I made these up. Yeah, it's hard to believe, I know. But I did.

Alright, I heard this one the other day. How did the bunny tie his shoe? With a screwdriver. See if you can figure that out with that little brain of yours.

"You have the funniest pics on your site. Oh my goodness." -Sean

"Your site is funny as hell. I'm confused, but it's still really funny." -Max

"Got 'em"

bordscruff: he's this short fat kid

bordscruff: he looks like hes in 5th grade

bordscruff: he wears rocca wear and fubu

bordscruff: big black clothes and we called him MC poundcake

Switchfooter09: there's this mexican short kid and he dresses gangsta

bordscruff: oh sweet

bordscruff: do you call him MC taco

Switchfooter09: and the lunch lady caught him cutting so she said "i don't think so shortstuff"

Switchfooter09: so we call him that

bordscruff: that reminds me of danny martin cus of this one time we went to the office and this is the second time he had dreads

bordscruff: his head looked like a mace

bordscruff: anyways

bordscruff: we walk in and this black lady goes, "so what can i do for ya mr. spike?"

bordscruff: anyways stephen thought his nose was "bulbous"

bordscruff: so we'd call him

bordscruff: BULBASAUR

Lisa: 65, 66, 67...

Twins: Are you counting how many days it takes to wash your butt?

Lisa: I can't hear you!

Twins: That's because your ears are blocked by your butt!

Lisa: That doesn't make any sense!

Twins: Neither does your butt!

Me: Do that one trick, where you land it.

John: As soon as I land this, your camera will explode. So will your face after you watch it.

Jason Alexander: "Alright, you're probably more mature than me. But...at least I have a bigger willy!"

(long pause) Jack Black: "Yeah, bigger than a mouse's!"

Jason Alexander: "What was that?"

Jack Black: "I said your willy's bigger than a mouse's."

I like to go to the schools and watch the kids run and shout. They don't know I'm using blanks.

"I play this game where I pee in a cup and throw it on unsuspecting people. I call it Urine Trouble" -Aaron Coopster

"Double shame!" -Stimpy

"Give him a glass of meat" -Ren

"My favorite friend!" -Ren

"Oh yeah? Then where did THIS tasty lick come from?"

"Fast car - on the highway - on the biway - Mr. Robotron"

"Zoinkaz - Boinkaz"

"Fred's Got Slacks is a winner!" - Will Ferrell as The Devil

"My dad's mayor! I love my mayor! Oh yeah! And it will be sho!" -Chris Farley as Mayor Guiliani's son

"These fries are so good! C'ave some?" - Chris Farley

"Shut it off for me! Why don't you just shut it off for me?"

"Mmm...casserole. Oh, I thought you said casserole. I heard casserole." -Tom Green, Stealing Harvard

Elaine: I like how you just completely disregarded my suggestion! It feels like it's all you, and none of me! It's like I'm Miss Stupid!

Jerry: Salad ain't got nothin' on this mutton!

Elaine: Thanks for mutton.

Jerry: Look at that desk!

Elaine drops her things and urgently looks: WHERE???

Jerry: Look what they did to my boys!

Elaine: You know, you do the worst Godfather.

Jerry: Eh.

Elaine: What about your fact checking job?

The Wiz: Oh! Here's a fact! I'm the Wiz!

Kramer: If the pigman had a car, he'd give you a ride!

George: How do you know? What if he had a 2-seater?

Kramer: Be realistic, George!

Ben Stiller to cheerleaders: You better watch out for those moves.

Cheerleader: Oh, we got it under control.

Ben: No, i was talking about us.

Me: That quote was funny, I'll put it up.

Chris: Huh?

Me: On my site.

Chris: Oh. I was talking about me. OH! BURNED!

"Cram it in your cramhole!" Ben Stiller in Dodgeball

"I've got shackles in the back, if you're into that kinda thing. Just kidding. But not really. I do have shackles in the back" Ben Stiller in Dodgeball

"That's stupid cool!" Johnny

"Man! That Michael Jordan is so phony! [pause] Why'd you have to tell him?" -guy battling George for parking space

"Oh! Bravo!" -Elaine

"Look at me! I'm Milhouse! I put my shirt in me pants! I have no friends so I confide in Willy!" -Groundskeeper Willy

"I've got a question for you: you're crazy" -Superintendent

"Look at that guy, he's probably making an outrageous call on his cell phone. You're outrageous! He's outrageous." -Andy Dick

"Yeah!" -Happiness of the Katakuris

"Unstoppable!" -Richard Sagawa, Happiness of the Katakuris

"Too incredible!" -Masayuki, Happiness of the Katakuris

"Hey, wha' happened?" -A Mighty Wind

"Hey Elaine, you gonna dance tonight?"

"Maybe...all over your face!"

George: "Whoa, whoa, a tractor story? Back it up, back it up! Beep beep beep!"

Jerry: "What are you doing? Beep beep?"

"Yeah, so, how's it going" - Jerry acting as Rafe

"Who's Lil Bunny Foo Foo lunch pail is this?"-Mrs. Krabapple

"That would be mine, Mrs. Krabapple..."-Nelson

(Everyone laughs)

"It's not my fault! I can't afford a different lunch box cus I'm poor!"-Nelson

(Everyone laughs)

"You've struck out four times, and somehow managed to elbow yourself in the groin" -coach to Malcolm

"Only the middle one functions" -Francis pulling down his pants to show his dog bite scars

"You won't go home empty handed! That's right, you get a lifetime's supply of Rice-a-Roni...the board game!"-MadTV

"Tony!" -Jerry impersonating Tony

Abe Simpson: "They're playing that elephant song again."

Old guy: "I love that song. It reminds me of elephants."

Elaine: "High fives are so stupid."

Puddy: "You know what's stupid? You. Stupid."

Elaine: "That's so mature."

Puddy: "So are you. Greasemonkey."

"You know that old children's tale from the sea?" -Harland Williams, There's Something About Mary

"So what am I, Miss Stupid?" Elaine

"Cookies?" Ahnold in Twins, right after I referred to how small his brain was, because he was shirtless, and he had this stupid look on his face, and I laughed. "Man, what an idiot," I said. Then he asked for the cookies. "No, now he's an idiot." It was reminiscent of slow-moing Tyler's laugh from the Who wants to be a millionaire movie.

"What are you, some kind of idiot? With your stupid idiot haircut!?" -Ben Stiller

"This is not a recall, this is a TOTAL RECALL!" -Ahnold

"Derek, i'd like you to meet Katinka Ingabogovinuh-na-na"-Mugatu

"Hip hop? Sounds like something a rabbit listens to!" -Marsha Brady

"You can't take our mom! Take Jan!"

"I'm so happy for you, Jan."

"Really, Marsha?"

"No"

"Marsha, you've grown up to be so pretty." -Roy

"I know"

"This country blows" -Owen Wilson, Shanghai Knights

"We have parents! Do you know what that is? No, you don't, cause you're an orphan!" -Owen Wilson, Shanghai Knights

"It runs in the genes"-Alex

"That's the life of my story" -Alex

"She [my little sister] lets everyone cry"-Alex

"I'm taking your last pudding, no offense" - Alex

"No...YES!!! Every time!"- Kate

"Yeah...YEAH..."-Kate and me

"Mmmm...this is good chow, huh?"- Kramer

"Ruff Ruff! Andrew, you have a dog?" - Alex

"Do you have any value? No, not yet." - Ben Stiller, Heavyweights

"What's this? A deli meat?" - Ben Stiller, Heavyweights

"Up top! Very ni-" SLAP -A Night at the Roxbury

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