Educating Joxer, Act Four by Phil D. Hernandez

Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Argo, Joxer and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 1998 by Philip D. Hernández and is his sole property along with the story idea. Joxer’s Song of Xena and Gabrielle is an original song and is also © 1998 by Philip D. Hernández. The characters of Agricola, Panea, Aralaus, Talthybius, Nemus and Tegan are his own creations. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.

Comments:
Unless your sole purpose is to bash Joxer/Ted Raimi, your comments would be greatly appreciated. You can e-mail the author at broadway@tvi.cc.nm.us.

A comfortable seat had been provided for Gabrielle near the fire. Her voice was back almost to normal, so she decided she would tell a story or two. She silently called on Euterpe, the Muse of lyric poetry, and reached into her shoulder bag, drawing out a scroll at random.

She unrolled it and was appalled. It was "The Bitter Suite." She had not told anyone the story before. Besides Xena the only other person who knew it in full was Joxer, and he knew only because he’d read her all her scrolls trying to restore her memories outside the temple of Mnemosyne.

And so she began. Every eye was riveted on her as she told how Xena and she had tortured themselves to the point of madness, how Xena had succumbed, and she herself had, too, after Xena had stripped her of her last protection.

So that’s what she meant when she said Joxer had already done the same for her, Tegan realized. And he never let on. I’ve never known him not to boast before, but here’s the proof.

Gabrielle continued, telling of Illusia and how she and Xena were healed. She even essayed a couple of the songs she remembered, and if her voice cracked once or twice from her illness, she was forgiven.

There was a hush in the room as she finished the tale, and for an instant she feared it was not a good one, but then the silence was followed by applause that filled the inn with joyous sound.

Whew! That was close. All right, Euterpe, you owe me. She pulled out another scroll. Oh, no! "The Quill Is Mightier?"

This time she had her audience in stitches almost from the very beginning. They howled when Aphrodite fell on top of Ares, and whenever poor Joxer never quite understood that the universe considered him a jerk. Her own mistakes produced as many laughs. Then there were her three – ah, dancing – selves and Xena’s battle using fish as weapons. All in all, a successful story. Leave ‘em laughing, Gabrielle. Besides, if I try another random scroll it might just be "A Comedy of Eros"…

As others took their turns with songs and tall tales she put back the scrolls. Her fingers touched a small cloth-wrapped bundle, which she removed and unwrapped. It was the necklace Joxer had bought her. She fingered it gently. She hadn’t worn it since he gave it to her, mainly because she didn’t trust it to the rigors of the road. It was just as beautiful in the firelight as she remembered it had been in daylight. Careful not to snag it on her long hair, she put it on.

Gabrielle didn’t notice Tegan watching her closely. Now I understand, the innkeeper thought. Joxer’s usually a loudmouthed, obnoxious twerp, but here she tells a story where he risks his life for her, and another where he gives up a prized possession for her. I’ll bet that’s the necklace she was talking about. I wonder when she’ll figure out he loves her. Maybe she has, but doesn’t want to think about it because there’s a chance she loves him. Ouch, that’s a scary thought. He’s got a lot of growing up to do before she gives in to that notion.

The evening seemed to end all too quickly. Before going up to bed, Gabrielle handed most of the dinars she had received to Tegan.

"Well, you and Xena were right. Rest, fresh air and food. I might even be up for a little exercise tomorrow."

Gabrielle grinned. "Only around here. I will keep an eye out for bandits, though. You heard the news."

Tegan nodded. "Xena may have met up with them. A traveler told me somebody took out four of them at once near Pyrgos. It had to have been her, because the fellow described Joxer, and you know how he likes to ‘borrow’ her achievements."

Gabrielle went upstairs and washed up a bit before undressing. She carefully packed the necklace away and pulled a pink nightgown from her gear. She smiled, remembering how silly Joxer had looked in it. Better than seeing him naked, though.

Her brow furrowed. Why is everything reminding me of Joxer? It’s Xena I should be worried about. Oh, well, she can take care of herself, and the best thing I can do for her is to do the same.

Dismissing Joxer from her mind, she put on the nightgown, took some more herbs for her congestion and settled down to a long, dreamless sleep.

For some in Pyrgos, the night was too long. A few of the younger men had seen no fighting in their lives, and so were too excited to sleep well. Others, men and women, tossed and turned in their beds with worry. Most managed to sleep soundly, including Xena, though one or two villagers may have fortified themselves a bit too much with wine, and would regret it with pounding heads in the morning.

