| Episode 4 - Move-in, Move-out: June 24, 2003 |
| The ten finalists - Dat Phan, Dave Mordal, Cory Kahaney, Sean Kent, Geoff Brown, Rob Cantrell, Rich Vos, Tess Drake, Tere Joyce and Ralphie May - experienced "shock and awe" when they arrived at their swank Hollywood digs. Jay started the house tour with a stop at the "Fortune Teller." The animatronic carnival game would occasionally deliver messages, clues and advice to the comics throughout their stay. The home had many rooms, many levels and a breathtaking view of Hollywood. It also had a huge home theatre, a built-in pool, a tennis court that doubled as a basketball half court, a pool table and, of course, hundreds of hidden cameras to keep an eye on the comics. It wasn't long before the non-smokers faced off against the smokers. Rich "Puff Daddy" Vos argued with both Dat and Sean over whether or not he should be able to smoke in the house. Ralphie tried to ease the tension by joking to camera that all sugary snacks should be removed from the house, so as not to endanger his diet. Rich maturely called Sean "stupid" then stomped off. The next day, the Fortune Teller lit up with bells and whistles alerting everyone that a message was about to be delivered. Dat read the message that said, "You cannot truly be a master, until you are a teacher." Jay arrived to explain. Each comic would be assigned a local first grade class and would have to teach a first grader a joke. This wasn't a contest, just for fun. Soon the comics were boarding the official "Last Comic Standing" short bus for their outing. They arrived at the elementary school auditorium to find some first graders lined up and waiting. Rich picked his kid, Gilbert, first. Tess grabbed a mini-diva. Ralphie, who was convinced that Los Angeles school children had never seen a fat person, opened with "I'm just fat. I'm really cool." Soon he had recruited little Carlos as his muse. Geoff was next and chose between two girls - who both shook their heads "no." Finally, everyone cornered their kids and started with the comedy lessons. Later, the comics intro'd their kids on stage. The kids were fantastic. Little Carlos performed "rap comedy" that started with "hey playahz!" The comics left the school with plenty of warm fuzzies dancing in their hearts. Back at the house, Cory took command of the kitchen and wowed almost everyone with her talents. Sean had to be cranky and complain about the sauce, which gave Rich an excuse to pick a fight. The exact words from Rich to Sean were, "I dislike you immensely." Hmmmm, what are you trying to say Rich? Get it out, don't hold back. The next morning, Jay reappeared to announce that the comics would participate in weekly contests at the house. The contests were for "immunity" from being voted out of the house. This week's contest was for the comics to go to legendary tourist attraction Universal City Walk and perform their act or whatever they wanted with the goal of getting money from the tourists. The comic that returned with the most cash would not only win immunity, but would win a featured segment on the syndicated entertainment show, Extra. The short bus shuttled the gang to Universal Studios/City Walk where the ten comedians gave it their best shot. Everybody had their own spin: some offered the chance to be on NBC for only $1. Yes, the low, low price of $1! Dat performed "variety-show" style. Tess and Tere made personal pleas to be spared elimination. Cory tried the straightforward one-joke-for-one-dollar appeal, while Dave tried to sell fake celebrity autographs for $3 each! (and he spelled Scooby Doo wrong during one sale.) Ralphie made his first buck by threatening to take his clothes off unless someone gave him money. Here were the totals at the end of the exhausting and funny afternoon: Ralphie $34.81, Sean $19.07, Geoff $22.21, Rob $7, Dave $6.75, Tess $52.29, Cory $17.92, Rich $10.19, Tere $20.51 and Dat $20.53. Tess had been spared - and would get a feature on Extra! That night each comic would be asked who in the house they thought they were funnier than. The comic that got the most "votes" would have to challenge one of the comics to a competition in front of a live audience. The live audience would then decide who was the funniest, thereby eliminating the less funny comic. Let the alliances begin! Rich, Ralphie, Cory and Dave began to conspire against Sean. When the Fortune Teller sounded off next, her message told the comics it was time to reveal their votes. The comics met Jay in the home theatre. Then, one-by-one they entered the voting booth, which was just a modified photo booth. Once everyone had cast their vote, Jay revealed the choices on the theatre's big screen. Since Tess had won the earlier contest she was exempt, but could still vote. She claimed she was funnier than Ralphie. Rob was next and said he was funnier than Tere. Geoff said he was funnier than Cory. Dat said he was funnier than Rob - his roommate! Cory was sure she was funnier than Rich (so much for the alliance).Tere thought she was funnier than Dave. Rich, in keeping with his plan, said he was funnier than Sean.Sean, surprisingly, said he was funnier than Dave. Dave returned the favor by saying that not only was he funnier than Sean, but that Sean could take a funny joke and somehow make it unfunny. Ouch. Things were tied evenly between Sean and Dave, with only Ralphie's vote remaining. Ralphie said he was definitely funnier than "whiny" Sean. Since Sean had the most votes, he was able to choose one of the three guys that voted for him to compete against. Out of Ralphie, Dave and Rich, he chose Dave. Like scraggly contestants on an island survival show, Sean and Dave had to pack all their belongings and bring then to the comedy club that night. One of them would be going straight home depending on who the live audience voted out. One short bus trip later, Sean, Dave and the others arrived at a comedy club where Jay introduced Sean and Dave to a live audience. Sean was up first. He opened with a bit about the first guy brave enough to eat an egg, "Hand me that thing that just came out of the chicken, will ya? I think we can eat it." The crowd was receptive, which seemed to make Rich nervous. Dave took the stage next and kicked things off with a riff on local news, "Can't they just once report on a drug deal gone good?" Sean watched stone-faced from the wings, as Dave got some good laughs.After Dave's set, Jay instructed the audience to electronically vote for their favorite performer. Once the votes were in, Jay brought Dave and Sean back on stage. He announced that 73% of the audience had voted for Dave! You could almost see the relief on the other comics' faces. Sean grabbed his bag and made it to the bus, where he was shuttled back to the airport. |
| THE SEARCH FOR THE FUNNIEST PERSON IN AMERICA |
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