your costs currently stand at £1,000 plus VAT given the comments made in your letter. I have asked our costings department to do a complete breakdown of your file. Once I have received this, I will contact you.”
4 November: Extremely upset by the situation and desperate to settle matters, I write a detailed letter with an offer I can afford directly to my STBEH.
26 November: Receive letter from my solicitors – “Please find enclosed your decree nisi pronounced on 5 November 2002. You will be able to apply for a decree absolute after 18 December. I am still looking at your previous costs and will contact you about this shortly.”
4 December: Furious at the way things aren’t progressing, and discovering that I hadn’t been forwarded letters written by my STBEH’s solicitors, I write a letter directly to my STBEH’s solicitors – “Given the ‘speed’ of my solicitors, I would be most grateful if you could forward any correspondence directly to myself at the above address in the hope that the ‘financial situation’ might be resolved before we all die of old age.”
12 December: I am sent a demand for payment of my £1,000 plus VAT bill. I write back saying I am still awaiting details from my solicitor.
17 December: Receive letter from my solicitors – “I am investigating the issue of costs. I anticipate that this will take some time and I am also out of the office during December 2002. In the meantime, I enclose an application for a decree absolute.”
20 December: I return signed decree absolute.
3 January 2003: After a very terse telephone conversation from my solicitor in which she maintains that the £1,000 plus VAT (on top of the £530 bill I have already paid) is correct, I ask for a detailed breakdown, which annoys her further. She informs me that she has the Decree Absolute but doesn’t wish to complete it until the finances were sorted out as it “might affect my financial position.” I tell her to finalise the Decree Absolute as I have waited for it long enough, and she insists I send her a cheque for £30 to cover court costs (which I later discover I didn't have to pay as I am in receipt of Working Families Tax Credit).
I send the cheque, along with a letter – “Further to our conversation of today’s date, I write to confirm that I no longer wish you to continue with my case regarding a financial settlement following divorce. I feel that 15 months and £1,700 an excessive amount of time and money to spend on an uncontested divorce. I do, however, wish you to complete the Decree Absolute, and enclose a cheque for £30 to cover this. I look forward to receiving a detailed breakdown of my bill in due course.”
9 January: In 14-type bold, I receive a breakdown of my costs. I am still not happy with it – so much money for so little work, and no divorce yet!
22 January: I send a detailed response to the breakdown – “I have received your letter dated 9 January 2003 enclosing a breakdown of work done by [Company] ‘on my behalf’, and I am still not satisfied with the costs or the work you have provided.
As you are aware, I first instructed [Company] on 11 September 2001 when my husband and I had been separated for two years. It was an uncontested divorce. As at today’s day, I have still not received my Decree Absolute, and I am still of the opinion that 16 months and £1,700 exclusive of VAT and disbursements is an excessive amount of time and money to spend on a straightforward divorce.
I strongly believe that there have been unnecessary delays and that I have been provided with the wrong advice.
In May 2002, when I discovered a 3 month delay was due to my marriage certificate being lost, I wrote to [solicitor] asking her not to continue with my case as I could not afford it. I was then led to believe that I would be entitled to Legal Aid:
14 May 2002: “ … you advised me that if you are eligible for public funding and are granted a certificate, you would like me to continue to deal with matters on your behalf.”
27 May 2002: “I confirm that it is certainly work submitting your Application for Public Funding to the legal Services Commissions. I believe you will be eligible.”
My application was turned down on 1 October 2002, whereupon I immediately received my second bill for £1,000. When I recently sought legal advice elsewhere, a junior solicitor informed me during a brief meeting that I would not be eligible for Legal Aid because my mortgage is, and always has been, £*** per month. This had never been explained to me by anyone from [Company], and I feel I have been given the wrong advice and made to continue with something when it was blatantly obvious that I could not afford it.
[Solicitor], in her letter of 12 September 2001, wrote: “I shall deliver bills at regular intervals for the work carried out during the conduct of the case.” I received the first bill in November 2001 for £530 inc VAT; the following bill was dated 31 October 2002, along with a letter from [West Bromwich solicitor], who wrote “I note that to date there has not been a bill raised on your file.” When I queried the bill, [solicitor] later wrote, “I am still trying to ascertain why your costs currently stand at £1,000 plus VAT, given the comments made in your letter to me dated 21 October 2002.” I understood this to mean that there had been a mistake made, and the £1,000 bill would be reduced by the amount I had already paid.
I was provided with a breakdown which shows mostly correspondence. The letters I have received from your company regard:
1. The continuing saga of the divorce and its current progress
2. Legal Aid, which I was never entitled to.
3. Completing the Form E, which was never used and which is now grossly out of date.
4. One letter regarding a financial settlement with my husband, which was never followed through.
Over the past 16 months, both my husband and myself have become increasingly frustrated with the lack of progress from your company. The fact that nothing was progressing, either with the divorce or financial settlement, was also noted by my husband’s solicitors, prompting them to write, “We have waited for some considerable time for confirmation that you are in a position to exchange financial statements.” (27 November 2002) (I completed my Form E on 28 November 2001, a whole year earlier).
I have made it perfectly clear throughout the long 16 month period that I was struggling financially, providing detailed figures to both [city centre solicitor] and [West Bromwich solicitor] which clearly show my financial position. I repeatedly expressed my growing concern over costs in letters to you:
8 January 2002: “As I am sure you will understand, I am keen to keep expenses down to a minimum.”
10 May 2002: “I am a single parent struggling financially to raise my two boys. I cannot afford to continue with these matters and wish to disinstruct you.”
15 May 2002: “Please note that, due to my dire financial circumstances, I wish you to continue with divorce proceedings in the cheapest possible manner!”
2 October 2002 (fax to Public Funding, cc's to solicitor): “I am desperately struggling to raise two teenage boys, one of whom is at university.”
21 October 2002: “I am struggling to put one son through university at no small cost, and I’m supporting my 17 year old son who still lives at home.”
I had hoped that, by now, the financial settlement with my husband would have been resolved, but [Company] have barely touched upon this matter. I submitted a ‘potential offer’ on 20 September 2002 but, like everything else, this simply didn’t progress any further and it was certainly never forwarded to my husband’s solicitors.
I would therefore like a further explanation as to:
(a) why a straightforward divorce has taken 16 months (and counting);
(b) why a financial settlement has never even been discussed with my husband’s solicitors; and
(c) why my costs total £1,700 exclusive of VAT and disbursements, bearing in mind that:
i) a divorce over a ‘normal’ time period would have elicited less correspondence about its leisurely progress;
ii) I am not willing to pay for correspondence to either myself or the courts regarding the lost marriage certificate; or
iii) I am not willing to pay for any letters about Legal Aid that I was never entitled to.
I look forward to hearing from you.”
I do not receive a response to this letter.
I ring the solicitors about my Decree Absolute on several occasions, but it hasn’t yet been received.
10 February: I ring Birmingham County Court directly to enquire about the delay with my Decree Absolute. There is no delay, the Decree Absolute was finalised and sent out on 23 January. I ring my STBEH to say that I think we are now divorced. He is surprised. “I already knew,” he tells me, “I had the Absolute on 31 January.” I ring my solicitors, who still don’t have it; “It must have got lost in the post,” a secretary tells me.
Furious at this, I send a letter by post and fax to my solicitors: - “Regarding my letter of 21 January 2003. I rang your secretary last Thursday (6 February 2003) and she informed me that there was a letter “waiting to go out”. As yet, I have not received this letter. I would like your immediate response as a matter of urgency.
Regarding my Decree Absolute. I have been in touch with Birmingham County Court and they informed me that my Decree Absolute was returned to you on 23rd January 2003. When I again rang your secretary, she informed me that you have not received it and that it “must have got lost in the post”. Quite frankly, having already ‘waited’ 17 months for you to complete my straightforward divorce, I was not the least bit surprised!
I find the way you do business totally unacceptable. I wish to hear from you at your very earliest convenience before taking this matter further.”
Once again, I receive no response.
11 February 2003: Exactly 17 months to the day after I first approached a solicitor for a divorce, I go to Birmingham County Court to obtain my own copy of the Decree Absolute which proves that I am no longer married. It is a wonderful moment, the culmination of all my frustration and anger. But there is an element of anti-climax, too. I’ve waited so long for it (3 years and 2 months since we separated). I decide that, as I’ve officially been divorced since the middle of January, it was too late for the Freedom Party I’d planned and I simply took the piece of paper home and stared at it for a while.
12 February: Extracts from letter received from my solicitors – “I enclose the certificate of Decree Absolute, which was in fact only recently received by this office, the Court having initially sent it to our Birmingham office. … If there are any financial aspects from your marriage you wish me to settle, I would be grateful if you could make an appointment to see me. If I do not hear from you in 14 days, I will assume no further action is to be taken and I will arrange for your file to be closed.”
I laughed at the audacity of it … they were supposed to have dealt with the ‘financial aspects’ from the very beginning but hadn’t even touched on it. I didn’t reply.
But I was still worried about the bill … had they forgotten it, written it off? Or would I one day receive a final demand for £1,000 plus VAT. Eventually, I decide I can stand the suspense no longer, and looked up the Law Society on the internet for advice. Then, biting the bullet, I send them an email:-
6 April: Email to Law Society - “I wonder if you can help me. I am not happy with the service I have received from [name of solicitors]. I first approached them on 11 September 2001 for a straightforward divorce (my husband and I had been separated for two years and we both consented to the divorce, so there were no problems). It took exactly 17 months for me to receive my Decree Absolute (on 11 February 2003).
I paid [Company] £530 including VAT in November 2001, and they sent me a further bill for £1,000 excluding VAT in October 2002 (when my divorce had not yet been completed). I queried this second bill on 21 October 2002 and received a breakdown on 9 January 2003. I wasn’t happy with the breakdown of work done on my behalf for a straightforward divorce, and queried it again on 21 January. As yet, I have received no response, despite a follow up letter on 10 February. I now live in daily fear of the postman bringing me a demanding letter for a £1,000 bill.
Is it possible that, without informing me, they have just written off this bill?
I attach copies of relevant letters sent to [Company] regarding the above, and would be most grateful if you could advise me on this matter.”
I received an automated response immediately – “Thank you for contacting the Office for the Supervision of Solicitors. This office is the section of the Law Society that deals with complaints about solicitors. This is to confirm that your email has been received and we will contact you shortly to discuss your query.”
I was terrified. I had made it official. What was going to happen now?
7 April: To my great surprise, I received an email from the Law Society the very next day – “Thank you for your email. I have passed this matter on to our designations team. A caseworker will be in contact shortly.”
They weren’t wrong. I wasn’t used to this kind of efficient service.
10 April: Letter from The Law Society – “We have now opened a file regarding your complaint. … I would be grateful if you would provide us with copies of any correspondence relating to your complaint.”
14 April:: I duly sent off a whole pile of photocopied documents, along with a letter – "As requested, please find enclosed copies of all relevant correspondence concerning my complaint with [Company] in their Birmingham city centre office and West Bromwich office. I also enclose my original email to The Law Society.
It is worth noting that when I first approached [Company] for a straightforward divorce in September 2001 (the only time I had a meeting with anyone from that company), I was verbally informed that it would take approximately 6 months and £500-£600 to complete, which I could just about afford. On their own website it claimed “If divorce proceeds undefended and without difficulty, it usually lasts about five months … If you only wish to seek a divorce and there are no complications, our costs are usually in the region of about £400 to £600 plus VAT.” It took [Company] exactly 17 months and two bills, one for £530 including VAT which I paid in November 2001, and the second in October 2002 for £1,000 excluding VAT and disbursements which remains outstanding (copies of bills enclosed).
I queried this second bill in October 2002 and received two phonecalls from [solicitor] saying she was ‘chasing it up’. On 3 January 2003, I received a very terse telephone call from [solicitor] who insisted the bill was correct and wouldn’t be finalising the divorce until I sent her a cheque for £30 to cover court costs, which I duly did (despite my later understanding that I was exempt from this charge because I was in receipt of Working Families Tax Credit). [Solicitor] then, as I requested, sent me a breakdown of ‘work done on my behalf’, which I wasn’t satisfied with. I again queried this second bill on 22 January 2003, but I have never received a reply, despite a follow up letter on 10 February.
Extremely frustrated, I rang Birmingham County Court on 10 February to ascertain if my Decree Absolute had been concluded, and was only then I discovered it had gone through on 13 January 2003 and ‘sent out’ on 23 January. I then rang my ex-husband to tell him that I thought we were now divorced, but he already knew, having received his copy of the Decree Absolute from his solicitors on 31 January. [Company] told me my copy had “probably got lost in the post”.
On 11 February 2003, exactly 17 months after starting divorce proceedings with [Company], I went to Birmingham County Court to get my own copy of the Decree Absolute. [Company] ‘found’ their copy on the same date, and this I received on 12 February.
This whole episode has caused me extreme frustration and a great deal of stress. I feel I have consistently been given the wrong advice as regards Public Funding (Legal Aid) and the progress of a simple divorce. I am still under a great deal of stress, not knowing if [Company] have ‘written off’ this £1,000 bill and not told me, or if they might one day send out a Final Demand. I simply cannot afford to pay this and, had I known it would take so long and cost so much, I would not have started divorce proceedings in the first place.
I very much look forward to your advice on this matter."
Again, I didn’t have to wait long. A very sympathetic and helpful man from The Law Society rang me at work 2 days later:-
16 April: Telephone note made of conversation – "The man from The Law Society said they’d received all my correspondence. He asked if I’d received a Final Bill from solicitors, I said not. He said they might have done more work on my behalf and bill might be even bigger now. Told him I was worried about receiving a bill out of the blue, and he said he understood. He said he would ring the solicitors himself to ask about a Final Bill … I asked him if it might be best to just leave it in case they’ve written it off. He said it was up to me, but it might be better to find out so there are no nasty surprises. I agreed. He said he would get back to me in the next couple of days.”
16 April: SAME DAY! Telephone note made of conversation – “He said he’d been in touch with solicitors and spoken to the man who deals with the company’s complaints. This person had a look at the file and said, as far as he could tell, I ‘only’ owned them £620 (part of the £1,000 plus VAT bill). He also said he was very concerned about the time period this had taken and that they didn’t respond to my letters… would be dealing with the solicitors concerned himself – man from Law Society said he sounded quite cross about it as it reflects on the company. The man from the solicitors said to express his apologies to me and he’d be writing to me within the next couple of days. Opened up a barrel of worms now. £620 is only part of the last bill, should have seen the letter that explained it was part of a bigger bill!”
17 April: The very next day I received from my ex-solicitors an amazingly detailed 8 page letter, an almost step by step account (theirs, not mine) of their dealings with the case. It was copied to the man at the Law Society and it was, I suspect, written more for his benefit than mine. The letter was full of excuses about the cause of the delays in obtaining my divorce, and there were many discrepancies, but it also included the following - “Firstly may I apologise for the fact that you have not received a full response to your letter dated 22 January. … I apologise for any inconvenience you have suffered and will endeavour to address each point raised in your letter. … You discussed proposals for settlement during September 2002, although formal proposals were not submitted to [ex-husband’s solicitors]. … The delay that has been caused in respect of a reply to your letter dated 22 January is totally unacceptable. You should have received a full reply before now and, in that respect, we have fallen down on the level of service you are entitled to expect. Please accept my apologies for any inconvenience you have suffered. I would like to emphasise that no further bills will be raised. Further, because of the delay in replying to your letter, I would like to make an offer to reduce the outstanding invoice to £500 and hope you will find this satisfactory.”
I was delighted! At last, it had all been resolved (after so very long!). I spoke to the man from the Law Society and told him that, although there were discrepancies with the letter, I was happy to accept the offer and thanked him profusely for his help. It had taken a mere 11 days to resolve! I was well chuffed.
28 April: Letter to my ex-solicitors – “I am in receipt of your letter dated 17 April. I accept your offer of £500 to clear the outstanding invoice and understand that no further bills will be raised. I enclose a cheque for £100 in part payment of the invoice, and will continue to pay £100 until the sum is cleared. Could you please forward me an invoice.”
29 April: Extracts of letter received from The Law Society – “I confirm that this matter is now concluded and my file has been closed. I trust that this Office has been of some assistance to you in dealing with your complaint.”
Some assistance! I immediately wrote them a response:-
1 May: “I would like to thank you very much for your time and assistance in this matter. It has caused me a great deal of stress, but your help in approaching [Company] cleared matters up quickly. I am most grateful.”
2 May: Letter received from ex-solicitors – “I shall be happy to accept payment of the outstanding invoice at the rate of £100 per month.”
I have now appointed a very good, on-the-ball, on-my-side solicitor (out of the city centre) who is currently dealing with the financial aspects with my ex-husband. Both my ex and I are keen to conclude this matter as quickly as possible so that we can get on with our lives - and I'm sure once my ex realises that I really am broke and still supporting our two sons (teenagers are NOT cheap) we will acheive this!
UPDATES
So, at least we’d (finally!) got the divorce out of the way. Now all we had to sort was the nasty little matter of money … my ex wanted half of the value of the house. I was still 'supporting' our two sons and simply couldn’t afford it.
8 April 2003 – Letter sent from my solicitors to ex-husband’s solicitors. It mentioned the fact that when my ex left he took the car, two motorcycles, the television, stereo and video and all the solid silverware (i.e. anything that was of any value). It also highlighted the fact that my ex never contributed to the loan for the double-glazed windows or the fireplace that was condemned as dangerous and had to be rebuilt (both of which added value to the house), and hadn’t paid any of the bills for nearly four years. Our offer was this; I wasn’t going to offer a lump sum, but he could keep the two endowment policies and I wouldn’t make a claim on his pensions. The offer was open for twenty one days.
I waited.
And waited.
21 days passed. Nothing. I texted my ex. He said a letter had been sent from his solicitors to mine ‘ages ago’. I called my solicitors yet again, but he hadn’t received anything. I texted my ex to tell him this (“Did you receive a copy of this letter?” I added. “No,” he replied. “Then how do you know what was in the letter?” “I know what it said!” came the terse reply. “Copies of letters are always sent to clients. I should know, I do it every day.”). Ex said he would arrange for a copy letter to be sent out again. Apparently, it took a while for my ex to get in touch with his solicitor as he was on holiday for three weeks and was ‘unavailable’ the first week he returned. It seems it was now my ex’s turn to suffer the incompetence of solicitors!
27 June 2003 – At last, a letter from my ex’s solicitors (dated June, not April). Suspect it was hastily written when my ex’s solicitor realised he hadn’t responded to our ‘offer’ letter. My solicitor told me that he had spoken to my ex’s solicitor, who had mentioned a ‘Private Enquiry Agents Report.’ I immediately rang my solicitor to ask what that meant; “Apparently, to prove that someone was living with you, a private investigator waited outside your house and witnessed a gentleman emerging.”
Waited outside my house! Witnessed a gentleman emerging! How do they know it wasn’t one of my six foot plus sons? And what business was it of theirs anyway? I was furious. My ex was trying to prove that my partner lived with me (and, as such, that I was in a financial position to raise a loan to pay him off). This was absurd. My partner moved in with me two years after I met him, more than two years after my ex had left the house. Previously, my partner had lived in Bradford, West Yorkshire, and came to stay with me every weekend … hardly ‘living’ with me. I felt violated to have been spied on. “Spying on me!” I texted my ex, “You would stoop that low!” “It was just something my solicitor suggested I did,” he replied. If my ex had been there at that moment, I would have taken his face off and made him eat it.
The letter from my ex’s solicitors said my offer was not acceptable. They wanted me to pay for a valuation of the house so my ex could prove it was worth more than I claimed, and wanted confirmation about how much my partner was paying me, how much my youngest son earned and how much he paid me etc. etc. It was a very arrogant letter basically calling me a liar on a number of matters. But I’m a secretary, I keep and file everything, so I had written proof that I had made every payment on the window loan myself and had paid all the household bills including the mortgage since January 2000.
4 July 2003 – My solicitor sends a reply to my ex’s solicitors, firstly asking for more details about the Private Investigators report .. “We invite you to supply us with a copy and to justify your action.” We provide all the information requested and make a final offer of two endowment policies, his pensions, plus a cash lump sum. The offer is, again, open for 21 days, after which it will be withdrawn.
21 July 2003 – [A private thought] I’m still waiting for a response from the offer letter, should be any time this week (hopefully). Don’t feel as if matters are moving forward at all, my ex just seems to be holding out for a massive lump sum which I simply can’t afford and he isn’t willing to compromise in any way. I’ve already decided that, if he doesn't accept this offer, I'll tell my ex takes me to court to have it resolved once and for all. My solicitor feels I have a strong case (and my ex’s solicitors, in a phonecall to my solicitor, admitted I had a strong case too). If my ex loses in court, hopefully he’ll have to pay the court fees. And then we might be able to get on with our lives! Very bored with it all now, it’s been dragging on for far too long (almost 4 years).
1 August 2003 - No response to my second offer yet. I texted my ex a couple of days ago; "Are you going to accept the offer? If not, you'll have to take it to court because its more than I can afford and I'm very bored with this now." There was no reply. Will this thing never end?
7 August 2003 - Still no reply and its been a whole month since my offer letter now. I am so utterly fed up with it all - in two months time we would have been bickering (endlessly) about this for FOUR YEARS. I really feel the ex is just being plain greedy, holding out for more money that I simply can't afford. I've heard he and his girlfiend (and her two children that he supports) are planning to buy a new house as soon as 'his money' comes through - in other words, he wants me, his poverty stricken ex-wife who is still struggling to support our two sons, to finance his new house with his girlfriend. Sometimes I think hiring a hitman would be far simpler and a lot cheaper (and deeply satisfying!)! Bitter? Moi?
How come all you ever hear about is wives who get to keep everything ... what, exactly, am I doing wrong? Am I too nice, am I not nasty and vindictive enough? (ex-wives who have it all, email me and tell me!)
Annoyed and frustrated, I engage in a text argument with my ex:
ME: Got your sols letter. Totally useless without your formal instruction. Will wait to hear further. Will not be providing any more information.
HIM: I have agreed to have it [the house] valued by the persons your sols said
ME: Big of you! The letter doesn’t actually say you agree to valuation. It says ‘await formal instruction’ Without formal instruction we can’t and won’t be doing anything.
HIM: Well you will be receiving my formal instructions
ME: Any time soon?
HIM: Hopefully I faxt them to him on the day I got my letter now can I get on with some work please.
ME: Can I get on with my life please.
KEV: Ditto
ME: Then get your finger out before we die of sheer bloody boredom!
I also fire off a letter to my solicitor:-
"Thank you for your letter of 8 August. I agree that the letter from [ex's solicitors] takes us no further forward as it does not contain ‘formal instructions’ from [ex], either about the offer that we made in our letter of 7 July 2003 or, indeed, who is to pay for the valuation on the house (if [ex] wishes to prove that the house is worth more in his favour, then surely he should pay for it).
I am still not happy with their explanation about the enquiry agent and will contact the Law Society to see if I can take this further – it cannot be right to be spied upon for no apparent reason.
I do not wish to provide [ex's solicitors] with any further information regarding my financial circumstances as I feel I have provided more than enough – I do not ask what his partner earns or contributes to their household, or make detrimental comment on their financial arrangements. I feel very strongly that [my partner's] finances are his own business, as mine are to him – he simply makes what I believe to be a very fair contribution to the household expenses and that’s all [my ex] needs to know.
It is almost four years now since [my ex] left the marital home, taking with him everything that was of any value, including the family car, motorbikes, electrical equipment and silverware. Since that time I have (on [my ex's] insistence) paid all household bills, including the mortgage. I have been forced to pay for double glazing and a replacement fireplace which has increased the value of the house, and struggled to support my two sons at home. I offer [my ex] two endowments worth thousands of pounds, no claim on his pensions (to which I am entitled) and a cash sum of £****. I am of the opinion that enough is enough and, if they do not accept our offer of 7 July, then I would like you to recommend that [my ex] takes the matter to court for a judge to decide. I refuse to be hounded by [my ex's] incessant and unreasonable demands any longer.
I will make an appointment to see you once we have received formal instructions from [my ex's solicitors]."
So now, more waiting!
22 August 2003
Letter this morning from my ex's solicitors, giving me 'their client's formal instruction' to have the house valued, which is nice of them. No mention of who is going to pay for it, though I suspect they'll want me to pay half which I think is unreasonable (is it worth fighting about?). And the ex wants to be present in the house when its done, which should be fun (I'll have to have other people present to restrain me if necessary). There was also a line in the letter that read: "We understand that [youngest son] earns £170 per week. This was told by [youngest son] to his father." I asked my son about this, he said he hasn't spoken to his father for weeks. I texted ex: "[Son] earns £170 per week? He wishes! You want to get your facts right before you start spouting your mouth off."
Now I have to wait for an expensive valuer to traipse around my home with my ex in tow so my ex can try to prove the house is worth more than the last time it was valued - and I get to pay £100 for the privilege. I can hardly wait.
Tuesday 2 September 2003
Letter from my solicitor, telling me that my ex’s solicitors were requiring that my ex be present at the independent valuation of the house - primarily, I suspect, so he could mention all the good points (like the double glazing, new carpeting throughout and brand new fireplace, all of which I paid for) and not let me mention the bad points (like no central heating, no boiler or running hot water for the last 10 years, a crumbling driveway and an almost-outside loo). My solicitor said this was an unusual request "and rarely is such presence allowed because, of course, it creates a conflict and stress situation" (I'll say!). I wasn’t aware that I had a choice in the matter and decided that I would not like my ex wandering around my home (and seeing my bedroom for the first time in four years … he should be so lucky!). So that's one thing less to worry about.
4 September 2003
Write to my solicitor: "I would much prefer it if [ex] was not present at the valuation. Having worked as a secretary to professional building surveyors I do not believe an independent valuer would be influenced by anything they were told. I'm extremely relieved that I do not have to face [ex] in my own home."
12 September 2003
My solicitor writes to ex's solicitors: "We cannot agree to your insistence that [ex] be present at the valuation. We have never been asked to make provision for the absent partner to be present at the valuation, nor have we made any such requests. The parties have been apart for some considerable time and it is totally unnecessary to create the unpleasant and uncomfortable atmosphere which your client's present at the house would cause. We presume that you client's concern is that [I] will in some way attempt to influence the opinion given by the valuer. May we respectfully remind you that this is a joint instruction of a professional who will be confirming his duty to the court as to his impartiality. We see no reason at all to facilitate your client's presence at the valuation and if necessary would feel confident of taking this point before a district judge."
24 September 2003
Letter from ex's solicitors: "We are surprised by your response to what we consider to be a fairly reasonable request for our client to be in attendance at the time of the valuation. We fail to see how an unpleasant an uncomfortable atmosphere could be created when both parties are simply viewing a valuation! ... Justice should "seen to be done." ... We fail to see the problem... We are trying as best we can to keep this matter amicable and ensure our approach is reasonable [!]. We do not think our request is unreasonable in the slightest."
In the accompanying letter from my solicitor, he writes: "I am afraid that I cannot understand their position. I can see that their client wishes to cause disruption and probably have a look around your home, but I cannot understand why the solicitors are supporting him in this."
28 September 2003
I write a detailed letter to my solicitor: "[Ex] left the marital home four years ago and has, in that time, caused me a great deal of distress and continues to do so in any way he can. His insistence on being present at the valuation of the house is yet another way to “get at me.” His solicitors write “we fail to see how such an [unpleasant and uncomfortable] atmosphere could be created when both parties are simply viewing a valuation”, ignoring the fact that the property is my home and that [ex] will be “viewing” my personal possessions. In effect, he wishes to ‘legally’ invade my privacy. Would he be so obliging if I were to turn up at his house and ask to look around?
“We are trying as best we can to keep this matter amicable and ensue our approach is reasonable.” [Ex], with the aid of his solicitors, has kept this matter anything but amicable and reasonable, demanding unnecessary information (such as the financial details of my live-in partner), lying about my youngest son’s income and sending a private investigator to ‘spy on me’.
If, as they claim, “justice should be seen to be done” then a straightforward valuation of the property by an independent evaluator would take place without any further demands from [Ex], so that this matter can finally be resolved. If it were resolved, [Ex] would no longer be able to harass me, and I believe [Ex] wishes to continue harassing me in any way he can - it is not in his best interest to be ‘amicable and reasonable.’
In the four years since he left the marital home, [Ex] has:
1. taken the family car, hoping this would make life difficult for me (i.e. grocery shopping and taking the boys out) – he also took with him his two motorbikes
2. removed from the house everything that was of any value, including tv, stereo, video and all solid silverware
3. insisted I transfer all household bills to my bank account immediately after he left, knowing I was earning £75 a week in my part time job and hoping to cause me severe financial problems.
4. refusing to pay anything towards a joint loan for double glazing, forcing me to make monthly payment of £154 for three years
5. sending me a letter demanding that I pay him nearly £***** in cash plus the endowments for his 'share' of the house
6. constantly telling me that I would lose the house because I couldn’t afford to pay for it and that me and the boys would be homeless
7. kept one of his motorbikes locked in the garden shed for almost two years, refusing to move it and leaving my motorbike outside in all weathers
8. when finally removing his motorbike, emptying the shed of all tools so that I was unable to maintain my own bike (which I used for work)
9. selling the family car and transferring his new car into his girlfriends name so that I would have no claim on it, then bragging about it
10. refusing to hand over his key for the front door to the house, knowing I was legally unable to change the lock – I suspect he has entered the house using this on more than one occasion
11. turning up at the house unexpectedly, supposedly to see the boys but in reality to annoy me (I had specifically asked him not to visit when I got home from work as I was tired and had tea to cook)
12. never taking the boys out when he visited, but sat in the house to intimidate me
13. bringing his girlfriend to the house when I wasn’t there and then bragging about it afterwards (“Killed two birds with one stone, saw the kids and pissed you off.”)
14. lying about his finances in ‘mediation’ – claiming his expenditure was more than he earned. Mediation eventually broke down because he withheld information
15. showing me bank statements for his two business accounts (one legal, one not legal to avoid paying tax) to prove how much money he had
16. bragging that he shopped at Tescos and sometimes spent £200 a week on grocery, when I shopped at Netto on a budget of £50 a week for me and the two boys
17. always paying maintenance for the boys later and later so that some months he missed payments entirely
18. taking a sum of £30 a month from the boys maintenance in order to pay the endowment policies, which he was determined to keep for himself but made me pay for
19. when he stopped paying maintenance, he changed the endowment policies details without informing me so that all correspondence from the endowment company went to his address – and then letting it fall into arrears by not paying the monthly premiums for almost a year
21. having a private investigator spy on me to prove I was living with someone two years after we separated
22. suggesting both my live-in boyfriend and my youngest son were not paying enough ‘housekeeping’ and insisting on details of their personal finances
24. threatening to stop paying eldest son £100 a month to help him through university, deliberately causing both my son and I great distress
25. insisting that he be present, four years after he left the marital home, when the house was valued, which I felt a gross invasion of my privacy
Might I also point out that when we met, [Ex] moved in with me, bringing nothing with him except a stereo system. Over the years we have, together, replaced my belongings. [Ex] believed they then became his belongings, hence him removing everything of value when he left the marital home. He still believes that the house and all its contents belong to him, which is why he continues to hassle me.
I no longer wish to be harassed by [Ex] and his unreasonable demands. I do not believe [Ex] wants this matter settled at all – he would then have no excuse to continue harassing me. I have made every effort to resolve this by attending mediation and by making what I felt to be acceptable offers which were ignored by [Ex] and his solicitors. He is fully aware that, whilst I continue to provide a home and support our two sons without any assistance from him, I am unable to take out a large loan in order to ‘buy him out.’ Rather than settling this matter, [Ex] would much prefer to continue intimidating me.
I have agreed to (and am willing to pay half for) an independent valuation of the house. I do not agree to [Ex] being present at the valuation."
30 September 2003
Letter from my solicitor to ex's solicitor: "He has continued to intimidate and cause distress to our client and, given the circumstances, he cannot expect to be present at the valuation. It is wholly unreasonable and cannot be agreed. Your client has simply got to co-operate."
16 October 2003
My solicitor writes: "I am delighted to inform you that [Ex] has at last decided to step down."
Ex's solicitors write: "Our client, to his credit [!!!!!] has indicated that he is content for the valuation to go ahead without him being present. He does not wish this matter to further degenerate."
30 October 2003
House is valued. It is worth exactly what I said it was six months ago! Despite all the leaflets sent to me by ex of 'comparable' properties in the area worth this much and that much, it is £20,000 less than he expected. I'm delighted. He's not going to be happy.
My solicitors writes: "I am pleased to not that this valuation is exactly the same value as the you assumed when you instructed me on 3 July. The ball is now in the court of [ex's] solicitors, who have our offer on the table."
Text [ex]: "House valued. Will wait to hear from your solicitors about offer we made."
No response. He's definitely not happy.
18 November 2003
Brief text conversation with [ex]:
ME: Is your sol writing to my sol or are we all waiting around for nothing?
HIM: Don't know what offer is yet
ME: We made offer then you questioned house value. House valued, offer stands. July. Look it up. We will continue to wait!
HIM: House worth 10 grand more [than last time it was valued, two years ago].
ME: Think we said in offer letter house worth that much. Offer stands. While you pither I'm just getting on with my life. I really don't care how long it takes. Made offer, down to you now.
28 November 2003
Not heard anything.
At the start of every year for the last four years, I've thought, 'This is the year we're finally going to get it sorted.' With every letter from the solicitor, I've thought, "Yes! A bit closer to getting it sorted!' It's like wading through treacle. Ex expects me to do all the running to 'protect my interests' but doesn't want the expense of 'chasing' it himself. He's waiting for me to make the next move. Well, to be honest, I really don't have the strength any more - I figure if he wants a huge cash sum from me he's going to have to actively fight for it himself instead of sitting back ignoring or refuting everything I do.
2 December 2003
I get a text message from the ex:
HIM: My sols rang me he has not received an offer from ur sols yet.
ME: Haven't we been through this once? Offer made July. Look it up.
HIM: O that's what ur going on about that offer was on £***** [house value two years ago] need new offer
ME: Nope, that was the offer, aint making another one.
Much later, I sent him another one:
ME: Look, either respond to the offer or take it to court. This has gone on way too long. Chase it if you want it, but I’m not bothering any more.
I also send a letter to my solicitor: "As we have so far made two offers to [ex], who then questioned the house value, I feel it is now up to [ex] and his solicitors to progress matters further (for a change!). I will wait to hear from them."
I have visions of me, grey haired and wrinkly, hobbling around on a zimmer frame, with the ex still chasing me for money.
9 December 2003
Ex's solicitors faxed mine saying 'they have been in receipt of the valuation since 3 November and they anticipated we would be in touch with renewed proposals for settlement'. My solicitor wrote back telling them that we made a proposal in July based upon my estimated value of the property (which the valuation confirmed) and I was not about to change my offer in any way.
The year 2004 looms closer ... we separated in 1999!
20 December 2003
Oh My God! Can it be? Surely not! But yes, I think I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel!
Letter from my ex's solicitors saying that they expected £x above what I'd offered. I thought "Oh sod it!" and texted ex. "I offered £x, you want £x, how about we compromise and call it £x [a figure in between]". He texted back, "Ok". Then he rang, very gruff voiced and asked if I'd got the text. "You do know what you're offering, don't you?" he asked suspiciously. Resisting the urge to say, "No, what?" I said instead, "Yeah, cash lump sum, the endowments and I won't make a claim on your pensions or take into account all the stuff you took when you left or the fact that you never paid for any house improvements". So guess what, I think we have a deal. Its way above what I can afford and the bugger's shafted me to hell and back, but I've had enough, I can't take any more. I'll give him what he wants, change the house locks, and slam the door firmly on the past.
Next step, the building society to change the mortgage from endowment to repayment (which will treble the monthly payments), and take out a bloody massive loan to pay him off. But it has to end somewhere.
Poverty, here I come!
Appointment at building society to discuss changing my mortgage from endowment to repayment, and adding a loan on top to pay off ex. Mortgage adviser threw some figures at me and I just kept catching my breath and gasping, "Extend the term! Extend the term!" I’ve now doubled the mortgage period and trebled the monthly payments – its like taking out a whole new mortgage from scratch! Plus there's solicitors fees involved and building society fees (£160!) to have ex's name taken off mortgage. How to change your life in one quick lunch hour, eh!
9 January 2004
Text message from ex-husband: "Haven’t heard anything from my solicitor yet [meaning ‘what about this offer you made then?’]. I’ve found a deed of assignment form in with the endowment stuff. I’ll fill my bit in. Do you want me to send it directly to you to speed things up or shall I forward it to my solicitor?"
I replied: "Everything through solicitors. Speed is not a word I’d use after four years!!"
Early morning appointment (7.45am!) with my solicitors to go over the offer I’ve made. He’s sending The Other Side a formal letter, along with a form for ex to sign transferring the house to me.
My solicitor said he didn’t like dealing with ex’s solicitors at all; far from giving my ex good legal advice, they simply did whatever ex told them (such as insisting he be present at the house valuation instead of telling him that it just wasn’t feasible). And some of their letters were downright malicious. All in aid of getting more money out of him, I suspect (I hope they’re charging him a lot). My solicitor said the extra money I was paying (on top of the original offer I’d made) would probably go on legal fees anyway, so ex won’t be much better off. I just hope it all makes him Very Happy.
15 January
Receive copy of letter from ex's solicitors: "We understand that our mutual clients have now reached an agreement on this matter, as follows:
1. Transfer of the former matrimonial home to your client;
2. Assignment to our client of the endowment policies [worth thousands!];
3. Your client to pay our client a lum sum of £x [argh!]
4. Clean break provision and no order for costs."
So it's official, it's in writing ... they actually agree (well why wouldn't they, the ex has got himself a flipping good deal there!).
5 February
Receive form from my solicitors that ex has signed to assign the house over to me. Also receive Deed of Assigment in respect of the endowment policies for me to sign, which my solicitor will keep until its all gone through (in case something happens, I suppose - God forbid!).
11 February
Receive bill from my solicitor. I pay him £75 every month, but I still owe him £350 on top of that. I don't dispute it, my solicitor's been very good, saying "I won't charge you for reading through your file" when I go to see him (and he reads through the file to catch up on developments) and on his invoice he itemises everything then puts "Should be £x but say £x (a lesser amount)". And he tells me he's happy to continue with my installment payments (and not pay it all at once) which is good.
I would recommend him, but I'm just slightly disappointed at the way things have turned out. When I first went to see him he said, "[Ex] should be lucky to walk away with the endowments and his pension" and I thought 'Great!' Then later he suggested we offer a cash lump sum then, finally, he said we ought to 'up' the offer.
Ce la vie!
12 February
Exactly a year since my divorce finally came through (spooky) and 4 years, 4 months and 1 day since my ex and I separated, I went to the building society to Do The Deed. My partner came with me (not because he has an 'interest' in the house - like I'd ever go there again! - but he used to be an insurance salesman and understands these things better than I do). It was a surprisingly easy process, setting in motion the transfer of the (now bloody massive!) mortgage into my name and taking out a loan to pay the ex off. After all that waiting and bickering and fighting for so very long, it almost seemed like an anti-climax.
With any luck (and, from experience, I won't be holding my breath) it should all go through in a few weeks, and then I'll finally be free. I know exactly what I'm going to do first (apart from Celebrate Big Style) - I'm gonna scrimp and scrape enough money together and fix the boiler that's been broken for the last 12 years so I'll have running hot water, and then I'm going to buy a bath (and I'm going to bathe in this bath for at least a week ... I get all excited just thinking about it!).
I heard one of those jokes on tv last night that start me ranting, "What the hell did I do wrong? Am I the only flipping woman on the planet who doesn't benefit from divorce, or what?"
MAN TO WIFE: What do you want for your birthday? I was thinking about maybe a world cruise, or a new Rolls Royce, or maybe some diamond jewellery.
WIFE: I was thinking more along the lines of getting a divorce.
MAN: Oh, I wasn't thinking of spending that much!
Again, where am I going wrong?????
22 March
Letter from my solicitor: "I am pleased to confirm I have now received mortgage instructions and the title deeds. My colleague will write to you concerning the re-mortgage aspect of this matter. [Ex's] solicitors have not yet returned the signed Consent Order documents and I have sent them a strong reminder."
Ex apparently returns Consent Order shortly after.
7 April
Really early (7.45am) appointment with my solicitors to sign papers so the court can finally decide if the 'financial agreement' is fair [no comment]. One of the forms was stating that we both had somewhere to live. My ex's form declared first and foremost, "[Me] lives in marital home with new partner". My solicitor said my ex still seemed to harbour a lot of jealousy ... jealous of my partner or jealous I'm getting the house, its hard to tell.
The end is nigh!
21 April
Letter from my legal firm (but different solicitor) regarding the 'Transfer of sole name with Mortgage and Further Advance'. They write: "I enclose our client care letter which deals with our fees. Would you kindly sign and return the copy to me so that matters can proceed. Would you also let me have your cheque for £225.95 to enable me to apply for searches."
What?!! Conveyancing? On a house I've lived in for 21 years? This is a simple transfer of mortgage from mine and my ex's name to just my name - it's all agreed, it’s all signed, it should be straightforward - "should" being the operative word, but when is it ever straightforward where solicitors are concerned? I particularly like the casual way they write, "Oh, and can you send us a cheque for £225.95". Yeah! Sure! No problem!
They want to do searches - local search, environmental search, drainage search, land registry search, bankruptcy search. "Your overall charges are therefore likely to be £589.45" Plus VAT. "We are entitled to keep all of your papers and documents while money is owing to us." In other words, if I don't pay, it doesn't go through.
Just when you think you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, some bastard comes along and blows the bloody fuse. Certainly felt like a fuse blowing to me - mine, on my sanity!
Four years of pent up frustration and stress boils over and I’m hysterical, absolutely devastated. More money! Years of solicitors fees running into thousands of pounds, and now this! I'm not a new buyer who needs conveyancing!
Cry for most of the night.
22 April
I ring my building society to see how the mortgage transfer is progressing and to slyly ask what happens next. They explain that all my solicitors have to do is complete the transfer deeds and send them back to the building society, who will release the monies. They don't mentioned anything about conveyancing. I ring my solicitors, but they're busy, they'll ring back. I wait hours.
Eventually, later that afternoon, I send them an email: "Yesterday I received a letter from you setting out the charges for what appears to be conveyancing work for the house I have lived in for the last 21 years. This came as a complete surprise to me as I believed the 'saga' of my divorce and financial settlement with my ex husband was finally at an end.
My ex husband has agreed to sign the mortgage over to me, and the building society have agreed to increase the mortgage by £*,*** in order to 'pay off' [ex] and to change the mortgage from endowment to repayment. As far as I was aware, this was all straightforward.