Joxer managed a little rest, but well before dawn he found himself pacing the town nervously. He wasn’t sure if he was more afraid of succeeding or of failing – which meant dying. He fought in his mind for focus, finding it in the image of Gabrielle smiling at him.

Xena’s right. I want Gabby to be happy. Which means I have to be someone she’s happy to see. Maybe this will do the trick. Even if it doesn’t, it’s still worth it, for my friends.

When the time came for the pre-dawn watch, Joxer woke Xena up himself. Standing outside the door to her room, he simply spoke her name.

"You won’t. It’s natural to feel like that. Don’t even worry about what Gabrielle will think. You don’t have to prove anything to her."

"No. Just be yourself." She sprinkled a little water on her face. "Walk with me, Joxer. I could use some companionship."

They made the rounds of the sentry posts as quietly as Joxer’s armor would allow. Men exchanged sleepy greetings as the previous watch was relieved. They were mostly farmers like Agricola, with a few artisans and others. One young couple, recently married, stood watch together with spear and staff in hand and their free arms around each other’s waists. They scanned a patch of road and field, barely lit by moon and stars. Other watchstanders told jokes or munched on an early breakfast. A herdsman was softly singing as if to his cattle, though they were safely penned in the village. Each in his own way was alert and prepared. These were their homes and families, friends and neighbors they were defending.

A little of Joxer’s restlessness eased as he saw them. He knew they didn’t really need him, yet he didn’t feel useless, because like Xena they had accepted his help. A new feeling of confidence grew in him. Whether he succeeded or failed, he wouldn’t let them down. And Xena thought he could win.

Perhaps the Warrior Princess was restless, too. She pointed out the approaches a raiding force would take, and how the defenders could take advantage of them. Strategy was a little too advanced for Joxer, but somehow she just needed to talk.

"…then, when you push on this beam, it acts like a lever on the barrels. They roll into the path and block the enemy’s retreat," Xena was saying.

Though it was obviously true, still the question brought Xena up short. "I’ve worked without her before," she replied.

"I see that look every time I see my own reflection. Except sometimes when I’m with you guys. I’m a poor substitute for Gabby – for one thing, I’m not nearly as pretty – but I could give it the old gymnasium try."

Xena smiled despite herself. "You’re right. I do miss her, and I am turning to you. I can’t think of too many other people I’d want to have around besides you. Your friendship means a lot to me."

"I guess it is. We have a special bond, too. You remind me sometimes of myself when I was younger, with all the bravado to take on the world but something missing inside. I learned slowly. Not about being a warrior, but about being Xena. Then I met Gabrielle. She was so young, so eager, so determined. Like you, she’s a dreamer, too. I made a decision to follow her path as best I could. It seems like she’s inspired you to make a decision, too. You’re deciding to be Joxer, not ‘Joxer the Mighty,’ and I like that Joxer."

He was very quiet as he considered this. They kept walking, saying nothing. Joxer looked thoughtful, not sad or depressed. Then he smiled, a genuine smile, not his usual goofy look.

"It’s just like Jett said once. You remember, ‘Don’t let anyone tell you who you are or who you could be.’ Thanks, Xena. I feel better already."

Joxer reached into a pouch. "Want some bread and cheese? Agricola makes some outstanding stuff."

Xena accepted the offering with a warm smile of her own. Joxer had rarely seen that sort of look on her face. They ate as they continued to walk. Everything seemed to be caught up in breathless anticipation as dawn broke over Pyrgos. Somehow the feeling was reassuring. This was going to work.

Pyrgos began to wake up. People were dressing, washing, making a hearty breakfast for the long day to come. Mothers hustled complaining children to the pantheon, where some of the more worried citizens were praying to almost every god they could think of, from Apollo to Zeus. The young woman who had escaped Talthybius’s attentions stuck with Terpsichore.

"You saw how Xena took those goons out. If that wasn’t Terpsichore, I don’t know who was helping me."

Several people surveyed the preparations one last time, racking their brains to see if anything else could be done. Agricola and Panea, hand in hand, caught up with Xena and Joxer as the Warrior Princess showed her friend how to properly sharpen his sword.

Xena nodded. "This is always one of the hardest times. You have to be ready for anything, but if you have to wait too long you lose your edge. It won’t be long today. Aralaus can’t hold his men together long enough for us to become lax." She started to do some stretching exercises while Joxer continued to hone the edge of his blade.

"As ready as I’ll ever be," he replied. He handed his sword to Xena for inspection. She nodded in approval.

Gabrielle awoke suddenly with a feeling of anticipation. She dressed quickly and went downstairs.

"You can’t get there in time, Gabrielle. You look better, but you still need to take it easy."

The bard accepted a cup of sweet cider. "I know. I will. Besides, for some weird reason I’m nervous but not for Joxer. Maybe it’s because of Xena. She relies on him a lot more than I ever did."

Gabrielle took a fresh cup and poured a libation. She bowed her head and prayed: Virgin Huntress Artemis, I know Joxer’s hardly one of your followers, but please hear me out, if only because I’m one of your Amazons. Guide his hand today and protect him. Whatever Xena has in mind, please let it work. He’s a real jerk a lot of the time, but he’s my friend, too. Don’t let him throw his life away. Please. By your will, holy Artemis.

Aralaus and his host approached confidently. These were villagers, after all, and they couldn’t be much if Xena was relying on a single combat. To the people of Pyrgos, the army didn’t look like much, either: noisy, filthy, unruly. A couple of the men, plus Talthybius and Aralaus himself, looked dangerous, but that was to be expected. Besides, they had Xena and Joxer on their side.

The fat warlord eased himself off a horse sadly abused by his weight and beckoned Talthybius to him.

"Tell them if they give up now, they get to live. Otherwise we take their spoils and their lives. Xena’s first."

Aralaus used the horse to cover his next act, which was to apply the Egyptian poison to his sword. One person saw him, however.

"I was right," Xena told Joxer. "It’s poison on his blade. Don’t try anything fancy, just disarm him when you can. Keep your guard up."

Approaching the sentries, Talthybius slowed to a purposeful stride, holding his empty hands out to indicate he wanted to parley. Xena, Joxer and Agricola met him at the edge of town.

"Lord Aralaus will graciously spare your lives if you surrender now. If you do not, we take everything, and you will all die, starting with Xena."

"Nice work, if you can get it," she smirked. "But you won’t get it, no matter how hard you try."

"You haven’t got a chance, Xena, and you know it. I’m going to enjoy taking you apart," he said to Agricola. "And especially you, Joxer the Dorky. After that, I kiss the girls and make them die."

"No, just Joxer. So, Aralaus is too chicken to fight me, huh?" He raised his voice and cupped a hand to his mouth. "Buck – buck – buck – baCAW!" he clucked.

In the distance, Aralaus could be seen gesticulating angrily. He had heard the taunt.

"You tell that overstuffed bullet my challenge still stands," he continued, his voice going up nearly half an octave but remaining steady. "He can fight like a man or he can be a chicken and attack now."

"Lots of worse men have tried and failed," Joxer said. "That didn’t come out right."

The Warrior Princess gave him a friendly chuckle. "So have lots of better men, Talthybius. Tell Aralaus that, too."

"It’s your funeral," the lieutenant muttered. He turned around and went back to his master.

Agricola clapped Joxer on the back. "If there was any doubt Aralaus would accept the challenge, you ended it with that chicken cackle," he told him.

"Yes," Xena said. "There’s a drawback, though. He’s going to try that much harder to kill you. Warriors hate being called cowards, even when they are cowards."

"I never heard a warrior imitate a chicken before. Where did you pick it up?" Agricola asked.

"Gabby told me a story once about when she was a little girl. She and her sister were gathering eggs, and this old rooster started chasing them around the hen house. She made those sounds. It was funny!"

Xena smiled sadly. She remembered the story, too. It was just one more poignant reminder that the person she loved most wasn’t there beside her.

Talthybius was talking to Aralaus now. The warlord backhanded his minion and advanced on the village, the army slowly following. When he stopped at the outskirts, he pointed at Joxer.

"Take your best shot," Joxer replied, and immediately had to jump back to avoid a vicious slash he barely saw coming. "Hey, don’t do that again!"

Aralaus only growled at him. They circled each other warily. Then the warlord aimed a thrust at one of the joints in Joxer’s armor, which was parried. Xena had pointed out that spot long before.

Though angry, Aralaus did not attack wildly, but conserved his energy, applying one skillful attack after another. Joxer remained on the defensive as planned. Then he stumbled, and Aralaus nearly caught him with a well-aimed cut, but at the last second Joxer managed to move away and the point of the warlord’s sword only carved a tiny furrow in Joxer’s round breastplate. The army shouted its approval.

Smiling, Joxer said nothing. This wasn’t his opening. He continued to parry and dance away, occasionally offering a feint when it was safe. Seeing a possible chance, Aralaus slashed at Joxer’s knee. Down came Joxer’s sword on the warlord’s wrist, and the poisoned weapon fell to the ground. The villagers gasped, then cheered.

Aralaus wasn’t finished by a long shot. He smashed his greave into Joxer’s face and forced him back. But before the warlord could recover his sword, Joxer drove his left fist into Aralaus’s gut. It sank into the bloated midriff but not very deeply, as the blow lacked full power. Still, Aralaus doubled over in pain, fell to his knees and then on his face while Joxer kicked the sword away.

Even Talthybius was at a loss for words as the villagers cheered again and Xena hauled Aralaus to his feet. Something went out of the army when their leader had gone down. They looked from Joxer to Xena and back again, and the more they looked the more demoralized they became. If someone like Joxer could defeat their hitherto unbeatable leader, what chance did they have?

"All right, Aralaus, now you have to honor your word. Disband that riffraff of yours and leave this village alone. And don’t turn around and attack some other place, either!"

"If Xena weren’t here, he wouldn’t stand alone." Agricola stepped forward, pitchfork in hand. "I stand with my friend."

"And I." "And I." "And I." One by one, the villagers joined Agricola, a fire burning in their eyes that cowed the once-menacing warriors.

"AI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!" Xena shouted her battle cry and charged. Joxer, Agricola, Panea and the other villagers charged alongside her. They didn’t have to strike a blow, as the warlord’s men turned and ran for their lives.

"Not so fast, Talthybius," Joxer said as he grabbed the lieutenant by the scruff of the neck. "I still owe you for threatening my friends." Talthybius drew a dagger, but Joxer staggered him with a punch and the weapon fell to the ground. They traded blows, Joxer getting the worst of it. Still, he refused to give up. Blood filled his eyes and he swung more and more wildly. Then he remembered what Xena had said: Don’t try so hard that you lose control. Talthybius picked up his dagger and charged Joxer, intending to kill him. Wiping the blood from his eyes, Joxer saw the ruffian coming. For a second he blanched. "Waaah!" he cried. But he dodged the strike and caught Talthybius in the throat with a stiff forearm. The latter went down and stayed down, unconscious.

Meanwhile, Aralaus had not joined his men. Taking up the poisoned sword, he squared off against Xena. If he drew blood, victory would be his. For her part, Xena declined to die. "Give it up, Aralaus. Your army ran, you’ve been beaten and you’ll never get near me with that poison," she told him.

"You shouldn’t get so excited," Xena advised as they exchanged attacks and parries. "It’s bad for your blood pressure." Then she disarmed him as easily as Joxer had. "YEEE-ah-IEE!" she cried, flipped over Aralaus and landed on the deadly blade, snapping it under her boots. "So much for that." She spun Aralaus around and held her weapon at his throat.

"I don’t feel like getting my sword dirty to see if there’s any blood mixed in with your slime, Aralaus. Now, do you end this nonsense or do I turn you over to Joxer? He doesn’t take kindly to poison either," Xena snarled.

Aralaus turned to face the bloody Joxer. The defeated warlord was thoroughly frightened. "I - I - I give up."

"Then pick up your litter and get out of here," Joxer ordered, pointing at Talthybius. Aralaus went to his fallen lieutenant and half-carried, half-dragged him out of town. A girl handed Joxer a wet rag which he used to clean his face.

"It’s over," Xena announced. "They won’t be back." The villagers cheered. Then Xena began to sing the last song anyone would have ever expected to hear from her:

As everyone cheered again, Xena told Joxer: "Enjoy it. You’ve earned it." Sturdy hands lifted the two heroes into the air and carried them off to an impromptu celebration at the travelers’ lodging.

There were many requests for Joxer’s song, but after a few repetitions even he got tired of it. "Does anybody have a lute?" he asked.

One was quickly found, and he strummed it experimentally. It had a good tone. Then he began to sing, not tunefully, to be sure, but at least on key:

The applause was tumultuous, and he had to repeat his new song several times so people could copy it. Even Xena was impressed. Joxer then deferred to other villagers. The girl who worshipped Terpsichore favored everyone with a dance, and there were more happy songs.

Xena allowed herself to relax for a few moments. The danger was over, people weren’t fawning over her, and Joxer was behaving himself.

