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Bond: Moneypenny, Fairbanks..... Moneypenny: Alaska?! Bond: No, Bill Fairbanks 002. Moneypenny: Oh poor Bill. I miss him. Bond: The man with the golden gun didn't. Moneypenny: Officially, that was never confirmed. Bond: Where was 002 when it happened? Moneypenny: Beirut, 69´, in a cabaret with a lady called Saida. Bond: Beirut, hmmmm.... Moneypenny you are better than a computer. Moneypenny: In all sorts of ways! But you never take advantage of them. Bond just "happened" to swallow a golden bullet that was situated in the belly button of a belly dancer: Belly dancer: Oh no!! I've lost my charm!! Bond: Not from where I'm standing!! Bond has just met Lazar, the man who, among other things, made the golden gun: Lazar: My relationship with a client Mr. Bond is strictly confidential, like a doctor or a priest. Bond: Of course, yet you make guns for fingerless hoodlums, bullets for assassins. Lazar: Mr. Bond, bullets do not kill, it is the finger that pulls the trigger. Bond: Exactly....I'm now aiming precisely at your groin. So speak or forever hold your peace. Lazar: I have never seen Mr. Scaramanga. Bond: On a customer bullet basis he must be your best customer. Lazar: That is true but unfortunately he seems only to fire them occasionally. Bond: When was the last shipment? Lazar: Mr. Bond this is impossible, I can not.... BAM, Bond fires a shot that misses Mr. Lazars groin with an inch: Bond: You're quite right....an inch too low! Bond is trying to find out what Scaramanga looks like: Bond: How will I recognize him? Andrea Anders: He's tall, dark and thin. Bond: So is my aunt! When Bond is going to Hai Fat for dinner he offers Goodnight a midnight snack when he gets back: Goodnight: I'll keep the wine properly chilled. Bond: And everything else warm I trust?!! Bond meets Goodnight for dinner at a restaurant: Bond: Sorry about that darling! It was Hip! There's still no sign of Hai Fat. Every inquiry gets a polite Oriental brush off. The waiter approaches holding a bottle of wine by the name of "Phu-yuck": Waiter: With the compliments..... Bond: Phu-yuck?? Waiter: 74', sir! Bond and Goodnight tastes the wine: Bond: I approve! Goodnight: You do?? Bond: Oh... not the wine. Your frock. Tight in all the right places....not too many buttons...! Goodnight: Standard uniform for South East Asia. The buttons are down the back! Bond: Designed by Q no doubt. One of them is a suicide-pill I suppose?? Goodnight: No, but the bottom one has a homer in it! Bond: How original! Bond flies down the river being pursued by the goons from the Martial Arts school. J.W decides to give them a nice remark: J.W. Pepper: Now if you pony-heads would get out of them p-jamas, you wouldn't be late for work! J.W. Pepper and his wife are in the market place: Maybel: Oh J.W., I just gotta have me one of them cute little elephants. J.W.: Elephants? Them's democrats Maybel. When Bond runs over the boat containing the henchmen from the karate school and they all fall into the water: J.W.: Ahhhaa!, I knew it! You little brown porty-heads ain't got no more idea of traffic control, than a Gooley bird. After Bond jumps in the red AMC Hornet with J.W. Pepper: J.W.: Nowww, I know you. You're that secret agent, that English secret agent, from England! Bond and Sheriff J.W. Pepper are about to jump across a river during the car chase: Pepper: Oh, no, you're not.... Bond in mock Southern accent Bond: I sure am, Boy!! Scaramanga have just shot Hai Fat in his own home. Fat's servant comes running: Fat's servant: What happened? Scaramanga: Mr. Fat has just resigned. I'm the new chairman of the board. Scaramanga walks outside and spots the mausoleum: Scaramanga: He always did like that mausoleum. Put him in it! Scaramanga has just made contact with Bond and Bond reaches for his gun but Scaramanga disagrees and tells Bond to look behind him where he finds Nick Nack: Bond: A gun and a bag of peanuts, how original. What will they think of next?!! Goodnight was snooping around Scaramangas car and tried to place a homer in the boot. Unfortunately Scaramanga notices this and locks her in the boot. Later on when Bond gets contact with Goodnight: Goodnight: Somebody locked me in a boot?!! After Scaramanga has shown Bond how to operate the "laser gun" by blowing up Bonds plane: Scaramanga: You must admit Mr. Bond. I'm now undeniably "the man with the golden gun"!! Scaramanga: You see Mr. Bond, like every great artist I want to create an indisputable masterpiece once in my lifetime. The death of 007 mano en mano, face to face will be mine. Bond: You mean stuffed and displayed over your rocky mantelpiece? Scaramanga: That's an amusing idea but I was thinking in terms of history. Scaramanga tells Bond that they are the same: Bond: There is a useful four letter word, and you're full of it. Scaramanga: A duel between titans......my golden gun against your Walter PPK! Bond: One bullet against my six?! Scaramanga: I only need one, Mr. Bond!! Nick Nack: Good shooting monsieur! Bond: I've never killed a midget before, but there can always be a first time! Nick Nack: Oh, monsieur!! To the top |