I do not understand why I am now being asked to pay £600 plus VAT for 'transfer to sole name'. Surely this is what the building society have already done, charging me a £160 legal fee to remove my ex's name from the house deeds. As for conveyancing, having lived in the property for 21 years, I do not see a need (nor do I require) a local search, environmental search, drainage search, land registry search, bankruptcy search (although I'm considering it!) or a Land Registry fee (I already have a title number and Notification to Joint Owner following Severance of Joint Tenancy from the Land Registry dated 2001).
Could you please explain why this is deemed necessary, bearing in mind that, with the impending triple increase in mortgage on my already strained finances, I simply cannot afford any more expenses.
I look forward to hearing from you."
At 4.30pm, the solicitor in question telephoned me at work to offer "profuse apologies". She had made a mistake [no comment]. Apparently I only need £375 worth of work doing. She's sending me a new letter. I'm sending the local donor hospital details of my kidney and/or liver (although, after all my stress-induced alcohol binges brought on by every solicitor letter I've ever received, I doubt they'd want either).
Four years, six months, and counting ...
29 April
Letter from my solicitor apologising for previous letter (aka 'cock up') and enclosing a new client care letter. A figure in the new letter hasn't been changed (the £589.45 one!) so I cross it out and post it back the same day.
1 June
Ring my solicitors as I still haven't heard anything about progress (and I use the word 'progress in its loosest possible sense). A secretary tells me that they did received my signed client care letter and that things are proceeding normally (normally? please!).
10 June
Ring solicitors again. This time a secretary tells me that the solicitor who is dealing with the 'mortgage transfer' has been on holiday, back next week. The secretary promises to have the solicitor deal with the matter as soon as she returns (anyone holding their breath? me neither). .
I ask how long its all likely to take, she tells me "Oh, not long." "How long?" I persist, "Are we talking weeks or months here?" "Oh, not months!" she laughs.
We shall see.
15 June
Letter from my solicitors. "The reason the consent order has not come back from the court ... " I wasn't aware that it hadn't, I thought things were 'progressing normally' "... is that they have presently lost the file." You've got to be bloody kidding me! "They tell me that they are looking for it urgently." Oh yeah, I'm sure they are, just like they looked for my marriage licence when they lost that too (took three months of 'searching' before they admitted it was gone for good). "If you still want the transaction with regard to the house to proceed as quickly as possible ... " Nah, I tell ya what, forget it, the whole thing, I'm not bothered ... and 'as quickly as possible'? I'm sorry, but have you any idea how long this has been dragging on for? " ... we can simply record the transfer as being in accordance with an agreement reached between the parties rather than being pursuant to the consent order." What?
I ring my solicitor. He says there's a 99.9% chance of it all going ahead without a problem. Uh huh. [Ex] isn't likely to make the transfer difficult. Uh huh. Should only take a couple of weeks for it all to go through.
Uh huh.
I tell ya, this has all become part of my life now, like having a humped back or a carbunkle, its just there, for always, you learn to live with it. I really have no expectations of it every ending at all, like an episode of the Twilight Zone; "My Infinite Relationship with Cold Blooded Divorce Lawyers, the 1999-2004 years, Volume 1."
I wonder if the Guiness Book of Records would be interested?
Four years and eight months and counting ...
30 June
Ring solicitors about ‘progress’. Secretary tells me court has lost my file and the consent order. I say I know this. She says letter was sent to Ex’s solicitors telling them about the lost file on 17 June. Ex has to sign something and send it back before they can proceed.
15 July
Texted Ex: “Have you received anything from your solicitor to sign and telling you about file lost at court? Considering getting in touch with Guinness Book of Records!”
Ex: “Yes, had letter on 29 June with transfer of registered title to sign. Signed it and sent it back the next day. Haven’t heard nothing since.”
Me: “Can you chase it up. Only I’m waiting to emigrate to Canada!”
Ex: “Just noticed on his letter it says he does not intend to proceed with the transfer until such time as we have a sealed consent order, so I guess he is waiting for that. Don’t know where that comes from but has to be from your solicitor or courts.”
I ring ex and explain (as did the letter from my solicitors) that the signed consent order (which we both signed) has, along with my file, been lost at court. Its gone. Kaput. It is no more. It may take months to find and may never see the light of day again. The form we’ve sent him is a different way to do the same thing as we can’t do another consent order because the original is still ‘in existence’ (if a little lost!). He says he’ll chase his solicitors.
After more than four years of bickering, my ex and I finally agreed (or rather, I thought stuff it give him what he wants) a financial settlement at Christmas (i.e. he keeps everything of any value, I get to pay out a lump sum for the house). Seven months later, the action of the solicitors and court can only be measured by use of a time-motion camera (a speeded up film shows my file leaving my solicitors office and disappearing into a black hole that is the County Court).
A piece of advice for those about to get married … don’t buy a house, buy a wooden shack - if the marriage folds, burn the shack to the ground and Walk Away!
19 July
Ex's solicitors finally return the paper that Ex has signed. I go to solicitors offices to sign my bit.
It’s moving again (like a mammoth dragging heavy chains through a swimming pool of concrete).
24 July
Letter from my solicitor: “As you know, the court have lost your file and we have now sent them all the papers that we have so that they can rebuild it. However, the court did manage to find a letter which had been sent to [ex’s solicitors] in May which said that the proposed order represented an unequal division of the capital assets (in other words, you appear to be getting more) ... I have drafted a letter which I invite you to either agree or to improve upon.” [They lost everything apart from that one letter? Isn’t that odd!]
Attached letter to court: “The parties wish to secure a clean break and the figure [what I’m paying ex] represents the maximum that [I] can afford … The parties separated in 1999, since which time [I] have maintained all payments on the property and carried out improvements and substantial repairs … Although [ex] has paid the premiums on the endowment policies since separation, he has done so by way of deduction from agreed maintenance for youngest child … Both children continue to reside at the home and are likely to need this accommodation for some considerable time to come.”
So, ex gets to keep two valuable endowment policies, all the items he took from the house when he left (including car and two motorbikes and all electrical goods), his pensions and a lump sum from me, and the judge is saying is saying its not enough!
It’s cursed.
It will never end!
Never!
6 August
Letter from my solicitor: “[The building society] have now sealed the Transfer Deed and I am ready to complete this matter.”
I’m sorry, maybe I misread that. I read it again. Ready to complete this matter. No, I must have that wrong. I read it again. Ready to complete this matter. NO! SURELY NOT! COULD IT POSSIBLY BE?????
“I have today written to the lender requesting the further advance monies.”
Is the end in sight? Dare I hope? What about the county court judge querying the settlement, has that been sorted?
Trying to remain calm, I ring solicitors. Secretary tells me she’ll ring back with the information I require. I'm on tenterhooks trying not to hope too much. Note that the ltter also says: “I further enclose a note of this firm’s charges for your kind attention.” I look at the ‘note’. I wonder how much I can get for a kidney on ebay!
Solicitor rings me back! It's true, its almost over, its all going through.
THE END IS IN SIGHT!
17 August
Letter from my solicitor: "I am pleased to inform you that I have today forwarded a cheque to [ex's] solicitors to complete this matter."
No!! Really? It's done? It's over?
Oh My God!!
