Cutie-Cutie
Jay
It
has been ages since the last time I wrote a letter… left alone a love
letter (I actually don’t remember ever writing one in my whole life). Yes,
this I guess could be classified as a love letter… although you should
note that love is such a big word for me…
such a big word I’m scared of it and that I wont use it to define
the feelings I’m feeling for you… the thing is I really have not felt
anything like this before…
I don’t know why. I don’t know why you. I don’t know
anything… I just found myself starring at your picture, which I got from
your picturetrail, every night… I long to see you again, know how you are
doing… How many times have I wanted to go to Brickroad but just stopped
halfway… I know you have a boyfriend… and even if you don’t have one
now, I thought, what would you want from me? What could I offer that would
please you and that no other have? I know, I have nothing… except,
perhaps, the promise that it would only be you who I would want to be with.
It’s only you that I want to be near to adore and cherish… I guess, you
are laughing already, finding this awfully mushy… I, myself, find it
rather corny… But then, feelings, true feelings, are always mushy and
corny…
Jay, I’m not trying to entice you to return my feelings for you…
I don’t want to ask anything from you… I actually don’t think I’m
ready to have you yet in my life… I’m a mess now… I just want you to
know… I want you to know that I’m trying to fix my life because of
you… I wanted to fix myself, my life, so when finally I sum up the
courage, and in some point believe that you would want me too, to face you
and find out myself I would have something to offer…
So, ingat na lang Jay… At kung nag-iisa ka’t nalulungkot, iniisip
na walang nagmamahal sa’yo… dito lang ako… ‘di mo man ako gusto at
wala naman akong masyadong kayang ibigay, makakasigurado ka naman na gusto
kita at dadamayan kita sa lahat ng panahon… text mo lang ako…
Ingat…
no,
i don’t want to sleep with you
and
wake up alone in the morning
no,
i don’t want to kiss your lips
and
hear it say goodbye after
no,
i don’t want your number
and
find myself hoping against hope
no,
I don’t want you
and
find myself alone again
waiting
poems
for you
told
to the stars
written
in the wind
hoping
in the dark horizon
the
lark would pick it up
and
finally sing a good song
poems
for you
hoping
against hope
wishing
of dreamy days with you…
poems
for you
lovely
thoughts… such sweet thoughts…
as
i wait alone… cold… dreaming of your warm embrace…
poems
for you
under
the moonlight and the stars…
they
are just mere words
words
could never justify true feelings
love…
poems
for you
mere
poems…
but
they were for you…
February
3, 2005/Thursday