Let’s
call them the Good Fellas.
What
the fuck am I doing here:
The
Good Fellas:
Proof
Of Density:
Sex,
Sacred:
Finally,
I was there. Four good fellas whom I only knew an hour at most… two
accommodating men: Cris and Josh... cozy room, deem lights to no lights at
all… We all know, I perfectly understand… we are to have sex… that
was what that was about—me coming from Pasig to Quezon City and Quezon
City to that studio apartment along Espana.
And sex… sex is just sex. It’s a primal need. It’s just a
thing we do… love come with, optional. Love has nothing to do with it.
It’s just hormonal movement… blood pumping and restraint… what’s
love got to do? Love is too hormonal…
Good
sex is good sex… nothing spiritual… it’s amongst bodies… You want
it. I want it… everyone wants it… at least in a certain point of their
lives… at one point… pure libido… what’s so wrong about it… We
need it. It’s good. Why deny ourselves?
Finally,
I was there. I always wanted to do this… for experience… I waited for
such opportunity. It came, I didn’t care where it was and just went…
took the risk… Now, I’m there… They start to undress… slowly I
took my shirt off… unfasten my trousers… let it drop to my ankle…
pulled my briefs down… naked, I took a deep breath… and took the
step…
Jess
went to work on Cris. And John went for Josh… eventually they were
joined by Jay. Michael was in the middle, almost acting as the mediator. I
stood there… now what?
Michael
saw me, wave to me to come over and join them… I thought I have no
choice… Michael said to everyone, “This is free willing…” I know
but I felt my hands were as if tied… I walked toward them.
I
know I want it. I have waited for it for more than two years… I stood
there naked in the middle… not knowing what to do, not knowing what was
it that I want… started to plead to myself… a hand was extended to
me… It was Josh, Jay on his other arm… I took his hand… moved
closer… and closer… my mouth found his nipple… sucked on it… my
hand down his tool… jerked it… my head kept reeling in… conscious of
everything around me… refusing… “I want this,” I insisted to
myself… I went sucking Josh nipple and pumping his tool… My mind went
on to refuse… preventing me to get arouse… struggling… I can’t
keep up!
I backed off… wanting to regroup…
Over
at the other side… John was kissing Cris, laying flat on the floor, with
Jessie, seated at him… moving up and down… I have to do this, I
screamed in my head… but my mind went being stubborn… I went to the
bathroom, locked the door. I felt like crying… feeling weak… so
weak… pleading… “What the fuck is wrong with you, Lex!?
You could do this!”
Over and over, I uttered… in between deep breaths… wanting to
draw power and will… from anywhere… hoping I could…
“I am to do this!!!”
I
enjoy kissing. I don’t care if I don’t even know your name… The only
way to get me arouse was if you touch me first and have your mouth on my
mouth, our tongues playing tug… give me that… and you’ll have me
anyway you want…
John found me when I got out of the bathroom. He held me, our mouth
met… I withdrew… He went to kiss me in the neck… down my chest, my
nipple… I started feeling it but it wasn’t enough… He gave up on me
to join Jay and Josh… I really can’t blame him…
Jay
noticed… perhaps he knew… I asked him before everything started, if
they do this regularly. I think he had figured it out… Asked me if I was
okay… I nodded… He held me… I went to hold on to him…
A moment past, he asked me if I no longer want it… I went to kiss
his chest… his nipple… stroke his tool…
He had me in front of him… Then, from behind I felt someone came.
He greased me up first… I had the impulse to look but I didn’t… then
I felt it… I held on to Jay’s hand… my mouth still on his nipple…
“Relax…” Jay whispered to me over and over. I tried… I felt pain
… I held on… He gave up.
Jay asked me if I was okay again… I nodded without taking my face
off his chest. I just wanted to stay there… I am not attracted to Jay or
something… I just want to stay there… He let me be.
Break:
Round
Two:
Now,
The Funny Part:
The
End Of An Affaire:
