GENEVA, Switzerland
Well, you had to expect that Jiang Zemin was going to improvise. Last night the president of the People's
Republic of China did just that as the Chinese government was honored by the United Nations for its "geniality,
sense of humor and openness towards its people and the world."
As he took the podium and shook hands with UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan, Jiang was presented with the award.
Regarding the award - a hefty, crystal sculpture of a human head - Jiang looked out over the crowd,
and with perfect comic timing said, "Looks like a dissident who has had a talk with our security forces, no?"
The audience roared.
Watching the scene, Jiang just smiled. It was perfect. Jiang isn't the
first Chinese leader to joke about decapitating dissidents but he has certainly mastered the craft and
seems poised to take his place among the great Chinese communist humorists of all time.
The tributes to the hilarious tradition of Chinese government began with Kofi Annan himself recounting an
exchange between himself, U. N. Human Rights Commissioner Mary Robinson and Jiang.
Recalled Annan, "I had a meeting with Mary and she expressed concern regarding rumors that China was
being slightly repressive. It was the usual hub-bub over re-education work camps, torture, censorship,
Tibet, religious persecution and that sort of thing."
"When we asked Jiang about it he just looked at us and said, 'This must be done to promote social
stability' and walked away. Perfect deadpan delivery. Mary and I about died after that one."
"And that," said Annan "was before I realized he'd pocketed the Atlanta Braves baseball hat I'd
had autographed by Ted Turner."
The accolades continued as Annan spoke of Mao Tse-Tung as, "a lighthouse of hilarity, not unlike Lenin or Stalin."
Often referred to as "Father Ha-Ha," Mao Tse-Tung set the precedent for all Chinese rulers to follow.
The best example was cited by Annan in Mao's 1966 speech, One Might Stand (So The Rest May Fall).
Accompanied by the soothing tones of the Red Guard backup singers, Mao argues forcefully for the
purification of the communist party, the reinstitution of revolutionary fervor and the wisdom of
turning farmers into ironworkers. But Mao's famous opening line: "How many bourgeois Kuomintang
Rebels does it take to defeat the Japanese? Hopefully all of them!" is still a foolproof way of
opening any CCP meeting with laughter.
More recently, Deng Xiaoping became the Chinese government's first cross-over comedy star during a
state dinner in 1988. Asked by President George Bush for the secret ingredient in General Tsao's
Chicken, Deng replied, "tiger penis fried in butter."
Bush's subsequent vomiting guaranteed Deng a reputation as a quick-witted prankster.
To their credit, China has been open about their mistakes, admitting that the theft of nuclear and
satellite secrets was, "probably funnier to us than to the United States."
Similar political missteps threatened the evening's mood but Jiang demonstrated the full breadth of
his diplomatic and comedic skill after being questioned by a Reuters reporter regarding the fact
that between 1990 and 1998 China enforced more death sentences than the rest of the world combined.*
Shrugging his shoulders as only he can, Jiang smiled coyly saying, "Lighten up fella. It's not
like we're running out of people."
Anticipating the line, the crowd again erupted into applause, glad to again be in on the joke with
Jiang and the Chinese communist party.
* Conservative estimates: 25,400 death sentences and 16,000 executions. (Source: Amnesty International)
Read Salon magazine's article about China and Rupert Murdoch.
