Let’s
call them the Good Fellas.
What
the fuck am I doing here:
The
Good Fellas:
Proof
Of Density:
Sex,
Sacred:
Break:
Apparently,
that wasn’t the first time Cris met Michael’s group. Well, they have
not realized this at first… but then Cris did them already with another
set of friends. Small world? Well, the apartment building we were in was
just next the apartment building of Annie C. whom I have not seen for the
whole 2004.
I went to put on my underwear and jeans on, thinking were done
already. When I got back they were talking about it. I really didn’t
care much… I just noticed that Jess was in an arm lock with Cris, and so
were Josh and Jay, while Michael, John and I were seated alone… hmmm…
none of the two wanted to be in arm lock with me…?
John was seated slightly forward but near me. I was leaned back on
the wall that separated the bathroom. I contemplated on pulling him to me,
thinking what if he doesn’t want to… contemplated some more… tried
to convince myself that he would want to as he tried to in the car on the
way there… I took a deep breath and reached for his shoulder… He
allowed it and moved to rest his body to mine…
Now,
I have this thing after sex… well actually not only after sex… every
time! I like rubbing people’s back… I only call it rubbing and not
massage for really I don’t know what I’m doing. I am just applying
controlled pressure all over their backs with the use of my fingers. I
don’t know… It’s just something I like doing…
It’s power trip, I guess… It’s nothing sexual… It’s just
that they wouldn’t resist it and can’t help loving it… They want to
resist, as it relaxes them but for some reason they are afraid to relax.
They struggle. And when I stop, they would like more but most of the times
hesitate to ask… Or if they move away and I ask why, guilt would be
written all over their faces.
John after awhile moved away. I asked him with pleading eyes, if he
doesn’t want it anymore. He answered with so much politeness that it was
making him drowsy… I let him be.
Josh
had this Visayan twang going on. Nothing wrong with it, I just figured he
was from somewhere there. And indeed, he was from Cebu. But the thing was,
and none of us would have guess, if not for Cris telling, was that he
finished Nursing in Sydney (Australia). The talk went there as Michael, as
it turned out, did spent two years of his life living there, too.
Of
course, I have not been out of the country so I have nothing to say. That
was when I noticed Cris was cute. Not that none of the other guys were
cute but… he was cute… Boy next door cute. Not exactly my type… but
he was cute. And looking at him, strange as I said he really was not my
type, but I felt I wanted to do him… Of course, if I started wanting
someone… I wouldn’t be able to master the guts to make a move on
him… Well, I start to be critical about myself and end up with the
conclusion that I am not good enough for him—he wouldn’t like me and
turn me down.
I
don’t know… I always end up with the conclusion that I’m not good
enough… low self-esteem? Me? Okay…
Round
Two:
Now,
The Funny Part:
The
End Of An Affaire:
