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Frank B. Finite (a "true" atheist)
Alternate Resurrection Theory of the Month
The Blind Fools Guest Entry Log
This Day in Evolution History
On this day about a year ago, a sociobiologist (a.k.a. evolutionary psychologist) and a science fiction writer named Jon Doe made a rather startling claim. But before we get to his theory, let's take a romantic look at the toll that this claim has taken on him since.
Jon's ordeal:
Jon, first of all, is religious - very very religious. "I'm a religious fellow," he says. "I like to read the bible."
Jon Doe peacefully reading his Bible
and not bothering anyone.
Even though Jon is religious, the right-wing fundamentalist Christians in his own church have shunned him, "They shunned me."
Jon being shunned.
When asked why they shunned him, he said that they claim that they disagree with (and that means shun) him on scientific, logical and biblical reasons. "However, we know that the real reason is that it makes them uncomfortable, so they won't even listen," he finished.
So for this reason, we won't detail here any of the scientific claims that they make. We will only focus on how they disagree for religious reasons (if this causes readers to believe that there weren't any scientific objections, well we can't help that).
When asked if his biblical view is the same as his fellow churchians Jon said, "Not really. And for this they have shunned me."
"I have a different view of who God is than does everyone else. But my view is as biblical as anyone else's. My view is also backed up scientifically."
Jon rejected the view of God that he was raised with at the age of twelve. The loss of his pet hamster "Friendly" devastated him and caused him to rethink the very nature of God in which he had been indoctrinated.
Old family photo of Friendly
After talking a bit more, we cleared up a misunderstanding. "No, Friendly didn't die - at least not right away I presume. One day I took Friendly to school in my backpack. Sometime during sociology class he got out and ran away. I never saw him again."
When asked how this changed his view on God, Jon said, "Friendly shunned me." He continued to painfully recount how he thought God had shunned him by allowing Friendly to shun him.
Here Jon shows the approximate size
of his beloved Friendly.
"I couldn't cope with the fact that an all loving God had shunned me. So I began to question if there may be something else about God that has been hidden in the bible that everyone has missed all these centuries."
Now that the tears are welling up in your eyes after that romanticized historical account, we will get into Jon's theory which has caused so much controversy. And if you dare challenge this poor old lonely man's idea, shame on you you intolerant closed-minded right-wing fundamentalist fanatic.
Jon's theory:
Just to show that we are not anti-Christian, we will start out with Jon's biblical data (interpretations) first. He drew our attention to several verses that never get any publicity (been shunned) from the pulpit - and for good reason Doe believes.
Gen. 23:4 I am an alien and a stranger
among you.
Ex. 12:49 The same law applies to the native-born and
to the alien living among you.
Lev. 19:33 When an alien lives with you in your
land, do not mistreat him.
Jon went on to point out that the word "alien" appears 70 times in the bible.
In the current churchian culture, the idea of aliens being a reality causes some discomfort. Those who believe in such things are automatically dismissed as knuckleheads. But are they really knuckleheads?
There is no doubt that aliens and ufo's have enjoyed a wide popularity in recent times. Mr. Doe credits this great interest to the ever evolving evolution of humans.
"I think that the whole concept of life in outer space is not only chronicled in our holiest of holy books, but is also ingrained within us since the beginning of life here on this planet that we call Mother Earth."
Jon told us that the biblical alien accounts are to be taken literally as aliens from outer space, but insists that they are prophetic in nature and haven't actually happened yet. "They are warning us what to expect and how to deal with it," said Jon.
It should be noted that he believes that the rest of the bible is to be taken as allegory, therefore rendering those parts too difficult to understand and irrelevant for the reader other than as entertainment (at least for the present time - keep reading).
"The real message is the aliens," he concludes. Then Jon made his case from his professional socioboligical studies. So all of the following is verbatim from Doe:
Here Jon reenacts his reaction at the very moment
in which he figured all this out.
"Human actions that appear to be for the benefit of others are grounded in underlying selfishness," he started out.
"We are nice to others only so they will be nice to us.
The real agents of evolution are our GENES, their only interest is in surviving and being passed on to the next generation.
When we engage in apparently altruistic behavior, we are being duped by our genes, which are busily stacking the deck in THEIR behavior.
Thus, the mother's selfless sacrifice for her child (or pet hamster) is her genes COMPELLING her to take care of the VEHICLE for her genes to survive.
The organism is only DNA's way of producing more DNA. Our bodies are merely machines that carry out THEIR orders.
Our genes have survived and thrived in a highly competitive world. So the ultimate rationale for our existence is to preserve them.
By dictating the way survival machines (our bodies) and their nervous systems are built, genes exert ultimate power over behavior.
The gene does not grow old. It leaps from body to body down the generations, manipulating body after body in it's own way and for its own ends, abandoning a succession of mortal bodies before they sink in senility and death.
The genes are the immortals."
After Jon got back from the bathroom, we asked him how all of this ties in with aliens, the bible and God.
Jon during the interview
(getting a little winded)
"It has been quite clearly and scientifically shown that life could not have arisen by chance. Therefore instead of life being blind purposeless matter, it has to be the product of intelligent design.
Science knows that life came from outer space. Carl Sagan knew it. The SETI project knows it. And NASA knows it. That's why there's a mad search for it out there.
Sagan was right in believing that the aliens had to be far more technically advanced than we, but he mistakenly thought that they would one day reach us and save us from our incomplete evolution and technological adolescence.
What he didn't know, and SETI and NASA don't know is that they have already made contact with earth. It happened millions and millions of years ago!
A long long time ago in a galaxy far far away, these advanced aliens suffered a catastrophe on their planet (and it wasn't a world wide flood of biblical proportions).
No, it was that a large meteor slammed into the planet (it's always a meteor, isn't it?!).
Their advanced technology saw it coming and calculated the time of arrival, but could not stop it. Also, there was no survival planet close enough to reach in a million lifetimes.
So the aliens devised an ingenious plan to save their species. They made a biological computer-like program (we call it DNA) which replicated every detail about them including consciousness and placed it in a tiny catalyst (which we call a cell).
Then these "cells" were encased in large ice boulders (we call them comets). These comets, were somehow catapulted up escaping the surly bonds of their gravity. They shot out, millions of them (each one housing millions of cells), in all directions.
The cells were cryogenically frozen in the comets, therefore they didn't "die" or "decompose" while hurling through space for perhaps billions of years.
The comets landed on many uninhabitable planets only to melt exposing the cells to eventual death, or they landed on frozen barren planets only to sit and wait for an eternity.
But at least one planet luckily had the right conditions for survival and the thriving of this alien life. You guessed it - Mother Earth!
This seeding of the earth is called "directed panspermea" (directed meaning that it was done on purpose instead of just happening by accident). Mother earth was the fertile egg, the comets were the extra-terrestrial spermatozoa.
For the next millions and millions of years, the little DNA aliens (I like to call them DNAliens) have guided their programmed process (which we have termed "evolution") to repopulate a planet in their own image and likeness.
The only drawback is that depending on the surrounding conditions, this evolution process can happen rather quickly or very slowly. The earth's rather crude conditions have dictated that it take place over millions and millions of years.
So the DNAliens directed, as best they could, the process of returning their civilization back to normal. As stated before, all living bodies are merely little space ships, so to speak, in which the DNAliens inhabit and control - sorta like Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
At one point in "human" history, some impatient rogue DNAliens caused their bodies to pen the instruction manual which wasn't supposed to come out for another hundred thousand years or so.
This manual is what we call the Bible.
And this is why nobody really understands the Bible. We don't yet have the capacity to understand it yet. Humans haven't evolved enough - we have to literally catch up with it.
I believe that the heightened interest in aliens from outer space is at the direction of our DNA. They are starting the final phase of their evolution regeneration plan.
In another million years or so we (they) will finally be restored to their full glory. Our bodies will be different, yet similar to how they look today.
This is the only thing that makes sense since scientifically the genetic code couldn't have been programmed by random chance; and since logically there is no supreme being existing outside our time/space/matter dimension who could have programmed it.
And all of this is why it is absolutely clear that the real God(s) are these aliens. They seeded this planet with their life and will live forever jumping from one body to the next until resurrected at the final stage."
After coming back from a bathroom break for a second time, we asked him some follow-up questions. Our first one was where did the DNAliens come from in the first place?
Jon gave the following expression:
He sat in this pose saying nothing for a long while.
Then he excused himself to the bathroom for yet a third time. We waited a good thirty minutes for him to come out.
Knocking on the door, we asked if he was alright. There was no reply, but we could hear him shuffling around in there.
It was clear - Jon had shunned us.
So we packed up and came back to the office. Later Jon had his people send us a graphic of what we humans will look like in a million years as fully developed DNAliens.
This really cool computer generated graphic, to us, made up for not being able to answer the follow-up question.
