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The fetid mist rose, choking us as we crossed the filthy brook. Shivers ran up and down our spines as we heard the night-noise of the unspeakable beasts lurking in the dark depths of the evil forest. As we continued through the... Damn! wrong page... or was it?
The latest weatherWell, nearly one whole year after the last weather report, and everything has changed. A move to Basford via Netherfield has meant a whole new climate to deal with. The job took a move to Bestwood (henceforth known as Beastwood) and kind of coincided with our being forcibly removed from the Bridgford share. That sounds worse than it was - the landlord wanted to move back in! Still, here I am, and here is what it looks like in my bedroom/computer room shortly after moving in:
Now all I need to
do is sort it all out - to say that I've moved from a small two-room flat
to a two-bedroomed house (albeit still sharing with Jag!) there seems
to be less footroom than before. The laws of physics must be damn
One of the major features about the climate here is cats. I have never seen so many cats in one place (excepting Pet Semetary and the RSPCA (that's a British charity, by the way, guys)). Two of them are Jag's (insofar as you can say that a human owns a cat) and there are several outside who seem to think that they still live here. One has practically rubbed all its fur off on the kitchen window and out worn its meow, trying to get in.
Cats will figure prominently in the kipple status of the house. Met Office forecasts (nearly said "forecats") predict whirlwinds of me chasing said cats and probably causing more mayhem than they ever could. Still, you got to laugh.... |
December 13 1998 11:14 GMT
Well, not surprisingly, the West Bridgford Met Office reports show that no redecorating actually took place. Frost, wind, snow, rain, a plague of ties and a new job meant that nothing happened.
However, new developments are afoot! I might well be buying a house in the New Year, so there may be something else to report. Of course, this will definitely mean more work, as the internal weather of a house one owns is bound to be more complex than a flat one doesn't.
The installation of a new computer has caused some traffic problems, as floorspace is very limited. Mountaineering gear is required to overcome the major obstacles in the East of the flat near the stairs pass. Major clothing storms this week caused some anxiety to one visitor. Mother won't visit at all.
The impending arrival of Christmas is causing some concern, too. Research into this phenomenon has shown that this annual event seems to create more chaos each year. Long-term studies have shown an increase in the amount of kipple and crud, as well as bin overflow and plate pile-ups. Visitors would do well to arrive with glass containers. Preferably with something alcoholic inside. Please.
23 April 1998, 20:10 GMT
The West Bridgford Meteorological Office is about to start actually planning some weather, rather than just letting it happen... You see, Kevin has decided it's time to decorate.
24 March 1998 12:16 GMT
A quick travel update - the main drifts of kipple in the flat are now cleared. Previous hazard warnings may now be safely ignored.
21 March 1998 10:47 GMT
The predicted chaos surrounding the birthday do did, in fact, materialise much as expected. There were in fact two weather fronts, both of which collided on the evening of February 10th. The financial front started to meet the alcohol front at about 20:00 GMT in the Salutation pub in Nottingham, where it produced several pints of Hoegaarden and several Black Russians. These were consumed amidst much merriment. The chaos then moved Northward to the Bell Inn, and resulted in several prolonged outbreaks of fun and frolic, especially when it met another front in the shape of another friend's party.
There were then several showers, a considerable beer and Black Russian storm, followed by light snogging and embarrassment, and the whole disaster then fragmented. My own front retired to the "Rig" club along with a sundry crew of colleagues and assorted friends. It then all gets rather vague. One of my colleagues assured me that I needed physical support throughout a prolonged outbreak of dancing. Such is life.
There has been a mixed
bag of weather following that - Now that my MCP test is over ( actually passed!),
life at home has reverted to its usual chaos. The techie books have dispersed,
but the last few weeks have left a light covering of plates and papers which
(I hope) will dissipate in the next 24 hours. Travellers beware!
02 February 1998 19:43 GMT
All has been quiet these past few days, excepting today. Following a visit from my (nearly) ex-wife, a severe pollution problem was discovered in the kitchen after an industrial accident involving a sausage sandwich, a fridge power lead and a postage stamp.
Preparations for my forthcoming birthday bash are conspiring to make an unholy mess of my bank balance. Much of the paperwork proliferating on my desk consists of notes from the Bank saying, in effect "Go away till pay-day" <sob>
15 January 1998 16:23 GMT
The expected bed-quake, forecast last week, was not quite as severe as expected. The bed (technically a futon) hit around 12:30, Saturday 10th January. The epicentre was in the South - specifically, the bedroom, and the 'quake lasted about 1 hour and peaked at 5.6 on the Racketer Scale (similar to the Richter Scale, but more concerned with noise!)
Most of the damage was sustained during later stages of construction. The microclimate in the bedroom was quite severely affected by the flat-pack packaging, and much of the after-effects of this are still in evidence.
Human cost was negligible, there being only one injury. This was actually to my right foot, and was caused by trying to turn the bloody thing over once the construction was complete.
The rest of the weather was fairly quiet - the TV lowlands are now almost clear, and the Eastern, desktop area is almost back to normal following the replacement of the computer's case. Further toast and biscuit crumb flurries, as well as light falls of tobacco ash have, however caused chaos on the keyboard front, necessitating a total renewal. It is anticipated that Government will ban the consumption of almost everything in this ecologically-sensitive area.
01 January 1998 15:20 GMT
The Christmas front which covered most of the world managed to miss my bit of Bridgford almost totally. The worst excesses of the season were actually in the kitchen, where occasional squalls of cards were experienced, particularly on the high ground over the fireplace.
The Eastern desk area is, however, almost impassable, although the chaos caused by the disk/Ram upgrade is now largely cleared. Weather in the west is now dominated by a (now-operational) TV set and piles of snacks.
This week is likely to see a vast improvement, as a clear front is sweeping in from the bedroom, and is likely to pass over the entire area by midday on Saturday.
Warning! Earthquakes in the form of a new bed is expected by Monday.
21 December 1997 00:08 GMT
The weather has been quite changeable this week. Following the mysterious disappearance of my erstwhile flatmate, there has been a steady encroachment of the rubbish front.
Showers of socks have been common in the bedroom, and there is still a blizzard of floppy disks in the East near the computer desk. A sudden outbreak of new (4.3GB) hard drive and a fall of SDRAM have meant that Eastern parts are almost impassable. The main passage to the Landing has been barred, and travellers are urged to be wary.
The Forecast ...is bleak. The week's forecast is for a steady build-up of coffee cups and possibly some soft drink cans later.
12 December 1997 16:43 GMT
This week it have been mostly cold. The window in my living room is currently stuck open and I can't stop the draught. The stairs are dark because the lights are funny. So it's overcast, chance of frost with light winds in the evening and preciptations of coffee in the evening.
Also I've lost my dictionary. And my keyboard doesn't work right, thanks to biscuit crumb flurries earlier in the week.
Conditions are currently quite good, owing to the sudden flatmate front which moved in from the North. This has had a stabilising influence on the conditions in the flat.
Weather prospects for the coming week: a bleak outlook. Chances of a storm midweek, with blizzards of rubbish accumulating in the corners.
Long-term
forecast is for an increasing likelihood of litter. This is in line with
climate changes caused by global laziness.
by Kevin Weedon of WertPerch
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