20 August
Letter from the other solicitor at the same company: "I now enclose the redrafted Consent Order for your approval."
I'm confused. My hope pretends it wasn't really 'out there' to begin with and crawls back into its little hole. Why another consent order when its all gone through, the money's been sent, the house is mine?
I ring solicitors. He's not in. Answers not forthcoming until Monday now. Sigh.
21 August
Ex comes to take Middle Son back to university. I ask (as casually as I can manage) if he's had the cheque yet. He says, "What cheque?" I tell him its on its way and he says, "Oh good." [Good? Just 'good'? Its nothing short of a miracle, mate!]
I am now, officially, and at long last, a divorced woman with my own home. I'm not sure how long its going to take for this to sink in.
23 August
I ring my solicitors about the consent order. Apparently, there's been a cock-up at the courts (gasps in amazement, like that hardly ever happens!). My original file was lost but the judge dealing with that somehow (without papers) disagreed with the financial agreement between my ex and myself, hence the new consent order. Meanwhile, the second 'copy' file that was sent to the court went through without any problems, hence the mortgage being changed and ex getting money. My solicitor said do I want a clean legal break where neither of us can make any future claims on the other, or not. I said not. After this length of time and this amount of hassle, I doubt either of us will ever make any further claims on the other. As far as I'm concerned its over, I've had enough of solicitors and waiting and cock-up after cock-up ... if ex agrees, I just want to call it a day and slam the bloody door on the whole lot, waving it goodbye with two very firm fingers!.
What a complete farce its been from beginning to agonisingly slow end.
22 September 2004
Just when you think its safe to start living a normal life again!!!!
No, its not over yet (sigh). Silly me for daring to imagine such a thing! Ex rang on Sunday. My solicitor sent him a letter basically saying, “Look, you’re divorced, the house has gone through, do we need to incur more costs chasing this consent order thing?” I didn’t think we needed it, and hell I certainly don’t need any more expense, but ex apparently wants it. He said (and get this), “If, a few years down the line when you’re in the gutter and I’ve won the lottery, you could still legally claim from me.”
So that’s how he’d like to see me is it, in the gutter! In yer dreams, mate!
We now have to go through with the consent order so that when he's rich and I'm destitute I won't go begging on my hands and knees for anything that belongs to him. [Note to self: buy kneepads for when I'm destitute].
Ex also mentioned how much he’d spent on solicitors ‘so far’. A damn sight more than me (which I worked out to about £3k!). So the money I’ve paid him for his share of the house, which he’s argued and fought over for years, has mostly gone on legal costs! I guess it’s a principle thing - a bone-headed, stubborn, vindictive principle thing.
And so it continues …..
24 September 2004
Letter from my solicitor, saying that since they haven't heard from ex's solicitors for more than a month about the consent order, they assume the matter is complete and will be closing my file. Oh, and here's the 'final' bill.
£330!
I know legal fees are expensive and I know this solicitor has deliberately kept his fees low ("I'm not in this business to make money out of people like you," he once told me), but it was unexpected. I've been making quite substantial payments every month since last April (jeez, last April!) to try and keep any scary bills at bay, so a lump sum kinda threw me a bit ("Dear Royal Hospital, How much is the going rate for a kidney these days?").
I'm rapidly losing the will to live! At this rate I won't be able to afford to live!
Donations welcome!!!!! (cheap shot, I know, but these are desperate times).
27 September
Letter to my solicitor: "I have been in touch with [ex] and he has made it clear that he wishes to continue with the consent order (as he put it, "In a few years time when you're in the gutter and I've won the lottery, you can still make a claim against me"!). Please do not close my file yet as I believe his solicitors will be in touch with you."
Hmmm.
12 October
My solicitor finally hears from his solicitor and my solicitor (why mine?) redrafts the consent order.
24 November
Letter from my solicitor, asking for a signature on a Statutory Declaration (something to do with the land registry which I don't understand, I guess that's why I'm paying solicitors to do it!). The Declaration has to be witnessed by a solicitor for a £5 fee.
I ask my boss (lawyer) to do it, thinking he'll just scribble a signature. He looks a bit flustered and says, 'Well, I won't read it all as its none of my business" (mentions how much I paid ex and stuff). Then, to my great surprise, my boss adds, "Now where did I put that testament." "Testament?" I ask. "Yes, do you want the New or the Old?" It suddenly dawns on me that he's talking about a bible. "Er, neither," I tell him, "I'm an atheist." He gets even more flustered, obviously not sure what to do now, and we go through a rather formal procedure of me reading it, swearing its true, and both of us signing it.
Saved myself £5!
22 December
The redrafted Consent Order arrives. Bollocks, it can wait.
7 January 2005
I return consent order.
I think this year might be the year it finally ends!
I get home from work and there's a letter from my solicitor. It reads: "I am delighted to enclose a copy of the Consent Order which was made on 21 January. This brings this matter to an end."
An end?
AN END!
IT'S OVER!!!!
I keep reading it, looking for the catch, but there isn't one.
It's really over! It's finished!
Five years, three months and 17 days. Almost £4,000. And finally there's absolutely no reason on earth why my ex can hassle me again about anything. Ever.
It's a good, good feeling.
There's a bill attached to the letter, but its minimal (compared to other legal bills I've had). I've been paying regular monthly payments, but now I don't have to make those payments any more (and it was very good of my solicitor to allow me to pay in installments).
At the end of the letter it reads:. "May I thank you for being a most pleasant and cooperative client through this process and I am sorry that the Court made such heavy weather of it towards the end." Ah.
I'm free. Totally and completely free. No more solicitors letters through the door. No more arguments with the ex. No more bills to pay. No more setbacks. No more disappointment. No more stress. No more waiting and fighting and wondering what's going to happen next.
Oh yes! I can certainly live with that.
In retrospect, I might have done things differently. Had I known what I know now (and particularly with regards to the first solicitors, who were Absolutely Rubbish), I might have done a bit more research and chosen a "good" legal firm to begin with - like my second solicitor (who once said, "I'm not here to make money out of people like you", whereas my first solicitors mantra seemed to be "Screw her for everything you can", a bit like my ex).
In my experience, large law firms (and I now work for one so I know) are only interested in reaching financial targets, and they're so busy the needs of the clients are often lost or forgotten entirely. Small law firms have lower overheads (and therefore won't charge as much), and tend to have more 'enthusiasm', more humanity - mine certainly did.
I can't praise my second solicitor enough, he was 'right there for me' in my frequent dealings with 'the other side' and was almost as indignant as I was about their 'antics'. My first solicitors shouldn't even be dealing with family law.
I'm not sure whether to name them. I will have to check the legal implications of identifying Good Solicitor and Bad Solicitor. If you're desperate to know after reading this endless saga, or you don't want to make the same mistake as I did, email me and I'll tell you.
I will, however, mention that Bad Solicitors (boo, hiss) are based on Edmund Street in Birmingham, and Good Solicitor (yay) are in Harborne. And I think they should know about the experience of their 'clients' who, already suffering from the break-up of a long term relationship, then have to endure the lengthy and impersonal legalities. So I'm putting this on a separate website. And then I'm sending the solicitors involved the address. Who knows, it might even improve things ... but I doubt it.
So that's it then. The end of a long, long journey through an inept legal system.
I shall now go and live a long and happy life.
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A: Oh yeah! You can't put a price on happiness