No one killed. Gabrielle would be proud of me. Wait…why am I thinking this? Am I jealous of Joxer? No, there isn’t any competition here. She smiled, and sipped at a cup of wine. She would remember every detail of these past few days. Of course, Gabrielle would never forgive her if she forgot anything. Xena sometimes thought her best friend was a little obsessed with her scrolls and her writing, but she had to admit there was no one better at the art. Was Gabrielle in for a surprise when she found out what Joxer had been up to!

Back at Tegan’s, Gabrielle suddenly relaxed. "It’s over," she said. "I think everything is all right now. How about some lunch?"

As another enormous meal was set before the bard, Tegan visibly relaxed, too. "We were getting a little worried about you, girl. I thought maybe you’d lost your appetite this morning," she said.

Gabrielle laughed. "Are you kidding? It’s not often Xena lets me indulge like this. If I hadn’t left Poteidaia when I did, I’d just be another fat housewife now."

"Somehow, I don’t think so," one of the regulars said sadly. He wouldn’t have minded a wife like Gabrielle, and knew there was no chance in Olympus or Tartarus he’d win her. But there was that girl over in the next village…

Polishing off her food, Gabrielle announced she was going for a walk, and soon after was in the fields, twirling around with sheer joy at being alive. Xena would be back soon, and there would be another tale for her scrolls. She hoped Xena had found out what was bothering Joxer, too. If not, she’d get it out of him, one way or another. She took her staff and feinted at shadow enemies. She was a little weak yet, but felt her energy returning as the sun shone on her. It would be a near-perfect day, she decided.

That afternoon, Xena and Joxer bade farewell to their new friends and took the road back to Tegan’s inn. It was a more leisurely journey this time, with occasional breaks so Xena could keep Joxer up on his training. They camped once more, and were somewhat more successful at preparing dinner than they had been over breakfast.

While they sat together on a rock with their legs stretched out, an idea occurred to Joxer.

"Aralaus still has that ‘equalizer’ of his, doesn’t he? What’s gonna stop him from doing it all over again?"

Xena smiled and produced a strange-looking vial with hieroglyphics on it. "I took this from him when I picked him up off the ground. He won’t be needing it any more."

She casually tossed the vial into the fire. It broke, and the contents hissed as they evaporated away.

"Xena, I’ve learned a lot from you, and I haven’t given you anything in return. Some friend I’ve been."

"But there is something I can give you. I want you to have this." He pressed the figure of Gabrielle into Xena’s hands. Somehow he had found the time to stain her attire darker than the rest of the wood, and polish the whole to a smooth, lustrous finish.

"And I can carve another one. It’s something you can remember your best friend by. One of my two best friends, too."

"I know. I have to earn her love. The only way I’ll get it is to change inside - and I’m the only one who can do that."

"Now you’re talking. But don’t change too much. We like you for who you are, not who you pretend to be."

"Sure!" He did, and the Warrior Princess closed her eyes for a moment. "Together they will touch your life/And nevermore depart." He’s touched our lives, too. I’m glad we let him join us every so often. He reminds me that I’m human.

The moment stretched into several, then she leaned over a bit and fell asleep. Joxer didn’t wake her up for several long hours. He pulled another piece of wood from his gear and started carving a new figure.

The next day, as they approached the inn, Joxer turned to Xena. "You go on ahead," he said. "I want to do something special for Gabby, and I know you two have a lot of catching up to do."

"Are you sure, Joxer? I know she’d want to see you almost as much as she wants to see me."

"Yes…well, I’d better be doing that special thing. Tell Gabby I’ll be right there."

"Joxer? He couldn’t beat an egg!" Everyone laughed at the bard’s joke, except Xena.

"This was one bad egg he did beat. Let me tell you about it." Xena told the group a condensed version of recent events.

"Did Joxer have Hermes put you under a spell or something?" Gabrielle inquired. "Oh, wait, you wouldn’t know if you were under a spell. Gods, this is too weird!" The bard grabbed Xena’s arm, and the Warrior Princess allowed herself to be led to a side table, where she repeated the story, this time in full.

"Just when you think you have him figured out, he comes up with another surprise. I’m beginning to think that ‘Joxer the Mighty’ routine of his is a pretty good disguise."

"Close, but no laurel wreath. He’s been hurt so many times that he’s created his own emotional armor. The way he sees it, a ‘mighty warrior’ can’t be hurt, and wins everybody’s admiration."

