"NEW DO" RIVALRY

WHEN LIAM SHAVED HIS HEAD, HE SHOCKED A LOT OF PEOPLE. ONE PERSON WHO WAS ESPECIALLY SURPRISED WAS PATSY. HERE IS A TRANSCRIPT OF WHAT HAPPENED WHEN LIAM ARRIVED HOME WITH HIS "NEW DO."

PATSY: HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU'VE ATTRACTED A REPUTATION FOR CRAZY HAIRSTYLES.

LIAM: I'M INTO IT, ME. BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY, I COME HOME & GET A CLIP FROM YOU. AND I DO. YOU CLIP ME ROUND THE HEAD & SAY, "WHY'D YOU GO & DO THAT, YOU LITTLE TINKER?"

PATSY: YOU DIDN'T GET A CLIP AFTER THE MOP TOP HAIR-CUT.

LIAM: OH YEAH, I GET IT ALL THE TIME. YOU LOOK AT ME & GO, "YOU FREAKIN' DAFT BASTARD." KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

PATSY: WELL, THIS HAIR CUT IS ONE THAT I...

LIAM: I LIKE THE WAY IT LOOKS. I LIKE THE BALD LOOK, ME. I WANT TO GET 2000 PEOPLE IN A NICE GAFF WHO WANT TO SEE MY HEAD. I DON'T WANT ANY HAIR TO BE THERE.

PATSY: WOAH. HANG ON A MINUTE. THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE ON ABOUT.

LIAM: I AM.

PATSY: YOU'RE ON ABOUT A REPUTATION, ABOUT GETTING STUPID HAIR CUTS. GETTING YOUR HEAD SHAVED & LOOKING LIKE A SKIN-HEAD IS SUMMAT THAT I'M NOT PROUD ABOUT.

LIAM: WELL I AM, LA.

PATSY: ALRIGHT. WELL, IF YOU'RE PROUD ABOUT GETTING YOUR HEAD SHAVED, WHY DON'T YOU GO & JOIN THE MILITARY & GET THE F**K OUT OF MY LIFE. [...quick Liam, get out while you have the chance!]

LIAM: YOU'RE ONLY GUTTED 'COS YOU'VE HAD THE SAME DUMB LONG HAIR FOR YEARS.

PATSY: NOT AT ALL. HERE'S A QUOTE FROM MY STYLIST...

LIAM: HE'S A F**KIN' NOTHER F**KIN'...

PATSY: SHUT-UP, MAN! YOU THINK IT'S STYLISH TO GET YOUR HEAD SHAVED. DO YOU KNOW WHAT MY STYLIST SAYS? HE SAYS, "NAH. HAVING A GOOD HEAD OF HAIR IS WASHING IT DAILY, COMBING IT BACK & SAYING YOU BLOW DRIED THE FRIZZIES AWAY. NOT GETTING YOUR HAIR SHAVED OFF LIKE SOME F**KIN' GUY IN THE MILITAIRY. IT'S UGLY AS SIN, & I WON'T STAND FOR IT. AND LISTEN, MY STYLIST SAYS YOUR "NEW DO" IS AWFUL.

LIAM: HE DIDN'T AT ALL. YOU CAN TELL YOUR GAY STYLIST TO SHOVE HIS OPINION UP HIS ARSE TILL IT COMES OUT HIS BIG TOE.

PATSY: IF YOU THINK LOOKIN' GOOD IS ABOUT GETTING ALL YOUR HAIR SHAVED OFF...

LIAM: LOOKIN' GOOD IS PLEASING YOURSELF. AND I WENT IN THAT BARBER'S SHOP, I TOLD HIM TOO CUT SOME OFF, I TOLD HIM TO CUT A LITTLE TOO MUCH OFF AND I ENDED UP HAVING NO HAIR AND THAT WAS IT.

PATSY: LOOKIN' GOOD IS HAVING HAIR. HAIR. HAIR. HAIR. HAIR. IT'S NOT ABOUT BEING BALD, IT'S NOT ABOUT GETTING YOUR HAIR SHAVED OFF. IT'S ABOUT HAVING HAIR.

LIAM: WHO THE F*CK IS MICHAEL STIPE, THEN?

PATSY: WHO'S TALKING ABOUT MICHAEL STIPE?

LIAM: HE'S THE BEST BALD MUSICIAN THAT EVER CAME OUT. OR ONE OF 'EM.

PATSY: BUT HE'S STILL NOT GOOD LOOKIN'. HE HAS NO HAIR.

LIAM: JOHN LENNON COULD HAVE GOTTEN HIS HAIR SHAVED, & YOKO WOULDN'T HAVE MINDED.

PATSY: SHE WOULD TOO GET ANGRY! THAT'S WHY SHE IS SO COOL!

LIAM: (SUPER-INDIGNANT) WHAT? 'COS SHE WOULD GET MAD OVER SILLY LITTLE THINGS! BECAUSE YOKO GOT MAD OVER SILLY LITTLE THINGS SHE WAS A GREAT PERSON? F**K OFF! BULLSH*T! BULLSH*T!

PATSY: BUT SHE HAD SUMMAT ELSE THERE...

LIAM: SHE HAD WHAT? AN ATTITUDE? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

PATSY: A MAN WITH A FULL HEAD OF HAIR!

LIAM: BUT I HAD HAIR! I HAD HAIR!

PATSY: YOU HAVEN'T IF YOU CONTINUE GOING ON LIKE THAT. (PRETENDS TO SHAVE HER HEAD.) DO YOU WANT TO CONTINUE DOING THAT?

LIAM: NOT FOREVER.

PATSY: (STILL PRETENDING TO SHAVE) AND GET IN THE BARBER'S CHAIR & HAVE HIM GO LIKE THAT...

LIAM: I DIDN'T SAY I WAS GONNA DO IT FOREVER, DID I? I'M ABOUT BEING SPONTANEOUS. I'M NOT ABOUT GETTING THE SAME HAIR CUT ALL THE TIME.

PATSY: WHAT ARE YOU ABOUT?

LIAM: I'M ABOUT BEING...I'M ABOUT GOING DOWN THE F***IN'...I'M ABOUT...(SHOVES HIS BALD HEAD INTO PATSY'S FACE) THAT'S WHAT I'M ABOUT.

PATSY: SIT DOWN, MAN. SIT DOWN. YOU'RE GETTING INTO A STATE. SIT THE F**K DOWN.

LIAM: YOU HATED MY OTHER HAIR CUTS AS WELL.

PATSY: YEAH, WELL I HATE THIS HAIR-CUT MORE.

LIAM: HOW LONG ARE YOU GONNA COMPLAIN LIKE THIS?

PATSY: EVERYDAY, HOURLY.

LIAM: DO YOU HAVE ANY RECURRING DREAMS?

PATSY: YEAH, JUST THE ONE.

LIAM: (MENACINGLY) WHILE YOU'RE SLEEPING, I SHAVE OFF YOUR HAIR.

IF YOU WANNA CHECK OUT PREVIOUS WIBBLING RIVALRY SPIN-OFFS, HERE THEY ARE....

Women_Rivalry

Wedding_Rivalry

Drummer Rivalry (Parts 1 & 2)

Wonderwall_Rivalry

Reunion_Rivalry

Main_Page