"That’s where you’re wrong. When he isn’t trying to be ‘mighty,’ people do admire him. The folks at Pyrgos, for instance. Ephiny. You and I, for that matter, when he’s not acting so obnoxious."

"I’m not kidding about this. You know who the last person was to stand in my way before…before Illusia," she reminded her friend.

"Xena, when you were camped with Joxer, did he cry out about being alone?" she finally asked.

"No, he never mentioned anything like that. He did say he was lonely, though. What made you think of it?"

"I had this dream the other night after you left me here. He was alone, and crying, and then he shouted that he didn’t want to be alone any more."

"Something like that would wake me up," Xena replied. "No, that didn’t happen when I was with him."

"It woke me up, that’s for sure. What could hurt him so much? Was he thinking that who he is never matches up with who he wants to be?"

"That would depress him, all right, but it’s more serious than you think. It’s hard for me to tell you this because I don’t want either one of you getting hurt, but you need to know." The Warrior Princess paused, still unsure she was doing the right thing.

The bard shook her head in denial. "You mean he has a crush on me. Remember when he conjured up three of me?" She blushed at the memory.

"He cares about you more than that. Look at this." Xena took out the figurine. "Joxer made it himself."

"Why, it’s me!" Gabrielle exclaimed. "I didn’t know he was good at anything, except maybe playing the lute and wenching at Meg’s."

"It’s funny," Gabrielle pondered. "He tries so hard to hide his feelings for me, it’s obvious to everyone he meets."

"Sometimes the object of a man’s affections will rationalize his love away. You’ve had a lot to think about since Perdicas died, you know."

"And sometimes she just doesn’t believe it, either because she isn’t expecting it, or because she doesn’t love him and thinks he understands that."

"He knows that. Just don’t laugh at him if he ever gets up the nerve to tell you himself. Maybe someday he’ll become someone you’ll want to know better. You don’t have to love him in return, just be a closer friend. He taught me that."

"If Joxer can teach you anything, then I can try to put up with some of his weirdness. He is my friend, after all. I guess I do like the big jerk." Gabrielle shuddered at that. "But none of this ‘sidekick’ business.

"For one of the two best teachers in the known world," he said, producing an enormous bouquet.

"Flowers! How sweet of you, Joxer!" She stood, accepted the bouquet, inhaled its fragrance deeply, then started coughing. She looked closely at the flowers. "Joxer! *koff* You idiot! *koff koff* There’s a *koff koff* narcissus bloom in there! *koff koff* Don’t you know I’m *koff* allergic to *koff koff koff* narcissus blooms?" Gabrielle was wheezing badly now, just as she had before she was laid up.

"Sorry! *koff koff* Sorry! *koff* "I’ll give you sorry! *koff koff koff*" Gabrielle started beating Joxer over the head with the bouquet.

"Ow! Ow! OW! I said I was – OW! – sorry! Help! XEEE-NA!" He ran out of the inn, pursued by the erstwhile love of his life. Xena was laughing so hard she had to lean on the table to keep from falling out of her seat. Gabrielle’s coughs and Joxer’s cries grew faint in the distance.

Pyrgos is the name of an actual town in Greece. Talthybius is the name of the herald in Euripides’ The Trojan Women. He is full of nasty bad news. Tegan is named for Tegan Jovanka, a character played by Janet Fielding in the BBC TV series Doctor Who, but there is no connection otherwise. "Agricola," of course, is the Latin word for "farmer." As with the Phil Collins song "Susudio," I was using it for a place holder but decided I didn’t need a new name. "La grippe" is an older name for the flu.

The lines about Gabrielle not being a sidekick were written before I saw "Fins, Femmes and Gems." It’s nice to have one’s guesses confirmed.

Thanks to all those responsible for making the movie Educating Rita, especially Julie Walters and Michael Caine.

"Ten Little Warlords," "For Him the Bell Tolls," "A Comedy of Eros," "The Quill Is Mightier," "Warrior…Priestess…Tramp," "The Debt," "King of Assassins," "The Bitter Suite," "One Against an Army," "Forgiven," "Forget Me Not" and "Fins, Femmes and Gems."

My story Owner of a Lonely Heart, the Righteous Brothers, Cheers, Winston Churchill, George & Ira Gershwin, American Graffiti and Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella.

Continue on to Act Five - Conclusion

Return to Act Three

E-mail Phil Hernández

Visit Phil's site: ROC of Ages

Return to XenaCrazed's General Fan Fiction and Poetry

Go to the Absolutely XenaCrazed Home Page